Josh Q. Public:What they say? You ain’t nothin’ but a soldier. Yeah, straight hard truth soldier. Believe. You ain’t nothin’ but a soldier. Yeah, hard truth soldier. -Public Enemy
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. I’ve said Paul Pierce is the most underrated player in the world. That’s what happens. That’s what happens when you don’t play in big games on the big stage. When you don’t play in big games on the big stage, you become underrated. Well, the Truth is, Paul Pierce ain’t underrated no more. He just played his biggest game on the biggest stage against the biggest star in the league and he came on top. Like my main Winston Curchill always says, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the Truth has a chance to get its pants on.” The Truth got its pants on last night. The Truth got its pants on and scored forty-one points. Scored forty-one big points to lead the Celtics to victory. The smell, you know that gasoline smell. The whole hill. Smelled like… victory. Someday this war’s gonna end. It ain’t gonna end ’till Paul Pierce says it’s gonna end. And yesterday afternoon, he said no such thing. Yesterday afternoon, Paul Pierce put the Celtics in the Conference Finals for the first time since 2002. Yesterday afternoon, Paul Pierce did his best Cornbread Maxwell imitation. The Perfessor. Did his best Cornbread Maxwell imitation and said, “Climb on my back, boys.” Before Game Seven of the 1984 Finals against the Showtime Lakers, Maxwell told his teammates to climb on his back and then proceeded to torch Big Game James Worthy as the Celtics won their 15th title. Yesterday, the Truth proceeded to torch LeBron James as the Celtics won another Game Seven. KG: “Tonight was basically get the ball to Paul Pierce and everyone else just get out the way.” Get out the way while the Truth scores twenty-six points during the first half. Get out the way while the Truth nails down pull-up Js. Get out the way while the Truth knocks down killer threes. And finally, get out the way while the Truth dives to the floor to get the loose ball, call a time out, and put this one in the bank. It ain’t over yet. No fat ladies singing yet. Now Paul Pierce and the Celtics must go against the Deetroit Pistons. The Deetroit Pistons have been here before. I came in the door. I said it before. I never let the mic magnetize me no more. The Deetroit Pistons are in the Conference Finals for the sixth straight season. The mic ain’t magnetizing them. Paul Pierce might. Might mageitize them. Hypnotize them. Mesmerize them. Tantalize them. Captivate them. Devastate them. If Paul Pierce keeps this play up, the Celtics are headed for title number seventeen. And that’s the double-truth, Ruth!
Public Acknowledgements: Apocalypse Now, Yogi Berra, Erik B & Rakim, Beastie Boys and Mister Senor Love Daddy
Josh Q. Public:Every since I could remember, I been poppin my collar. I been poppin my collar. I been poppin my collar. -Three 6 Mafia
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Now that’s what I’m talking about. Playing great defense and winning by four just wasn’t enough. Wasn’t enough Marshmallow Fluff. Wasn’t enough to make you huff and puff. HR Puff N’ Stuff. Always there when things get rough. HR Puff N’Stuff. You can’t get a little if you can’t get enough. Celtics got a little last night. Celtics got enough last night. Sixteen-point beatdown last night. Sweet sixteen-point beatdown last night. Punks jump up to get beat down! Bron Bron jumped up to get beatdown. King James. Witness. Witness the Celtics holding King James to six for twenty-four last night. Witness the Celtics holding King James to two for eighteen in Game One. Witness the Celtics holding King James to a shooting percentage of just nineteen in these here playoffs. Nineteen! That nineteen percent is the lowest shooting percentage in the NBA playoffs in the shot-clock era among players who attempted at least forty shots over any two consecutive games in one postseason. Yowza! So now you have to ask yourself, is the Celtics defense that good; or is LeBron that bad? Those are your two options. Your only two options. I don’t think LeBron is that bad, so I must say, the Celtics defense is that good. Good to the last drop. All night, the Celtics hand their hands in a face. All night, the Celtics were clogging the lane. All night, the Celtics had a booty on a brother. All night, the Celtics were doubling on the pick and roll. All night, the Celtics were crowding mugs on traps. Coach Mike Brown said the King’s shots were just not falling. Coach Mike Brown said he has to go back and watch the tape. He don’t need to watch no tape. I’ll tell him. I’ll tell him what happened. I know it. You know it. Tracy McGrady knows it. And now LeBron James knows it. This Celtics defense is the best defense we’ve ever seen. The best defense there’s ever been. Better than Afrosheen. That’s what happened. The Cavaliers’ offensive game that usually flows so easily has been brought to a screeching halt. The shots that normally drop have been clanging off the rim. Cleveland’s Superman has been reduced to Clark Kent status in these EasternConference semifinals. The Celtics are the Kryptonite. Dy-no-mite! Dolemite. Bone-crushing, skull-splitting, brain-blasting action! Credit goes to Paul Pierce. Credit goes to James Posey. But credit also goes to Kevin Garnett, Kendrick Perkins, Big Show Leon Powe and everyone else who chased down Bron Bron and gave him fits. This a team effort. Tom Thibedeau defense. Team defense. Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit. Team, team, team. No one more important that the other. Welcome to Boston Celtics basketball. Roll Celtics roll!
