Josh Q. Public:  All I’m saying pretty baby.  La la love you.  Don’t mean maybe.  -Pixies

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Yesterday I wrote about Josh Hamilton.  Yesterday, I told just one half of the story.  Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.  Today, I got a new story.  Today I got the story of Edinson Volquez.  Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed.  A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed.  Oh sorry.  Wrong story.  Edinson Volquez.  The man the Rangers traded away for Josh Hamilton.  You may think it’s one sided.  You may think it was unfair.  You may think a position player is more valuable than a pitcher.  Just like you thought Pedro didn’t deserve to be MVP back in 1999.  Think again.  Edinson Volquez is for real.  Voltron is for real.  Transformers.  More than meets the eye.  Yes, Hamilton leads the American League in RBIs.  Yes, Hamilton is among the leaders in home runs and slugging percentage.  Yes, he plays a dy-no-mite center field.  Yes, he’s doing all that; but this Voltron character is tearing it up.  Loaded for bearing it up.  Haven’t got a prayering it up.  Last night, Voltron allowed a meager one run in six innings.  Big deal, you say.  Who cares, you say.  I say that ties a major-league record by allowing fewer than two earned runs in each of his first eight starts in a season.  Yowza!  I also say only three other pitchers have done that.  Just one in the live-ball era, Mike Norris of the A’s in 1980.  The others were Dana Fillingim of the 1918 Boston Braves and Dutch Leonard of the1914 Red Sox.  Now that’s saying something.  That’s saying a lot.  I’ll say something else.  I’ll say Voltron is 6-1.  I’ll say he leads the National League with a 1.12 ERA.  I’ll say he’s mixing in a  96-mph fastball with a sick change.  An ill change.  Most illinest, stealinest, villianest B-Boy change.  Dare I say it?  A Pedro change.  It’s no wonder they call him Little Pedro.  Everybody’s been yipping about Johnny Cueto.  Everybody’s been yapping about Johnny Cueto.  Where is the love for Edinson?  Father, Father, Father help us.  Send some guidance from above.  ‘Cause people got me, got me questionin’.  Where is the love? 

Public Acknowledgements:  Beatles, Beverly Hillbillies, Beastie Boys and the Black Eyed Peas

Public Spectacle: 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

 

Josh Q. Public:   I feel nice.  Like sugar and ####e.  I feel nice.  Like sugar and ####e.  So nice.  So nice.  I got you.  -James Brown

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  This feel good story just feels gooder and gooder all the time.  You know the story.  Uncle Ricky, will you read us a bedtime story?  Please, huh, please?  All right, you kids get to bed, I’ll get the storybook.  Ya’ll Tucked in?  Here we go…Once upon a time, not long ago, where people wore pajamas and lived life slow…Oh, sorry.  Wrong story.  The Josh Hamilton story.  Athens Drive High School.  Raleigh, North Carolina.  Pitcher and outfielder.  As a pitcher he was clocked consistently at 95 mph.  As an outfielder he was considered the quintessential five-tool player.  Relax, all right?  My old man is a television repairman, he’s got this ultimate set of tools.  I can fix it. With the first overall pick in the 1999 MLB draft, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays select Josh Hamilton.  First overall pick ahead of Josh Beckett.  Led the rookie league Hudson Valley Renegades.  Led them to their first and only New York-Penn League championship.  Then there was the car accident.  Then there were lingering back and shoulder injuries.  Then there were the drugs.  Then there were the twenty-six tattoos.  More drugs.  Suicide attempts.  More drugs.  Sex and drugs and rock and roll is all my brain and body need.  Sex and drugs and rock and roll are very good indeed.  Missed four years of organized baseball to become a coke and crack addict.   Now look at him.  Take a look at the bad guy.  Make way for the bad guy.  There’s a bad guy comin’ through!  Better get outta his way!  Better get out of Josh Hamilton’s way.  The Natural drove in four runs last night.  The Natural had his thirteenth multiple-RBI game of the season last night.  That gives the Natural a major-league leading forty-three base knocks.  That gives the Natural the most multiple-RBI games in the show.  A lean mean RBI machine.  Last April, he was named the National League’s Rookie of the Month.  This April, he was recognized as the American League Player of the Month.  He just gets better and better.  Marlon Byrd:  “Josh is a freak.  A phenom.  He’s going to do some wonderful things.”  He already is, although Josh may disagree.  Hamilton:  “I just don’t feel like I’ve put everything together yet.  I don’t feel like I’ve had a game where I’ve done everything.”  Yikes!  The kid already has the skillset of an absolute superstar.  Live larges.  A big house.  Five cars.  He’s in charge.  Ten years from now,  when I’m talking about Josh Hamilton, I’ll be talking about his superstardom.  Not the remarkable backstory.

