Josh Q. Public:Every since I could remember, I been poppin my collar. I been poppin my collar. I been poppin my collar. -Three 6 Mafia
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Now that’s what I’m talking about. Playing great defense and winning by four just wasn’t enough. Wasn’t enough Marshmallow Fluff. Wasn’t enough to make you huff and puff. HR Puff N’ Stuff. Always there when things get rough. HR Puff N’Stuff. You can’t get a little if you can’t get enough. Celtics got a little last night. Celtics got enough last night. Sixteen-point beatdown last night. Sweet sixteen-point beatdown last night. Punks jump up to get beat down! Bron Bron jumped up to get beatdown. King James. Witness. Witness the Celtics holding King James to six for twenty-four last night. Witness the Celtics holding King James to two for eighteen in Game One. Witness the Celtics holding King James to a shooting percentage of just nineteen in these here playoffs. Nineteen! That nineteen percent is the lowest shooting percentage in the NBA playoffs in the shot-clock era among players who attempted at least forty shots over any two consecutive games in one postseason. Yowza! So now you have to ask yourself, is the Celtics defense that good; or is LeBron that bad? Those are your two options. Your only two options. I don’t think LeBron is that bad, so I must say, the Celtics defense is that good. Good to the last drop. All night, the Celtics hand their hands in a face. All night, the Celtics were clogging the lane. All night, the Celtics had a booty on a brother. All night, the Celtics were doubling on the pick and roll. All night, the Celtics were crowding mugs on traps. Coach Mike Brown said the King’s shots were just not falling. Coach Mike Brown said he has to go back and watch the tape. He don’t need to watch no tape. I’ll tell him. I’ll tell him what happened. I know it. You know it. Tracy McGrady knows it. And now LeBron James knows it. This Celtics defense is the best defense we’ve ever seen. The best defense there’s ever been. Better than Afrosheen. That’s what happened. The Cavaliers’ offensive game that usually flows so easily has been brought to a screeching halt. The shots that normally drop have been clanging off the rim. Cleveland’s Superman has been reduced to Clark Kent status in these EasternConference semifinals. The Celtics are the Kryptonite. Dy-no-mite! Dolemite. Bone-crushing, skull-splitting, brain-blasting action! Credit goes to Paul Pierce. Credit goes to James Posey. But credit also goes to Kevin Garnett, Kendrick Perkins, Big Show Leon Powe and everyone else who chased down Bron Bron and gave him fits. This a team effort. Tom Thibedeau defense. Team defense. Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit. Team, team, team. No one more important that the other. Welcome to Boston Celtics basketball. Roll Celtics roll!
Public Acknowledgements: Sid and Marty Krofft, Brand Nubian, Maxwell House, Jimmy Walker, Rudy Ray Moore and Hoosiers
Josh Q. Public: Simple and plain. Give me the lane. I’ll throw it down your throat like Barkley. See these car keys? You’ll never get these. They belong to the 98 posse. -Public Enemy
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Finally. Finally we made it. Looks like we made it. Barry Manilow style. But hold on there big fella. Not so fast. There’s still business to take care of. Serious business. Big business. Growed folks business. Cleveland Cavaliers business. LeBron James business. King James. The King is dead. Long live the King! Witness. This is the question on everybody’s mind today. How do the Boston Celtics stop the King today? How do you top a car? Tep on the break, tupid! If only it were that easy. We all know the Celtics play defense. Ridiculous defense. Preposterous defense. Ludacris defense. When I move you move. Just like that. Hell yeah! Hey DJ, bring that back! The Celtics are going to have to bring that defense back. Bring back the best defense in the NBA. Getting stops. Big stops. Important stops. Stops in the name of love. Getting huge defensive stops that enable the C’s to go on huge runs that lead to huge leads that means never having to look back. Howeva. Howeva, during the regular season, the Celtics and Cavaliers split their four games. Both teams winning on their home court. Boston won a game that LeBron James missed. Cleveland took a game that KG sat out. Pretty even. You know who you are? Even Steven. The Celtics are going to have to do better than Even Steven in these here playoffs against these here Cavs with this here Bron Bron. Paul Pierce will try not to exhaust himself defensively against the King. Why should he? He has help. He has Defensive Player of the Year help. Kevin Garnett help. Big Ticket help. Here’s your ticket. Hear the drummer get wicked. Garnett will be able to help because he will be able to leave Big Ben Wallace. Offensively impotent Big Ben Wallace. Offensively impotent Big Ben Wallace who averaged a paltry 3.2 points against the Wizards. Yes, Garnett will be able to leave Big Ben Wallace. But in order for Garnett to be able to leave Big Ben Wallace and help with LeBron, Kendrick Perkins must do his job. Perk must do his job and hang tough with Ilgauskas. Žydrunas Ilgauskas. Make sure you spell it right. Mike Bibby called Perkins “soft.” Mike Bibby said a lot of things. Where is Mike Bibby now? Perk cannot be soft tonight. Perk cannot be soft in any of these games. Perk will have to get physical. Let’s get physical, physical. I wanna get physical. Perk will have to get physical and keep a booty on the brother at all times. He will have to do his job so Kevin Garnett can do his. He will have to do his job so Kevin Garnett can free up and help with LeBron. Kendrick had his best game of the playoffs on Sunday. Heck, Kendrick had the best game of his life on Sunday. Ended up with a double-double. Double trouble. Throw it down, big man! Throw it down. He also blocked a playoff career-high five shots despite not playing in the fourth quarter. Perkins dominated Al Horford at the offensive end of the court. Perkins dominated Al Horford at the defensive end of the court. He limited Horford to four points, on 2-for-8 shooting, through the first three quarters. For the Celtics to win this series, they need more of the same. They need more Kendrick Perkins. NBA Action. Win or go home! Roll Celtics roll!
Public Acknowledgements: Stephen A. Smith, The Supremes, Kosmo Kramer, Public Enemy, Olivia Newton John and Bill Walton
Josh Q. Public:Just cut the stuff, ’til you get enough. ‘Cause we’re rougher than tougher and rougher tougher than tough! -Run DMC
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Like my main man Popeye always says, “I’ve had all I can stands, I can’t stands no more.” How many times do we have to see it? How many times do we have to see J-Schmoove flying to the hole? Death defying to the hole. Electrifying to the hole. How many time do we have to Joe Johnson get to the lane? Into the lane without shame. Again and again. Until he’s drinking champagne? The Celtics need to get tough. Rough and tough, cold huff and puff. Don’t bluff the stuff, got enough to rough. The Celtics need to get rough. Like Kevin McHale got rough. Like Kevin McHale got rough back in 1984. Back in 1984 against the LA Lakers. The Showtime Lakers. The Jack Nicholson Lakers. The Dancing Barry Lakers. Bird Vs. Magic. East Coast Vs. West Coast. The Celtics were just embarrassed in Game Three. Just humiliated in Game Three. Just abased in Game Three. And it was happening again. Happening again in Game Four. Magic was going coast-to-coast at will. Big Game James was going to the rack unmercifully. Byron Scott was knocking down jumper after jumper. Kareem was skyhooking without abandon. And that’s when it happened. That’s when I saw her, ooh, I saw her. She walked in through the out door, out door. Kevin McHale walked in through the out door, out door. Kevin McHale smashed Kurt Rambis to the ground. Kevin McHale simply caught that four eyed freak in mid-air, grabbed him around the neck, and threw him to the ground. It was brutal. It was mesmerizing. It was tantalizing. Captivating. Devastating. That’s the no lay-up rule baby! It turned around the game. It turned around the series. It turned around the way Pat Riley coached basketball. It is what the Celtics desperately need to employ. Right here. Right now. J-Schmoove goes flying to the rim? Smash him to the ground. No lay-up rule. Joe Johnson gets into the lane? Smash him to the ground. No lay-up rule. The joke is over. Fun and games are over. This ain’t no party. This ain’t no disco. This ain’t no fooling around. No time for dancing. Or lovey dovey. I ain’t got time for that now. I ain’t got time for any of it. And neither should the Celtics.