Public Acknowledgements: Sid and Marty Krofft, Brand Nubian, Maxwell House, Jimmy Walker, Rudy Ray Moore and Hoosiers
Josh Q. Public: Simple and plain. Give me the lane. I’ll throw it down your throat like Barkley. See these car keys? You’ll never get these. They belong to the 98 posse. -Public Enemy
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Finally. Finally we made it. Looks like we made it. Barry Manilow style. But hold on there big fella. Not so fast. There’s still business to take care of. Serious business. Big business. Growed folks business. Cleveland Cavaliers business. LeBron James business. King James. The King is dead. Long live the King! Witness. This is the question on everybody’s mind today. How do the Boston Celtics stop the King today? How do you top a car? Tep on the break, tupid! If only it were that easy. We all know the Celtics play defense. Ridiculous defense. Preposterous defense. Ludacris defense. When I move you move. Just like that. Hell yeah! Hey DJ, bring that back! The Celtics are going to have to bring that defense back. Bring back the best defense in the NBA. Getting stops. Big stops. Important stops. Stops in the name of love. Getting huge defensive stops that enable the C’s to go on huge runs that lead to huge leads that means never having to look back. Howeva. Howeva, during the regular season, the Celtics and Cavaliers split their four games. Both teams winning on their home court. Boston won a game that LeBron James missed. Cleveland took a game that KG sat out. Pretty even. You know who you are? Even Steven. The Celtics are going to have to do better than Even Steven in these here playoffs against these here Cavs with this here Bron Bron. Paul Pierce will try not to exhaust himself defensively against the King. Why should he? He has help. He has Defensive Player of the Year help. Kevin Garnett help. Big Ticket help. Here’s your ticket. Hear the drummer get wicked. Garnett will be able to help because he will be able to leave Big Ben Wallace. Offensively impotent Big Ben Wallace. Offensively impotent Big Ben Wallace who averaged a paltry 3.2 points against the Wizards. Yes, Garnett will be able to leave Big Ben Wallace. But in order for Garnett to be able to leave Big Ben Wallace and help with LeBron, Kendrick Perkins must do his job. Perk must do his job and hang tough with Ilgauskas. Žydrunas Ilgauskas. Make sure you spell it right. Mike Bibby called Perkins “soft.” Mike Bibby said a lot of things. Where is Mike Bibby now? Perk cannot be soft tonight. Perk cannot be soft in any of these games. Perk will have to get physical. Let’s get physical, physical. I wanna get physical. Perk will have to get physical and keep a booty on the brother at all times. He will have to do his job so Kevin Garnett can do his. He will have to do his job so Kevin Garnett can free up and help with LeBron. Kendrick had his best game of the playoffs on Sunday. Heck, Kendrick had the best game of his life on Sunday. Ended up with a double-double. Double trouble. Throw it down, big man! Throw it down. He also blocked a playoff career-high five shots despite not playing in the fourth quarter. Perkins dominated Al Horford at the offensive end of the court. Perkins dominated Al Horford at the defensive end of the court. He limited Horford to four points, on 2-for-8 shooting, through the first three quarters. For the Celtics to win this series, they need more of the same. They need more Kendrick Perkins. NBA Action. Win or go home! Roll Celtics roll!
Public Acknowledgements: Stephen A. Smith, The Supremes, Kosmo Kramer, Public Enemy, Olivia Newton John and Bill Walton
Josh Q. Public:Who’s the newest guy in town? Go Joe Charboneau! Turns the ballpark upside down. Go Joe Charboneau! Who’s the one to keep our hopes alive? Straight from seventh to the pennant drive. Raise your glass, let out a cheer for Cleveland’s Rookie of the Year. -Super Joe Charboneau
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Daniel Gibson. Even though there’s another man in my life, you will always be my Boo. Boo who? Last seen, Boobie Gibson was going five for five from Downtown Freddie Brown range in Game Six against the Deetroit Pistons. Last seen, like my main man Brock Lesner, Boobie Gibson was the Next Big Thing. What happened? Where did he go? Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Woo woo woo. What’s that you say, Mrs. Robinson? Joltin’ Joe has left and gone away. Hey hey hey, hey hey hey. Has Daniel Gibson left and gone away? Hey hey hey, hey hey hey. My thinking is yes. My thinking is Boo Gibson has gone the way of Falco. My thinking is Boo Gibson has gone the way of the Macerena. My thinking is Boo Gibson has gone the way of Rico Suave. This got me to thinking. Thinking about another one hit wonder. Got me to thinking about Richard Dumas. What a one hit wonder that cat was. 1993. Phoenix Suns. Playoffs. Playoffs baby, playoffs. There was Sir Charles coming out of the phone booth leaping over tall buildings in a single bound. There was Danny Ainge knocking down clutch tres against the Lakers. There was Thunder Dan Majerle just killing the Sonics. Killing them, I tell you. And then there was rookie sensation Richard Dumas. Live baby live, now that the day is over. I got a new sensation. New sensation Richard Dumas. Explosive. TNT, I’m dynamite. TNT, and I’ll win the fight. TNT, I’m a power load. TNT, watch me explode. New sensation Richard Dumas was dunking over everybody. New sensation Richard Dumas was dunking over anybody. Uh, and I’m the dunkadelic relic. Yeah, I’m the dunkadelic relic. Bring in the funk baby, bring it in, bring it. Dumas brought it. Brought it all the way to the finals. Ran into MJ in the finals. Ran into drug problems after the finals. And that, as they say, was all she wrote. I fear this too, will be all she wrote for one Daniel Gibson.
Public Acknowledgements: Usher, WWWE, DC Comics, INXS, AC/DC and LL Cool J.
Josh Q. Public:I’m takin’ y’all on a trip straight through memory lane. It’s like that y’all…it’s like that y’all…it’s like that y’all. -Nas
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Yup, time to go old school. Spurs/Cavs Thursday. The Cleveland Cavaliers are not generally mentioned in the pantheon of great NBA franchises. Not a team we generally sensationalizes. Not a team we generally order with our burger and frieses. Cleveland is well, you know, Cleveland. Not for nothing, I do love Cleveland from the Family Guy: ”Public urination is just wrong. Except during the Million Man March when protestors burned down our porta-potties and I used my stream of justice to put out the hate.” But still. They just can’t cut loose. Loose, footloose. Kick off your Sunday shoes. Please, Louise, pull me offa my knees. Jack, get back. C’mon before we crack. Lose your blues, everybody cut footloose. But this team does have a history. Not a Celtics history. Not a Lakers history. Heck, not even a Seattle Supersonics history. But a history nonetheless. So without further ado, the All-Cavs Teams.