Public Acknowledgements:  Slick Rick, Fast Times At Ridgemont High, Ian Drury, Scarface, Roy Hobbs and Cypress Hill

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

Josh Q. Public:  Down…The paint is peelin’.  Now…When the chips are down.  Down…You gotta lose all feelin’.  Now…when the chips are down.  Down…Your head goes round ‘n’ round.  -Terror Squad

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  I love baseball.   I never got to bat in the major leagues.  I would have liked to have had that chance.  Just once.  To stare down a big league pitcher.  To stare him down, and just as he goes into his windup, wink.  Make him think you know something he doesn’t.  That’s what I wish for.  Chance to squint at a sky so blue that it hurts your eyes just to look at it.  To feel the tingling in your arm as you connect with the ball.  To run the bases - stretch a double into a triple, and flop face-first into third, wrap your arms around the bag.  That’s my wish, Ray Kinsella.  That’s my wish.  And is there enough magic out there in the moonlight to make this dream come true?  Yes there is, Archie.  Yes there is.  The 200 men representing eight cities will create enough magic to make all our dreams true.  MLB baseball.  MLB Playoff baseball.  It’s why we hung around so long.  We hung around so long to hear stuff like: There’s a long drive… It’s gonna be, I believe….. The Giants win the pennant!  The Giants win the pennant!  The Giants win the pennant!  The Giants win the pennant! WAHOO!  Bobby Thomson hits into the lower deck, of the left field stands!  The Giants win the pennant, and they’re goin’ crazy! They’re goin’ crazy! Heeeey-oh!  We hung around so long to hear stuff like:  Deep to left! Yastrzemski will not get it — it’s a home run!  A three-run home run for Bucky Dent and the Yankees now lead by the score of 3-2!  Bucky Dent has just hit his fourth home run of the year and look at that Yankees bench out to greet him.  We hung around so long to hear stuff like:  Ortiz into deep right field, back is Sheffield, we’ll see you later tonight!  What kind of stuff are we gonna hear this year?

Rockies Phillies:  September 13.  The Rockies leave the City Of Brotherly Love after a two game split.  Even Steven.  Kissing your sister.  Yichhh!  So, we meet again?  Meet again three weeks and two incredible stories later.  The Rockies and the Fighting Phills will attempt to prolong their epic dramas in a best-of-five National League Division Series.  So what will we hear?  Will we hear:  Matt Holliday!  That ball is going and it ain’t coming back!   Matt Holliday.  MVP!  MVP!  MVP!  Matt Holliday.  The hero of the play-in game.  The one for everything.  For all the marbles.  All the starbles.  All the Yougoslavian Dinarbles.  All the come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarbles.  Matt Holliday capped his superstar season by obliterating twelve years of futility and irrelevancy.  Is that what we’ll hear?  Or will we hear this:  Swing…and a long drive, watch this baby, outta here!  Home run.  Jimmy Rollins.  The real MVP!  MVP!  MVP!  The Mets had a chance to win the World Series last year.  Last year is over.  I think we are the team to beat in the NL East, finally.  Jimmy talked the talk.  Jimmy walked the walk.  These cleats are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do.  One of these days these cleats are gonna walk all over you.  I say these cleats walk all over the Rockies.

Diamondbacks Cubs:  The Diamondbacks posted the best record in the National League.  The Cubs are the team everybody’s pulling for.  The Diamondbacks won ninety games.  Nobody knows how they expect to compete against the Cubs.  That’s why they play the games.  So what will it be?  Will it be:  Long drive…way back…warning track…wall…you can touch em’ all, Jeff Sazlazar.  Huh?  Jeff Slalazar?  Yup.  Jeff Salazar.  Reserve outfielder Jeff Salazar.  Pinch hitting Jeff Salazar.  Bernie Carbo style.  Jeff Salazar saved the season.  Saved the season back on September 10.  Scratched from the lineup because of a sore ankle, Salazar came on to deliver a pinch-hit three-run bomb in the ninth inning to give Arizona a 5-3 win at San Francisco.  That pinch-hit three-run bomb solidified the season for the Baby Backs.  And it’s contributions like that, from everybody, that make these guys what they are.  A T-E-A-M.  Nine players on the field functioning as one single unit: team, team, team - no one more important that the other.  Or might we hear this:  That ball is driven way back…outta here!  Derrek Lee!  2006 was not a very good year for Lee.  Broken wrist.   Cubs go 19-40 in his absence.  His three-year-old daughter was diagnosed with Leber’s congenital amaurosis, a rare genetic disease resulting in loss of vision.  This year’s been a lot better.  Batted over .400 for most of the first two months of the season.  The heart and power of the Cubs line-up.  Late season power surge.   If Lee gets going, like he was two seasons ago, there’s no one on the other team that can match him.  He has the ability to put this team on his back and carry them to the next round by himself.  That being said, I like the D-Backs here. 