Public Acknowledgements: Run DMC, Bill Simmons, Prince, Beastie Boys, Fatboy Slim and the Talking Heads
Public Spectacle This is what the Celtics need to do to the Hawks tonight:
Josh Q. Pubic:I never had a chance to shine. Never a happy song to sing. But suddenly half the world is mine. What an amazing thing. ‘Cause I’ve got a golden ticket. -Willy Wonka
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Knock ‘em down! Roll ‘em around! C’mon defense work! Work! The Big Ticket works. Workin’ nine to five. Works on defense. What a way to make a livin’. Works on defense enough to become the first Celtic ever to win the Defensive Player of the Year Award. Bill Russell never won it. Kevin McHale never won it. Don Chaney never won it. KG did. KG took the worst defensive team in all the land last year, and transformed them. Transformers. More than meets the eye. Transformers. Robots in disguise. KG is Optimus Prime transforming the Celtics into the lockenest-down team in the league. The rockenest down team in the league. The shockenest down team in the league. I shook the world! The Celtics shook the world. Shook the NBA defensive world. The Celtics ended up mere percentage points behind the Deetroit Pistons in points allowed. The Celtics ended up first, and first by far, in all the rest of the defensive categories. First by far in defensive field goal percentage. First by far in three-point defense. First by far in point differential. And get a load of this. Boston’s opponents made 46.8 percent of their field-goal attempts last season, but only 41.9 percent this season. Only one NBA team since 1970 has had a larger improvement in opponents’ field-goal percentage. The Spurs opponents went from 47.1 percent in 1996-97 to 41.1 in 1997-98. Holy cow. For all of that, you can thank Mr. Garnett. He’s an eight-time NBA All-Defensive selection. He’s good. Real good. The Big Ticket guards everybody. Anybody. He guards centers and he guards point guards. He chases folks all the way to the perimeter. He camps underneath and alters shots. He comes from the weak side to put a bootie on a brother. He fronts to deny the ball and keeps people out of the post. Know this sports fans, if Kevin Garnett decides he doesn’t want you to score, you ain’t scoring. And that’s the double truth, Ruth.
Public Acknowledgements: Dolly Parton, Patriot Ledger, Muhammad Ali and Mr. Senor Love Daddy
Josh Q. Public: The long and winding road that leads to your door will never disappear. I’ve seen that road before. It always leads me here. Leads me to you door. -Beatles
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Larry Bird is not walking through that door, fans. Kevin McHale is not walking through that door. And Robert Parish is not walking through that door. And if you expect them to walk through that door, they’re going to be gray and old. Who needs them? And on the cool check in. Center stage on the mic. And we’re puttin’ it on wax. It’s the new style. The New Style Celtics. The Boston Celtics have won just three playoff series in the fifteen seasons since Larry Bird retired. If they win three this year, they will be in the NBA finals. The New Style Celtics will win three. The New Style Celtics will be in the NBA finals. With the Big Ticket, The Truth and Jesus Shuttleworth, how can they not be? With the Big Ticket, The Truth and Jesus Shuttleworth playing the best defense on the planet, how can they not be? The New Style Boston Celtics dominated foes night after night. The New Style Boston Celtics dominated foes fight after fight. The New Style Boston Celtics dominated foes like JJ Evans, dy-no-mite! They won forty-five games by at least ten points. They led the league in point differential averaging over ten points a game. Yowza! They finished 66-16 after going 24-58 last season. A forty-two game improvement that shattered the old record of thirty-six set by the San Antonio Spurs. Shattered, shattered. Love and hope and sex and dreams are still surviving on the street. Look at me. I’m in tatters! The New Style Celtics left the rest of the NBA in tatters. Led the league in opponents field goal percentage. Led the league in opponents three point field goal percentage. Second in the league in opponents scoring. Defense wins championships. The Celtics play defense. Stifling defense. Asphyxiating defense. Michael Hutchence defense. Tom Thibodeau defense. Leading the way is the Big Ticket. Here’s your ticket. Hear the drummer get wicked. The Big Ticket may get shammed out of the MVP. May get travestied of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a shammed out of the MVP. He won’t get travestied of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a shammed out of the Playoffs MVP. That, boys and girls, is his and his alone. As is the Finals MVP. But like my main man Red Auerbach always says: “Individual honors are nice, but no Celtic has ever gone out of his way to achieve them. We have never had the league’s top scorer. In fact, we won seven league championships without placing even one among the league’s top ten scorers. Our pride was never rooted in statistics.” Our pride is back. Celtics Pride is back. So climb aboard. Climb aboard the victory train. This train is bound to glory.
Public Acknowledgements: Rick Pitino, Beastie Boys, Good Times, Rolling Stones, INXS, Public Enemy, Woody Allen and the Ethiopians
Josh Q. Public: The hardest working man in blog buisness!
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Just a quick one today. A Big Ticket one today. Here’s your ticket. Hear the drummer get wicked. The Big Ticket got wicked last night, boy. The Big Ticket got wicked in the third quarter last night, boy. The Big Ticket got wicked all over Amare Stoudemire and the Phoenix Suns last night in the third quarter boy. Oh boy. All of my life I’ve been a-waitin’. Tonight there’ll be no hesitatin’. Oh boy! When you’re with me, oh boy. You can King James me. You can Kobe Bean me. Heck, you can even CP3 me. I’ll take my chances with Kevin Garnett. Game tied at the half. Enter the third quarter. Enter the Big Ticket in the third quarter. Eight points in the third quarter. Twenty cents in the third quarter. One block in the third quarter. Big deal, you say. So what, you say. Who cares, you say. Check this out, I say. Amare Stoudemire had no points in third quarter. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Amare Stoudemire had four turnovers in the third quarter. As goes Amare. So go the Suns. That’s defense boys and girls. Tough defense. Rough defense. Sho’ enough defense. Championship defense. Tom Thibodeau defense. Stick with your man. Think of him as chewing gum. By the end of the game, I want you to know what flavor he is. Toast flavor. Garnett finished with thirty points. Thirty points on 12-19 shooting. He made hook shots. He made jump shots. He made incredible shots. Unbelievable shots. MVP shots. MVP! MVP! MVP! You know, a basketball hero around here is treated like a god. Kevin Garnett has reached Mount Olympus.
