Josh Q. Public:  Down…The paint is peelin’.  Now…When the chips are down.  Down…You gotta lose all feelin’.  Now…when the chips are down.  Down…Your head goes round ‘n’ round.  -Terror Squad

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  I love baseball.   I never got to bat in the major leagues.  I would have liked to have had that chance.  Just once.  To stare down a big league pitcher.  To stare him down, and just as he goes into his windup, wink.  Make him think you know something he doesn’t.  That’s what I wish for.  Chance to squint at a sky so blue that it hurts your eyes just to look at it.  To feel the tingling in your arm as you connect with the ball.  To run the bases - stretch a double into a triple, and flop face-first into third, wrap your arms around the bag.  That’s my wish, Ray Kinsella.  That’s my wish.  And is there enough magic out there in the moonlight to make this dream come true?  Yes there is, Archie.  Yes there is.  The 200 men representing eight cities will create enough magic to make all our dreams true.  MLB baseball.  MLB Playoff baseball.  It’s why we hung around so long.  We hung around so long to hear stuff like: There’s a long drive… It’s gonna be, I believe….. The Giants win the pennant!  The Giants win the pennant!  The Giants win the pennant!  The Giants win the pennant! WAHOO!  Bobby Thomson hits into the lower deck, of the left field stands!  The Giants win the pennant, and they’re goin’ crazy! They’re goin’ crazy! Heeeey-oh!  We hung around so long to hear stuff like:  Deep to left! Yastrzemski will not get it — it’s a home run!  A three-run home run for Bucky Dent and the Yankees now lead by the score of 3-2!  Bucky Dent has just hit his fourth home run of the year and look at that Yankees bench out to greet him.  We hung around so long to hear stuff like:  Ortiz into deep right field, back is Sheffield, we’ll see you later tonight!  What kind of stuff are we gonna hear this year?

Rockies Phillies:  September 13.  The Rockies leave the City Of Brotherly Love after a two game split.  Even Steven.  Kissing your sister.  Yichhh!  So, we meet again?  Meet again three weeks and two incredible stories later.  The Rockies and the Fighting Phills will attempt to prolong their epic dramas in a best-of-five National League Division Series.  So what will we hear?  Will we hear:  Matt Holliday!  That ball is going and it ain’t coming back!   Matt Holliday.  MVP!  MVP!  MVP!  Matt Holliday.  The hero of the play-in game.  The one for everything.  For all the marbles.  All the starbles.  All the Yougoslavian Dinarbles.  All the come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarbles.  Matt Holliday capped his superstar season by obliterating twelve years of futility and irrelevancy.  Is that what we’ll hear?  Or will we hear this:  Swing…and a long drive, watch this baby, outta here!  Home run.  Jimmy Rollins.  The real MVP!  MVP!  MVP!  The Mets had a chance to win the World Series last year.  Last year is over.  I think we are the team to beat in the NL East, finally.  Jimmy talked the talk.  Jimmy walked the walk.  These cleats are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do.  One of these days these cleats are gonna walk all over you.  I say these cleats walk all over the Rockies.

Diamondbacks Cubs:  The Diamondbacks posted the best record in the National League.  The Cubs are the team everybody’s pulling for.  The Diamondbacks won ninety games.  Nobody knows how they expect to compete against the Cubs.  That’s why they play the games.  So what will it be?  Will it be:  Long drive…way back…warning track…wall…you can touch em’ all, Jeff Sazlazar.  Huh?  Jeff Slalazar?  Yup.  Jeff Salazar.  Reserve outfielder Jeff Salazar.  Pinch hitting Jeff Salazar.  Bernie Carbo style.  Jeff Salazar saved the season.  Saved the season back on September 10.  Scratched from the lineup because of a sore ankle, Salazar came on to deliver a pinch-hit three-run bomb in the ninth inning to give Arizona a 5-3 win at San Francisco.  That pinch-hit three-run bomb solidified the season for the Baby Backs.  And it’s contributions like that, from everybody, that make these guys what they are.  A T-E-A-M.  Nine players on the field functioning as one single unit: team, team, team - no one more important that the other.  Or might we hear this:  That ball is driven way back…outta here!  Derrek Lee!  2006 was not a very good year for Lee.  Broken wrist.   Cubs go 19-40 in his absence.  His three-year-old daughter was diagnosed with Leber’s congenital amaurosis, a rare genetic disease resulting in loss of vision.  This year’s been a lot better.  Batted over .400 for most of the first two months of the season.  The heart and power of the Cubs line-up.  Late season power surge.   If Lee gets going, like he was two seasons ago, there’s no one on the other team that can match him.  He has the ability to put this team on his back and carry them to the next round by himself.  That being said, I like the D-Backs here. 

