No time for losers ’cause we are the champions, of the world!  -Queen

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Oh baby don’t it feel like heaven right now?  Don’t it feel like something from a dream?  Ya, I’ve been waiting for this.  Anticipating for this.  Waiting for this ever since I heard the Big Ticket scream, “Anything’s Pooooosssssssible!” 

Well, the waiting’s over.  The new NBA season is upon us.  Fantastic!  The Celtics begin their quest for the repeat.  The Celtics set out to do what no Boston Celtics team has done without Bill Russell.  Something Larry Bird has never done.  Something Dave Cowens has never done.  Back to back baby!  Back to back.

You can tell me that the loss of James Posey means the loss of another title.  And as much as I love the man, I will respond, “Are you out of your cotton pickin’ minds?”   Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen are still here.  Rajon Rondo gets better every single day.  Tom Thibodeau is still orchestrating the best defense this NBA has ever seen.  Here’s what Bill Russell had to say on the matter, “I have the first championship team photo from 1957 and the last one from ‘69.  I am the only guy in both pictures.”  Put that in your cigar and smoke it.

It all starts tonight.  The Celtics get their rings tonight.  The Celtics raise their banner tonight.  When they run out of that tunnel onto the Garden floor, they will be announced to the crowd as the World Champeen Boston Celtics.  When Kendrick Perkins tips off tonight against Zydrunas Ilgauskas, all of that doesn’t matter.  All that matters is another championship.  Boston Celtics basketball.  Come and get some!

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

We interrupt this Red Sox broadcast to bring you a little Boston Celtics basketball. A very little. Just enough so you know that I’m paying attention. I know it’s early. I know we’re only three games into this preseason. I know. I don’t care. I’m really starting to like this Big Bill Walker character:

But what makes me like him even more, is this:

Peace out homies. Six two and Even!

I can’t get used to losin’ you no matter what I try to do.  Gonna live my whole life through, loving you.  -Andy Williams

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  James Posey is a Hornet.  I don’t like it.  I don’t like it one bit.  But I do get it.  Mo Vaughn once said, “It ain’t about the money.”  The Hit Dog got it wrong.  It’s always about the money.  Always.  The dough.  The moolah.  The Marvelous Moolah.  The best things in life are free.  But you can keep them for the birds and bees.  Now, give me money.  That’s what I want.  The Celtics want money. Due to future luxury-tax concerns, Danny Ainge and company did not want to offer Posey more than a two- or three-year deal starting at the league’s mid-level exception.  It doesn’t matter how hard it is to find a guy who is the sixth man, coming off the bench, that has two rings, that doesn’t want to have to shoot the ball all of the time.  It doesn’t matter how much Posey’s contributions meant to the Celtics.  It just doesn’t matter.  Just like it didn’t matter how much Johnny Damon’s or Pedro’s contributions meant to the Red Sox.  Money matters.  That’s it.  Business.  Celtics management came to the conclusion that a four year deal just wouldn’t be fiscally responsible.  Posey wanted four years.  Posey got four years.  Just not with the Celtics.  Four years and twenty-five million.  I don’t blame him.  You gotta git while the gittins good.  Like Chubb Rock always says, “I gotta get mine.”  Posey got his.  Good for him.  I wish him all the best.  He’s a great role player.  He’s a very very good defender.  Great attitude.  He can shoot too.  He was an enormous part of this championship team.  He’s also thirty-one years old.  An eleven year veteran.  Giving Posey four years could be a little precarious.  He contributes for a year or two, then begins to decline.  Then what?  He becomes untradeable.  The Celtics become stuck with him.  What would you expect to get in return for a 34-year-old or 35-year-old role player?  Now listen, I love James Posey.  I really do.  I would have loved to seen back here to make another run at this thing.  Jeff Van Gundy said “Give me James Posey!”  Jeff Van Gundy didn’t say, “Give me James Posey for four years.”  It always hurts when you lose a guts guy.  When you lose a heart and soul guy.  A guy who plays with the tenacity and enthusiasm to lift up a ball club.  It does.  I don’t like it, but I undertstand it. 