Public Acknowledgements: Bob Ryan, Public Enemy, Buddy Holly and Hoosiers
Josh Q. Public:The cowboys cry. Ki-yip-pie-yi. Deep in the heart of Texas. -George Strait
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Three big games in Texas. Three big playoff contenders in Texas. Three big wins in Texas. Big Three wins in Texas. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The Celtics massacred the World Champeen Spurs. The Celtics massacred the red hot Rockets. And last night, the Celtics massacred the Dallas Mavericks. What a game, what a game! Down to the Wire. Omar Little style. Omar: “I’ll do what I can to help y’all. But, the game’s out there, and it’s play or get played. That simple.” The Celtics did the playing last night. Put on a displaying last night. Won going awaying last night. That simple. It was anyone’s game to win. Ultimately, it was Sugar Ray Allen’s game to win. Threecola! No soup for you! No soup for anyone. After this Texas Three Step, the Boston Celtics are, without a doubt, the favorites to win the NBA Championship. You can King James me. You can Kobe Bean me. Heck, you can even try to San Antonio Spurs me. I ain’t biting. The Celtics just beat the defending champs. The Celtics just stopped the second longest winning streak in NBA history. The Celtics just shut down the offensive juggernaut Mavs. The Celtics just shut down the offensive sluggernaut Mavs. The Celtics just shut down the offensive punch you in the muggernaut Mavs. The Boston Celtics are the best team in the free world. Like Neil Young, they keep on rockin’ in the free world. Rockin’ with defense. Tracy McGrady called them the best defense he’s ever seen in his eleven years in the NBA. The best defense there’s ever been in his eleven years in the NBA. The best defense since James Dean in his eleven years in the NBA. This is a team that last year went on stretches playing worse defense than Michael Redd. Worse defense than Antawn Jamison. Worse defense than Troy Hudson. This year, the Celtics are ranked number one in the National Basketball Association in points allowed. This year, the Celtics are ranked number one in the National Basketball Association in opponents field goal percentage. This year, the Celtics are ranked number one in the National Basketball Association in opponents three-point field goal percentage. This year, the Celtics are ranked number one in the National Basketball Association in point differential. What does it take to be number one? Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers. What does it take to be number one? Tom Thibodeau. That’s what. Tom Thibedeau, Celtics assistant coach. Tom Thibedeau, defensive guru. Defensive maharishi. Defensive swami. In his seventeen seasons as an assistant, Thibodeau has helped his teams finish in the NBA’s top ten in team defense fourteen times. Yowza! He helped the Rockets rank in the top five in the NBA in scoring defense and field goal percentage defense in all four years he was with the team. Holy cow! In his first year with Houston, Thibodeau helped the Rockets set franchise records in scoring defense and field goal percentage defense. Whoa Nelly! During his tenure with the Knicks, New York set a then-NBA record by holding thirty-three consecutive opponents under 100 points in the 2000-01 season. How about that! Now, the Celtics under Thibodeau, are suddenly playing defense. Suddenly Susan. Like that boy from INXS, they are playing suffocating defense. Smothering defense. Asphyxiating defense. They are cutting off the penetration. They are contesting every shot. They are trapping in the corners. They are crashing the boards. Rebounding, helping, switching, basically everything that you expect your team to do on defense. Crushing opponents on a nightly basis. Crushing opponents in a town near you. Is New Orleans a town near you? They got next. Lucky them.
Josh Q. Public: The stars at night, are big and bright. Deep in the heart of Texas. -June Hershey
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! OK, do you believe now? If not now, when? The Boston Celtics have the best record in basketball. The Boston Celtics just snatched a 22-point deficit out of the jaws of the Heavyweight Champeens of the World. Snatched a 22-point deficit out of the jaws of the Heavyweight Champeens of the World with an inspired performance by Paul Pierce. The Truth. The Truth is, he’s the most underrated player in the world, and nobody can tell me different. Nobody. Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. It’s the Truth. He willed the Celtics to victory. Willed the Celtics to victory sparking a fourth-quarter rally. And you saw the dunk. With authority! Don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk! That nasty dunk gave the Celtics their first lead of the game. The Spurs kept it interesting. Champeens of the World will do that. Kept it interesting until…And I will eat them in the rain. And in the dark. And on a train. Sam I Am! Release. Rotation. Splash. That’s why he’s here. To take that shot. The shot for three, and it’s G double-O D. Ballgame! Isn’t that enough? You need more? More proof. The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. The Celtics are on fire. Have been all season. But if you need more. More proof. This stretch right here will give it to you. The Celtics beat the Spurs last night. Beat the Spurs in the first game of a brutal four-game stretch. Stretch Armstrong. Stretch Cunningham. The Celtics play Houston tonight. The Celtics play Dallas Thursday. The Celtics play New Orleans Saturday. When all is said and done, the Celtics will be only the second team in NBA history to play four straight games, all on the road against teams that are at least 20 games over .500. That’s a tough stretch. But while everybody’s yipping about how good the West is. While everybody’s yapping about how much better the West is. While everybody’s yipping and yapping how so far superior the West is, the Celtics will be balling. Basketballing. It starts again tonight. It starts again tonight against the Houston Rockets. The red hot Rockets. The Celtics are 13-2 in the second half of back-to-back games. The Celtics have won twelve of their last thirteen overall. The Celtics already have more victories than they’ve had in any season since 1990-91. The buck stops here.
Quote of the Night: “The green machine is coming, baby.” -Sam Cassell
Public Acknowledgements: Superman, Marv Albert, Craig Kilborn, Dr. Seuss, Karl Ravech, Rock Master Scott & the Dynamic Three, and All in the Family
Josh Q. Public:Struck me kinda funny, seemed kinda funny sir to me. At the end of every hard earned day people find some reason to believe. Bruce Springsteen
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Woooo doggy! Larry Bird is not walking through that door, fans. Kevin McHale is not walking through that door, and Robert Parish is not walking through that door. They don’t need to. It’s the new style. Four and three and two and one. When I’m on the mic, the BLEEPers run. BLEEPers are running. The Boston Celtics just put the entire basketball world on notice. The Boston Celtics just sent the entire basketball world a message. Oh the lonely days are gone. I’m coming home. My baby, she wrote me a letter. Yes, the lonely days are gone. The Celtics wrote a letter. The letter said, “I’m Godzilla. You are Japan!” What? You thought this was a fluke? Thought they’ve been lucky? Thought this was an accident? Thought you said are you all right, Spider. Think again. The Celtics’ position atop the NBA, contrary to popular opinion, has not been a result of a soft first half schedule. The Celtics’ position atop the NBA, contrary to popular opinion, has not been a result of a soft Eastern Conference. The Celtics’ position atop the NBA, contrary to popular opinion, has been a result of one thing and one thing only. They’re good. Real good. Last night, the Boston Celtics clinched a playoff spot by smashing everybody’s pet pick in the East. Smashed the Beasts of the East. Smashed them real good like. The Big Ticket smashed them. He didn’t fill it up for fifty while jawing with Spike Lee against the joke of the league. He did the right thing. He put on his hard hat and went to work. Put on his hard hat and scored thirty-one. He put on his hard hat and played defense. Tough defense. Rough defense. Dare I say it? Tenacious defense. The Celtics played team basketball. Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit: team, team, team. No one more important that the other. The Truth had fifteen, nailing the three-point dagger, threecola! Larry Bird style. Rajon Rondo contributed sixteen, including a thunderous, posterizing don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk in the mugs of Rip Hamilton and Jason Maxiell. Kendrick Perkins notched ten points and twenty boards. Twenty rebounds! Big Al who? The Celtics never trailed in this game. The Celtics never trailed in this statement sending game. This buckwheats sending game. Buckwheats is a whole other animal. A guy orders a buckwheats hit, it just doesn’t mean take the guy out, it means take the guy out in the most painful way possible. It means the vic should suffer. Typical buckwheat hit is to shoot a guy up the BLEEP. Yeah, uh, ba-bing. A slug up the BLEEP, you don’t die so much as contort for a good fifteen minutes, then you die. I imagine it’s like crappin’ white-hot razor blades. I imagine the Pistons are crappin’ white-hot razor blades right now. Heck, I imagine the whole daggone NBA is crappin’ white-hot razor blades right now. As for the Celtics? They’re sipping boat drinks.