PG:Mark Price. Hey, he’s too slow. Hey, he’s too little. Just like Stan Podalak: Well, I may not be very tall, but…I’m slow. Hey, he can’t play in the NBA. Wanna bet? Benched his rookie year behind my main man John Bagley, Price started his sophomore year. That, as they say, was all she wrote. I write the songs that make the whole world sing. I write the songs of love and special things. Mark Price wrote the songs of special things. A special shooter. A lights out shooter. A clutch shooter. One of the best shooters in NBA history. Price led the NBA in free throw percentage twice. Get the papers get the papers. He won the NBA’s Long Distance Shootout back-to-back years. Get the papers, get the papers. Not just a shooter. He was a passer to booter. In his birthday suiter. A root toot tooter. Price ranked in the top ten in assists in five of his nine seasons as a Cavalier. Price nearly led his Cavs to the Promised Land. Stupid Craig Ehlo.
SG: From Canarsie High School in Brooklyn, New York, The Prince of Midair, All World,World B. Free. Hops. Mad hops. Forty-four vertical hops. He’s electrifying. He’s death defying, stupifying, high flying, mortifying, satisfying, super skying, leaves suckers crying, no denying, egg frying, I ain’t lying. I surely ain’t. This man could dunk. Slam dunk da funk, put it up, if you got that feeling. Slam dunk da funk, put it up. We love it. We need it. We gotta have it. Can’t get enough. The ever loving stuff. Oh, that marshmallow fluff. Windmills. Tomahawks. Three sixty, from the foul line, between the legs, double clutching, rock the babying, off the backboard, dipsy-doo slam-jam-bam dunkeroo, baby! World B. Free! Dr. J: “A healthy Lloyd Free just can’t be stopped offensively.”
SF: There was a farmer who had a dog, and Bingo was his name-o. B-I-N-G-O. B-I-N-G-O. B-I-N-G-O. And Bingo was his name-o. No dog he. Not Bingo Smith. Not 6'6?, Bingo Smith. 6'9? with the afro. The wily veteran helped to shape and mold the young expansion team into playoff contenders. You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it. It was you, Charley. Bingo Smith was no bum. Not with that rainbow jumper. Not in the Miracle of Richfield. Rainbow jumpering his way past the Bullets. Rainbow jumpering his way to a first playoff win. Rainbow jumpering his way to a first playoff series win. Bingo Smith. Rainbow jumpering his way into our hearts.
PF:Larry Nance. First ever winner of the NBA Slam Dunk Contest. Earned him the coolest nickname ever. The High-Ayatolla of Slamola. Leapin’ Larry. Leapin’ the new Cavs into the NBA elite. Making them complete. Putting them into the driver’s seat. Pick up your feet. Got to move to the trick of the beat. There is no lead. Just take your place in the driver’s seat. Driving the Cavs into the palyoffs. Driving the Cavs into the playoffs year after year. Tear after tear. Playing the tenacious D. Blocking shots. Lots and lots of shots. The only player in franchise history to be named to the All-Defensive First Team. And the only Cavalier to make the team three times. Three is the magic number. Yes it is, it’s a magic number.
C: This a tough one. A rough one. A Three Billy Goat Gruff one. Nate Thurmond or Brad Daugherty? Brad Daugherty or Nate Thurmond? With authority, it’s Brad Daugherty. 10,389 points scored. 5,227 rebounds grabbed. 2,741 free throws made. 3,670 free throws attempted. Five All-Star appearances made. Four triple-doubles recorded. All that in an injury shortened career. That’s why Daugherty is here. That’s why to him I drink this beer. That’s why he may be the best Cleveland Cavalier. If you watched the 1992 NBA Playoffs, you saw greatness. You saw Daugherty dominate. You saw Daugherty take Cleveland to the Conference Finals. Stupid Craig Ehlo.
Public Acknowledgements: Bill Simmons, Mike Henry, Kenny Loggins, Space Jams, Barry Manilow, Goodfellas, 5ive, Fletch, On the Waterfront, Sniff -n- the Tears and Schoolhouse Rock.
Josh Q. Public:You try to gimme your money, you better save it, babe. Save it for your rainy day. I have only one burning desire. Let me stand next to your fire. Let me stand next to your fire. -Jimi Hendrix
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go. My Miami Heat took a beating. I need somebody else to root for. I need somebody else to shoot for. I need somebody else to wear my new zoot suit for. Why not the Cleveland Cavaliers? Why not King James? Like my main man Slick Rick the Ruler always says: So off we go, let the trumpets blow. And hold on, because the driver of the mission is a pro. The ruler’s back. Last thing I remember, people were saying LeBron couldn’t make his free throws. Last thing I remember, people were saying LeBron wasn’t able to make the big shots. Yes, yes, you had to be a big shot, didn’t cha? You had to prove it to the crowd. You had to be a big shot, didn’t cha? All your friends were so knocked out. LeBron proved it to the crowd. LeBron knocked ‘em out. Knocked ‘em out Monday night. Had thirty-one points, eleven boards and seven dimes Monday night. Swept the Wizards out of the gym Monday night. Just know you are witnessing something special. It’s been sixteen years since an NBA player reached all three of those numbers in a game that won a postseason series for his team. The last to do it? Scottie Pippen. He had thirty points. He had thirteen rebounds and seven assists in Game Five of the 1991 NBA Finals against the Lakers. So don’t tell me this LeBron James character is not what he’s cracked up to be. Sure it was against the Wizards. Sure it was without Harry Potter and Hermione. Sure it was with Neville Longbottom and Gregory Goyle. I don’t care. The King is not dead. Long live the King. Cleveland swept a series for the first time in franchise history. The Cavaliers now await the winner of the one East series that’s still going on. The Cavaliers now await either the Raptors or the Nets. Who do you like in that one? Who do you got in that one? Of course you do. The King. In game three he didn’t make shot in the fourth quarter. Didn’t have to make a shot in the fourth quarter. He was still the best man on the floor in the fourth quarter. No parking, baby. No parking on the dance floor. Rock it, baby. No parking on the dance floor. The King rocked it. Rocked it with five dimes in the fourth quarter. Thirty of those cents buried the Wizards. Drew Gooden cutting to the hole. Dish. Dunk. Just like that. Ilgauskas open from twenty-one. Dish. Swish. Just like that. Then the big one. The big fig one. Ooey gooey rich and chewy inside. Golden cakie flakey outside. Wrap the inside in the outside. Is it good? Darn tootin! It’s the big, Fig Newton! The King gets doubled. Double troubled. Finds Sasha for three. Dish. Jumanji! Jumanji! Jumanji! Ballgame. Ballgame. Ballgame. The Cavs can’t look past their next opponent. But I can. And I cannot wait for the Dee-Troit rematch. The King is dead. Long live the King!