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  I’m on the top of the world lookin’ down on creation and the only explanation I can find is the love that I’ve found, ever since you’ve been around.  Your love puts me at the top of the world.  -The Carpenters

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Woooo doggie!  What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans?  Sorry to keep you waiting for this one.  Anticipating for this one.  Making you lating for this one.  But I’ve been savoring this one.  Savoring the flavoring of this one.  Savoring the flavoring for twenty-two long years.  It took thirty years for the Celtics to win sixteen Championships.  It took twenty-two to win this one.  Twenty-two long years since Jerry Sichting ignited a brawl with Twin Tower, Ralph Sampson.  Twenty-two long years since Larry Bird dismantled the Houston Rockets in Game Six of the 1986 Finals.  Twenty-two long, hard years.  Twenty-two Johnny Wadd Holmes years.  Len Bias years.  Reggie Lewis years.  Red Auerbach years.  And here we are.  Here we are, World Champions once again.  How sweet it is!  Sweet as candy.  You’re my sugar dandy.  Kevin Garnett is my sugar dandy.  Kevin Garnett.  Here’s your ticket.  Hear the drummer get wicked.  Kevin Garnett.  Passionate.  Talented.  Charismatic.  Mr. Defense.  Mr. Defense turning this ballclub around.  I said upside down you’re turning me.  You’re giving love instinctively.  Around and round you’re turning me.  Turned King James around.  Turned him into Queen James.  Turned Mr. Big Shot around.  Turned him into Mr. Little Shot.  Turned Kobe Bryant around.  Not tonight, Kobe?  Not tonight?  Is that what you said?  It ain’t your night.  This ain’t your night.  See what happens?  The Celtics get the title at TD Banknorth Garden.  And what do you get?  A one-way ticket to Palooka-ville!  That’s what.  MJ my ####.  A one-way ticket to Pallokaville thanks to the Celtics defense.  Demonic defense.  Demoralizing defense.  Dispiriting defense.  Discouraging defense.  Disheartening defense.  Tom Thibedeau defense.  The Celtics had been playing demonic, demoralizing, dispiriting, discouraging, dishearte
ning, Tom Thibedeau defense from the giddy-up.  From the giddy-up like Secretariat.  Like Secretariat:  ”Moving like a tremendous machine.”  Like Secretariat:  ”All of your life, in your game, you’ve been striving for perfection.  At the end of the Belmont, you saw it.”  At the end of these NBA Finals you saw it.  You saw Paul Pierce triumphantly waving the MVP Trophy high over his head.  Ten years toiling for the Boston Celtics trying to secure his legacy.  Redemption.  You saw Sugar Ray Allen knocking down threecola after threecola.  The most consistent player in these Finals.  Redemption.  You saw KG screaming craziness with tears of joy in his eyes.  Hugging Bill Russell.  Redemption.  You saw Doc Rivers. Doc rivers drenched in Gatorade after he out-Zenned the Zenmaster. Redemption. You saw Rajon Rondo and his freakishly large hands mature right in front of our eyes.  You saw James Posey, Eddie House and the rest of the Headband Posse take matters into their own hands.  You saw Kendrick Perkins prove that losing Big Al Jefferson wasn’t so bad after all.  You saw what greatness is all about.  You saw team basketball.  Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit.  Team, team, team.  No one more important that the other.  Welcome to Boston Celtics basketball!  And you know what the good news is?  Huh?  Do ya?  They’re all coming back.  Paul Pierce is coming back.  Ray Ray is coming back.  KG is coming back.  And maybe most importantly, with almost all the head coaching vacancies filled, Tom Thibedeau is coming back.  Coming back for number eighteen.  Eighteen.  I get confused every day.  Eighteen.  I just don’t know what to say.  KG does.  KG knows what to say.  KG says Yeah baby!  KG says, anything is poooooosssssssible!  KG says, I’m so happy right now—I’m not going to sleep for a week. Kg says, I’m certified. KG says, Michele, you look good tonight, girl. KG says, It’s a lot of responsibility that comes with putting this great jersey on. KG says, made it, Ma! KG says, top of the world!

Public Acknowledgements:  Jed Clampett, Carly Simon, Jackie Gleason, Robert Spencer, Public Enemy, Diana Ross, On The Waterfront, Chic Anderson, Heywood Hale-Broun and Hoosiers

Public Spectacle: 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  One love.  One blood.  One life.  You got to do what you should.  -U2

