While I think Mike Holmgren is a pretty solid coach, I’ve always felt he was a bit overrated (before the Super Bowl, one of the common stories was about the tremendous job Holmgren has done since he gave up personnel responsibilities).  Sunday’s performance did nothing to change my mind. 

            But after I recently read about Holmgren’s motivational techniques, my opinion of him dropped another couple of notches.  Apparently, in an attempt to inspire his players, Holmgren showed the team $73,000 – the winner's share – in $1 bills the Saturday night before the Super Bowl, according to The New York Post.  The loser’s share is $38,000.

            Does this make sense to anyone?  This just seems absolutely insane to me.  Maybe I’m overreacting, but I can’t stop thinking that Holmgren is completely out of touch with reality.  These players are facing the biggest game of their lives, they’re already millionaires and can make history by bringing the first championship to Seattle – and Holmgren thinks that the extra $35,000 (the difference between the winning and losing) is the most important factor to the players.   

            The weird part is that Holmgren has won a championship before with the Green Bay Packers, so you would think he would make decisions based on past experience.  I’m trying to imagine Brett Favre, Antonio Freeman and LeRoy Butler sitting in the locker room, all of them smoking cigars and celebrating the fact that they were now $73,000 richer.  Granted, I wasn’t there, but I have a hard time believing that’s what happened.      

            Initially, I thought maybe Holmgren just didn’t give much thought to his speech so it turned out lame.  But that can’t be it – think about the effort it would take to get $73,000 in $1 bills on a Saturday.  You obviously just can’t do on the spur of the moment – a likely scenario is that he came up with the idea on Thursday, had someone get the money on Friday and then gave the speech on Saturday.  So even after three days, this still seemed like a good idea to Holmgren. 

            If I was a Seahawks fan, I would be concerned.  It’s not that I think the motivational speech is important because I think a lot of the rah-rah stuff is forgotten as soon as the game starts.  It’s just that it shows an amazing lack of common sense by the head coach who is supposed to lead your team to the promised land.  When you think about it, are you surprised that this man couldn’t figure out how to manage the clock (kick the field goal!) at the end of the game?        

            Um, that’s it.  Just wanted to let everyone know that Holmgren might be delusional.  

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             Last note on the Super Bowl: After the big game, I typically feel a little bummed out that football season is over.  But after all the whining from Seattle fans and the ridiculous rants of Pittsburgh fans, I’m sick of football.  I just want it to go away.  It’s like when I have a bad round of golf, I don’t care if I play for another month.  So thank you, Seahawks and Steelers fans, for providing such an excruciating experience – it is much easier to move on now.    

 

 

Did the NFL fix the Super Bowl? No, the refs were just horrible. 

I don't believe in the conspiracy theories because of one principle: risk/reward.  Bottom line: the risk of fixing games by the league is far too great.  If the NFL was caught doing that, it would be the greatest scandal in sports history and could cripple the league for years.  Do you think the league would risk all that just so that Jerome Bettis could win a championship?  Or just because Pittsburgh makes a better story?  No way, it’s not worth it. 

Trust me, as a Utah Jazz fan who watched Michael Jordan get all the calls in the playoffs, I've given it a lot of thought. 

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Did the refs cost the Seahawks the game?  Sort of.  Yes, it's true that great teams can overcome bad calls and Seattle didn't -- they're not a great team.  But neither is Pittsburgh.  If there were phantom penalties on the Willie Parker run and the pass play that set up the first Steelers’ touchdown, Pittsburgh doesn't win either. 

Seattle fans shouldn't complain because the Seahawks still had their chances to win it.  But Pittsburgh fans shouldn't be gloating, either, because the Steelers were flat-out lucky.  Just celebrate the title and thank your lucky stars that the officials had a Peyton Manning-like meltdown on the big stage, but don’t try to tell us that Pittsburgh was the better team on Sunday.  The only people who think that the penalty calls on the Seahawks were legitimate are Pittsburgh Steelers’ fans or people who thought the halftime show was great – either way, they’re both delusional.

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Does anything scream rock ‘n roll more than a 62-year-old man doing Jazzercise moves in a belly shirt?  I think not. 

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Why were all the people around the stage during the show wearing bright, neon-#### shirts?  It looked like a Wham! concert. 

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What was the deal with Al Michaels making a random Lake Placid reference at the start of the game?  “Do you believe in miracles? Yes!”  Yeah, yeah, you made a great call, Al.   But seriously, you’re probably been congratulated on that at least a million times.  You were even in the movie.  Do you really need to remind us again that you were there?

 

            I’ve always loved the Super Bowl, but there are definitely some ways to make it better.  If I could, these are first three things that I would change.    

Designate Las Vegas as the Permanent Super Bowl Site 

I’ve had many in-depth discussions about this, and, honestly, I’m still a little torn.  There is a spiteful part of me that loves that the Super Bowl is in Detroit.  Heck, I kind of wish it rotated between Detroit, Green Bay, and Duluth just so I knew I wasn’t missing anything by not being there. 

In the end, however, I’ve decided that the Super Bowl needs to be in Las Vegas every year – ultimately, it just makes too much sense. 

First of all, more than anything, the Super Bowl is a two-week party.  Obviously, there is no other city better equipped for a bash that lasts half a month.  People would go to Las Vegas just to be part of the festivities, even if they couldn’t get into the game.  When was the last time you heard of someone going to Detroit just to party?