Public Acknowledgements: Jed Clampett, Rick Pitino, Beastie Boys, Box Tops, Things to Do When You’re Dead In Denver, Goodfellas, Hoops World and Coach Norman Dale
Josh Q. Public:Ooooh baby, here I am, signed, sealed delivered, I’m yours. -Stevie Wonder
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! First, I was on the bandwagon. The Sam I Am bandwagon. Then I said Jason Kidd. Would you, could you, in a car? Then I said Brent Barry. Eat them, eat them, here they are. Face it, I say a lot of things. You do not like them, so you say. Try them! Try them! And you may. Try them and you may, I say. Well, I’m back. Back in the New YorkBoston groove. Back in the Sam Cassell groove. Back on the bandwagon. The Sam I Am Bandwagon. What choice do I have? He’s part of the green now. Part of the team now. Part of the Celtics mystique. Like Scott Wedman was part of the Celtics mystique. Like ML Carr was part of the Celtics mystique. Like Bill Walton was part of the Celtics mystique. I take that back. Nobody’s like Bill Walton. Like Quinn Buckner was part of the Celtics mystique. Like Jim Paxon was part of the Celtics mystique. When you start getting those guys, guys like that there, when you start getting those guys, you’re in it. In it to win it. And that’s a feeling us Celtics fans haven’t had for a while. A long while. From White Castle to the Nile. Now I like nothing better than a pretty girl smile, and I haven’t seen a smile that pretty in a while. We’re smiling again all right. We’re in it all right. In it to win it all right. And now, Sam I Am is in it too. Like he was in it with the Dunbar Poets his freshman year. Sure having Muggsy Bogues, Reggie Williams, David Wingate and the late great Reggie Lewis helps. Like he was in it with the Houston Rockets. With the Houston to the tune of two NBA Championships. Like he was in it with the Milwaukee Bucks to the tune of the Eastern Conference Finals. Like he was in it with the Minnesota Timberwolves to the tune of the Western Conference Finals. For the first time in that franchise’s history. Now, he’s in it with the Boston Celtics. This summer, son! Fan-tastic! I love this game! The NBA, where Green Eggs and Ham happens!
Cassell is expected to wear No. 28, which has been worn by seven Celtics, including Quinn Buckner, Wayne Embry, and Tony Delk.
Red Auerbach on the Celtics mystique: “Paul Silas had been in the league for about eight or nine years, and we got him in a trade. And after about four months in Boston, he came over to me and he says, ‘You know, I’d like to say something to you, Coach.’ I said, ‘What’s that?’ He said, ‘When I was in Phoenix, I always felt that the Celtic mystique and pride was a bunch of BLEEP.’ He said, ‘I want you to know that it’s the greatest thing I ever saw, and I want you to know that I’m happy to be a part of it.’ That gave me a great, great thrill.”
Public Acknowledgements: Dr. Seuss, Kiss, and the Beastie Boys
Public Spectacle: Like my main man Jon Stewart, here’s your moment of Zen:
Josh Q. Public: I got so much trouble on my mind. I refuse to lose. Here’s your ticket. Hear the drummer get wicked. -Public Enemy
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Just a quick one today. A run and stick one today. A makes me sick one today. Kobe Bryant for MVP makes me sick. LeBron James for MVP makes me sick. The Most Valuable Player in the National Basketball Association this year is Kevin Garnett. Period. Stated. Bordered. The Big Ticket. And I gotta get a meal ticket. To survive you need a meal ticket. To stay alive you need a meal ticket. The Celtics got their meal ticket alright. We’re not talking McDonald’s dollar menu meal ticket. We’re not talking Swanson’s Hungry Man meal ticket. We’re talking Peter Luger’s. We’re talking Sparks. We’re talking Dylan Prime. We’re talking United States Grade A juicy porterhouse. We’re talking Kevin Garnett. We’re talking the man who almost single-handedly turned around the NBA’s most storied franchise. From pretender to contender. He’s not doing it with all that fancy pants stuff. He’s not doing it with all that prancy pants stuff. He’s not doing it with all that dancy pants stuff. We can dance if we want to. We can leave your friends behind. He doesn’t take off from the foul line. Dipsy-doo dunkeroo slam-jam-bam thank you ma’am. He doesn’t fill it up for eighty. He brings his lunch pail. Night after night. Fight after fight. Brings his lunch pail night after night and wills the Celtics to victory. Wills them to victory with his leadership. His leadership on defense. Defense wins championships. Just ask the San Antonio Spurs. Just as the Big Fundamental. Another cat who should be mentioned before King James and the Mamba. Kevin Garnett is a superstar. Lives large. A big house. Five cars. He’s in charge. He is the best all around player in the league. He scores. He defends. He rebounds. He makes everybody around him better. Everybody. You know who does that on the Lakers? Huh? Do ya? Pau. That’s who. So while everybody’s jerkin’ Kobe. So while everybody’s jerkin’ LeBron. Have the goddam common courtesy to give the Big Ticket a reach-around. I’ll be watching you.