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  I know.  I know I said the Celtics would wrap this thing up last night. I said the Lakers were demoralized.  Dispirited.  Discouraged.  Disheartened.  I said they did not stand a chance.  That they did not have the intestinal fortitude to overcome.  I know, like Fonzie, I was wrrr.  I was wrrrr.  I was wrong.  Face it, I say I a lot of things.  I’m a shameless homer.  I know this.  I know things.  I’m smart!  Not like everybody says…like dumb.  I’m smart and I want respect!  Paul Pierce wants respect.  He’s getting it.  The Celtics may have lost last night but it was no fault of the Truth.  The Truth is, Paul Pierce has been the best basketball player in this here post-season.  Better than King James.  Better than the Mamba.  Better than everybody.  Last night, Paul Pierce scored thirty-eight points for the Celtics.  That was the third-highest point total by any Celtics player in an NBA Finals game.  Only Hondo Havlicek who scored forty points in Game Six of the 1968 Finals and forty-three points in Game Two of the 1969 Finals has scored more.  Paul Pierce is securing his Celtics legacy.  Paul Pierce is proving Bob Ryan correct.  Bob Ryan says Pierce is the best scorer the Celtics have ever had.  It sure looked that way last night.  Went to the hizzouse at will last night.  At will.  Shotgun blasts are heard.  When I rip and kill, at will.  That was the Truth.  Ripping and killing at will.  KG was in foul trouble.  Sugar Ray Allen shot four of thirteen and fouled out.  But there’s no need to fear, Paul Pierce is here.  Pierce carried the Celtics.  Carried them as far as they could go last night.  Carried them while playing all but two seconds of the game on a gimpy right knee.  Carried them and played the final three and a half minutes with five fouls.  Make no mistakes, the Celtics will win this.  They will win it riding on the broad shoulders of Paul Pierce.  Singer sing me a given.  Singer sing me a song.  Standing on the shoulders of giants.  Everybody’s looking on.  Everybody’s looking on as Paul Pierce and the Celtics prepare to hoist banner number seventeen.  And that’s the double truth, Ruth!

Public Acknowledgements:  Happy Days, Godfather, LL Cool J, Underdog, REM and Senor Love Daddy

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Happy days are here again.  The skies above are clear again.  So lets sing a song of cheer again.  Happy days are here again.  -Barbara Streisand

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  What?  What?  I thought so.  Everything’s coming up roses.  Wooo doggie!  Bunny Bryant.  Bunny Bryant got his looks last night.  Bunny Bryant got his thirty points last night.  Thirty A-Broad points.  Alex Rodriguez points.  Points that do not matter.  You know what matters?  Huh?  Do ya?  100 points matter.  That’s it.  Before this series started, I was listening to Mike & the Mad Dog.  I was listening to Bob Ryan on Mike & The Mad Dog.  Bob Ryan gave a stat.  A meaningful stat.  A telling stat.  A significant stat.  Bob Ryan said the Lakers are something like 4-20 when they score under 100 points this season.  Something like.  We’ll get Tony Vincent Terry Duerod Reali to get us the real number after the show.  But you get the picture.  The Lakers do not win when they score under 100 points.  That’s the picture.  A picture is worth a thousand words.  The Celtics hold you to under 100 points.  They hold you to under 100 points all the time.  That’s what they do.  That’s all you need to know.  You don’t need to know how good Big Show Leon Powe was last night.  You don’t need to know how Big Show Leon Powe etched his name into this rivalry.  Powefection.  It just doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter the Truth, the whole truth and nothing but the Truth scored twenty-eight points on his sprained right knee.  It doesn’t matter that Rajon Rondo and his freakishly large hands are finally realizing their true potential.  It doesn’t matter that the Celtics nearly blew a 24-point lead in the fourth quarter.  All you need to look at is the scoreboard.  I know.  I know.  102.  Not 100.  Close enough.  Close enough when you have the best defense in all of basketball.  The best defense in all the land.  The best defense in the free world.  Best defense in both the regular and post seasons.  I may sound like a broken record.  Go.  Go Cut Creator go!  I may sound like a broken record, but I don’t care.  I don’t have to care.  Tom Thibedeau cares.  Kevin Garnett cares.  Ray Allen cares.  Paul Pierce cares.  They care enough to play defense.  They care enough for all of us.  NBA.  Win or go home!