Josh Q. Public:And off we go, let the trumpets blow. Well hold on, because the driver of the mission is a pro. The Ruler’s back. -Slick Rick
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! The King is dead, long live the King. Like Mark Twain, the reports of his death have been greatly exaggerated. LeBron James. King James. Don’t call it a comeback. He’s been here for years. Rockin’ his peers, and puttin’ suckas in fear. He put the Dee-troit Pistons in fear. Lit up the Dee-troit Pistons for forty-one. Cavaliers down 93-91 with 19.6 seconds left. The King gets the rock at the top of the key. The King covered by a Prince. Piston forward, Tayshaun Prince. Not enough royalty in his blood. The King fiddles. The King diddles. The King sucks eight second off the clock. Bam! Peace out homie. Peace out down the right side of the lane. Peace out Tayshaun Prince. Peace out Dee-troit Pistons. Earth shattering, pancake battering, Piston scattering, dunk. Bring in the funk baby, bring it in. Bring it! James scored six of the Cavs final eight points in regulation. James made three go-ahead baskets in the final two and a half minutes of regulation. James’ dunk tied the game with five seconds left in regulation. Game tied. Death defied. Mortified. Overtime. Cavaliers win! Cavaliers win! Thanks to the King. All hail the King. The King had forty-one. The King had eight dimes. The King had seven boards. The King has been wearing his game face as of late. You know the face. The face that wins the race. The face that puts folks in their place. The face that puts the Cavs into interplanetary space. The face we saw last spring. The face that extended the Pistons to seven games last spring. LeBron has been focused. LeBron has been ferocious. Lebron has been barbarous. He’s been furious. Impetuous. Tempestuous. Tumultuous. Venomous. Vicious. Sid Vicious. God Save the King. We mean it man. He has been attacking the rim. Tearing mugs limb from limb. Making things mighty grim. Mighty grim indeed. The Cavs have won six of eleven. They currently hold the number two playoff seed in the East. They’re just two games behind the Pistons for the top seed. In the past nine games, the King has averaged thirty-five points. He’s getting after it. He’s looking to go to the hizzy again. Looking to make folks dizzy again. He’s been getting busy again. He’s looking for the rock more. He was looking for it in Big-D. Teammates were open Thursday night in Big-D. He had options in Big D. But the King fired up two tres in the final seconds in Big-D. Came up short, but who hasn’t lately against the Mavericks? He has scored thirty-two or more points in five straight games. Clevelandhas won four of those games. LeBron James scored thirty-two points against Yao and the Rockets. He had twelve boards and eight assists in a big win over Big Yao and the Houston Rockets. Yes, sports fans, the King is back, and not a moment too soon. Long live the King!
Josh Q. Public: The preservation of the means of knowledge among the lowest ranks is of more importance to the Public than all the property of the rich men in the country. -John Adams
Public Knowledge:
1. So you weren’t impressed with the Big Aristotle’s comeback performance. The fourteen minutes, five points and five boards weren’t enough for ya? You want more. Well, tonight’s the night. It’s gonna be all right. The Heat face the Eddy Curryless Knicks. I think maybe, just maybe, Shaq will put up some numbers.
2. Guess who’s taking the hill again today. Guess who’s making a triumphant comeback again today. That’s right, it’s none other than Carl Pavano. Last seen, Mr. Pavano was smashing up his Porsche and his ribs. Hasn’t thrown in the bigs since June of ‘05. Show me what you got little mama. Show me what you got. Inquiring minds want to know.
3. Pau Gasol to the Baby Bulls? Perhaps. Paxson says he’s interested. They’ve needed a body in the middle who can score ever since they traded away fat Eddy Curry. But for who? Madison Square Gordon and Luol Deng. Not bloody likely. We’ll be keeping an eye on this one.
4. Trouble in Cleveland? The Cavs are 24-18. All well and good. But they’ve lost six out of their last ten. Bye-bye ####? Dwane Casey style? Maybe. Whenever high hopes fail to come to fruition, it’s the coach who usually suffers. Regardless of who misses big free throws.
5. What happened? They used to be the most swinging alligators in the swamp. They used to be the greatest percolators when they really started to romp. Wally Gator style. Now? Not so much. Seven times this season, the Nets have led by at least ten points and lost. Monday they were up twenty. Wednesday, they were up eleven with four minutes left. This team could be 27-15. Instead, they’re 20-22. Good thing they’re in the Hot Lantic. Not for nothing, Cuttino Mobley’s 3-pointer with 0.6 seconds remaining gave the Clippers a 102-101 victory over New Jersey. It was the Nets’ third consecutive one-point loss, equaling the longest streak in NBA history.
6. Red Sox finalize deal on JD Drew. About time. Coconut Crisp, Julio Lugo, Papi, Manny, JD Drew. That’s a pretty daggone good line-up. Gy-Ro-Mite!, Schilling, Pap, Boom Boom Beckett, Wakefield. That’s a pretty daggone good staff. You listen to me brother, saddle your ponies you bet! Bring it ####es! Listen to me now, or listen to me later: Fear the Red Sox!
7. Dewey beats Truman. Vee Dot Carter: “I’m thrilled. It’s always just a great feeling to be selected as an All-Star as a starter.” Hey dum-dum, Hibachi’s starting.
8. Does it ever stop? Tractor Traylor. Remember him? Broke a backboard while at Michigan. Broke his arm while out with Mateen Cleaves. Well, he broke something else. The law. His Largeness just pleaded guilty yesterday. Pleaded guilty yesterday to preparing a false tax return after hiding assets for a convicted drug dealer. I’ll never get it.
9. Start me up! How is Canadian Idol Steve Nash not an All-Star starter. Tracy McGrady? Really? I love T-Mac as much as the next guy, but c’mon. Stupid.