Second, the players’ ability to handle Vegas becomes a story in its own right.  It is probably the only storyline that could hold fans’ attention for two weeks.  The drama that could potentially unfold each day would be mesmerizing.  In addition to a daily injury report, they would need to create a Las Vegas report: Owens – jailed for solicitation; Lewis – missing, last seen at Cheetah’s. 

Then factor in the potential effects of all the wild parties – inebriated players showing up to interview day; rampant dehydration during the game; the first time a player misses the Super Bowl because he simply couldn’t get out of bed – the possibilities are endless.

For example, think about the 1985 Chicago Bears, a team that everyone knew would crush the Patriots.  Now imagine if they had to spend two weeks in Vegas – it would have changed the entire complexion of that game.  How do you handicap that game when you know Jim McMahon is going to get a total of 13 hours of sleep in the final week? 

Of course, none of the above scenarios would apply to today’s Patriots since Belichick would just fly his players back to Utah every night.

The third reason to hold the Super Bowl in Vegas is because everyone in the stadium would have money on the game.  You know how much fun it is to be in the sports book with a couple hundred people on an NFL weekend?  Imagine being with 70,000 people who are betting the over/under.  You could have a 28-7 blowout in the 4th quarter and every fan would still be at the edge of his seat to see if his $100 on the 42.5 over was going to pay off.  The atmosphere would be absolutely electric. 

Lastly, on the night after the game, you have roughly 50 NFL players who have just won the Super Bowl and another 50 who just experienced the greatest disappointment in their lives.  And they are all in Vegas.  We could reach unprecedented levels of mayhem.  The report of this night would easily be the most anticipated story coming out of Super Bowl weekend.

I know what some people are going to say about this idea.  The NFL will never go for it.  The networks and sponsors will never go for it.  Even the Vegas casinos might not go for it (do you want your rooms filled with high rollers or the sports writer for the Cleveland Plain Dealer?).  But you know something, if they don’t like it, they can get their own blog.  Because around here, we’re going to Vegas, baby, Vegas. 

 

Allot More Tickets to the Real Fans

            One of the great sights of this year’s Rose Bowl was seeing half of the stadium dressed in Texas Burnt Orange and the other half in USC Cardinal and Gold.  But at the Super Bowl, the stands won’t be brimming with Steelers’ Black and Gold on one side and Seahawks’ aqua-blue puke color on the other.  

That’s because each team is allotted only 17.5 percent of the Super Bowl tickets, or a little less than 11,500 passes.  After all the mothers of the players’ children are given their tickets, there’s only around 8,500 seats left for the fans. 

The rest of the tickets are divvied up among other teams in the league and the NFL.  Most of these tickets are used for corporate sponsors and Mike Tice’s retirement fund.

Last year, USA Today reported that the median income for those who attended the Super Bowl was $125,000. So if you are looking for another reason to hate rich people, here it is – they’re at the Super Bowl and you aren’t.  (Of course, I probably shouldn’t encourage people to hate anyone, but the Internet is a place to rail against things that you find unjust, like rich people or Keanu Reeves’ career.  I also think it’s OK since rich people have their own place to degrade poor people – it’s called a country club.)

I realize that most people at the game are probably football fans.  But few of them have strong loyalties to either team – most are just rooting to see a good game.  While there’s nothing wrong with that (I would be the same way), it doesn’t lend itself to a particularly electric atmosphere.

It’s a little like when the NBA plays an exhibition game in Japan.  All the fans are excited and they’re cheering every play, but they couldn’t care less who wins the game.  It may be a fun atmosphere, but it doesn’t have the same intensity of a home crowd rooting on their team. 

            Obviously, there will always be a substantial number of corporate tickets, but it seems like the NFL should be able to release a few more thousand tickets to the diehard fans.  There are grown adults who paint their faces and bodies to show support for their team – just throw them another bone.  While I don’t understand them and, quite frankly, find them a little frightening, these people deserve to be at the game more than another suit. 

 

Musicians Who are Eligible for Social Security Cannot Perform at Halftime

            During the furor that immediately followed Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction, I remember thinking that the controversy would soon pass and it would become nothing more than a funny Super Bowl memory.  Of course, as usual, I was dead wrong. 

            One of my friends has called it the worst non-terrorism event in this country over the last 15 years.  He has three reasons: (1) It ruined any fantasies that he had about Janet Jackson, (2) It set off a chain of events that led to Howard Stern leaving free radio and (3) On a subconscious level, he is now disappointed any time he turns on the TV and doesn’t see nudity.

            You may or may not agree with him on those points.  But I will give you one more reason that he may be right: Halftime entertainment is becoming an absolute abomination. 

            As a result of Janet and Justin’s fiasco, one of last year’s requirements apparently was a musician who was not only uncontroversial, but also had the ability to suck the life out of a stadium full of people.  I present to you Paul McCartney. 

Don’t get me wrong, McCartney is an incredible musician able to put on amazing shows, during the Nixon administration.  I would say more about McCartney’s performance but I can’t – I feel too guilty knowing that I am ridiculing someone’s great-grandfather.  It would be no different than if I went to the local retirement center and teased the residents for having false teeth and artificial hips.

I was willing to give the NFL a pass since it was only a year after the Janet Jackson incident.  But now it’s time to move on – unfortunately, it’s clear that the NFL still hasn’t.

That’s why this year the Rolling Stones are performing at halftime.  I’m not exactly sure which target audience the NFL is trying to reach, but I’m pretty sure that most of them are dead.

Honestly, it’s a little sad to see how the Rolling Stones have sold out.  These guys were groundbreaking, rule breaking, and generally awesome in their heyday.  But now?  Well, now they’re sticking it to the man through multi-million dollar corporate sponsorships and $250 concert tickets.