Yankees Indians:  Three of the four highest-payroll teams in the American League will be in the playoffs. The fourth playoff team ranks second-to-last in payroll in the AL.  That fourth team is the Indians.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have no problems with spending.  None.  But What Mark Shapiro did with this team is nothing short of remarkable.  Nothing.  What will we hear in this one?  Will it be this:  Swing and a drive, deep to center, a WAAAAAAAAAAAAY back - GONE!  Trot Nixon!  Yup.  Old friend Trot.  Bo may know some things.  Bo knows this.  What?  And Bo knows that.  What?  But Bo don`t know jack, cause Bo can`t rap.  Bo may know this and that, but Trot knows the Yankees.  For eight years of his career he played against them nineteen times a season as a member of the Red Sox.  The Yankees went 6-0 against the Indians during the regular season.  Nixon hit .429 against them.  Something to think about.  Or will we hear this: Swung on and there it goes!  That ball is high! It is far!  It is…Gone!  An A-Bomb.  From A-Broad!  A-Broad’s Yankees legacy depends on it. He was the man during the regular season.  A rock at third base.  A nightmare in the heart of the New York order.  But if he does nothing in this post-season, none of it matters.  You saw what happened last fall.  Last fall, Rodriguez stumbled and bumbled through the division series against Detroit.  Stumbled and bumbled and got dropped in the order.  I don’t see that happening this year.  I don’t see the Yankees winning either.

Red Sox Angels:  Saving the best for last.  Last year, no soup for us!  This year, I couldn’t be happier.  But happy doesn’t pay the piper.  Happy doesn’t feed the baby.  Happy doesn’t walk the dog.  The Sox went wire to wire in the division.  We need them to go wire to wire in the post season.  Anything else is failure.  We need to hear:  …swing and there it goes…light tower power for Manny Ramirez!  We need Manny to be Manny.  We know what Big Papi will do.  What Big Papi always does.  But we need Manny.  He is a difference maker.  An earth quaker.  A pitcher shaker.  We need him, and I think we’ll get him.  I don’t need to hear this:  And the halo shines tonight!  Oh my!  I don’t need to see Vladdy shine tonight or any other night.  He strikes fear in the heart of men.  Strikes fear in every part of men.  Strikes fear in the Rene Descartes of men.  I’m hoping against hope fear strikes out.  I’m hoping he is as ####ed up as I hope he is.  I’m picking the Sox.  Anything else would be blasphemy.

Public Acknowledgements:  Field of Dreams, Russ Hodges, Bill White, Joe Buck, Rocky Mountain News, Jeff Kingery, Clockwork Orange, Harry Kalas, Nancy Sinatra, Greg Schulte, Hoosiers, Len Kasper, Cleveland Plain Dealer, Tom Hamilton, Tribe Called Quest, John Sterling, Jerry Trupiano, #### Enberg and Jimmy Piersall

Public Spectacle: 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Guess it’s over, call it a day.  Sorry that it had to end this way.  No reason to pretend, we knew it had to end some day, this way.  -Johnny Mathis

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Boy oh boy!  Ha ha ha!  Does it get any better than this?  Huh?  Does it?  If you’re a Boston fan, it does not.  This is great!  Great, I tell you.  First the Patriots go out and grab Adalius Thomas and Randy Moss.  Then the Celtics acquire Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett.  And now this?  Stanley, see this?  This is this.  This ain’t something else.  This is this.  From now on, you’re on your own.  Yup, from now on, the rest of the baseball world is on their own.  The Boston Red Sox just made themselves the team to beat.  Punks jump up to get beat down!  All I can say is, if you’re playing the Sox, don’t be trailing going into the sixth.  Don’t do it.  Don’t go to bed, with no price on your head.  No, no, don’t do it.  Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time.  Yeah, don’t do it.  ’Cause if you do, if you do, you’ll be trailing in the ninth.  The Red Sox just ended up with the best reliever on the market.  I’m all lost in the supermarket.  I can no longer shop happily.  I came in here for that special offer.  A guaranteed personality.  The Sox ended up with a guaranteed personality.  The Red Sox just ended up with Eric Gagne.  Woopy doopy!  Go Go Gophers style.  The best bullpen in baseball just got better.  Things are going great, and they’re only getting better.  I’m doing all right, getting good grades.  The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.  How about that?  How about this?  This is what Red Sox foes will have to face in the seventh, eighth and ninth.  Manny Delcarmen, Hideki Okajima, Gagne and Jonathan Papelbon.  Lawdy Miss Clawdy!  Abandon all hope ye who enter here.  Manny Delcarmen.  A local kid.  Boston Public Schools product.  Delcarmen throws heat.  Filthy heat.  95+ heat.  Not to mention a nasty inside outside curve.  Then comes Hideki Okajima.  The bestest little surprise to come out of Japan since the Walk-Man.  An All-Star in his first year.  Allowed a home run to John Buck on his very first pitch in the major leagues.  He then proceeded to hold opponents scoreless for nearly two months until the Yankees finally scored a run off of a cheap fielder’s choice courtesy of A-Broad spiking Dustin Pedroia in May.  Okie’s just been lights out.  Boom boom!  Out go the lights.  Next up, the new guy.  Eric Gagne.  Once the greatest closer in all of baseball.  But then came the injuries.  Then came surgeries.  The doctors took out eighty-five percent of Gagne’s L-4 and L-5 vertebrae last summer.  The doctors performed surgery on his pitching elbow last summer.  And now he’s back.  Back on track.  Back on the attack like a power pack.  So far this season, Gagné is 2-0 with 16 saves and a 2.16 earned run average in 33 innings.  29 Ks to boot.  His fastball may not be as fast as it once was but his change up is still as gross as ever.  And that spells trouble.  Trouble, oh we got trouble.  Right here in River City!  With a capital T.  That rhymes with P.  That stands for Pap.  The best closer in the free world.  Wild thing.  You make my heart sing.  You make everything groovy.  Theo just made everything groovier.  Roll Sox roll!  World Series, here we come!  How sweet it is!