Yankees Indians:  Three of the four highest-payroll teams in the American League will be in the playoffs. The fourth playoff team ranks second-to-last in payroll in the AL.  That fourth team is the Indians.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have no problems with spending.  None.  But What Mark Shapiro did with this team is nothing short of remarkable.  Nothing.  What will we hear in this one?  Will it be this:  Swing and a drive, deep to center, a WAAAAAAAAAAAAY back - GONE!  Trot Nixon!  Yup.  Old friend Trot.  Bo may know some things.  Bo knows this.  What?  And Bo knows that.  What?  But Bo don`t know jack, cause Bo can`t rap.  Bo may know this and that, but Trot knows the Yankees.  For eight years of his career he played against them nineteen times a season as a member of the Red Sox.  The Yankees went 6-0 against the Indians during the regular season.  Nixon hit .429 against them.  Something to think about.  Or will we hear this: Swung on and there it goes!  That ball is high! It is far!  It is…Gone!  An A-Bomb.  From A-Broad!  A-Broad’s Yankees legacy depends on it. He was the man during the regular season.  A rock at third base.  A nightmare in the heart of the New York order.  But if he does nothing in this post-season, none of it matters.  You saw what happened last fall.  Last fall, Rodriguez stumbled and bumbled through the division series against Detroit.  Stumbled and bumbled and got dropped in the order.  I don’t see that happening this year.  I don’t see the Yankees winning either.

Red Sox Angels:  Saving the best for last.  Last year, no soup for us!  This year, I couldn’t be happier.  But happy doesn’t pay the piper.  Happy doesn’t feed the baby.  Happy doesn’t walk the dog.  The Sox went wire to wire in the division.  We need them to go wire to wire in the post season.  Anything else is failure.  We need to hear:  …swing and there it goes…light tower power for Manny Ramirez!  We need Manny to be Manny.  We know what Big Papi will do.  What Big Papi always does.  But we need Manny.  He is a difference maker.  An earth quaker.  A pitcher shaker.  We need him, and I think we’ll get him.  I don’t need to hear this:  And the halo shines tonight!  Oh my!  I don’t need to see Vladdy shine tonight or any other night.  He strikes fear in the heart of men.  Strikes fear in every part of men.  Strikes fear in the Rene Descartes of men.  I’m hoping against hope fear strikes out.  I’m hoping he is as ####ed up as I hope he is.  I’m picking the Sox.  Anything else would be blasphemy.

Public Acknowledgements:  Field of Dreams, Russ Hodges, Bill White, Joe Buck, Rocky Mountain News, Jeff Kingery, Clockwork Orange, Harry Kalas, Nancy Sinatra, Greg Schulte, Hoosiers, Len Kasper, Cleveland Plain Dealer, Tom Hamilton, Tribe Called Quest, John Sterling, Jerry Trupiano, #### Enberg and Jimmy Piersall

Public Spectacle: 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  I’m not the guy who cared about love.  And I’m not the guy who cared about fortunes and such.  I never cared much.  Oh, look at me now!  -Frank Sinatra

Public Service Announcement:  Ok here we go!  I love my Baby Backs, Baby Backs, Baby Backs.  Yup, it’s the Arizona Baby Backs.  If you wanna roll in my Mercedes then turn around!  Stick it out!  Even white boys got to shout, baby got back!  Arizona’s got back all right.  Everbody was San Diego Padreing.  Everybody was LA Roger Dodgering.  Nobody, I mean nobody, was Arizona Diamondbacking.  They are now.  How could they not be?  The Diamondbacks are tearing up the National League.  Tearing those mieces to pieces.  Seventeen out of their last twenty-one.  Just had a four game win streak stymied at the hands of the lowly Nationals but are still playing lights out.  Still leading the fights out.  Still shining brights out.  They still boast the NL’s best record at 67-52.  They still have a three game lead over San Diego.  You are still the one that makes me shout.  Still the one that I dream about.  We’re still having fun, and you’re still the one.  Brandon Webb’s still the one.  Last Year’s Cy Young Award winner.  Last year’s Cy Young Award winner last seen hurling a complete game shutout.  A five hit, ten strikeout, complete game shutout.  Whoa Nelly!  That’s nothing.  Webb has just extended his consecutive scoreless innings streak to a club record thirty-three straight innings.  Yowza!  That’s four straight games.  That’s something.  Something special.  Twenty-six more and he passes Orel.  The original Bull Dog.  Brandon Webb and his nauseating sinkerball are now 12-8.  Brandon Webb and his repugnant sinkerball now have a 2.77 ERA.  Mix in a revolting curve ball and a gruesome change-up and, you get a guy who is going to win the Cy every year.  Every year.  The Diamondbacks are 20-9 and have won eight of nine series since the All-Star break.  The Diamondbacks have made themselves the team to beat in the National League.  No small thanks to one Mr. Brandon Webb.  I said Blue Moon of Kentucky keep on shining.  As long as this blue moon of Kentucky keeps on shining, the Diamondbacks future is bright.

Public Acknowledgements:  Applebees, Sir-Mix-A-Lot, Pixie and Dixie, Orleans and Elvis Presley

Public Spectacle: 

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Speed of lightning, roar of thunder.  Fighting all who rob or plunder.  Underdog.  Underdog!  -The Underdog Show

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!.  Look, up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a frog…a frog?  Not bird, nor plane, nor even frog, it’s just little ole me, the O-Dog.  Yup, just little ole him.  Orlando Hudson.  The best player no one is talking about.  Knock ‘em down.  Roll ‘em around.  C’mon defense work!  Work!  Orlando Hudson works on defense.  All you need is glove.  All together now.  All you need is glove.  Everybody.  All you need is glove, glove.  Glove is all you need.  The O-Dog gots glove.  Lots of glove.  It’s the glove you love.  Hudson is renowned around the major leagues for his fielding prowess.  In particular, his amazing range into right and center.  Known for making spectacular catches.  Lunging catches.  Diving catches.  Phenomenal catches.  Catches in batches.  Catches without matches.  Groundballs he snatches.  Base runners he dispatches.  Web Gem after Web Gem.  Gem of the Night after Gem of the Night.  Because the night belongs to glovers.  Because the night, belongs to us.  My personal favorite Web Gem is the catch he made at Fenway Pahk.  Sliding into the rolled-up tarp.  Hooray glove!  Gold Glove winner the past two years.  Only the sixth infielder in Major League history to win a Gold Glove award in both leagues.  Only the second second-baseman.  Get the papers, get the papers.  Brett Boone the first.  In a league of his own.  To achieve the incredible you have to attempt the impossible.  Should surpass spittin’ Bobby Alomar and his ten Gold Gloves at second.  Well, bite my butt and call me an apple.  Hudson easily led second-basemen in the National League last year with 833 totals chances and 510 assists. The next closest in total chances was the Phillies’ Chase Utley with 799, and Utley was also second in assists with 424.  But he’s not all glove and no bat.  No sirree.  This dog can hit.  Can hit a little bit.  Hit like a Banana Split.  One banana, two banana, three banana, four.  Four bananas make a bunch and so do many more.  Tra la la, la la la la.  Last year, the O-Dog set career-highs in batting average with a .287.  In dings with fifteen.  In RBIs with sixty-seven.  Doubles with thirty-four.  Triples with nine.  And in runs scored with eighty-seven.  Sure he started slow, but once he got comfortable and learned the pitchers, he turned it on.  Hitting .304 in June and .315 after the All-Star break.  He goes shopping at the gap.  He’s off to a sizzling start.  A torrid start.  A blistering start.  Blazing, boiling broiling. So we go rum-bum-bum-bum.  Yeah we rum-bum-bum-bum.  Feeling hot hot hot!  Feeling hot hot hot!  Oh Lord.  Batting in the three spot.  Batting in the three spot the other night against the Cincinnati Red Legs.  The Big Red Machine.  Batting in the three spot feeling mean.  Crushed his second bomb of the season.  Crushed his second bomb of the season with two outs in the bottom of the eighth.  Crushed  it to lead the Diamondbacks to a thrilling, 3-2 come-from-behind victory.  Baseball’s extra special moment.  Two more hits and a run last night.  Last night, she said, oh baby don’t feel so down.  The O-Dog don’t feel down.  He’s batting 395.  Just glad to be a live.  High five!  Arizona is on a six game run.  Every morning.  Every evening.  Ain’t we got fun?  Not much money.  Oh but honey.  Ain’t we got fun?  I love my baby backs, baby backs, baby backs.  I love Orlando Hudson.

Public Acknowledgements:  The Underdog Show, The Beatles, Wikipedia, The Patti Smith Group, The Arizona Republic, The Associated Press, Yahoo Fantasy Baseball, Hanna-Barbera, Brett Haber, Buster Pointdexter, Craig Kilborn, The Strokes and Applebees.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!