Public Acknowledgements:  Jed Clampett, Ethel Merman, PTI, I *Heart* Celtics and LL Cool J

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

Josh Q. Public:  Well, man, could it be that the girls and boys are trying to be heard above your noise?  And the lonely voice of youth cries “What is truth?”  -Johnny Cash

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  That’s right.  All Celtics.  All the time.  All Paul Pierce.  All the time.  At least in this time.  World Championship time.  Growed folks time.  Win or go home!  You all know by know by now I love Paul Pierce.  I love the Truth.  Like my main Galileo always says:  “All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.”  I understand the Truth.  I understand Paul Pierce.  I understand he wants this thing.  Wants it real bad.  Wanted it real bad last night.  Last night, Kendrick Perkins stepped on Pierce’s right ankle.  Last night, Pierce’s knee twisted and popped.  Last night, Pierce contorted on the floor clutching his right leg.  Last night, Boston gasped a collective gasp as Pierce’s teammates had to carry him off of the court.  Everybody’s been comparing it to Willis Reed.  Everbody’s been talking on air it to Willis Reed.  Everybody’s been hot airing it to Willis Reed.  I disagree.  Mike Wilpon alluded to it.  I was there.  I was there where the real similarity took place.  I was there when Larry Bird’s head bounced off the Parquet with a thump.  A deafening thump.  A thunderous thump.  A thunderous thump that reverberated throughout the hallowed halls of the old Boston Garden.  I was there in 1991 against the Indiana Pacers in the playoffs.  Boston led by ten after the first quarter, but the Pacers tied it at 58-all by halftime.  Late in the second quarter, Bird crashed to the floor in pursuit of a loose ball.  His head bounced hard off the parquet.  He stayed down.  Stayed down.  Stayed down for what seemed like an eternity.   Then he headed to the locker room.  And just like last night, Boston gasped a collective gasp.  Bird did not return with his teammates for the start of the third quarter.  When he finally came through the tunnel in the third quarter, the Garden crowd erupted.  It was electric.  Boogie oogie oogie.  Just like last night.  Last night the garden crowd erupted as Paul Pierce buried back-to-back threes.  Erupted as Pierce went for fifteen points in the third.  Erupted as he went five-for-five from the field.  Three-for-three from beyond the arc.  Sticking dagger after dagger into the hearts of the Los Angeles Lakers.  Just as Bird stuck dagger after dagger into the hearts of the Pacers.  So you can Willis Reed me all you want.  All I saw were shades of Bird.

Public Spectacle: 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Rah rah rumble seats and running boards, them was the good old days.  Knee pants and dime a dance girls, oh Lord, them was the good old days.  -Roger Miller

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Woooo doggie!  Beat LA!  Beat LA!  Beat LA!  Does it get any better than this?  Huh?  Does it?  If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, there’s nothing like blogging when your teams are winning.  Just win baby!  The Celtics are winning.  Won Saturday night.  Won Saturday night against Deetroit Basketball.  Won Saturday night against Deetroit Basketball at the Palace of Auburn Hills.  Can’t win on the road.  My tucchus they can’t.  Won Saturday night at The Palace of Auburn Hills and now face the Los Angeles Lakers at home on Thursday.  I know, I know.  We all know.  Steve Buckley knows.  Here comes the showdown.  The hoedown showdown.  The throwback hoedown showdown of epic proportions.  From now until Thursday you will hear about it. You will hear about Russell versus Chamberlain.  You will hear about Cousy versus West.  Magic versus Bird.  Parrish versus Kareem.  McHale versus Big Game James.  You’ll see visions of Havlicek stealing the ball.  Greer is putting the ball in play.  He gets it out deep and Havlicek steals it!  Over to Sam Jones…  You’ll see visions of Gerald Henderson stealing the ball.  You’ll see visions of Sir Cedric in Kurt Rambis glasses.  You’ll see clotheslines.  You’ll see sky hooks.  You’ll see baby hooks.  You’ll see all of it.  You’ll feel the rivalry.  You’ll feel the tradition.  You’ll feel the glory.  The mystique.  You’ll see, hear, smell, touch, taste all of it.  You’ll have one, two, three, four, five, senses working overtime.  You’ll be inundated.  Saturated.  Permeated.  But while you’re getting caught up in all the nostalgia of it.  All the pageantry of it.  Life’s rich pageantry of it.  While you’re doing all that, don’t overlook this here Celtics team.  This new style Celtics team.  And on the cool check in.  Center stage on the mic.  And we’re puttin’ it on wax.  It’s the new style.  Four and three and two and one.  When I’m on the mic, the suckers run.  Suckers have been running from these Celtics all season.  Dollar Bill Simmons says nobody is beating the Lakers.  Not Boston.  Not nobody.  Dollar Bill Simmons can go blow it out his ear.  I’ve watched this edition of the Boson Celtics.  This New Edition of the Boston Celtics.  Candy girl.  You are my world.  You’re everything, everything.  Everything to me.  This new edition of the Boston Celtics has been everything to me.  I’ve watched this new edition of the Boston Celtics roll through the NBA like an army of steamrollers.  I’ve watched Kevin Garnett take this itty bitty city by storm.  And he’s just getting warm.  What Dollar Bill Simmons neglects to tell you is: Kevin Garnett and the Celtics play lockdown defense.  Shockdown defense.  Plymouth Rockdown defense.  The Lakers ain’t gonna fall on Plymouth Rock, my brothers and sisters, Plymouth Rock is gonna land on them.  The best defense in the free world is gonna land on them.  Paul Pierce is gonna land on ‘em too.  Like my main Winston Curchill always says, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the Truth has a chance to get its pants on.”  The Truth has got its pants on now all right.  Got his pants on and put this ballclub on his back.  Put this ballclub on his back and carried them to the promised land.  Mister I ain’t a boy.  No, I’m a man.  And I believe in the Promised land.  There’s been the emergence of the kids.  Rondo and Perk.  There’s been the reemergence of Sugar Ray Allen.  There have been plenty of reasons to love these Boston Celtics.  So while you’re basking in the glory of years gone by, don’t lose sight of the here and now.  Just stay right here folks ’cause these are the good old days. 