Public Acknowledgements:  Deer Hunter, Bran Nubian, The Clash, Timbuk 3, Little Richard, Little Walter, Music Man, The Throggs and Jackie Gleason

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Everytime I think I had enough, I start heading for the door.  There’s a very strange vibration that pierces me right to the core.  It says turn around you fool.  Never can say goodbye.  -Michael Jackson

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Just a quickie today.  Just a little Rickey today.  Seems he’s a little home sickie today.  Home sickie for baseball.  Like Buck Weaver always says:  You get out there, and the stands are full and everybody’s cheerin’. It’s like everybody in the world come to see you.  And inside of that there’s the players, they’re yakkin’ it up.  The pitcher throws and you look for that pill… suddenly there’s nothing else in the ballpark but you and it.  Sometimes, when you feel right, there’s a groove there, and the bat just eases into it and meets that ball.  When the bat meets that ball and you feel that ball just give, you know it’s going to go a long way.  Damn, if you don’t feel like you’re going to live forever.  Rickey Henderson feels like he’s going to live forever.  Remember my name.  Fame!  I’m gonna live forever.  Rickey Henderson was the greatest leadoff hitter to ever hike up his stirrups.  He may not be in baseball’s all-time outfield, but if you were filling in your all-time lineup card, there’s no question that Henderson is at the top of the order.   I’m A number one, top of the list, king of the hill, top of the heap.   And now, Rickey wants more.  With a rebel yell, he screams more, more, more!  He said Sunday, Cooperstown can wait.  He said Sunday, he’d give up the Hall altogether to play one more time.  One more time, we’re gonna celebrate.  Yeah.  Oh yeah.  All right.  Don’t stop the dancing.  Rickey doesn’t want to stop the dancing.  He wants to play the entire month of September for Oakland.  Heck, he’d even settle on riding the pine just to be a member of the team.  Rickey just wants to play ball.  Let them Play!  Let them play!  Let Rickey play.  He’s the career leader in runs scored.  He’s the career leader in stolen bases.  He is second behind Barry Bonds in walks.  He also has 3,055 career hits and 297 bombs.  He won the 1990 AL MVP award and made 10 All-Star games.  He won an AL Gold Glove in 1981 as an outfielder with Oakland.  And know this sports fans, Rickey is four months younger than Mets infielder Julio Franco.   In my heart you’ll always stay forever young.  Rickey’s toiled for the Newark Bears.  In ninety-one games he had a .462 obp, more than twice as many walks as strikeouts and stole thirty-seven bases while being caught only twice.  Rickey’s toiled for the San Diego Surf Dawgs.  In the Surf Dawgs’ and the Golden Baseball League’s inaugural season, Rickey helped his team to the league championship.  In seventy-three games, he had a .456 obp, seventy-three walks while striking out a paltry 43 times.  And of course, the obligatory sixteen steals while being caught only twice.  So I say, Let him play!  Let him play!  What could it hurt?

Public Acknowledgements:  Eight Men Out, Fan Nation, USA Today, Coco, Frank Sinatra, Billy Idol, Daft Punk, Bad News Bears and Rod Stewart.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did. 
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid.  -Elton John

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Like my main man Mark Twain always says: ”The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”  The rumors of Ken Griffey Jr’s death has been greatly exaggerated.  Don’t call it a comeback!  I been here for years. Rockin’ my peers and puttin’ suckas in fear.  Ken Griffey Jr’s been here for years.  Ken Griffey Jr’s been rockin’ his peers.  Puttin’ suckers in fear.  What’s the frequency Kenneth?  I’ll tell you what the frequency is.  Ken Griffey Jr. just hit his 569th career homer.  That’s what the frequency is.  He just moved into a tie for ninth place with Rafael Palmeiro.  That’s what the frequency is.  Just four back behind Harmon Killebrew. Fourteen back behind Mark McGwire. That’s what the frequency is. Griffey has been on a tear since the Red Legs moved him back into his accustomed third spot in the order.   Since the Red Legs moved him back into his accustomed third spot in the order, Griffey has hit safely in seven of eight games.  Hit four bombs.  I am the rock hard trooper.  To the bone, the bone, the bone.  Full grown.  Consider me stone.  I’m louder than a bomb.  He was louder than a bomb when he was selected with the first overall pick by the Seattle Mariners.  Louder than bomb tearing it up his rookie year.  Rookie of the Yearing it up.  Then it happened.  Then the first of many.  Griff slipped in the shower and broke a bone in his right hand.  He got knocked down.  But he got up again.  You’re never going to keep him down.  Throughout the nineties he was a beast.  The high priest.  The best from West to East.  Junior was arguably the best player of the decade.  Cashing that checkade.  A one man wreckade.  He produced runs.  He hit for average.  He hit over .300 in seven years of the ‘90s.  He hit for power.  It’s gettin’ it’s gettin’ it’s gettin’ kinda hectic.  He’s got the power.  He smashed 422 bombs during the decade.  He was the best center fielder of the decade.  Gold Gloves from 1990 to 1999.  Great range.  Sick range.  Home, home on the range. Where the deer and the antelope play. Diving plays.  Spectacular plays.  Say Hey Kid plays.  Wheaties boxes.  Knock off your sockses.  Bagels and loxes.  He was the man. He won games with his legs.  Saving baseball in Seattle with his legs. You remember.  You remember Game Five versus the Bombers.  Series even at two apiece.  Bottom of the 11th against the Bombers.  Junior on first.  Edgar with the hit.  Hit it just a little bit.  Hit it lickety split.  There goes Griff.  He…could…go…all…the…way.  He does!  He does!  He scores from first base!  Mariners win!  Mariners win!  Then he moved to Cincinnati.  Then the injury bug hit.  The injury bug hit hard.  From 2001 through 2004, Junior was plagued by an endless string of injuries.  Season-ending injuries.  The injuries lowered his bat speed, lessened his power and curbed his home run production.  He slugged only .426 before going down in 2002.  His lowest output in seven years.  He’s never been the same.  A candle without a flame.  The glory gone out of his game.  But not so fast.  He’s back.  Back again.  Griffey’s back.  Tell a friend.  Yup, Griffey’s back.  Tell a friend.  Tell ‘em the Public sent ya.