I realize I run the risk of offending people who are Rolling Stones’ fans, so I just want to say two things to those people.  First, it isn’t that the Rolling Stones are a bad band – they’re one of the all-time greats.  They’re just not right for the Super Bowl, that’s all.  Second, who printed this story out for you?  Because I know you don’t know how to turn on the computer by yourself.

            To be completely honest, Super Bowl halftime shows have never been extremely entertaining.  There have been a few exceptions, such as U2’s performance.  I also enjoyed the years when the league copied the MTV Music Awards’ idea of pairing odd couples during presentations, like Mandy Moore and Marilyn Manson (undoubtedly one of the three most frightening experiences of Mandy’s young life, but if I’m honest, it would be in my top three, too). 

The only difference is that the NFL made the musicians actually perform together, which was a genius.  My favorite was Shania Twain, No Doubt and Sting.  The music wasn’t that great, but it was bizarre, which is a pretty good substitute for real entertainment.  

            I miss those days.  Again, halftime shows were never first-rate, but they were at least tolerable.  That’s all I’m looking for – a return to mediocrity.  Honestly, it would be a major step up.

 

 

 

 

For many football fans, the Super Bowl is reminiscent of Christmas as a child – waiting for the big day takes an eternity and when it finally does come, sometimes you find yourself thinking: “Is that it?”

This year the former will hold true – there is a two-week break between the Super Bowl and the conference championship games.  And if history serves as a future indicator, there is a good chance that fans will be disappointed Christmas morning, too. 

In the past 25 years, 19 Super Bowls have been played two weeks after the conference championship games.  In those games, the average margin of victory is 19 points.  Compare that to only an 11-point differential in games played with one week of rest. 

It should be noted that the last two Super Bowls have been decided by three points after a two-week layoff, so a longer break obviously doesn’t necessarily mean a bad game.  But when you look at the number of competitive games (decided by 10 points or less) over the years, it is clear that the last two contests have been unusual.  Only six of the 19 games with a two-week rest have been competitive, compared to four out of the six games following a one-week break.

While this small sample size wouldn’t be valid for any respectable statistician, the results make sense.  Even under normal circumstances, an extra week off can lead to teams getting a little out of sync.  During Super Bowl Week(s), the players are on a much bigger stage and can’t follow their normal routines.  Increase the amount of time they are exposed to intense media scrutiny, social obligations and other off-the-field distractions, and you increase the likelihood they don’t perform to their usual levels on game day.  Even if you don't believe in the statistics, it would be difficult to argue that a longer break produces better games.       

So if a shorter wait translates into a better game and happier fans, why doesn’t the NFL change it to one week?  Well, like many things in life, the decision is driven by money.

Specifically, the networks believe that more time spent promoting the Super Bowl translates into more viewers.  Higher ratings, of course, allow networks to charge advertisers more the following year.  This year companies are paying $2.5 million for a 30-second commercial, according to Reuters.

“People like to complain about the hype and the delay,” said Sean McManus, president of CBS Sports, before last year’s Super Bowl. “But from our standpoint, all it does is build interest and build excitement. That’s the way it should be.” 

McManus’ viewpoint has been echoed by other TV executives as well.

“The Super Bowl is a national holiday,” Neal Tile, executive vice-president of marketing for Fox Sports, told the Associated Press last year. “Think of it as shaking a bottle of soda. The more you shake it – two weeks versus one – the bigger the pop.”

Although network executives may believe that a two-week buildup leads to more viewers, past results do not support that view.  Since 1990, the television ratings are virtually identical for games played with two-week and one-week breaks, 42.5 and 42.3, respectively.  (The 1990-2005 period is used to capture the impact of other media, such as cable television, on the ratings.)

In fact, there are indications that a one-week rest may even be better for attracting viewers.  In four of the five years with a shorter break, there was an increase in ratings compared to the prior year.  That happened in only four of the 11 years with a two-week wait.

Not surprisingly, the most important factor in television ratings appears to be the quality of the game.  In games decided by 10 points or less, the average rating was 43.3.  Compare that to a 41.7 television rating for the other games.  That is a significant difference when you consider that would convert into almost 2 million more households this year.

Given those results, it seems obvious that the networks’ greatest desire should be to broadcast a competitive game.  As discussed earlier, history indicates that there may be a relationship between a one-week waiting period and a tight contest.   At the very least, there is nothing that suggests that a longer break is conducive to better games.  So in a worst-case scenario, networks may actually be losing money due to their insistence of a two-week break.  Best case, they're needlessly torturing fans an extra week. 

In 2004, when the New England Patriots narrowly won 32-29 over the Carolina Panthers, the game grabbed the highest TV rating for a Super Bowl in six years. 

“This proves once again it doesn't really matter who the teams are in the Super Bowl,” McManus told USA Today after the game. “What matters is how competitive and exciting the game is in the closing stages.”

Although McManus recognized the importance of having a close game, it was the following year that he cited the value of having a two-week break before a Super Bowl.  Unfortunately, the networks don’t seem to realize that you are usually going to get one or the other, not both.   

Hopefully, the networks will soon realize the benefits of a shorter break and reduce the waiting period to one week.  The best part is they don’t have to do it simply for the fans’ sakes – they can just do it for the money.  Either way, it is a move that would benefit the fans and networks alike.    

·        Which would embarrass you more if you were Mike Vanderjagt last Sunday: missing the game-tying kick or being seen on national television wearing that tiny, diamond stud earring?