Public Acknowledgements: Elton John, Men Without Hats, BLEEP Vitale and Gunnery Sgt. Hartman
Josh Q. Public:And tomorrow we might not be together. I’m no prophet and I don’t know nature’s ways. So I’ll try and see into your eyes right now. And stay right here ’cause these are the good old days. -Carly Simon
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Guess who’s back, back again. Shady’s back, tell a friend. Yup, tell a friend. Tell a friend the Celtics are back. Tell a friend the Lakers back. Back in the mix. Back to their old tricks. Getting their kicks. Been feeling a little empty without them getting in their licks. My bed’s too big without you. Sure the Lakers had their fill. Threepeated their fill. Filled with rings up to their gills. But it just wasn’t the same. Wasn’t the same without the Celtics in the game. It might feel good. Sound a lil’ somethin’. Bit damn the game if it don’t mean nuttin’. It means something now. It ain’t Russell/Chamberlin. A rivalry between two legendary centers that defined basketball in the ’60s. It ain’t Cooz/West. Two of the greatest playmakers to ever lay a handle on the rock. It ain’t Larry/Magic. The dynamic duo who resuscitated the NBA and gave new life to March Madness. It ain’t McHale/Big Game James. Second fiddles to no one. Nobody puts baby in the corner. It ain’t them. It ain’t me babe. It doesn’t have to be. Center stage on the mic. And we’re puttin’ it on wax. It’s the new style. It’s the new Big Three. It’s the Big Ticket. It’s Ray Ray. It’s the Truth. It’s the new Showtime. It’s Kobe Bean. It’s Kung Pau. It’s Andrew Bynum. Even before Gasol’s arrival, the old rivalry has been heating up. When the Celtics played the Lakers in their if you dare wear short-shorts, Nair for short-shorts at the Staples Center earlier in the season, the rivalry was already heating up. Sweetening up. Grade A meatening it up. When the Celtics played the Lakers at the Staples Center earlier in the season Paul Pierce and Lamar Odom immediately began a shoving match. Kevin Garnett and Trevor Ariza earned early technicals for a shoving match of their own. A League of Their Own. To achieve the incredible you have to attempt the impossible. In all, five technicals were called in the first half. Seven in the game. Garnett bled from his eye. A frustrated Odom smashed into Ray Allen late in the game and notched a flagrant foul. Ultimately, the Celtics won handily. Dandidly. But that was pre-Pau. Now anything is possible. Impossible is nothing. Now, you, me and David Stern are begging for a Celtics/Lakers final. Why not? The Spurs aren’t so jingly this year. Not so jangly this year. The Suns are desperately trying to keep up. Desperately Seeking Susan. New Orleans? C’mon. Meanwhile, with Pau, the Lakers have evolved into arguably the best rebounding team in the league. Meanwhile, with Pau, the Lakers have a bona fide second option on the offensive end. In the East, the Celtics are rolling, rolling, rolling though the streets are swollen with the best record in the league. Rolling with the best defense in basketball. So why not now? Why not them? Why not go back to the future? Yes. Yes. I’m George, George McFly. I’m your density. I mean…your destiny. Why not one of the NBA’s most enduring rivalries? NBA Action. Where amazing happens. I love this game. Fan-tastic!
Public Acknowledgements: Eminem, The Police, Public Enemy, Dirty Dancing, Bob Dylan, Gregg Patton, Adidas, Madonna and Rawhide
Josh Q. Public:Yeah, you don’t know what is like when you try, and you try, and you try, and you try, and you don’t ever get there! Because you were born perfect and I was born like this, and you’re perfect! -Sam I Am
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Would you like him in a house? Would you like him with a mouse? Would you like him in the green? Would you like him with Scalabrine? I do like him in my house. I do like him with a mouse. That Sam-I-am! That Sam-I-Am! I do like that Sam-I-Am! Rajon Rondo and his freakishly large hands have been hobbled as of late. The Celtics have struggled to set up the offense quickly and efficiently with Tony Allen running the point. The Celtics have struggled to set up the offense quickly and efficiently with Eddie House running the point. The Celtics recently endured their first skid of the season. The Celtics recently endured losing three of four before getting back. Back on track. Back on the attack. Back in the black. Yes, Rondo’s injury is minor. But still. Even with Rondo back in the starting line-up the Celtics have a glaring hole at back-up. I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in and stops my mind from wandering. The Celtics need to fill the cracks that run though the door and keeps their minds from wandering. They need to fix that hole with Sam Cassell. Cassell is 38 and in the final year of a two-year contract. A contract that is becoming increasingly closer to a buyout. Boston is the perfect fit. Cassell and Kevin Garnett are tight. BFF. So tight that it’s difficult to imagine Cassell choosing to sign anywhere but Boston. And that’s good news for Celtics’ fans. He’s still got it. Lovin’, is what I got, I said remember that. He still is capable of scoring outbursts. He just pumped in 22 against the Nets for an overtime win. He just pumped in 32 points in a shocking upset of Phoenix. I shook the world! Sam Cassell can help the Celtics shake the world. Sam Cassell is the missing link. The missing Lancelot Link. He has something the Big Three do not have. He actually has two somethings the Big Three do not have. He’s got two rings. That kind of veteran presence is invaluable. What does that mean, in-famous? Oh, Dusty. In-famous is when you’re MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he’s not just famous, he’s IN-famous. 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who’s probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico! Wow, in-famous? In-famous? Cassell would be an invaluable veteran leader. He helped lead the Rockets to two NBA Championships. He helped lead the Milwaukee Bucks to the Eastern Conference Finals. He helped lead the Timberwolves to the Western Conference Finals for the first time in franchise history. He can help lead this team. Lead them to the Promised Land. Mister I ain’t a boy, no I’m a man. And I believe in a promised land. I believe in Sam I Am.
Public Acknowledgements: Dr. Seuss, I *Heart* Celtics, Beatles, Sublime, Mohammed Ali, Three Amigos and Bruce Springsteen
Josh Q. Public:I’ll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash ya got. -Raising Arizona
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! What a game, what a game! It might feel good. It might sound a lil’ somethin’. But damn the game if it don’t mean nuttin.’ This game meant somethin.’ It meant a lot. It meant bragging rights. Bragging rights to the best team in the league. Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet. Until the Finals that is. And you can bet your bippy one of these two teams will be there. Be there in ye ole town square. Be there like a big old grizzly bear. I’ll be there with a love that’s strong. I’ll be your strength. I’ll keep holding on. One of these two will be there to reestablish dominance. To take back what is rightfully theirs. And if Glen Big Baby Davis has anything to say about it, that team will be the Boston Celtics. While folks were watching Wild Card Weekend, I was watching good old-fashioned basketball. Eddie Shore basketball. NBA Basketball. Where amazing happens. Fan-tastic! I was watching the Boston Celtics hand the Deetroit Pistons their first loss in twelve games. I was watching the Boston Celtics take their own ninth straight. I was watching Big Baby break out of his diapers. Awwww, you broke your cherry! Sugar Ray Allen didn’t have it. The Big Ticket was in big foul trouble. But there’s no need to fear, Big Baby is here. Big Baby led all scorers with twenty points. Twenty big points. Including sixteen big points in the big fourth quarter. KG double-teamed. Underneath to Big baby. The Truth mobbed driving the lane. Underneath to Big Baby. Again and again. There’s Big Baby crashing the offensive boards. There’s Big Baby converting three point opportunities. There’s Big Baby playing like he’s back at the Pistol Pete Assembly Center. But this wasn’t La Tech he was up against. Not Ole Miss. This was the Deetroit Pistons. The Bad Boys. Rasheed Wallace. Forcing Rasheed Wallace to settle for jump shots. Owning Rasheed Wallace on the offensive glass. The big question at the beginning of the season was the Celtics bench. It looks like the big answer is the Big Baby. Roll Celtics, Roll!
Not for nothing, the Boston Celtics are the Chris and Snoop (the Wire) of the NBA. Before you know it, you're dead in a vacant. Just like that.