Public Acknowledgements:  LL Cool J, REM, Associated Press, The Cincinnati Enquirer, Wikipedia, Public Enemy, Rex Trailer, Snap and Eminem.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  I’ve been beat up.   I’ve been thrown out.   But, I’m not down.  I’m not down.  I’ve been shown up.  But, I’ve grown up.  And I’m not down.  I’m not down.  -Clash

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Just a fast one today.  A blast from the past one today.  At long last one today.  Eric Gagne.  Once the greatest closer in all of baseball.  But then came the injuries.  Then came surgeries.   You want to trust the doctors.  Their procedure is the best.  But the last try was a failure.  And the intern was a mess.  Gagne was a mess.  Gagne was a mess last summer.  He thought it might be over last summer.  Greer is putting the ball in play.  He gets it out deep and Havlicek steals it! Over to Sam Jones!  Havlicek stole the ball!  It’s all over…It’s all over!  Johnny Havlicek stole the ball!  The doctors took out eighty-five percent of Gagne’s L-4 and L-5 vertebrae last summer.  The doctors performed surgery on his pitching elbow last summer.  With all of that, the Texas Rangers still took out a six-million dollar flier on this cat.  You can’t beat that with a bat.  You can get with this or you can get with that.  You can get with this or you can get with that.  You should get with this, ’cause this is where its at.  Eric Gagne’s where it’s at.  Eric Gagne.  Closer.  A man barely alive.  Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.  We have the technology.  Better than he was before.  Better, stronger, faster.  Better than he was a before?  Now that’s a tough bill to fill.  A climb all uphill.  But he’s got the skill.  The skills to pay the bills.  Had the skills to save fifty-two games in his first season as a closer.   Had the skills to save fifty-five out of fifty-five the following year.  Fifty-five saves lives.  That made him the first pitcher to ever record fifty saves in more than one season.  It also made him the fastest pitcher to ever reach the 100-save plateau.  Faster than a speeding bullet.  More powerful than a locomotive.  Powerful enough to convert eighty-four consecutive save chances.  Another major league record.  Powerful enough to convert 161 out of 167 chances.  Yowza!  Earned himself the Rolaids Relief Man of the Year Award.  How do you spell relief?  G-a-g-n-e.  Became the first relief pitcher in eleven years to win the Cy.  Hey hey my my!  Rock and roll will never die.  It doesn’t look like Eric Gagne’s gonna die either.  Not yet.  Saddle your ponies you bet!   Eric Gagne walked onto a major league mound for the first time in more than ten months last night.  Eric Gagne pitched a scoreless ninth inning including a strikeout of Ichiro last night.  Eric Gagne earned his second save in twenty-two months last night.  Oscar Goldman would have  been proud last night.

Public Acknowledgements:  The Clash, REM, Johnny Most, Black Sheep, Yahoo Sports, The Associated Press, Steve Austin, Beastie Boys, Wikipedia, Superman, Neil Young and Rowdy Roddie Piper.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even! 