10. The Nugget trade no one is talking about. Earl Boykins for Steve Blake. The Nuggets have won five straight since attaining Blake. He has started at the point in all five of those games. Coinky dinky? We think not. Blake pushes it. Pushes it real good. Hits the three. Protects the rock. The Nuggets are the team no one wants to see come playoff time.
11. Quote of the day. Gilbert Arenas: “He’d like to see what I’m going to do against Duke? I thought it was funny because if I have the chance to go back to college, I’ll give up one NBA season to play against Duke. One college game that’s five fouls, right? … 40-minute game at Duke, they got soft rims I’d probably score 84 or 85. I wouldn’t pass the ball. I wouldn’t even think about passing it. It would be like a NBA Live or an NBA 2K7 game, you just shoot with one person.” And that’s different from now, how exactly?
12. Baby boomers. Four of the five players selected for the Eastern Conference All-Star Team are 25 years old or younger: Agent Zero and Flash are both 25; Chris Bosh and King James are both 22. In the past 50 years there has been only one NBA All-Star Game in which four (or more) starters from one conference were no older than 25. The 2002 West team had four: The Big Ticket, Little Stevie Franchise, The Big Fundamental and The Mamba.
13. Money makin’. Money, money makin’. Dallas Maverick super disco breakin’. Disco Dirk. Nowitzki had 11 rebounds, marking his seventh straight game with at least 20 points and 10 rebounds. He also had a seven-game streak earlier this season. No other NBA player has had even one streak of five or more consecutive games with 20 or more points and 10 or more rebounds this season. MVP?
14. Multiple published reports state that Kenny Anderson will be named quarterbacks coach of the Steelers. Anderson played all 16 of his NFL seasons with the Bengals (1971-1986) and he started 23 career games against Pittsburgh, the most for any NFL quarterback vs. the Steelers over the last 50 years. I always liked that cat. Remember 1981? Huh? Do ya? Sherman, set the way back machine. 1981. Anderson had completed 62.6% of his passes for 3,754 yards and 29 touchdowns, with only 10 interceptions leading the NFL with a career-high 98.4 Passer Rating. Associated Press and Professional Football Writers of America NFL Most Valuable Player Awards and the NFL Comeback Player of the Year Award. Freezer Bowl to the Super Bowl. The Bengals lost Super Bowl XVI to the 49ers, but Anderson wasn’t bad. 25 of 34 passes for 300 yards. Two touchdowns. Another one on the ground. At the time, his 25 completions and 73.5% completion percentage were both Super Bowl records. Kenny Anderson ladies and gentlemen, Kenny Anderson.
15. Oh, and for the love of god, can someone please tell me how to my avatar up here. It's driving me nuts!
Josh Q. Public:Knowledge will forever govern ignorance; and a people who mean to be their own governors must arm themselves with the power which knowledge gives. -James Madison
Public Knowledge:
1. Big trouble in the Big Apple. Down goes Curry! Eddy Curry who has been coming up big lately, fell down hard. Fell down hard and strained his left calf on a baby-hook. That does not bode well for Zeke or the Knicks.
2. Willie Randolph gets a three-year deal with the Mets. Good. He deserves it. Should have won Manager of the Year.
3. With the Patriots out of the picture, I’m rooting for Devin Hester. Devin Hester, Mr. Anytime, the pound your chester, the bulletproof vester, the very bester. I’m rooting for Devin Hester to join Desmond Howard as the only special team player to win the Super Bowl MVP. Mr. Excitement. Is there any play in football more exciting than the return for the touchdown. From Pop Warner to the pros, we love it. It brought Lovie Smith to tears. We loved Billy White Shoes Johnson. We loved Mel Gray. We loved Desmond Howard. We loved Dante Hall. We loved Eric Metcalf. We loved David Meggett. We loved Greg Pruitt. We love Devin Hester, Mr. Anytime, the very bester.
4. What’s going on down in Kenmore Square? Remember that episode of #### Eye For The Straight Guy?The Fab Five making over Johnny Damon, Kevin Millar, and other Sox? Well, the creators of the show are about to start looking for contestants to be in another reality show that will involve the team, entitled Sox Appeal. A woman will be paired up with a date for two innings o####ame, then another date for another two innings. Then, in the 7th inning stretch, she’ll decide which one she wants to stay with for the rest of the game. Just stupid. If that ain’t enough, John Henry, the Sox’ principle owner is looking to become 50% owners of Roush Racing, a top NASCAR team. Too many fingers in too many pies. How ’bout focusing on winning another title? Huh? How ’bout that?
5. Who dey? Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry was sent to jail for two days after pleading guilty to allowing minors to drink alcohol in his hotel room last spring. How do you keep a guy like that on your team? What kind of message are you trying to send out. Just disgraceful. Kenton County District Judge Greg Grothaus: “You brought shame with this on yourself.” Sounds a lot like Slapshot: “You do dat, you go to da box, you know, uh, two minutes by yourself, and you feel shame, you know, and then you get free.” Denis Lemieux style.
6. Here keep coming the Suns. It took them nearly 40 years to win 15 straight games. They needed only a month to do it again. Between them and the Mavericks the West is looking mighty tough. Mighty tough. And with Chairman Yao coming back after the All-Star break, we should have ourselves a good ole fashioned bahn burnah.
7. On Wisconsin! On Wisconsin! Grand old Badger state! Wisconsin smashed Michigan 71-58 last night to extend the nation’s longest winning streak to 16 games, breaking a 66-year school record. Alando Tucker, Brian Butch and company sure look tough. Tougher than leather. Tougher than Leather Tuscadero. The Big Ten is proving to be a formidable conference. That’s gonna be one great tournament to watch.
8. What had happened was. Here we go. T.O. says he wasn’t taking a shot at the Tuna with his comments after the Cowboys head coach announced his retirement on Monday. Are you sure? It really sounded like you were. Well, I guess I believe you. Why shouldn’t I?
9. We all love LeBron, but is he clutch? King James scored 13 points in the second overtime period but missed a 3-pointer at the buzzer in an attempt to extend the game. In his career, LeBron has made 4 of 14 potential game-tying or game-winning field-goal attempts in the final second of either the fourth quarter or overtime. You be the judge. Judge Wapner. Judge Judy. Judge Nelson. Mike Judge.
10. You can’t handle the Truth. Or more to the point, you can’t handle the NBA without the Truth. My Celtics drop their record to 2-15 in games without Paul Pierce this season. And not for nothing, with a loss at Sacramento, the Bucks’ record fell to 1-8 this season without Michael Redd. And that’s the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothin’ but the Truth, Ruth.
11. The Mamba’s boy. Chucky Atkins. Chucky came off the Grizzlies‘ bench to score 29 points and hand out 15 assists in a 132-130 overtime victory at Utah. Atkins was the first NBA player with at least 25 points and 15 assists in a game he didn’t start since Cleveland’sBobby Washington (26 points, 15 assists) did it against the Lakers on Feb. 9, 1971.
12. If you were able to find out where the Versus Channel is on your network dial, good for you. If you did, you saw history. If you did, you saw Joe Sakic. You saw Joe Sakic get four assists. You saw Sakic’s seventh multiple-point game in All-Star play, breaking the record he had shared with Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Mark Messier and Luc Robitaille. Way to go Joe. Super Joe. Super Joe Charbeneau.
josh q. public. For the public, by The Public. Irreverent sports opinion from a Bostonian in New York. The one blog to read, when you’re reading more than one. Good to the last drop!
points. Scored forty-one big points to lead the Celtics to victory. The smell, you know that gasoline smell. The whole hill. Smelled like… victory. Someday this war’s gonna end. It ain’t gonna end ’till Paul Pierce says it’s gonna end. And yesterday afternoon, he said no such thing. Yesterday afternoon, Paul Pierce put the Celtics in the Conference Finals for the first time since 2002. Yesterday afternoon, Paul Pierce did his best Cornbread Maxwell imitation. The Perfessor. Did his best Cornbread Maxwell imitation and said, “Climb on my back, boys.” Before Game Seven of the 1984 Finals against the Showtime Lakers, Maxwell told his teammates to climb on his back and then proceeded to torch Big Game James Worthy as the Celtics won their 15th title. Yesterday, the Truth proceeded to torch LeBron James as the Celtics won 
another Game Seven. KG: “Tonight was basically get the ball to Paul Pierce and everyone else just get out the way.” Get out the way while the Truth scores twenty-six points during the first half. Get out the way while the Truth nails down pull-up Js. Get out the way while the Truth knocks down killer threes. And finally, get out the way while the Truth dives to the floor to get the loose ball, call a time out, and put this one in the bank. It ain’t over yet. No fat ladies singing yet. Now Paul Pierce and the Celtics must go against the Deetroit Pistons. The Deetroit Pistons have been here before. I came in the door. I said it before. I never let the mic magnetize me no more. The Deetroit Pistons are in the Conference Finals for the sixth straight season. The mic ain’t magnetizing them. Paul Pierce might. Might mageitize them. Hypnotize them. Mesmerize them. Tantalize them. Captivate them. Devastate them. If Paul Pierce keeps this play up, the Celtics are headed for title number seventeen. And that’s the double-truth, Ruth!
holding King James to six for twenty-four last night. Witness the Celtics holding King James to two for eighteen in Game One. Witness the Celtics holding King James to a shooting percentage of just nineteen in these here playoffs. Nineteen! That nineteen percent is the lowest shooting percentage in the NBA playoffs in the shot-clock era among players who attempted at least forty shots over any two consecutive games in one postseason. Yowza! So now you have to ask yourself, is the Celtics defense that good; or is LeBron that bad? Those are your two options. Your only two options. I don’t think LeBron is that bad, so I must say, the Celtics defense is that good. Good to the last drop. All night, the Celtics hand their hands in a face. All night, the Celtics were clogging the lane. All night, the Celtics had a booty on a brother. All night, the Celtics were doubling on the pick and roll. All night, the
Celtics were crowding mugs on traps. Coach Mike Brown said the King’s shots were just not falling. Coach Mike Brown said he has to go back and watch the tape. He don’t need to watch no tape. I’ll tell him. I’ll tell him what happened. I know it. You know it. Tracy McGrady knows it. And now LeBron James knows it. This Celtics defense is the best defense we’ve ever seen. The best defense there’s ever been. Better than Afrosheen. That’s what happened. The Cavaliers’ offensive game that usually flows so easily has been brought to a screeching halt. The shots that normally drop have been clanging off the rim. Cleveland’s Superman has been reduced to Clark Kent status in 
these Eastern Conference semifinals. The Celtics are the Kryptonite. Dy-no-mite! Dolemite. Bone-crushing, skull-splitting, brain-blasting action! Credit goes to Paul Pierce. Credit goes to James Posey. But credit also goes to Kevin Garnett, Kendrick Perkins, Big Show Leon Powe and everyone else who chased down Bron Bron and gave him fits. This a team effort. Tom Thibedeau defense. Team defense. Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit. Team, team, team. No one more important that the other. Welcome to Boston Celtics basketball. Roll Celtics roll!