Public Acknowledgements: Public Enemy, Peter May, Rudyard Kipling, Diana Ross, Slapshot, Goodfellas and Underdog
Josh Q. Public:The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time. -Abraham Lincoln
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! You say they haven’t played anybody yet. You say they’re beating up the sisters of the poor. You say they’re not as good as their record. Well here we are. Put up or shut up time. Tonight’s the night. Tonight’s the night we’re gonna make it happen. Tonight we’ll put all other things aside. Tonight the Boston Celtics play the Deetroit Pistons. And I can’t wait. Like my main man Jack London always says: “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” The number one team in the East has to go after the number two team in the East with a club. Make no mistake, this is a test. A real test. For the next forty-eight minutes this team will conduct a test of the National Basketball Association. The Deetroit Pistons have won 50 or more games in six straight seasons. The Deetroit Pistons have made five straight trips to the conference finals. The Deetroit Pistons may just have the best starting five in the league. A win tonight would give the Celtics the best start in franchise history and the third-best in NBA history. Yes, sports fans, tonight’s the night. It’s gonna be all right. Ain’t nobody gonna stop us now. Not in our house. Not in the middle of the street. Not in our castle and our keep. Not where the Celtics are undefeated. But tonight is just the beginning. Tonight is just the start. Tonight starts a stretch in which the Celtics play seven of ten games against teams that can be called contenders. You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am. Which is what they were. The times they are a changing. So, it will be Deetroit. It will be Thunder Dwight Howard and the Magic. Thunder, putting up thirty-point, fifteen-rebound games seemingly every night. Then the C’s hit the road. Hit the road Jack and don’t you come back no more, no more, no more, no more. On the road they will face the Utah Jazz. Then they will face the reborn Lakers. Forcing themselves into the Western Conference elite. They will face Yao and the Rockets. Then its drizzle, drazzle, dradle, drone. Time for this one to come home. Time to come back home for another match-up with the Deetroit Pistons. Then we’ll see what’s what. Then we’ll see where this team stands. This is make or break time. This is the stuff legends are made. The time is here. The time is now!
Public Acknowledgements: Pointer Sisters, Emergency Broadcast System, Rod Stewart, Madness, On the Waterfront, Bob Dylan, Tooter the Turtle and Ray Charles
holding King James to six for twenty-four last night. Witness the Celtics holding King James to two for eighteen in Game One. Witness the Celtics holding King James to a shooting percentage of just nineteen in these here playoffs. Nineteen! That nineteen percent is the lowest shooting percentage in the NBA playoffs in the shot-clock era among players who attempted at least forty shots over any two consecutive games in one postseason. Yowza! So now you have to ask yourself, is the Celtics defense that good; or is LeBron that bad? Those are your two options. Your only two options. I don’t think LeBron is that bad, so I must say, the Celtics defense is that good. Good to the last drop. All night, the Celtics hand their hands in a face. All night, the Celtics were clogging the lane. All night, the Celtics had a booty on a brother. All night, the Celtics were doubling on the pick and roll. All night, the
Celtics were crowding mugs on traps. Coach Mike Brown said the King’s shots were just not falling. Coach Mike Brown said he has to go back and watch the tape. He don’t need to watch no tape. I’ll tell him. I’ll tell him what happened. I know it. You know it. Tracy McGrady knows it. And now LeBron James knows it. This Celtics defense is the best defense we’ve ever seen. The best defense there’s ever been. Better than Afrosheen. That’s what happened. The Cavaliers’ offensive game that usually flows so easily has been brought to a screeching halt. The shots that normally drop have been clanging off the rim. Cleveland’s Superman has been reduced to Clark Kent status in 
these Eastern Conference semifinals. The Celtics are the Kryptonite. Dy-no-mite! Dolemite. Bone-crushing, skull-splitting, brain-blasting action! Credit goes to Paul Pierce. Credit goes to James Posey. But credit also goes to Kevin Garnett, Kendrick Perkins, Big Show Leon Powe and everyone else who chased down Bron Bron and gave him fits. This a team effort. Tom Thibedeau defense. Team defense. Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit. Team, team, team. No one more important that the other. Welcome to Boston Celtics basketball. Roll Celtics roll!
to bring that defense back. Bring back the best defense in the NBA. Getting stops. Big stops. Important stops. Stops in the name of love. Getting huge defensive stops that enable the C’s to go on huge runs that lead to huge leads that means never having to look back. Howeva. Howeva, during the regular season, the Celtics and Cavaliers split their four games. Both teams winning on their home court. Boston won a game that LeBron James missed. Cleveland took a game that KG sat out. Pretty even. You know who you are? Even Steven. The Celtics are going to have to do better than Even Steven in these here playoffs against these here Cavs with this here Bron Bron. Paul Pierce will try not to exhaust himself defensively against the King. Why should he? He 
has help. He has Defensive Player of the Year help. Kevin Garnett help. Big Ticket help. Here’s your ticket. Hear the drummer get wicked. Garnett will be able to help because he will be able to leave Big Ben Wallace. Offensively impotent Big Ben Wallace. Offensively impotent Big Ben Wallace who averaged a paltry 3.2 points against the Wizards. Yes, Garnett will be able to leave Big Ben Wallace. But in order for Garnett to be able to leave Big Ben Wallace and help with LeBron, Kendrick Perkins must do his job. Perk must do his job and hang tough with Ilgauskas. Žydrunas Ilgauskas. Make sure you spell it right. Mike Bibby called Perkins “soft.” Mike Bibby said a lot of things. Where is Mike Bibby now? Perk cannot be soft tonight. Perk cannot be soft in any of these games. Perk will have to get physical. Let’s get physical, physical. I wanna get physical. Perk will have to get physical and keep a 
booty on the brother at all times. He will have to do his job so Kevin Garnett can do his. He will have to do his job so Kevin Garnett can free up and help with LeBron. Kendrick had his best game of the playoffs on Sunday. Heck, Kendrick had the best game of his life on Sunday. Ended up with a double-double. Double trouble. Throw it down, big man! Throw it down. He also blocked a playoff career-high five shots despite not playing in the fourth quarter. Perkins dominated Al Horford at the offensive end of the court. Perkins dominated Al Horford at the defensive end of the court. He limited Horford to four points, on 2-for-8 shooting, through the first three quarters. For the Celtics to win this series, they need more of the same. They need more Kendrick Perkins. NBA Action. Win or go home! Roll Celtics roll!
Jack Nicholson Lakers. The Dancing Barry Lakers. Bird Vs. Magic. East Coast Vs. West Coast. The Celtics were just embarrassed in Game Three. Just humiliated in Game Three. Just abased in Game Three. And it was happening again. Happening again in Game Four. Magic was going coast-to-coast at will. Big Game James was going to the rack unmercifully. Byron Scott was knocking down jumper after jumper. Kareem was skyhooking without abandon. And that’s when it happened. That’s when I saw her, ooh, I saw her. She walked in through the out door, out door. Kevin McHale walked in through the out door, out door. Kevin McHale smashed Kurt Rambis to the ground. Kevin McHale simply caught that four eyed freak in mid-air, grabbed him around the neck, and threw him to the ground. It was brutal. It was mesmerizing. It was tantalizing. Captivating. Devastating. That’s the no lay-up 
rule baby! It turned around the game. It turned around the series. It turned around the way Pat Riley coached basketball. It is what the Celtics desperately need to employ. Right here. Right now. J-Schmoove goes flying to the rim? Smash him to the ground. No lay-up rule. Joe Johnson gets into the lane? Smash him to the ground. No lay-up rule. The joke is over. Fun and games are over. This ain’t no party. This ain’t no disco. This ain’t no fooling around. No time for dancing. Or lovey dovey. I ain’t got time for that now. I ain’t got time for any of it. And neither should the Celtics.
shook the world. Shook the NBA defensive world. The Celtics ended up mere percentage points behind the Deetroit Pistons in points allowed. The Celtics ended up first, and first by far, in all the rest of the defensive categories. First by far in defensive field goal percentage. First by far in three-point defense. First by far in point differential. And get a load of this. Boston’s opponents made 46.8 percent of their field-goal attempts last season, but only 41.9 percent this season. Only one NBA team since 1970 has had a larger improvement in opponents’ field-goal percentage. The Spurs opponents went from 47.1 percent in 1996-97 to 41.1 in 1997-98. Holy cow. For all of that, you can thank Mr. Garnett. He’s an eight-time NBA All-Defensive selection. He’s good. Real good. The Big Ticket guards everybody. Anybody. He guards centers and he guards point guards. He chases folks all the way to the perimeter. He camps underneath and alters shots. He comes from the weak side to put a bootie on a brother. He fronts to deny the ball and keeps people out of the post. Know this sports fans, if Kevin Garnett decides he doesn’t want you to score, you ain’t scoring. And that’s the double truth, Ruth. 
Celtics will win three. The New Style Celtics will be in the NBA finals. With the Big Ticket, The Truth and Jesus Shuttleworth, how can they not be? With the Big Ticket, The Truth and Jesus Shuttleworth playing the best defense on the planet, how can they not be? The New Style Boston Celtics dominated foes night after night. The New Style Boston Celtics dominated foes fight after fight. The New Style Boston Celtics dominated foes like JJ Evans, dy-no-mite! They won forty-five games by at least ten points. They led the league in point differential averaging over ten points a game. Yowza! They finished 66-16 after going 24-58 last season. A forty-two game improvement that shattered the old record of thirty-six set by the San Antonio Spurs. Shattered, shattered. Love and hope and sex and dreams are still surviving on the street. Look at me. I’m in tatters! The New Style Celtics left the rest of the NBA in tatters. Led the 
league in opponents field goal percentage. Led the league in opponents three point field goal percentage. Second in the league in opponents scoring. Defense wins championships. The Celtics play defense. Stifling defense. Asphyxiating defense. Michael Hutchence defense. Tom Thibodeau defense. Leading the way is the Big Ticket. Here’s your ticket. Hear the drummer get wicked. The Big Ticket may get shammed out of the MVP. May get travestied of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a shammed out of the MVP. He won’t get travestied of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a shammed out of the Playoffs MVP. That, boys and girls, is his and his alone. As is the Finals MVP. But like my main man Red Auerbach always says: “Individual honors are nice, but no Celtic has ever gone out of his way to achieve them. We have never had the league’s top scorer. In fact, we won seven league championships without placing even one among the league’s top ten scorers. Our pride was never rooted in statistics.” Our pride is back. Celtics Pride is back. So climb aboard. Climb aboard the victory train. This train is bound to glory. 
just beat the defending champs. The Celtics just stopped the second longest winning streak in NBA history. The Celtics just shut down the offensive juggernaut Mavs. The Celtics just shut down the offensive sluggernaut Mavs. The Celtics just shut down the offensive punch you in the muggernaut Mavs. The Boston Celtics are the best team in the free world. Like Neil Young, they keep on rockin’ in the free world. Rockin’ with defense. Tracy McGrady called them the best defense he’s ever seen in his eleven years in the NBA. The best defense there’s ever been in his eleven years in the NBA. The best defense since James Dean in his eleven years in the NBA. This is a team that last year went on stretches playing worse defense than Michael Redd. Worse defense than Antawn Jamison. Worse defense than Troy Hudson. This year, the Celtics are ranked number one in the National Basketball Association in points allowed. This year, the Celtics are ranked number one in the National Basketball 
Association in opponents field goal percentage. This year, the Celtics are ranked number one in the National Basketball Association in opponents three-point field goal percentage. This year, the Celtics are ranked number one in the National Basketball Association in point differential. What does it take to be number one? Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers. What does it take to be number one? Tom Thibodeau. That’s what. Tom Thibedeau, Celtics assistant coach. Tom Thibedeau, defensive guru. Defensive maharishi. Defensive swami. In his seventeen seasons as an assistant, Thibodeau has helped his teams finish in the NBA’s top ten in team 
quarter rally. And you saw the dunk. With authority! Don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk! That nasty dunk gave the Celtics their first lead of the game. The Spurs kept it interesting. Champeens of the World will do that. Kept it interesting until…And I will eat them in the rain. And in the dark. And on a train. Sam I Am! Release. Rotation. Splash. That’s why he’s here. To take that shot. The shot for three, and it’s G double-O D. Ballgame! Isn’t that enough? You need more? More proof. The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. The Celtics are on fire. Have been all season. But if you need more. More proof. This stretch right here will give it to you. The Celtics beat the Spurs last night. Beat the Spurs in the first game of a brutal four-game stretch. Stretch Armstrong. Stretch 
Cunningham. The Celtics play Houston tonight. The Celtics play Dallas Thursday. The Celtics play New Orleans Saturday. When all is said and done, the Celtics will be only the second team in NBA history to play four straight games, all on the road against teams that are at least 20 games over .500. That’s a tough stretch. But while everybody’s yipping about how good the West is. While everybody’s yapping about how much better the West is. While everybody’s yipping and yapping how so far superior the West is, the Celtics will be balling. Basketballing. It starts again tonight. It starts again tonight against the Houston Rockets. The red hot Rockets. The Celtics are 13-2 in the second half of back-to-back games. The Celtics have won twelve of their last thirteen overall. The Celtics already have more victories than they’ve had in any season since 1990-91. The buck stops here. 