·        After Alex Rodriguez committed to playing for the United States, he said: “I appreciate the support and understanding of my fellow Dominican players and friends who aided me in making this decision.”  After the Dominican players assured him that it would be OK to play for the U.S. and Rodriguez made his decision, who else thinks that those players immediately started giggling and giving each other high fives?

·        On Inside the NFL, they showed Steve Smith before last week’s game saying to a Chicago player: “Leave me on the island with him so I can torch his #$!%!”  Afterward, Cris Collinsworth correctly observed that Chicago lost this game because of their “arrogance” – they refused to come out of their Cover 2 defense and give Smith more attention.  There’s no reason for Seattle not to double team Smith every play – if Ricky Proehl ends up beating you, so be it.

·        Don’t you hate it when you watch PTI and realize that either Kornheiser or Wilbon aren’t on the show that day?  It’s almost as bad as watching TNT’s Inside the NBA and realizing they let Magic on the set again.  I realize that no one wants to be the person to tell Magic that he’s not welcome any more, so can’t they just stop sending him a paycheck like they did to that mumbling guy on “Office Space” and see if he gets the hint?

·        One of the most intriguing parts of the Colts game was when Peyton Manning waved off the punt team so he could go for it on 4^th down.  I actually felt sorry for Dungy when I saw his face after that happened.   But think of some of the current coaches with a Super Bowl ring – Belichick, Gruden, Billick, Shanahan, Holmgren, Gibbs, Parcells – I can’t imagine any of them letting their quarterback do that.      

·        When Theo Epstein walked back into the Red Sox offices, did everyone stand up and do the slow clap?

·        You’ve probably heard that someone vandalized the house of Pete Morelli, the official who overturned Troy Polamalu’s interception.  I thought the most interesting part of the story was that they weren’t sure if it was related to the call, or because Morelli is a high school principal.  I guess Morelli wasn’t receiving enough abuse at school so he decided to become an NFL referee, too.  Personally, I would have just chosen to be an IRS agent – just as many people hate you, but you only have to work one job and your weekends are free.  Of course, I’m a little lazy.       

·        I’m a Utah Jazz fan so I hope I’m wrong, but I have a feeling that 20 years from now I’ll still be talking about the time the Jazz passed on drafting Chris Paul.

·        If they ever mike up NBA players during the games like they do in the NFL, it would be a travesty if they didn’t include Dikembe Mutombo and Yao Ming talking with each other. 

·        According to Lamar Odom, Kobe Bryant always says: “I never liked Mike (Jordan) growing up.”  If Kobe was ever in a trial again and I was the prosecuting attorney, I would break this quote out.  There’s no way a jury would believe a single word Kobe said after that.    

 

This week's finalist assignment was about my favorite football memory -- I  chose my favorite NFL moment.

I grew up in a town that didn't have an NFL team.  It was just one of the many crosses that I would have to silently bear in this life.   It wasn't easy growing up, but I would force myself to get out of bed each morning and tell myself that one day I would move to a city that had an NFL franchise.  

Until that day finally came, I found other ways to cope.  Since I didn't have ties to any particular team, I would root for the teams that had local college players on their roster.  The two players that I followed most earnestly were Scott Mitchell (University of Utah) and Steve Young (Brigham Young University).

Not to ruin the ending, but my favorite football moment doesn't have anything to do with Scott Mitchell.   In fact, if I were to highlight my five worst football memories, Mitchell would be in three of them – choosing to root for him remains one of the worst decisions of my life. 

I won’t go into the details of the Detroit Lions years and the complexity of rooting for a player who you slowly come to despise, but after Mitchell left and Barry Sanders retired, I felt like I could wash my hands of the Lions.  Today I feel like someone who escaped from a POW camp – I am grateful that I am free, but I weep for those I left behind. 

Actually, for a long time it wasn’t much easier rooting for Young.  When he was ready to leave college, I was excited to finally have an NFL team to call my own.  Projected to be the top pick in the NFL draft, Young instead decided to play for the Los Angeles Express of the USFL.  Of course he did. 

            So not only did I still not have a favorite NFL team, I had to follow a franchise that I was certain would be extinct in a few years (I was 11 years old at the time – why I was able to figure this out and Steve Young could not is still a mystery to me).  The low point came when the team actually played Young at running back because they had so many injuries to their backfield.

            Thankfully, the league’s demise came two years later and Young could finally play for a real, bona fide NFL team.  Well, sort of – he was picked in the supplemental draft by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  It was like the NFL was retaliating against Young for spurning the league a couple of years earlier.  Or God was punishing me for something I had done – it was hard to be sure.           

While Young was with Tampa Bay, I saw him play exactly zero times.  Surprisingly, the networks weren’t interested in broadcasting Buccaneers’ games nationally so I never even saw my new favorite team.  Of course, that probably wasn’t a bad thing.  The only time I saw the Buccaneers were during the game “highlights” shown on the local newscasts, which typically consisted of receivers dropping balls and Young running for dear life. 

            After two years, Young was dealt to the San Francisco 49ers.  In retrospect, it was an event that might have saved my life – I’m not sure I could have recovered from the psychological damage that would be caused by voluntarily cheering for both the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Detroit Lions during my formative years. 

            However, San Francisco presented its own set of problems – namely, Young would be backing up the greatest quarterback of all time.  During the next four years that Young languished on the bench, I half-heartedly cheered for the 49ers to win each week while mostly hoping that Joe Montana would throw four interceptions that day or, if I was feeling particularly mean-spirited, wishing that he would go the way of Joe Theismann.  My ill feelings toward Montana only grew stronger as I heard stories, true or not, about the different ways that Montana intentionally snubbed Young.