 

Josh Q. Public:  I keep working my way back to you babe, with a burning love inside.  I’m working my way back to you babe, with a happiness that died.  I let it get away.  Payin’ every day.  -Frankie Vali

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans?  The 1951 Giants did it.  They came back.  They came back from thirteen games down.  Thirteen games down to cross town rivals, Dem Bums.  The hated Brooklyn Dodgers.  Came back, and won the National League Pennant.  The Shot Heard Round the World.  The Giants win the pennant and they’re going crazy. They’re going crazy, I don’t believe it, I don’t believe it, I will not believe it!  The 1964 Cardinals did it.  They came back.  They came all the way back from seventh place.  The Redbirds were 28-31 when they acquired Lightning Lou Brock for Ernie Broglio.  The immortal Ernie Broglio.  The rest, they say, is history.  The Redbirds acquired Lightning Lou Brock and eventually won the NL Pennant.  The Redbirds acquired Lightning Lou Brock  and eventually won the NL Pennant and the World Series.  The heat was on back in 1964.  I hate to do this but, the Bombers did it too.  The Bronx Zoo Yankees of 1978 stormed back.  Stormin’ Norman Scwarzkopffed back.  Stormin’ Norman Scwarzkopffed from fourteen back in the standings to eventually force a heartbreaker.  A heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker.  Don’t you mess around with me!  Heartbreaker of a tiebreaker against my beloved Red Sox.  Sure it’s a little harsh…but, here.  Cannonball it, cannonball!  Cannonball comin’ through, cannonball!  The 2004 Red Sox.  They came back.  Down 0-3.  Cannonball Dave Roberts.  Cannonball Curt Schilling.  Cannonball Big Papi.  Cannonball Cave Man.  Cannonball the greatest comeback of all time.  Those comebacks were about great teams.  Those comebacks were about great memories. They were special.  Orange Blossom Special, rollin’ down the seaboard line.  Today we’re gonna talk about a different kind of comeback.  Individual comebacks.  Captain Comebacks.  Jim Harbaugh style.  A different kind of special.  Nomah special.  Big Hurt special.  Rickey Henderson special.  Brett Saberhagen special.  Bo Jackson special.  Comeback Player of the Year special.  Ridin’ the range once more.  Totin’ my old .44.  Back in the saddle again.  Whoopi-ty-aye-oh, rockin’ to and fro.  Back in the saddle again.  Whoopi-ty-aye-yay, I go my way.  Back in the saddle again. 

The Indians believe Jhonny Peralta will  be back in the saddle again.  Yup, Jhonny.  Make sure you spell it right.  The Tribe thinks he will bounce back.  Bounce back in a big way.  Bounce back by April Fool’s Day.  Bounce back to the .886 OPS Jhonny Peralta of 2005.  Back when he was glad to be alive.  Back before he took a dive.  Back before he was an adventure in the field.  Back when he batted .292 with twenty-four bombs and seventy-eight RBIs.  All Indians records for a shortstop.  In the off season of ‘05-06, Jhonny grew two inches.  Had a tough time adjusting.  But he’s ok now.  He worked hard this winter in Cleveland.  Peralta also had LASIK surgery to correct his vision.  I remember hearing the same thing about Greg Vaughn one season.  Then he went out and hit 50 dings with the Padres.  Jhonny’s back in the saddle again.  Quick Jhonny Peralta fun fact:  The unusual spelling of his first name is attributed to a clerical error on his birth certificate.  He has refused to have it changed.

Brad Lidge will be back in the saddle again.  Teammate Brad Ausmus seems to think so: “By the end of the season, he developed confidence in his two-seamer (sinking fastball) and it will carry over.  It is a very good pitch for him, because it doesn’t sink straight down; it bores in on right-handed hitters and makes his slider that much more effective.  He will be fine.”   I think so too.  Will he be Light Out once again?  Is he still reeling from the Phat Albert Pujols home run in the ‘05 NLCS?   He still has the stuff.  He’s still tough enough.  He’s still up to snuff.  If he can harness that fastball, that is.  Time to play the game!  Time to bring the pain!  Time to get back in the saddle again!  Quick Brad Lidge fun fact:  Lidge is the all-time leader in strikeouts-per-nine-innings (12.98) among pitchers with at least 200 appearances in their career.

Derrek Lee, Chicago Cubs.  He should be back in the saddle again.  The wrist injury took this superstar from forty-six to eight jacks.  From one-hundred and one to seventeen extra-base hits.  Now he’s healthy.  Now he has thunder around him.  Now it’s time to bring the lightning.  The last time Derrek Lee was healthy for a full season, he had a higher batting average than Phat Albert Pujols.  He had more doubles than Pujols.  He had more triples than Pujols.  He had more bombs and had a higher OPS than Pujols.  Can he better than Pujols this year?  I dunno about all that.  I don’t know if he’s all that phat.  I dunno if he’s phatter than that phat cat.  I do know, he’ll be back in the saddle again.  Quick Derrek Lee fun fact:  Derrek Lee received a full-ride scholarship offer from the University of North Carolina to play basketball.

Rich Harden  has the ability to win a Cy Young.  I’m not just flinging dung.  Not speaking in tongues.  Harden has a 30-16 career mark with overpowering stuff.  Mighty stuff.  Marvelous stuff.  Monumental stuff.  Mind blowing stuff.  Magnificent stuff.  But his physical problems have taken him from thirty-one to nineteen to nine starts in three years.  Word has it he’s now fit as a fiddle.  A Stradivarius.  With Big Barry Planet Zito gone, the A’s need Rich Harden.  They need his ghost pitch to be most Caspery.  At this point in the spring, Harden is throwing only fastballs and changeups, and he’s dominating.  He just struck out five of the last six hitters he faced and tossed two scoreless innings in his team’s 4-3 win over the San Diego Padres.  A’s fans gotta love that.  They gotta love the fact he’s back in the saddle again.  Quick Rich Harden fun fact:  Harden began the 2003 season with Midland, and in 2 games, he had a 2-0 record and pitched 13 perfect innings, striking out 17 along the way.