Public Acknowledgements:  Johnny Most, XTC, REM, Beastie Boys, Field of Dreams, LL Cool J, Malcolm X, Bruce Springsteen and Carly Simon

Public Spectacle:

Peace out Lakers.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  So get it understood, boy.  I am from the hood, boy.  Came up from the dirt.  Self-made hustler.  I’m a beast.  R. Kelly

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Three down.  One to go.  Well, it’s one for the money.  Two for the show.  Three to get ready.  Now go, cat, go!  Go Celtics, go.  Go Kendrick Perkins, go.  He went last night all right.  Went for a double-double last night.  Double double, toil and trouble.  Fire burn and cauldron bubble.  Perkins was burning last night.  Perkins was bubbling last night.  Burning and bubbling for his second double-double of these here Eastern Conference Finals.  Eighteen big points.  Sixteen big boards.  Two big blocked shots.  The X factor.  The Xavier McDaniel factor.  Just so you know, while at Wichita State, the original X-Man was the first man to lead the nation in both rebounding and scoring in the same season.  Yowza!  And like the original X-Man, Perk did all the dirty work.  Dirty deeds.  Done dirt cheap.  He’s a beast.  Don’t believe me?  Just check his website.  He’ll tell you so himself.  He was explosive from beginning to end.  I’m T.N.T.  I’m dynamite.  T.N.T.  And I’ll win the fight.  He won the fight because he stayed out of foul trouble.  Stayed out of foul trouble and was able play meaningful minutes.  Played meaningful minutes and was aggressive from the giddy-up.  He ####ed down low on the defensive end.  He scored down low on the offensive end.  Just dominating in the paint on both ends.  Captivating in the paint on both ends.  Devastating in the paint on both ends.  There he was, backing his way toward the hole and then knocking down the jumper.  There he was, scoring on low-post moves.  There he was, leading the fast break.  There he was, putting a booty on a brother and gathering up a rebound.  Put a booty on Rasheed Wallace and gathered up eleven defensive boards limiting Deetroit Basketball to just five offensive rebounds.  Perk more than doubled the rebound total of every other player in the game.  My goodness!  He was the difference maker last night.  The soul taker last night.  The takes the caker last night.  He’s been the difference maker in the last two Celtics’ victories.  Simply sensational.  ‘Cause you’re sensational, sensational.  That’s all, that’s all, that’s all.

Public Acknowledgements:  Carl Perkins, MacBeth, AC/DC, Beastie Boys and Frank Sinatra

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Peace out Pistons. Six two and Even!