            Throughout it all, Young was the consummate teammate – he always denied a rift between him and Montana, and he never lobbied for a trade.  In other words, he did exactly the opposite of what I hoped he would do.

            Finally, in 1991 after an injury to Montana, Young got his chance to be the starter on a real NFL team.  It had been eight years since he left college.  EIGHT YEARS!  Most players’ careers don’t even last that long, but here Young was, for all intents and purposes, just beginning his career. 

            During his first few seasons, Young set passing records and became a league MVP.  Despite these accomplishments, there were many 49ers fans who questioned if he could lead San Francisco to a Super Bowl win, especially after losing two years in a row to the Dallas Cowboys in the playoffs.  And of course, the comparisons to Montana lingered – if there was one thing that Young was guilty of, it was that he was not Joe Montana.

            Personally, I believed Young could win a Super Bowl, but I often wondered what it would mean if he didn’t.  He didn’t get the starting role for the 49ers until he was almost 30 years old, possibly spending the prime of his career on the bench.  One of the reasons he waited was because he really wanted to win a championship as a 49er (as a starter, not a backup).  Now he was 33 years old and most likely his window of opportunity was closing.  If he didn’t win a championship, were those years standing on the sidelines a waste?

Fortunately, the question became moot as Young proved he could win the big game in 1994.  After having another MVP season and setting an NFL record for the highest passer rating, Young led the 49ers over the Cowboys in the NFC Championship game. 

In the Super Bowl, Young had an outstanding performance – he passed for 325 yards and a Super Bowl record six touchdowns (breaking Montana’s record), while also rushing for 49 yards.  Young was named MVP of the game as the 49ers trounced the San Diego Chargers 49-26.  

  That remains my favorite NFL football memory.  Excuse me if I don’t go into more details of the game but, honestly, they really weren’t that important to me.  What was important was this player who I had followed for 10 difficult years realized the ultimate achievement of winning a championship and having one of his greatest games on football’s largest stage.

In that moment, everything was worth it – all the painful years in the USFL, in NFL’s Siberia and on the bench – it was all worth it.  Am I talking about Young or myself?  Well, both.  One win probably shouldn’t be so important that it can validate an entire career, but in this case I think that’s the truth.  The championship validated Young’s place in history, and it vindicated my loyalty to him.

I will share one specific detail about the game.  It’s a scene that I’ve seen numerous times on NFL Films, where Young is standing on the sidelines after the game is well in hand.  He is cherishing the win, then turns his back and says something like: “Can somebody finally take this #### off my back?” and a teammate pulls off the imaginary ####.

Since then I have heard Young say that was the one thing he regretted doing that day.  Personally, I love that moment.  For years, Young always said that he never felt the pressure of following Montana.  He did that because he always said the right thing – it might not be how he really felt, but he always said what was best for the team.  That’s why I love that moment so much – it was honest.  One of the great things about watching players win a championship is that you get to see their true feelings.  Their emotions are raw and they are unable to put up fronts that hide the truth. 

You remember the scene where Michael Jordan is laying on the floor, clutching the trophy while weeping after winning the NBA Championship?  It was a moment of vulnerability that you rarely, if ever, saw with Jordan.  It was the same with Young.  The scene on the sideline spoke volumes about the pressures that Young was under, and the joy and relief that came with winning a championship.   

Today, my NFL loyalties are more stable.  My childhood dream was fulfilled and I moved to a city with an NFL franchise (Chicago).  Just in time, too, or else I might have made the decision to put a stake in Alex Smith, which could have been a Scott Mitchell-like disaster. 

Of course, I’m probably too old and jaded to follow a player’s career in the same earnest manner as I once did.  That is why another player will probably never cause me as much grief as Mitchell and Young did.  And it is also the reason why my favorite NFL memory will likely never change. 

 

            First off, thanks to everyone who voted for me and helped me make it through the first elimination round. 

            I also wanted to give some parameters of this list – it basically consists of athletes from the last 15 years or so.  This is an arbitrary guideline, but I haven’t included athletes who seem to have such severe psychological problems that it’s depressing to think about them.  I’m not sure why one person’s mental instability makes me laugh while another person’s makes me sad, but I guess there are just some things in life you can’t explain. 

I also haven’t included athletes that may have been implicated with murder, and, yes, I was thinking specifically of Ray Lewis when I made that rule.  You may think it’s funny to make jokes about Ray Lewis, but personally I’m too scared to do it.  I know this is just a blog read by 13 people, but I’m not taking any chances.  Go ahead, make your jokes, but I’m warning you: You’re unnecessarily putting your life at risk.  Not that I think you’re guilty, Mr. Lewis.

            I’ve also split this column into two parts, because it was getting rather lengthy.  Here’s my list:

 

10. Carl Everett

            Everett has a reputation for being temperamental.  But he doesn’t make this list for doing things like getting kicked out of winter ball in Venezuela because he charged into the stands after some fans (Do you realize how difficult it is to get banned from a Venezuelan baseball league?  They don’t even eject fans from games for throwing batteries at players.)  No, Everett makes this list because of his interesting outlook on the world. 

Below are some of my favorite quotes. 

·           On the earth: “The world is round? Says who? I'll believe it when I go up into outer space and see it.”

·           On dinosaurs: “God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus rex.”

·           On whether he’s crazy: “No. Well, sometimes I am. But I’m fun crazy.”

Yes, thank you, Carl Everett – that was the phrase I was looking for earlier, “fun crazy”.  We want people on this list who are fun crazy. 