Coco Crisp will be riding high in the saddle again.  Crisp hurt his hand the first week of the season last year.  Crisp was playing with a little bit of fear.  Never really got out of second gear.  Never returned to to full form.  Never hit fastballs the way he once could.  Now he’s all healed up.  Now, with Julio Lugo on board, he can bat in a more comfortable spot in the two or eight spot.  Now he can get hot.  Hot as the Minnesota Vikings’ yacht.  Now, he can be Coco Crisp, not just Johnny Damon’s replacement.  Now, he’s back in the saddle again.  Quick Coco Crisp fun fact:  Coco's real name is Covelli Loyce Crisp.

Eric Gagne, Texas.  Eric Ggne’s back in the saddle again.  I know, I know.  I know he’s only thrown fifteen and a third innings the last two years.  But with his gigantic heart.  With his gigantic heart and giganticker changeup.  With his gigantic heart, giganticker change and the gigantickest of breaking balls, he’s back in the saddle.  Bigger than big, taller than tall.  Quicker than quick, stronger than strong. Ready to fight for right, against wrong.  Gigantor, Gigantor, Gigantor.  If he can throw eighty-nine to ninety-three, he can be a young Trevor Hoffman.  Deja vu all over again.  Can he go fifty-five for fifty-five again?  Can he go eighty-four for eighty-four for again?  Can he throw for an incredible 1.20 ERA, 137 Ks and 20 walks in 82 1/3 innings pitched again?  Probably not.  Who could?  He can ride back in the saddle again.  Game over!   Quick Eric Gagne fun fact:  Gagne and catcher Russell Martin became the first French-Canadian-born battery in a MLB game.

Honorable Mentions:  Hideki Matsui, Jason Varitek, A-Broad- if you can call it a comeback, Randy Johnson, Pedro, Bartolo Colon, Armando Benitez, Nick Johnson, Todd Helton, Barry Bonds, Zack Geinke, Bobby Crosby, Carl Pavano, Jason Isringhausen, Hank Blalock, Brad Wilkerson, Rany Wolf, Jon Lester- I hope he does it, I hope he does it!, Jason Kubel, Darin Erstad, Jeremy Hermidia, Ben Sheets, Aaron Rowand, Mike Hampton.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  The tip’s get clocked, baby.  The bond’s get stocked.  My style gets rocked.  Just like doors get knocked.  With legendary status, like my name’s Lou Brock.  -Everlast

Public Service Announcement:  OK here we go!  Here it comes.  Here comes baseball.  Like my main man Joey D always says:  “You look forward to it like a birthday party when you’re a kid.  You think something wonderful is going to happen.”  I’m looking forward to it.  I think something wonderful is going to happen.  I live for this.  What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans?  I loved Lou Brock.  Put you in shock.  Stealing bases around the clock.  A virtuoso like my main man Johann Sebastian Bach.  I loved Tommy Harper.  I loved Rock Raines.  I loved Willie Wilson.  Looking good in those baby blues.  Faster than Deja Vu.  Quicker than any cheetah in a zoo.  I loved Firecracker Vince Coleman.  I loved Willie Mays Hayes.  The American Express Card.  Don’t steal home without it.  I loved Rickey Henderson.  Probably the best lead-off hitter I’ve ever seen.  The best base stealer there’s ever been.  These are the cats with steals.  These are the cats with the wheels.  These are the cats as fast as Ferrari automobiles.  Joe Morgan once said:  “A good base stealer should make the whole infield jumpy.”   So that’s what we want to know.  Who in 2007 makes the whole infield jumpy?

Jose Reyes makes infields jumpy.  Maybe the best in baseball.  Reigning two-time National League champ.  Fresh off his first All-Star season.  The first player in baseball history to have more than 63 steals, 120 runs, 192 hits and 19 homers in a single season.  The first player since Marquis Grissom to exceed sixty steals in consecutive seasons.  In his short time with the New York Mets, he already ranks fifth all time.  Jose Reyes:  the hand shaking, base taking, record breaking, stolen base king.

Hanley Ramirez makes guys jumpy.  Why can’t we get guys like that?  Guys quick as a cat.  Stealing second just like that.  Getting down those base paths in no time flat.  Rookie of the Year last year.  Leading all rookies last year with fifty-one stolen bases.   The first NL rookie to post 110-plus runs and 50-plus stolen bases in a season.  The fifth big-league ball player since 1900 to hit 45-plus doubles and have 50-plus stolen bases.  His future’s so bright, the fans call him Shadez. 

Carl Crawford makes folks jumpy.  Former two-time American League champ.  Get the papers, get the papers.  Second leading base stealer over the last five years.  Last year, he had three stolen bases in two straight games. Prior to Crawford, the last three players to steal at least three bases in consecutive games were Luis Castillo in 2000, Rickey Henderson in 1983, 1988 and 1993 and Amos Otis in 1975.   Crawford became only the eighth player in history to get 200 stolen bases before his 25th birthday.  On that same day, he also stole home.  Jackie Robinson style.  Last year, Carl Crawford became the first player to collect five hits and four stolen bases in a game since Rickey Henderson did it for the Yankees on April 11, 1988.  Carl Crawford giving folks a reason to believe down in Tampa.