to bring that defense back. Bring back the best defense in the NBA. Getting stops. Big stops. Important stops. Stops in the name of love. Getting huge defensive stops that enable the C’s to go on huge runs that lead to huge leads that means never having to look back. Howeva. Howeva, during the regular season, the Celtics and Cavaliers split their four games. Both teams winning on their home court. Boston won a game that LeBron James missed. Cleveland took a game that KG sat out. Pretty even. You know who you are? Even Steven. The Celtics are going to have to do better than Even Steven in these here playoffs against these here Cavs with this here Bron Bron. Paul Pierce will try not to exhaust himself defensively against the King. Why should he? He 
has help. He has Defensive Player of the Year help. Kevin Garnett help. Big Ticket help. Here’s your ticket. Hear the drummer get wicked. Garnett will be able to help because he will be able to leave Big Ben Wallace. Offensively impotent Big Ben Wallace. Offensively impotent Big Ben Wallace who averaged a paltry 3.2 points against the Wizards. Yes, Garnett will be able to leave Big Ben Wallace. But in order for Garnett to be able to leave Big Ben Wallace and help with LeBron, Kendrick Perkins must do his job. Perk must do his job and hang tough with Ilgauskas. Žydrunas Ilgauskas. Make sure you spell it right. Mike Bibby called Perkins “soft.” Mike Bibby said a lot of things. Where is Mike Bibby now? Perk cannot be soft tonight. Perk cannot be soft in any of these games. Perk will have to get physical. Let’s get physical, physical. I wanna get physical. Perk will have to get physical and keep a 
booty on the brother at all times. He will have to do his job so Kevin Garnett can do his. He will have to do his job so Kevin Garnett can free up and help with LeBron. Kendrick had his best game of the playoffs on Sunday. Heck, Kendrick had the best game of his life on Sunday. Ended up with a double-double. Double trouble. Throw it down, big man! Throw it down. He also blocked a playoff career-high five shots despite not playing in the fourth quarter. Perkins dominated Al Horford at the offensive end of the court. Perkins dominated Al Horford at the defensive end of the court. He limited Horford to four points, on 2-for-8 shooting, through the first three quarters. For the Celtics to win this series, they need more of the same. They need more Kendrick Perkins. NBA Action. Win or go home! Roll Celtics roll!
Has Daniel Gibson left and gone away? Hey hey hey, hey hey hey. My thinking is yes. My thinking is Boo Gibson has gone the way of Falco. My thinking is Boo Gibson has gone the way of the Macerena. My thinking is Boo Gibson has gone the way of Rico Suave. This got me to thinking. Thinking about another one hit wonder. Got me to thinking about Richard Dumas. What a one hit wonder that cat was. 1993. Phoenix Suns. Playoffs. Playoffs baby, playoffs. There was Sir Charles coming out of the phone booth leaping over tall buildings in a single bound. There was Danny Ainge knocking down clutch tres against the Lakers. There was Thunder Dan 
Majerle just killing the Sonics. Killing them, I tell you. And then there was rookie sensation Richard Dumas. Live baby live, now that the day is over. I got a new sensation. New sensation Richard Dumas. Explosive. TNT, I’m dynamite. TNT, and I’ll win the fight. TNT, I’m a power load. TNT, watch me explode. New sensation Richard Dumas was dunking over everybody. New sensation Richard Dumas was dunking over anybody. Uh, and I’m the dunkadelic relic. Yeah, I’m the dunkadelic relic. Bring in the funk baby, bring it in, bring it. Dumas brought it. Brought it all the way to the finals. Ran into MJ in the finals. Ran into drug problems after the finals. And that, as they say, was all she wrote. I fear this too, will be all she wrote for one Daniel Gibson.
PG: Mark Price. Hey, he’s too slow. Hey, he’s too little. Just like Stan Podalak: Well, I may not be very tall, but…I’m slow. Hey, he can’t play in the NBA. Wanna bet? Benched his rookie year behind my main man John Bagley, Price started his sophomore year. That, as they say, was all she wrote. I write the songs that make the whole world sing. I write the songs of love and special things. Mark Price wrote the songs of special things. A special shooter. A lights out shooter. A clutch shooter. One of the best shooters in NBA history. Price led the NBA in free throw percentage twice. Get the papers get the papers. He won the NBA’s Long Distance Shootout back-to-back years. Get the papers, get the papers. Not just a shooter. He was a passer to booter. In his birthday suiter. A root toot tooter. Price ranked in the top ten in assists in five of his nine seasons as a Cavalier. Price nearly led his Cavs to the Promised Land. Stupid Craig Ehlo.
SF: There was a farmer who had a dog, and Bingo was his name-o. B-I-N-G-O. B-I-N-G-O. B-I-N-G-O. And Bingo was his name-o. No dog he. Not Bingo Smith. Not 6'6?, Bingo Smith. 6'9? with the afro. The wily veteran helped to shape and mold the young expansion team into playoff contenders. You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it. It was you, Charley. Bingo Smith was no bum. Not with that rainbow jumper. Not in the Miracle of Richfield. Rainbow jumpering his way past the Bullets. Rainbow jumpering his way to a first playoff win. Rainbow jumpering his way to a first playoff series win. Bingo Smith. Rainbow jumpering his way into our hearts.
C: This a tough one. A rough one. A Three Billy Goat Gruff one. Nate Thurmond or Brad Daugherty? Brad Daugherty or Nate Thurmond? With authority, it’s Brad Daugherty. 10,389 points scored. 5,227 rebounds grabbed. 2,741 free throws made. 3,670 free throws attempted. Five All-Star appearances made. Four triple-doubles recorded. All that in an injury shortened career. That’s why Daugherty is here. That’s why to him I drink this beer. That’s why he may be the best Cleveland Cavalier. If you watched the 1992 NBA Playoffs, you saw greatness. You saw Daugherty dominate. You saw Daugherty take Cleveland to the Conference Finals. Stupid Craig Ehlo.
shot, didn’t cha? You had to prove it to the crowd. You had to be a big shot, didn’t cha? All your friends were so knocked out. LeBron proved it to the crowd. LeBron knocked ‘em out. Knocked ‘em out Monday night. Had thirty-one points, eleven boards and seven dimes Monday night. Swept the Wizards out of the gym Monday night. Just know you are witnessing something special. It’s been sixteen years since an NBA player reached all three of those numbers in a game that won a postseason series for his team. The last to do it? Scottie Pippen. He had thirty points. He had thirteen rebounds and seven assists in Game Five of the 1991 NBA Finals against the Lakers. So
Of course you do. The King. In game three he didn’t make shot in the fourth quarter. Didn’t have to make a shot in the fourth quarter. He was still the best man on the floor in the fourth quarter. No parking, baby. No parking on the dance floor. Rock it, baby. No parking on the dance floor. The King rocked it. Rocked it with five dimes in the fourth quarter. Thirty of those cents buried the Wizards. Drew Gooden cutting to the hole. Dish. Dunk. Just like that. Ilgauskas open from twenty-one. Dish. Swish. Just like that. Then the big one. The big fig one. Ooey gooey rich and chewy inside. Golden cakie flakey outside. Wrap the inside in the outside. Is it good? Darn tootin! It’s the big, Fig Newton! The King gets doubled. Double troubled. Finds Sasha for three. Dish. Jumanji! Jumanji! Jumanji! Ballgame. Ballgame. Ballgame. The Cavs can’t look past their next opponent. But I can. And I cannot wait for the Dee-Troit rematch. The King is dead. Long live the King!