 

9. Manny Ramirez    

The requests for days off, ducking into the scoreboard during games, the base running goofs, trade demands – his odd behavior is so routine that Boston has even developed its own phrase for it, “Manny being Manny.” 

            Despite his apparent inability to connect with the real world, he is a genius when it comes to hitting.  You can put him in the same class as Forrest Gump playing ping pong and Rain Man counting cards.  He’s that good.

 

8. Rick Ankiel

In 2000, Ankiel was a rising star – he had an 11-7 record, 3.50 ERA and 194 strikeouts in 175 innings.  Not only could the Ankiel pitch, he could hit – he had a .250 average, .674 OPS and two home runs that year.  The kid was like Roy Hobbs in The Natural.

            Unfortunately, he ended up more like Nuke LaLoosh in Bull Durham (at the start of the movie, not the end).  In his first two playoff appearances, he threw seven wild pitches (five of them hit the backstop on the fly) and walked nine, lasting only a total of four innings.    

            In an effort to regain his control, Ankiel worked with multiple pitching coaches and sports psychologists.  No word on whether he tried breathing through his eyelids and wearing women’s garters, but no one would have blamed him if he did. 

            Ankiel never did solve his problems and now he’s trying to make it to the big leagues as an outfielder.  Part of me is interested in seeing if he can make it as a hitter, but the other part is even more excited to see him try to hit the cut-off man from right field. 

 

7. Doug Christie     

Here are some of the rules Doug Christie must live by: signal to his wife that he loves her 62 times during each game (an actual count by reporters one game); cannot talk to females; if he must talk to a female (such as a reporter) he cannot make eye contact.  And these are just some of the things that we know about.

            There are so many unanswered questions.  What does he do when he’s watching a movie with an attractive actress in it?  Does he avert his eyes?  Or does he just sit with his back to the screen while Mrs. Christie narrates the film for him? Or is he allowed to only watch movies starring Kathy Bates?

What about if he sees a car accident with a woman in it?  I think he’s probably allowed to talk to a woman in this situation.  But can he actually touch her and drag her out of a burning car?

            I can tell you one thing – Doug Christie has no friends outside of his family.  None.  Obviously, he can’t have female friends.  But if you are a guy, could you be friends with him?  Can you imagine at guys' night out – everybody’s joking around, getting excited about going out, and then Doug shows up with Mrs. Christie and says: “Hey, guys, you don’t mind if my wife comes with us, do you?”  How many times does this have to happen before you decide you can’t hang out with him any more?  If your answer was two times or higher, I hate to break it to you, but you are probably the Doug Christie of your group.

            Now it looks like his career might be over, which is hard enough for most athletes but likely even more difficult for Christie.  For the last 10 years, basketball was his only refuge from this woman.  Now he must spend every waking moment alone with her.  Until the day he dies. 

            Don’t be surprised if he announces a comeback in a couple of years and attempts to carve out a Julio Franco-esque career, playing until he’s 58 years old.  It’s either that or he snaps and we have to remove him from this list due to the Ray Lewis rule. 

 

6.  John Rocker

            In 1999, Rocker made racist remarks about minorities and made national headlines in the process.  Four years later he was out of the game.  Now he’s trying to make a comeback, and last year said the following:

            “I've taken a lot of #### from a lot of people. Probably more than anybody in the history of this sport. I know Hank [Aaron] and Jackie [Robinson] took a good deal of ####, but I guarantee it wasn't for six years.”

Yes, it’s true.  After their fifth year, Aaron and Robinson chose to not be black any more.  The hate mail, taunts, vandalism and death threats immediately ceased.  

            I thought about listing Rocker higher, but, in his defense, he’s probably more of an #### than a head case.

Well, that's it for today.  The bottom part of this list has been baseball heavy, but there's not a single baseball player in the top five.  I'll post the rest of the list tomorrow.

No One’s Talking About Him, But Big Ben May Be The Difference

It seems so long ago, but last year at this time, Ben Roethlisberger was the biggest story in the NFL – a rookie leading the Steelers to a 14-0 record as a starter and setting a franchise record for highest passer rating.  As the playoffs started, the debate raged on: “Can a rookie lead a team to a Super Bowl Championship?”  Some even dared to ask: “Is Roethlisberger the next Terry Bradshaw?”

            Fast forward one year, and you hear … nothing.  Throwing five interceptions in two playoff games will do that.  But people should be talking about Big Ben because he could play a key role against the Bengals this weekend.

            While the Steelers’ running attack will likely be the biggest factor in determining Pittsburgh’s success on Sunday (this year they are undefeated when they rush over 100 yards), the play of Big Ben is not far behind.  Over the last two years, they are 23-4 when he is the starter (3-3 when he does not start).  During that span, the Steelers are 4-3 when he throws two or more interceptions in games that he starts; they are 19-1 when he throws less than two. 

Nothing exemplifies this dynamic better than the Steelers' two games with the Bengals this season.  In the first match-up, Roethlisberger passed for a career-low 93 yards, two touchdowns and one interception – and the Steelers won.  In the rematch, Big Ben recorded career highs by throwing for 386 yards, three scores and three picks – and the Steelers lost. 

Instead of the next Bradshaw, this year some people are calling him the next Trent Dilfer – a quarterback who simply “manages the game” by handing off the ball, dumping short passes and not throwing interceptions. 

But such a description devalues Roethlisberger’s contributions to the offense.  Yes, it is crucial that Roethlisberger not commit turnovers this weekend.  But if the Steelers are going to win, they’ll need their quarterback to make some plays as well.