they’ve been lucky? Thought this was an accident? Thought you said are you all right, Spider. Think again. The Celtics’ position atop the NBA, contrary to popular opinion, has not been a result of a soft first half schedule. The Celtics’ position atop the NBA, contrary to popular opinion, has not been a result of a soft Eastern Conference. The Celtics’ position atop the NBA, contrary to popular opinion, has been a result of one thing and one thing only. They’re good. Real good. Last night, the Boston Celtics clinched a playoff spot by smashing everybody’s pet pick in the East. Smashed the Beasts of 
the East. Smashed them real good like. The Big Ticket smashed them. He didn’t fill it up for fifty while jawing with Spike Lee against the joke of the league. He did the right thing. He put on his hard hat and went to work. Put on his hard hat and scored thirty-one. He put on his hard hat and played defense. Tough defense. Rough defense. Dare I say it? Tenacious defense. The Celtics played team basketball. Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit: team, team, team. No one more important that the other. The Truth had fifteen, nailing the three-point dagger, threecola! Larry Bird style. Rajon Rondo contributed sixteen, including a thunderous, posterizing don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk in the mugs of Rip 
Celtics mystique. Like Scott Wedman was part of the Celtics mystique. Like ML Carr was part of the Celtics mystique. Like Bill Walton was part of the Celtics mystique. I take that back. Nobody’s like Bill Walton. Like Quinn Buckner was part of the Celtics mystique. Like Jim Paxon was part of the Celtics mystique. When you start getting those guys, guys like that there, when you start getting those guys, you’re in it. In it to win it. And that’s a feeling us Celtics fans haven’t had for a while. A long while. From White Castle to the Nile. Now I like nothing better than a pretty girl smile, and I haven’t seen a smile that pretty in a while. We’re smiling
talking McDonald’s dollar menu meal ticket. We’re not talking Swanson’s Hungry Man meal ticket. We’re talking Peter Luger’s. We’re talking Sparks. We’re talking Dylan Prime. We’re talking United States Grade A juicy porterhouse. We’re talking Kevin Garnett. We’re talking the man who almost single-handedly turned around the NBA’s most storied franchise. From pretender to contender. He’s not doing it with all that fancy pants stuff. He’s not doing it with all that prancy pants stuff. He’s not doing it with all that dancy pants stuff. We can dance if we want to. We can leave your friends behind. He doesn’t take off from the foul line. Dipsy-doo dunkeroo slam-jam-bam thank you ma’am. He doesn’t fill it up for 
eighty. He brings his lunch pail. Night after night. Fight after fight. Brings his lunch pail night after night and wills the Celtics to victory. Wills them to victory with his leadership. His leadership on defense. Defense wins championships. Just ask the San Antonio Spurs. Just as the Big Fundamental. Another cat who should be mentioned before King James and the Mamba. Kevin Garnett is a superstar. Lives large. A big house. Five cars. He’s in charge. He is the best all around player in the league. He scores. He defends. He rebounds. He makes everybody around him better. Everybody. You know who does that on the Lakers? Huh? Do ya? Pau. That’s who. So while everybody’s jerkin’ Kobe. So while everybody’s jerkin’ LeBron. Have the goddam common courtesy to give the Big Ticket a reach-around. I’ll be watching you.
Bit damn the game if it don’t mean nuttin’. It means something now. It ain’t Russell/Chamberlin. A rivalry between two legendary centers that defined basketball in the ’60s. It ain’t Cooz/West. Two of the greatest playmakers to ever lay a handle on the rock. It ain’t Larry/Magic. The dynamic duo who resuscitated the NBA and gave new life to March Madness. It ain’t McHale/Big Game James. Second fiddles to no one. Nobody puts baby in the corner. It ain’t them. It ain’t me babe. It doesn’t have to be. Center stage
on the mic. And we’re puttin’ it on wax. It’s the new style. It’s the new Big Three. It’s the Big Ticket. It’s Ray Ray. It’s the Truth. It’s the new Showtime. It’s Kobe Bean. It’s Kung Pau. It’s Andrew Bynum. Even before Gasol’s arrival, the old rivalry has been heating up. When the Celtics played the Lakers in their if you dare wear short-shorts, Nair for short-shorts at the Staples Center earlier in the season, the rivalry was already heating up. Sweetening up. Grade A meatening it up. When the Celtics played the Lakers at the Staples Center earlier in 
the season Paul Pierce and Lamar Odom immediately began a shoving match. Kevin Garnett and Trevor Ariza earned early technicals for a shoving match of their own. A League of Their Own. To achieve the incredible you have to attempt the impossible. In all, five technicals were called in the first half. Seven in the game. Garnett bled from his eye. A frustrated Odom smashed into Ray Allen late in the game and notched a flagrant foul. Ultimately, the Celtics won handily. Dandidly. But that was pre-Pau. Now anything is possible. Impossible is nothing. Now, you, me and David Stern are begging for
BFF. So tight that it’s difficult to imagine Cassell choosing to sign anywhere but Boston. And that’s good news for Celtics’ fans. He’s still got it. Lovin’, is what I got, I said remember that. He still is capable of scoring outbursts. He just pumped in 22 against the Nets for an overtime win. He just pumped in 32 points in a shocking upset of Phoenix. I shook the world! Sam Cassell can help the Celtics shake the world. Sam Cassell is the missing link. The missing Lancelot Link. He has something the Big Three do not have. He actually has two somethings the Big Three do not have. He’s got two rings. That kind of veteran presence is invaluable. What does that mean, in-famous? Oh, Dusty. In-famous is 
square. Be there like a big old grizzly bear. I’ll be there with a love that’s strong. I’ll be your strength. I’ll keep holding on. One of these two will be there to reestablish dominance. To take back what is rightfully theirs. And if Glen Big Baby Davis has anything to say about it, that team will be the Boston Celtics. While folks were watching Wild Card Weekend, I was watching good old-fashioned basketball. Eddie Shore basketball. NBA Basketball. Where amazing happens. Fan-tastic! I was watching the Boston Celtics hand the Deetroit 
Pistons their first loss in twelve games. I was watching the Boston Celtics take their own ninth straight. I was watching Big Baby break out of his diapers. Awwww, you broke your cherry! Sugar Ray Allen didn’t have it. The Big Ticket was in big foul trouble. But there’s no need to fear, Big Baby is here. Big Baby led all scorers with twenty points. Twenty big points. Including sixteen big points in the big fourth quarter. KG double-teamed. Underneath to Big baby. The Truth mobbed driving the lane. Underneath to Big Baby. Again and again. There’s Big Baby crashing the offensive boards. There’s Big Baby converting three point opportunities. There’s Big Baby playing like he’s back at the Pistol Pete Assembly Center. But this wasn’t La Tech he was up against. Not Ole Miss. This was the Deetroit Pistons. The Bad Boys. Rasheed Wallace. Forcing Rasheed Wallace to settle for jump shots. Owning Rasheed Wallace on the offensive glass. The big question at the beginning of the season was the Celtics bench. It looks like the big answer is the Big Baby. Roll Celtics, Roll! 
“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” The number one team in the East has to go after the number two team in the East with a club. Make no mistake, this is a test. A real test. For the next forty-eight minutes this team will conduct a test of the National Basketball Association. The Deetroit Pistons have won 50 or more games in six straight seasons. The Deetroit Pistons have made five straight trips to the conference finals. The Deetroit Pistons may just have the best starting five in the league. A win tonight would give the Celtics the best start in franchise history and the third-best in NBA history. Yes, sports 
fans, tonight’s the night. It’s gonna be all right. Ain’t nobody gonna stop us now. Not in our house. Not in the middle of the street. Not in our castle and our keep. Not where the Celtics are undefeated. But tonight is just the beginning. Tonight is just the start. Tonight starts a stretch in which the Celtics play seven of ten games against teams that can be called contenders. You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am. Which is what they were. The times they are a changing. So, it will be Deetroit. It will be Thunder Dwight Howard and the Magic. Thunder, putting up thirty-point, 
fifteen-rebound games seemingly every night. Then the C’s hit the road. Hit the road Jack and don’t you come back no more, no more, no more, no more. On the road they will face the Utah Jazz. Then they will face the reborn Lakers. Forcing themselves into the Western Conference elite. They will face Yao and the Rockets. Then its drizzle, drazzle, dradle, drone. Time for this one to come home. Time to come back home for another match-up with the Deetroit Pistons. Then we’ll see what’s what. Then we’ll see where this team stands. This is make or break time. This is the stuff legends are made. The time is here. The time is now!