covered by a Prince. Piston forward, Tayshaun Prince. Not enough royalty in his blood. The King fiddles. The King diddles. The King sucks eight second off the clock. Bam! Peace out homie. Peace out down the right side of the lane. Peace out Tayshaun Prince. Peace out Dee-troit Pistons. Earth shattering, pancake battering, Piston scattering, dunk. Bring in the funk baby, bring it in. Bring it! James scored six of the Cavs final eight points in regulation. James made three go-ahead baskets in the final two and a half minutes of regulation. 
LeBron has been ferocious. Lebron has been barbarous. He’s been furious. Impetuous. Tempestuous. Tumultuous. Venomous. Vicious. Sid Vicious. God Save the King. We mean it man. He has been attacking the rim. Tearing mugs limb from limb. Making things mighty grim. Mighty grim indeed. The Cavs have won six of eleven. They currently hold the number two playoff seed in the East. They’re just two games behind the Pistons for the top seed. In the past nine games, the King has averaged thirty-five points. He’s getting after it. He’s looking to go to the hizzy again. Looking to make folks dizzy again. He’s
been getting busy again. He’s looking for the rock more. He was looking for it in Big-D. Teammates were open Thursday night in Big-D. He had options in Big D. But the King fired up two tres in the final seconds in Big-D. Came up short, but who hasn’t lately against the Mavericks? He has scored thirty-two or more points in five straight games. Cleveland has won four of those games. LeBron James scored thirty-two points against Yao and the Rockets. He had twelve boards and eight assists in a big win over Big Yao and the Houston Rockets. Yes, sports fans, the King is back, and not a moment too soon. Long live the King!
2. Guess who’s taking the hill again today. Guess who’s making a triumphant comeback again today. That’s right, it’s none other than Carl Pavano. Last seen, Mr. Pavano was smashing up his Porsche and his ribs. Hasn’t thrown in the bigs since June of ‘05. Show me what you got little mama. Show me what you got. Inquiring minds want to know.
4. Trouble in Cleveland? The Cavs are 24-18. All well and good. But they’ve lost six out of their last ten. Bye-bye 
6. Red Sox finalize deal on JD Drew. About time. Coconut Crisp, Julio Lugo, Papi, Manny, JD Drew. That’s a pretty daggone good line-up. Gy-Ro-Mite!, Schilling, Pap, Boom Boom Beckett, Wakefield. That’s a pretty daggone good staff. You listen to me brother, saddle your ponies you bet! Bring it 
10. The Nugget trade no one is talking about. Earl Boykins for Steve Blake. The Nuggets have won five straight since attaining Blake. He has started at the point in all five of those games. Coinky dinky? We think not. Blake pushes it. Pushes it real good. Hits the three. Protects the rock. The Nuggets are the team no one wants to see come playoff time.
12. Baby boomers. Four of the five players selected for the Eastern Conference All-Star Team are 25 years old or younger: Agent Zero and Flash are both 25; Chris Bosh and King James are both 22. In the past 50 years there has been only one NBA All-Star Game in which four (or more) starters from one conference were no older than 25. The 2002 West team had four: The Big Ticket, Little Stevie Franchise, The Big Fundamental and The Mamba.
14. Multiple published reports state that Kenny Anderson will be named quarterbacks coach of the Steelers. Anderson played all 16 of his NFL seasons with the Bengals (1971-1986) and he started 23 career games against Pittsburgh, the most for any NFL quarterback vs. the Steelers over the last 50 years. I always liked that cat. Remember 1981? Huh? Do ya? Sherman, set the way back machine. 1981. Anderson had completed 62.6% of his passes for 3,754 yards and 29 touchdowns, with only 10 interceptions leading the NFL 
with a career-high 98.4 Passer Rating. Associated Press and Professional Football Writers of America NFL Most Valuable Player Awards and the NFL Comeback Player of the Year Award. Freezer Bowl to the Super Bowl. The Bengals lost Super Bowl XVI to the 49ers, but Anderson wasn’t bad. 25 of 34 passes for 300 yards. Two touchdowns. Another one on the ground. At the time, his 25 completions and 73.5% completion percentage were both Super Bowl records. Kenny Anderson ladies and gentlemen, Kenny Anderson.
3. With the Patriots out of the picture, I’m rooting for Devin Hester. Devin Hester, Mr. Anytime, the pound your chester, the bulletproof vester, the very bester. I’m rooting for Devin Hester to join Desmond Howard as the only special team player to win the Super Bowl MVP. Mr. Excitement. Is there any play in football more exciting than the return for the touchdown. From Pop Warner to the pros, we love it. It brought Lovie Smith to tears. We loved Billy White Shoes Johnson. We loved Mel Gray. We loved Desmond Howard. We loved Dante Hall. We loved Eric Metcalf. We loved David Meggett. We loved Greg Pruitt. We love Devin Hester, Mr. Anytime, the very bester.
5. Who dey? Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry was sent to jail for two days after pleading guilty to allowing minors to drink alcohol in his hotel room last spring. How do you keep a guy like that on your team? What kind of message are you trying to send out. Just disgraceful. Kenton County District Judge Greg Grothaus: “You brought shame with this on yourself.” Sounds a lot like Slapshot: “You do dat, you go to da box, you know, uh, two minutes by yourself, and you feel shame, you know, and then you get free.” Denis Lemieux style. 
12. If you were able to find out where the Versus Channel is on your network dial, good for you. If you did, you saw history. If you did, you saw Joe Sakic. You saw Joe Sakic get four assists. You saw Sakic’s seventh multiple-point game in All-Star play, breaking the record he had shared with Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Mark Messier and Luc Robitaille. Way to go Joe. Super Joe. Super Joe Charbeneau.