 

Josh Q. Public:  What they say?  You ain’t nothin’ but a soldier.  Yeah, straight hard truth soldier.  Believe.  You ain’t nothin’ but a soldier.  Yeah, hard truth soldier.  -Public Enemy

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times.  I’ve said Paul Pierce is the most underrated player in the world.  That’s what happens.  That’s what happens when you don’t play in big games on the big stage.  When you don’t play in big games on the big stage, you become underrated.  Well, the Truth is, Paul Pierce ain’t underrated no more.  He just played his biggest game on the biggest stage against the biggest star in the league and he came on top.  Like my main Winston Curchill always says, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the Truth has a chance to get its pants on.”  The Truth got its pants on last night.  The Truth got its pants on and scored forty-one points.  Scored forty-one big points to lead the Celtics to victory.  The smell, you know that gasoline smell.  The whole hill.  Smelled like… victory.  Someday this war’s gonna end.  It ain’t gonna end ’till Paul Pierce says it’s gonna end.  And yesterday afternoon, he said no such thing.  Yesterday afternoon, Paul Pierce put the Celtics in the Conference Finals for the first time since 2002.  Yesterday afternoon, Paul Pierce did his best Cornbread Maxwell imitation.  The Perfessor.  Did his best Cornbread Maxwell imitation and said, “Climb on my back, boys.”  Before Game Seven of the 1984 Finals against the Showtime Lakers, Maxwell told his teammates to climb on his back and then proceeded to torch Big Game James Worthy as the Celtics won their 15th title.  Yesterday, the Truth proceeded to torch LeBron James as the Celtics won another Game Seven.  KG:  “Tonight was basically get the ball to Paul Pierce and everyone else just get out the way.”  Get out the way while the Truth scores twenty-six points during the first half.  Get out the way while the Truth nails down pull-up Js.  Get out the way while the Truth knocks down killer threes.  And finally, get out the way while the Truth dives to the floor to get the loose ball, call a time out, and put this one in the bank.  It ain’t over yet.  No fat ladies singing yet.  Now Paul Pierce and the Celtics must go against the Deetroit Pistons.  The Deetroit Pistons have been here before.  I came in the door.  I said it before.  I never let the mic magnetize me no more.  The Deetroit Pistons are in the Conference Finals for the sixth straight season.  The mic ain’t magnetizing them.  Paul Pierce might.  Might mageitize them.  Hypnotize them.  Mesmerize them.  Tantalize them.  Captivate them.  Devastate them.  If Paul Pierce keeps this play up, the Celtics are headed for title number seventeen.  And that’s the double-truth, Ruth!

Public Acknowledgements:  Apocalypse Now, Yogi Berra, Erik B & Rakim, Beastie Boys and Mister Senor Love Daddy

Public Spectacle: 

Peace out homies.  Six Two and even!

Josh Q. Public:  Every since I could remember, I been poppin my collar.  I been poppin my collar.  I been poppin my collar.  -Three 6 Mafia

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Now that’s what I’m talking about.  Playing great defense and winning by four just wasn’t enough.  Wasn’t enough Marshmallow Fluff.  Wasn’t enough to make you huff and puff.  HR Puff N’ Stuff.  Always there when things get rough.  HR Puff N’Stuff.  You can’t get a little if you can’t get enough.  Celtics got a little last night.  Celtics got enough last night.  Sixteen-point beatdown last night.  Sweet sixteen-point beatdown last night.  Punks jump up to get beat down!  Bron Bron jumped up to get beatdown.  King James.  Witness.  Witness the Celtics holding King James to six for twenty-four last night.  Witness the Celtics holding King James to two for eighteen in Game One.  Witness the Celtics holding King James to a shooting percentage of just nineteen in these here playoffs.  Nineteen!  That nineteen percent is the lowest shooting percentage in the NBA playoffs in the shot-clock era among players who attempted at least forty shots over any two consecutive games in one postseason.  Yowza!  So now you have to ask yourself, is the Celtics defense that good; or is LeBron that bad?  Those are your two options.  Your only two options.  I don’t think LeBron is that bad, so I must say, the Celtics defense is that good.  Good to the last drop.  All night, the Celtics hand their hands in a face.  All night, the Celtics were clogging the lane.  All night, the Celtics had a booty on a brother.  All night, the Celtics were doubling on the pick and roll.  All night, the Celtics were crowding mugs on traps.  Coach Mike Brown said the King’s shots were just not falling.  Coach Mike Brown said he has to go back and watch the tape.  He don’t need to watch no tape.  I’ll tell him.  I’ll tell him what happened.  I know it.  You know it.  Tracy McGrady knows it.  And now LeBron James knows it.  This Celtics defense is the best defense we’ve ever seen.  The best defense there’s ever been.  Better than Afrosheen.  That’s what happened.  The Cavaliers’ offensive game that usually flows so easily has been brought to a screeching halt.  The shots that normally drop have been clanging off the rim.  Cleveland’s Superman has been reduced to Clark Kent status in these Eastern Conference semifinals.  The Celtics are the Kryptonite.  Dy-no-mite!  Dolemite.  Bone-crushing, skull-splitting, brain-blasting action!  Credit goes to Paul Pierce.  Credit goes to James Posey.  But credit also goes to Kevin Garnett, Kendrick Perkins, Big Show Leon Powe and everyone else who chased down Bron Bron and gave him fits.  This a team effort.  Tom Thibedeau defense.  Team defense.  Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit.  Team, team, team.  No one more important that the other.  Welcome to Boston Celtics basketball.  Roll Celtics roll!

Public Acknowledgements:  Sid and Marty Krofft, Brand Nubian, Maxwell House, Jimmy Walker, Rudy Ray Moore and Hoosiers

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Simple and plain.  Give me the lane.  I’ll throw it down your throat like Barkley.  See these car keys?  You’ll never get these.  They belong to the 98 posse.  -Public Enemy

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Finally.  Finally we made it.  Looks like we made it.  Barry Manilow style.  But hold on there big fella.  Not so fast.  There’s still business to take care of.  Serious business.  Big business.  Growed folks business.  Cleveland Cavaliers business.  LeBron James business.  King James.  The King is dead.  Long live the King!  Witness.  This is the question on everybody’s mind today.  How do the Boston Celtics stop the King today?  How do you top a car?  Tep on the break, tupid!  If only it were that easy.  We all know the Celtics play defense.  Ridiculous defense.  Preposterous defense.  Ludacris defense.  When I move you move.  Just like that.  Hell yeah!  Hey DJ, bring that back!  The Celtics are going to have to bring that defense back.  Bring back the best defense in the NBA.  Getting stops.  Big stops.  Important stops.  Stops in the name of love.  Getting huge defensive stops that enable the C’s to go on huge runs that lead to huge leads that means never having to look back.  Howeva.  Howeva, during the regular season, the Celtics and Cavaliers split their four games.  Both teams winning on their home court.  Boston won a game that LeBron James missed.  Cleveland took a game that KG sat out.  Pretty even.  You know who you are?  Even Steven.  The Celtics are going to have to do better than Even Steven in these here playoffs against these here Cavs with this here Bron Bron.  Paul Pierce will try not to exhaust himself defensively against the King.  Why should he?  He has help.  He has Defensive Player of the Year help.  Kevin Garnett help.  Big Ticket help.  Here’s your ticket.  Hear the drummer get wicked.  Garnett will be able to help because he will be able to leave Big Ben Wallace.  Offensively impotent Big Ben Wallace.  Offensively impotent Big Ben Wallace who averaged a paltry 3.2 points against the Wizards.  Yes, Garnett will be able to leave Big Ben Wallace.  But in order for Garnett to be able to leave Big Ben Wallace and help with LeBron, Kendrick Perkins must do his job.  Perk must do his job and hang tough with Ilgauskas.  Žydrunas Ilgauskas.  Make sure you spell it right.  Mike Bibby called Perkins “soft.”  Mike Bibby said a lot of things.  Where is Mike Bibby now?  Perk cannot be soft tonight.  Perk cannot be soft in any of these games.  Perk will have to get physical.  Let’s get physical, physical.  I wanna get physical.  Perk will have to get physical and keep a booty on the brother at all times.  He will have to do his job so Kevin Garnett can do his.  He will have to do his job so Kevin Garnett can free up and help with LeBron.  Kendrick had his best game of the playoffs on Sunday.  Heck, Kendrick had the best game of his life on Sunday.  Ended up with a double-double.  Double trouble.  Throw it down, big man!  Throw it down.  He also blocked a playoff career-high five shots despite not playing in the fourth quarter.  Perkins dominated Al Horford at the offensive end of the court.  Perkins dominated Al Horford at the defensive end of the court.  He limited Horford to four points, on 2-for-8 shooting, through the first three quarters.  For the Celtics to win this series, they need more of the same.  They need more Kendrick Perkins.  NBA Action.  Win or go home!  Roll Celtics roll!

Public Acknowledgements:  Stephen A. Smith, The Supremes, Kosmo Kramer, Public Enemy, Olivia Newton John and Bill Walton

Peace out homies.  Sox two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Just cut the stuff, ’til you get enough.  ‘Cause we’re rougher than tougher and rougher tougher than tough!  -Run DMC

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Like my main man Popeye always says, “I’ve had all I can stands, I can’t stands no more.”  How many times do we have to see it?  How many times do we have to see J-Schmoove flying to the hole?  Death defying to the hole.  Electrifying to the hole.  How many time do we have to Joe Johnson get to the lane?  Into the lane without shame.  Again and again.  Until he’s drinking champagne?  The Celtics need to get tough.  Rough and tough, cold huff and puff.  Don’t bluff the stuff, got enough to rough.  The Celtics need to get rough.  Like Kevin McHale got rough.  Like Kevin McHale got rough back in 1984.  Back in 1984 against the LA Lakers.  The Showtime Lakers.  The Jack Nicholson Lakers.  The Dancing Barry Lakers.  Bird Vs. Magic.  East Coast Vs. West Coast.  The Celtics were just embarrassed in Game Three.  Just humiliated in Game Three.  Just abased in Game Three.  And it was happening again.  Happening again in Game Four.  Magic was going coast-to-coast at will.  Big Game James was going to the rack unmercifully.  Byron Scott was knocking down jumper after jumper.  Kareem was skyhooking without abandon.  And that’s when it happened.  That’s when I saw her, ooh, I saw her.  She walked in through the out door, out door.  Kevin McHale walked in through the out door, out door.  Kevin McHale smashed Kurt Rambis to the ground.  Kevin McHale simply caught that four eyed freak in mid-air, grabbed him around the neck, and threw him to the ground. It was brutal.  It was mesmerizing.  It was tantalizing.  Captivating.  Devastating.  That’s the no lay-up rule baby!  It turned around the game.  It turned around the series.  It turned around the way Pat Riley coached basketball.  It is what the Celtics desperately need to employ.  Right here.  Right now.  J-Schmoove goes flying to the rim?  Smash him to the ground.  No lay-up rule.  Joe Johnson gets into the lane?  Smash him to the ground.  No lay-up rule.  The joke is over.  Fun and games are over.  This ain’t no party.  This ain’t no disco.  This ain’t no fooling around.  No time for dancing.  Or lovey dovey.  I ain’t got time for that now.  I ain’t got time for any of it.  And neither should the Celtics.

Public Acknowledgements:  Run DMC, Bill Simmons, Prince, Beastie Boys, Fatboy Slim and the Talking Heads

Public Spectacle This is what the Celtics need to do to the Hawks tonight:

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

Josh Q. Pubic:  I never had a chance to shine.  Never a happy song to sing.  But suddenly half the world is mine.  What an amazing thing.  ‘Cause I’ve got a golden ticket.  -Willy Wonka

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Knock ‘em down!  Roll ‘em around!  C’mon defense work!  Work!  The Big Ticket works.  Workin’ nine to five.  Works on defense.  What a way to make a livin’.  Works on defense enough to become the first Celtic ever to win the Defensive Player of the Year Award.  Bill Russell never won it.  Kevin McHale never won it.  Don Chaney never won it.  KG did.  KG took the worst defensive team in all the land last year, and transformed them.  Transformers.  More than meets the eye.  Transformers.  Robots in disguise.  KG is Optimus Prime transforming the Celtics into the lockenest-down team in the league.  The rockenest down team in the league.  The shockenest down team in the league.  I shook the world!  The Celtics shook the world.  Shook the NBA defensive world.  The Celtics ended up mere percentage points behind the Deetroit Pistons in points allowed.  The Celtics ended up first, and first by far, in all the rest of the defensive categories.  First by far in defensive field goal percentage.  First by far in three-point defense.  First by far in point differential.  And get a load of this. Boston’s opponents made 46.8 percent of their field-goal attempts last season, but only 41.9 percent this season. Only one NBA team since 1970 has had a larger improvement in opponents’ field-goal percentage. The Spurs opponents went from 47.1 percent in 1996-97 to 41.1 in 1997-98. Holy cow. For all of that, you can thank Mr. Garnett.  He’s an eight-time NBA All-Defensive selection.  He’s good.  Real good.  The Big Ticket guards everybody.  Anybody.  He guards centers and he guards point guards.  He chases folks all the way to the perimeter.   He camps underneath and alters shots.  He comes from the weak side to put a bootie on a brother.  He fronts to deny the ball and keeps people out of the post.  Know this sports fans, if Kevin Garnett decides he doesn’t want you to score, you ain’t scoring.  And that’s the double truth, Ruth. 

Public Acknowledgements:  Dolly Parton, Patriot Ledger, Muhammad Ali and Mr. Senor Love Daddy

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!