Roethlisberger had the third-highest passer rating in the NFL this year – better than quarterbacks like Tom Brady and Matt Hasselbeck.  Another telling statistic is his 8.9 yards-per-pass-attempt, which leads the NFL.  While this stat typically does not receive much attention, if you look at the top 10 leaders you would be hard pressed to say they’re not the top 10 quarterbacks in the league.  This statistic is particularly important for a team like the Steelers because the ability to stretch the defense is crucial against an opponent who is focused on stopping the run.  If Roethlisberger can’t spread out the defense, Willie Parker and Jerome Bettis won’t have space to run. 

You can bet the Bengals will use the same game plan that was so effective last time against Pittsburgh – stacking the line and daring the Steelers quarterback to throw into a secondary that leads the league in interceptions (it should be noted that Big Ben was playing with an injured thumb that game, although he would not say that it affected his performance).  In order to effectively run the ball this Sunday, Roethlisberger has no choice but to throw the ball and make some plays. 

"I think I feel more comfortable,” said Roethlisberger in an interview with the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, “Last year (in the playoffs), it was kind of, 'Oh my gosh, I'm so nervous and scared, here we go. Don't make a mistake.' I'm not going to go out and play not to make a mistake this year. I'm going to go out to win football games and play as good as I can to help this team win."   

Roethlisberger may not be worried about making mistakes, but Steelers fans probably should be.  As history shows, Big Ben is often the difference maker, for better or for worse.

 

---

 

3 Key Points for the Cincinnati Bengals

 1. The Front Seven Must Keep It Under a Buck:  The Steelers are 11-0 when they rush over 100 yards; 0-5 when they do not.  The Bengals have the worst rushing defense among playoff teams (allowing an average of 116 yards per game and 4.3 yards per carry).  It seems like a disaster waiting to happen, but last time they met Pittsburgh, they gave up only 95 yards on 28 attempts.  If they don’t contain the run, the Bengals better win the turnover battle – big.

2. Establish An Early Lead:  Cincinnati’s best defense against Pittsburgh’s running game may be its offense.  Everyone knows that the Steelers want to pound the ball with its combination of Parker and Bettis.  If the Carson Palmer can guide the Bengals to a lead of two scores or more, they may force the Steelers to abandon the run in the second half and become more one-dimensional.

 

3. T.J. Houshmandzadeh Must Step Up:  Since Rudi Johnson will be facing one of the league’s best run defenses and Chad Johnson will be drawing a lot of attention in the secondary, the Bengals will need someone else to contribute on offense.  Houshmandzadeh has been that guy for the Bengals this year – he recorded 956 receiving yards and seven touchdowns for the season.  When the Steelers limited Chad Johnson to only 54 yards receiving in their last game, T.J. stepped up with 95 total yards and two touchdowns. 

 

3 Keys Points for the Pittsburgh Steelers

 1. Keep the Turnover Battle Close:  The Bengals’ amazing turnover differential (plus 24) has been a major reason for the team’s success.  As highlighted earlier, it is imperative that Roethlisberger not turn over the ball, but he’s not the only one.  Parker fumbled the ball twice in their last meeting.  Although the Steelers were able to recover both times, it frustrated Cowher enough to yank Parker from the game for a while. 

2. Better Execution on 3rd Downs:  Given that the Steelers will frequently run on both first and second down, expect Pittsburgh to face many short-to-mid yardage situations on third down.  Having a high-conversion rate obviously increases the chances for a score, but it also limits the number of possessions for Cincinnati’s offense.  The Steelers had a 35% conversion rate this year, which ranks in the bottom half of the league.  Anything above 40% should mean good things for the Steelers.

3. Contain Rudi Johnson:  While stopping the run is crucial for the Bengals, it is just as important to the Steelers.  Johnson is averaging 103 yards in the Bengals’ wins this year.  Comparatively, even after excluding his 18-yard performance in a meaningless game last week, the Bengals’ running back is averaging only 76 yards per game in Cincinnati losses. 

 

Odds and Ends

• Out of a total of 18 playoff games, this is will be only the fourth time the Steelers will be on the road during the Bill Cowher era.   It’s a good thing they’ve had so few road games – Pittsburgh is 0-3 playing away from home.
• It hasn’t been easy being a sports fan in Cincinnati.  The last time the Bengals were in the playoffs was 15 years ago.  This is the first year that they have finished above .500 since that post-season appearance.  Compare that to 10 playoff appearances by the Steelers during the same time period.  Cincinnati’s other professional team, the Reds, haven’t been much better.  It’s been 10 years since they appeared in the playoffs and have only had two seasons above .500 during that time.    
• Marvin Lewis got his start coaching in the NFL with the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Cowher hired Lewis in 1992 as his linebackers coach.  Four years later Lewis left to become the defensive coordinator of the Baltimore Ravens, where he established himself as one of the league’s premiere defensive coaches.

 

            I thought I might explain a little bit about my motivation for participating in this contest.  This is probably both unnecessary and boring, and I would encourage most people to skip this post because it will likely contain information that only my mom would find interesting.  However, based on some posts that I have read, it appears there are a number of people who are concerned about this.

            As my bio indicates, during college I thought I would become a journalist. Ultimately, I decided against it and I have never regretted that choice, although I still enjoy writing.    

            I have had an idea for a website for over a year now and decided to finally start it.  Although my personal writing is a small part of the site, I knew I needed to sharpen my writing skills before I launched it.  When I saw this contest, I thought it could be a fun experience as well as a good way to further practice.  If some people checked out my website later because of what they saw during this competition, so much the better.