Juan Pierre makes infields jumpy.  Another two-time National League champ.  Get the papers, get the papers.   The leading base stealer in the 2000’s with 210.  The leading base stealer over the last five years.  Stole at least 45 bases each year from 2001 to 2006.  With the Portland Rockies of the Northwest League, Juan won the stolen base title in his first professional season.  Give him a reason.  Say he won’t, and I’ll call it treason.  Stealing his way through the baseball season.  

Ichiro make cats jumpy.  Yes, the hitting machine.  Making infielders as jumpy as a Mexican jumping bean.  Stealing bases is part of his routine.  Last year, Ichiro’s 33 consecutive stolen bases surpassed the American League record set by Willie Wilson in 1980.  Last year, Ichiro stole 45 bases.  Good enough for 3rd in the AL.  Good enough for 7th in the Majors.  Ichiro, good enough for me.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  I’m the king of rock, there is none higher, sucker MC’s should call me sire.  To burn my kingdom, you must use fire.  I won’t stop rockin’ till I retire.  -Run DMC

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  It’s that time of year again.  Spring is almost here again.  Time to stand up and cheer again.  Go to the old ball park and swill eight dollar beer again.  I love it.  I live for this. The one constant through all the years has been baseball.  America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers.  It’s been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again.  But baseball has marked the time.  Terence Mann style.  I can’t wait.  I’ve got that anticipation.  Need my instant gratification.  Enough of this procrastination.  Give me that intoxication.  Card carrying member of Red Sox Nation.  I can’t wait to see this D-Nice character pitch.  Gy-ro-mite!  JJ Evans style.  I can’t wait for the all those damned Yankees games.  I can’t wait for those steamy August nights, sitting on the back patio.  Listening to the game on my transistor radio.  Sipping on my champagne and lemonadio. Sure I’m a Sox fan, but I like some other guys.  I like Jose Reyes.  I like the Big Hurt.  I like Grady Sizemore.  I like Ryan Howard.  And I like King Felix Hernandez.

Felix Abraham Hernandez.  King Felix.  El Cartuela.  The Badass.  He throws heat.  Scalding heat.  Torrid heat.  Smoking heat.  Blistering heat.  Flaming heat.  Rapid Robert Feller heat.  Nolan Ryan heat.  JR Richard heat.  Heat clocked at over 100 mph.  At fourteen he was throwing ninety-four.  Yowza!  He throws a big ole bender.  He throws a nasty change.  He throws a slider so deadly, so disgusting, so filthy, so grotesque, so repugnant, so revolting, that the Mariners rarely allow him to use it out of concern that it might injure his arm. 

At the beginning of 2005, at the ripe old age of nineteen, Baseball America listed him as the No. 1 pitching prospect in baseball.  With the Triple-A Tacoma Rainiers, the King led the league with a 2.25 ERA.  The King threw 100 strikeouts in just 88 innings.  The King was selected for the Triple-A All-Star Game.  The King was named the Pacific Coast League Rookie of the Year and Pitcher of the Year.  On top of the world looking down on creation.  After battling back from injury, El Cartuela was called up in early August of 2005.  Time to get it into gear.  Long live the King, the King is here.  At 19 years, 118 days, he was the youngest pitcher to appear in the major leagues since José Rijo came up with the Yankees back in 1984.  His start has been lackluster at best.  He’s been out of shape.  It wasn’t until the midpoint of last season that we saw the real King.  Pitching with zing.  Back in full swing.  In full swing hurling his first career shutout.  In full swing hurling a five-hitter against the Angels that saw him burn through just 95 pitches.  In full swing with a 2.93 strikeout-to-walk ratio, 176 Ks in 191 innings and a 2.39 groundball-fly ball ratio.  

The King is in shape now.  No more screwing around now.  It’s all business now.  Growed folks business.  Baseball business.  Major League Baseball business.  The Big Show.  No more Sloppy Joe.  More like Lou Ferrigno.  He gets it.  He picked up some smarter eating habits.  He’s been hitting the weights.  He’s looking great.  King of the Evergreen State.  He showed up to camp weighing 20 pounds less than last year.  So have no fear.  The King will persevere.  This will be his year.  No more worrying about conditioning.  Time to focus on the basics.  The ABCs.  Easy as one two three.  Do re me.  Time to focus on pitching.  The 20-year-old right-hander threw so hard the other day, so electric, that catcher Rene Rivera had trouble even getting his mitt on the ball.  The last pitch busted threw his webbing.  If Felix keeps this up, considering the very solid middle-infield defense they have over there in Seattle, mugs are going to have a hard time getting on base against this cat.  Manager Mike Hargrove:  ”Felix is one of those guys that come along once in a blue moon…He’s special.”   Cy Young special.  Yup, it’s almost baseball season and I can’t wait.  I live for this.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!