            Basically, that’s why I entered.  I had no delusions that I would win this thing, and I still don’t.  A few people have written that they hope the winner is someone who really wants to start a career in journalism.  If that’s the case, they probably shouldn’t vote for me.

            I’m doing this because I enjoy writing.  I’ve read many comments that state that many of the finalists are poor writers.  They may be referring to me, which does not bother me in the least.  They may be right – I’m not half the writer I used to be.  I understand that criticism is part of the deal – in fact, that is why I use my real name.  If I write something that is off-base or terrible, I believe I should be held accountable.

            Thanks to the judges for doing a truly thankless job (there are only 16 people who aren’t disappointed) and good luck to the other finalists.       

Administrator (or anyone else): I listed this under categories such as NBA so people could find this, if this is a problem please let me know.

Lebron James has improved his game this season to the point that the projections of the next Michael Jordan might finally be coming to fruition.  Yes, the latest Nike commercials of “The Lebrons” are worthy of comparison to Jordan’s old commercials. 

I’ve always thought Lebron had tremendous potential but I was starting to lose hope after some awful Sprite commercials that included him pretending to crack his neck while he’s really squeezing a Sprite can (please tell me that one of Lebron’s high school buddies wrote that and not a real ad professional) and the annoying Thirst doll sidekick, which is a blatant rip-off of the classic Li’l Penny commercials.  If they would have faced off today, Li’l Penny would tear Thirst apart right up until the time he would inevitably blow out his knee.  

Lebron’s previous Nike and PowerAde ads haven’t been as terrible, but they haven’t been good, either.  But hope is alive as I absolutely love the “Lebrons” commercials, and I know I’m not alone.  Tony Kornheiser was giving glowing reviews to the ads.  He was also raving about Lebron’s dancing ability, which I thought was a little odd.  I mean we’re talking about one of the most gifted athletes in the world – should we really be surprised that he’s coordinated enough to break dance a little bit?  We’re not talking about Mark Madsen or Chris Kaman here.  By the way, it is absolutely terrifying to look at Kaman.  He’s not scary like Ray Lewis, but more like “my car broke down in the backwoods of Tennessee and now there’s a large, stringy-haired man dressed in a plaid shirt and jean overalls carrying a shotgun and he’s staring at me” scary. 

There’s just something about Kaman that doesn’t seem right.  It’s reminiscent of the scene in “Men in Black” when the alien comes to earth and puts on the body of that backwoods guy, only it’s clear to the wife that there’s something wrong with the way he looks and moves (such as water spouting out of his stomach when he drinks sugar water).  Is such a scenario really that implausible for Kaman?  And now he’s teamed up with Sam Cassell?  Come on, that can’t be a coincidence.  At least Kaman took on a disguise, I think Cassell just landed on earth, grabbed a can of brown spray paint, and put on some gym shorts.  It’s almost like he’s daring us to call him on it.

 While I think Lebron’s ads are fantastic, they fall short of some of the truly great sports commercials.  Instead of ranking the best sports ads (in part due to my aversion to the explosion of “The Best of …” television shows that feature smarmy people with titles like “comedian” and “writer”, similar to the waitress at Denny’s who insists on identifying herself as an “actress”), I’m just going to highlight some of them by sport – feel free to add your own.

 

Best Football Commercials

The clear-cut, best football commercial is the Coca-Cola ad with Mean Joe Greene.  I was only seven years old and still remember it.  As a second-grader, I couldn’t imagine anything better than a big, sweaty lineman wiping off his face and giving me his smelly towel.  “Thanks, Mean Joe!”

The second-best commercials are probably the “Bo Knows” ads (I could classify this under baseball as well, but I always thought of him as a football player who played baseball, not the other way around).  And that’s about it – unless you count Reebok’s Terry Tate, I can’t really think of any other memorable football advertisements.  So just to recap, the stars of the best football commercials in history are: (1) Mean Joe Greene, four-time Super Bowl Champ and Hall of Famer, (2) Bo Jackson, two-sport All-Star and one of the best pure athletes in history, and (3) Terry Tate, office linebacker.   

OK, I guess I ranked them, but I couldn’t help it because it makes me feel so smart and mighty.  After all, I’m a “writer” – I have the power to do these things.

Of the current commercials, Tom Brady and his linemen have done a pretty good job.  Comparatively, Peyton Manning’s ads where he acts like a fan to the grocery checker and other common folk are just awful.  Once again, the Patriots working together as a team trump Peyton’s individual achievements. (I know, cheap shot at Peyton when the Colts are having an amazing season.  By the way, are Colts fans’ throats tightening just a bit as they watch the Patriots pick up steam the last few weeks?  Corey Dillon and Richard Seymour are now healthy, and the Colts’ offensive line looked pretty shaky against the Chargers.  But I’m sure Indy has nothing to worry about, right?  Right?  As I’ve said before, the Colts wanted to be remembered and it’s still possible – just ask the 1986 Red Sox or 1990’s Buffalo Bills.  Not saying the Colts won’t win the Super Bowl, but if they don’t …)

Last week’s SI related that Brady insisted that his linemen be included in the commercial.  It’s a good story that tells a lot about Brady, but I’m tiring of the media constantly talking about how he’s such a wonderful person, he’s such a great leader, he’s the ultimate teammate, he’s just one of the guys, blah, blah, blah.  You hear it every game.  It’s catching up to the Brett Favre observation that every announcer is obligated to say at least a dozen times a game: