OK, so maybe calling him a thief might be a little strong, but … nah, he’s a thief.

I know – I am a die-hard Jazz fan and am too familiar with the John Amaechi years. Simply put, he was a terrible player – he really had no business being in the NBA for five years.

Let’s be clear – he was not awful because he is ####. He was awful on his own accord. By all accounts, he was a nice enough guy off the court. Back then he was whiny in the press and rumored to be part of the malcontents (including Mark Jackson and Deshawn Stevenson) on the team, but that really makes him no different than any other NBA player. There were frequent stories about his run-ins with Jerry Sloan – again, not all that unusual.

I don’t care that he is #### – if people want to make a big deal about it, so be it. But honestly, Amaechi really wasn’t a player that would merit any attention other than being ####.

But reading excerpts from Amaechi’s book disgusts me. But it has nothing to do with his personal lifestyle and everything to do with his professional attitude. Let me set the background. The Jazz signed him in 2001 as a desperate attempt to shore up the front-line They gave him a 4-year, $12 million contract – a significant amount of money at the time.

Over the next two seasons, there were numerous rumors about Amaechi’s poor work habits and attitude. It was apparent to anyone watching him play that he was dogging it on the court. In 104 regular-season games, Amaechi averaged 2.6 points, 1.8 rebounds and shot 32 percent from the field.

Basically, he stole that money.  Maybe not a smash and grab, but a theft nonetheless.  Think Enron, not stick up at the Kwik-E-Mart. 

Well, that’s how I view it now – at the time, I just thought it was a bad signing. But it is now apparent that Amaechi never intended on giving a full effort in exchange for paid wages.

First, he writes about his relationship with Sloan. "I respect the game of pro basketball. I just don't think it's all that important. I wasn't going to be embarrassed by Jerry Sloan because basketball had a proper role in my balanced life and I didn't blindly worship a game he made pretty much the entirety of his existence."

OK, so basketball wasn’t as important to him as it was to Sloan. At the time, many said he didn’t take it seriously at all, but we’ll give him a pass and take him at his word that he was just well-balanced.

Later he writes about his poor performance after his contract. It is interesting to see where he places the blame. He writes: “"Why does the performance of so many players decline after they sign multiyear guaranteed deals? It's a little thing called human nature. Plenty of guys - Karl Malone and John Stockton are the obvious examples - play hard no matter how much they make. Other guys lack the discipline. Predicting which player falls into which category is the key to scouting."

Later he continues: "The problem was not my commitment to the game. I was working as hard, with what I had, as anyone on the team. The truth is Sloan and Jazz management hadn't done their research - otherwise known as scouting. They could tell you all my court tendencies, how I played the game and why I should fit into the system. But they knew nothing of my character."

So let’s make sure I’m clear here – he admits he had the skills to fit into the Jazz system. But it is their fault that he was a failure because they didn’t know he was going that he was lazy, selfish and dishonest. And obviously Utah’s research should have uncovered that – it’s not Amaechi’s fault that he’s such an untrustworthy character. Sure, he puts in a throwaway line about working hard, but in the same breath he basically admits that his dropoff was due to lack of effort.

What kind of man blames the team for that and takes no responsibility? I’ll tell you who – a con man, a thief. Amaechi had no intentions of fulfilling his end of the contract but he took the money anyway.

Right now, many people are saying that Amaechi should be proud of coming out of the closet and for the things he wrote in his book. After reading a few excerpts, I think Amaechi shouldn’t be proud, he should be embarrassed.

*Statistics and excerpts from the book were taken from Steve Luhm, writer for The Salt Lake Tribune.

I wish …

… I could get inside Kobe’s head and find out the real reason he only took three shots in the second half o####ame 7.  I would look for that answer before I tried to find out what really happened in Colorado.

… we had better nicknames for pro athletes.  The only athletes with good nicknames are streetball players – “Future”, “Hot Sauce”, “Escalade”.  Can’t we have the announcers from the Rucker and AndOne Tour be roving P.A. announcers in every major sports arena until every top athlete is appropriately named?  Just a couple of decades ago, we used to have nicknames like Magic and Iceman. Now we have K.G. and T-Mac.  People just don’t have the same creativity any more.  Personally, I blame video games.   

… Jalen Rose would retire and become a full-time sideline reporter for TNT.  His interviews have been hysterical, not to mention the moment when Nick Van Exel threw towels on Jalen’s head.  Among all-time sideline reporting moments, it’s second only to Suzy Koelber and Joe Namath.  Also, Charles has already given Jalen a great nickname, “The Robot”.  Because that’s what he sounds like when he talks.    

… that the next time Greg Anthony is as visibly annoyed by Stephen A. Smith’s histrionics as he was on Saturday, he just kicks Stephen’s A. up and down 42nd Street.

… announcers would stop using the word “literally” – they obviously have no idea what it means.  The other day ESPN’s Mark Jackson (not the former player) said that Cuttino Mobley was “literally salivating about the opportunities he would have in this game.”  Just so everyone is clear, when Cuttino heard the game plan, his body immediately started producing large amounts of saliva.  Every time a broadcaster says something like that, it literally makes my ears bleed.

… that I was friends with Kenny and Charles.  I know it’s pathetic to for a grown man to wish he was friends with other grown men, but it’s the truth.  And it’s not because they’re famous, either, because I can honestly say I don’t wish I was friends with Tiger Woods or Tom Brady.  And it’s not because I don’t have any friends, either, because I do.  They’re just not as good as Kenny and Charles.

… ESPN would stop giving us updates every 30 minutes on Barry Bonds.  If he ties Babe Ruth, fine, tell us.  But you don’t need to break in to show us that Barry can’t catch up to a fastball of a pitcher who was in Double-A a year ago. 

… I knew why Bonds’ bat speed has slowed down so much.  Hahahahaha.

... someone would tell Nowitzki that when Tony Parker switches on to him, you go to the low block, not float around at the top of the key.  This is the NBA playoffs, not the European league.  

… the networks could hype up the Red Sox-Yankees rivalry a little more.  After all, it’s the best rivalry in sports.  And we’re already in May.  Seriously, it’s really interesting to all of us that aren’t Boston or New York fans. 

… I had the option of watching a “silent game”, as NBA TV did a month ago.  No announcers, just mics that captured the sound of the players and the crowd.  It was fannnntastic.  I’d use that for every game that Hubie Brown and Doug Collins weren’t broadcasting.

… that just once, both Mark Prior and Kerry Wood are healthy for an entire year.  Just once.

… the best of luck to everyone participating in NGS II.  I’m not doing it, but I hear it’s a lot of fun.

I know I'm one of the only people in the country who still gets excited about the NBA All-Star Saturday competitions, but I think they're so entertaining.  Here are some of my favorite moments from Saturday night’s events.  All times are MST.  

 

6:42 – Walter McCarty is singing the National Anthem, even throwing in random riffs where he scales up and down with no rhyme or reason like those people who audition for American Idol.  He is better than I expected, which is to say he's not a train wreck.  Needless to say, I am wildly disappointed.

 

6:47 – The first event is the Shooting Stars competition, where a current NBA player, a WNBA player and a retired player shoot from different spots on the floor.  Mercifully, they made this a one-round competition this year.  Tony Parker and Kobe Bryant make the half-court shot on the first try.

 

6:48 – The Los Angeles team comes out and Magic Johnson has abandoned the form-fitting jersey he wore last year and actually has a larger one that fits.  First, McCarty doesn’t bomb and now Magic doesn’t look like Oliver Miller any more.  It’s not looking too good so far, I’m concerned I’m not going to have any fun tonight.

 

6:48 – Kevin Harlan talks about a heart-warming story of how Kobe befriended a young boy who was a Katrina victim.  Pretty transparent, I think Kobe’s PR team needs to start working a little harder than that.  

 

6:58 – They show Eva Longoria for the 7^th time after San Antonio wins the shoot-out.  I know that everyone over 40 in the media can’t get enough of her, but personally I can’t wait for Tony Parker to dump her.  Right after Katie leaves Tom, I’m focusing all my psychic powers on this couple.

 

7:19 – Dwayne Wade wins the skills competition. 

 

7:29 – Charles tells Kevin Harlan that when he offers him some Altoids, he really means it.  Although Charles is joking around, you can tell that he's also serious.  It's really the only way to tell someone that he has bad breath.

 

7:30 – The three-point contest is about to start.  Ray Allen has to be the favorite, with Dirk Nowitzki second.  None of these other guys are true shooters. 

 

7:42 – Tyronne Lue looks genuinely distraught that Chauncey Billups doesn’t make the finals.  Like really, really upset. 

 

7:53 – Mark Cuban cheers as Nowitzki wins.  Cuban is also wearing a headset (like a television headset, not a phone headset) for some reason.  If you saw any other owner wearing a headset, it might strike you as odd.  But since it’s Cuban, it seems perfectly normal. 

 

8:00 – Andrea Bocelli, the opera singer, performs a song.  In Italian.  I don’t know why everyone thinks the NBA is trying to distance itself from its hip-hop image. 

 

8:01 – On one of the pictures they are running in the background during Bocelli’s song, Ricky Davis is wearing a balloon hat on his head.

 

8:03 – While HDTV is great, there are definitely drawbacks.  One of those is being able to see hair hanging out of Bocelli’s nose in great detail.  I know he’s blind so I can’t hold him responsible for not trimming it before he appeared on national television, but his personal assistant should be fired. 

 

8:04 – TNT viewers vote Michael Jordan’s leaner dunk is voted as the best dunk of all time over Vince Carter’s between-the-legs slam.  Unfortunately, Kenny screwed up because he didn’t listen to Charles and didn’t originally include Carter’s 360 windmill jam instead of the between-the-legs dunk.  That is the best dunk of all time.  Sorry, I know that there is no way people are going to vote for Vince over MJ in any sort of competition, but that’s the truth.  Actually, that’s just the best dunk in the slam dunk competition.  The best of all time is also Carter’s – when he jumped over that 7-footer in the Olympics.  This cannot be argued, it is an absolute fact. 

 

8:05 – The dunk contest begins!  Personally, I love the competition, even though people always say everything has already been done, which I completely disagree with.  Think of Josh Smith last year or Jason Richardson a few of years ago.  Quick story: When I was in college, Brent Barry won the slam dunk contest.  One of my friends, who is white, was in a complete tizzy because a white boy was going to win the competition.  After it was over, he turned to me and said: “YES! IN YOUR FACE!”  For the record, I am not African-American, I am Asian.  But I guess I was the closest thing in the room.

 

8:14 – Josh Smith puts some tape on the floor, which is about three feet above the free throw line.  Everyone starts getting a little worked up, expecting something that we've never seen before.  Then Smith runs past the tape and takes off about a foot inside the free throw line.  It actually wasn’t a bad dunk, but he gets the lowest score because everyone was expecting him to jump from further away.  Talk about over-promise and under-deliver.  It’s like a buddy promising to throw the greatest bachelor party ever, and then holding it in Reno. 

 

8:18 – Magic says that once Las Vegas holds the All-Star game next year and shows that they can handle the “bedding situation”, they will likely get an NBA franchise.  I think Magic Johnson is the only person in the world who thinks the reason that Vegas doesn’t have an NBA team is because they don’t have enough hotels.  

 

8:20 – Andre Iguadola completes a ridiculous dunk from off of the backside of backboard.  He actually hit his head on the backboard the first time he tried it.  I think we might need to take a new vote on the best dunk of all time. 

 

8:25 – We’ve completed the first round and we still haven’t had the obligatory shot of Shaq falling all over people after an incredible dunk.  We better get a picture of this in the finals, people, it’s not a dunk contest unless we see it.

 

8:28 – Nate Robinson is interviewed and he sounds like a 14-year-old boy.  So maybe he will still hit that growth spurt.

 

8:30 – Uh, oh, Robinson has missed his fifth dunk in a row and everyone is having Birdman flashbacks.

 

8:31 – He finally did it on his 8^th try and it’s a good dunk.  Last year, everyone was laughing at the Birdman.  This year, everyone feels relieved and happy.  There’s a lesson here: People will always root for the little guy, and laugh at the goofy, lanky guy who is on acid. 

 

8:34 – Shot of Damon Jones in a bright red jacket – apparently he broke into Craig Sager’s closet.  He’s also not sitting in Shaq’s lap so I have a bad feeling that the Diesel may not be present.  I know he was here earlier, but I’m worried he left.

 

8:36 – Nate jumps over Spud Webb.  Absolutely awesome. 

 

8:36 – We finally get to see a picture of the players falling over each other and running on the court.  Shaq isn’t in the picture.  It doesn’t feel right, but I guess we all just have to move on. 

 

8:37 – Magic keeps saying that “The dunk contest is back!”  Whatever, he said the same thing last year when Josh Smith won.

 

8:40 – Iguadola completes his dunk.  It’s pretty marginal.  Kenny isn’t sure what to give him so he looks over at the other judges’ scores and then puts up an 8.  It ends up being a tie so there is a dunk-off, and Kenny is absolutely ecstatic.  Honestly, I think Kenny was trying to offset the other 9’s he saw next to him and hoping for a tie.  It worked and I couldn’t be happier.

 

8:53 – Nate has just missed his 10^th try at the halfcourt dunk and guess who they show?  Shaq.  That’s right, he’s been here the whole time.  He’s standing next to Terrell Owens who is wearing a matching hat -- there must have been a 2 for 1 special.  We’ve seen Eva Longoria 17 times tonight before we finally get another shot of Shaq?  After we fire Andrea Bocelli’s personal grooming assistant, the TNT producer is next. 

 

 8:54 – After Robinson misses his 11^th try, Magic just said that Nate has done a great job for every little person in America.  I didn’t realize he was working for us.  Apparently Magic wasn’t satisfied with the absurdity of his Vegas hotels comment.

 

8:55 – Robinson completes it after his 16^th try (by my count, not TNT’s).  The dunk contest has officially become an endurance contest.

 

8:55 – He gets a 47.  The score is way too high.

 

8:57 – Iguadola dunks and only gets a 46.  A.I. has been the best dunker throughout the night and he loses.  Seriously, they need to limit the number of attempts.  It took Robinson over 30 attempts to get down five dunks.  I thought he was phenomenal and I always root for the little guy, but that was a little ridiculous.

 

8:58 – The crowd is obviously disappointed with the result and the excitement that was in the building a few moments before is gone.  Cheryl Miller attempts to pump up the crowd by repeatedly saying: "C'mon on, y'all saw a show tonight!"  A few hundred people clap half-heartedly.  Just so we're clear, that is the proper response to Cheryl Miller under any circumstance.

 

8:59 – Cheryl asks Nate if he was getting tired.  He responds by saying that although he made it look easy, it was actually pretty tough.  Um, actually, it didn't look that easy.  It actually looked really, really difficult.  And exhausting.

 

Although the ending of the dunk contest seemed a bit anti-climatic, overall it was an entertaining Saturday event.  Looking forward to tomorrow. 

This was originally part of an article I wrote for the finalist competition about Super Bowl halftime shows.  Since this really got off the topic, I cut it out.  I recently found out the name of this act is Big Rich or something like that.  For some reason, I've noticed people have been talking about them in their comments to various blogs so this is my contribution to that discussion.  I wrote this before I saw any of those comments.

Unfortunately, football was not the only sport that was affected by the Janet Jackson fiasco.  At last year’s NBA All-Star Game, they had a country singer perform with a rapping cowboy.  If you didn’t see it, it was even worse than it sounds.  At first glance I thought the rapping cowboy was Karl Malone (that is the honest truth, no joke).  But then I realized he was using correct grammar so it obviously couldn’t be the Mailman.  It was weird – you never hear someone rap using proper English while clearly annunciating each word (except for in local radio commercials and Will Smith videos). 

Meanwhile, Jay-Z and Nelly were sitting courtside while this was all taking place.  Unfortunately, the cameras didn’t show them but I imagine they would have looked like Pete Carroll after the Reggie Bush lateral.  Too bad 50 Cent wasn't there because I have never seen a brawl with gangsters and cowboys before.  In this case, the gangsters would obviously be favored, but if they were real cowboys who rode horses and chewed tobacco, I'd have to give the edge to the cowboys (assuming it was just a fistfight, no guns allowed).  It would be close, though. 

Then to top off the show, a little person came out and started dancing around in a cowboy hat and chaps.  What?  People are protesting dwarf-tossing but they let this go?  Is there a single person who wouldn’t rather be thrown 30 feet in the air than be forced to prance around on stage with a country singer and rapping cowboy in front of millions of people?  Seriously, we need to get our priorities straight, people.

The topper came after the show, when Charles Barkley said: “I hope whoever was in charge of the Halftime show is getting their resume ready.” 

Amen, Charles, amen.

·        Which would embarrass you more if you were Mike Vanderjagt last Sunday: missing the game-tying kick or being seen on national television wearing that tiny, diamond stud earring?

·        After Alex Rodriguez committed to playing for the United States, he said: “I appreciate the support and understanding of my fellow Dominican players and friends who aided me in making this decision.”  After the Dominican players assured him that it would be OK to play for the U.S. and Rodriguez made his decision, who else thinks that those players immediately started giggling and giving each other high fives?

·        On Inside the NFL, they showed Steve Smith before last week’s game saying to a Chicago player: “Leave me on the island with him so I can torch his #$!%!”  Afterward, Cris Collinsworth correctly observed that Chicago lost this game because of their “arrogance” – they refused to come out of their Cover 2 defense and give Smith more attention.  There’s no reason for Seattle not to double team Smith every play – if Ricky Proehl ends up beating you, so be it.

·        Don’t you hate it when you watch PTI and realize that either Kornheiser or Wilbon aren’t on the show that day?  It’s almost as bad as watching TNT’s Inside the NBA and realizing they let Magic on the set again.  I realize that no one wants to be the person to tell Magic that he’s not welcome any more, so can’t they just stop sending him a paycheck like they did to that mumbling guy on “Office Space” and see if he gets the hint?

·        One of the most intriguing parts of the Colts game was when Peyton Manning waved off the punt team so he could go for it on 4^th down.  I actually felt sorry for Dungy when I saw his face after that happened.   But think of some of the current coaches with a Super Bowl ring – Belichick, Gruden, Billick, Shanahan, Holmgren, Gibbs, Parcells – I can’t imagine any of them letting their quarterback do that.      

·        When Theo Epstein walked back into the Red Sox offices, did everyone stand up and do the slow clap?

·        You’ve probably heard that someone vandalized the house of Pete Morelli, the official who overturned Troy Polamalu’s interception.  I thought the most interesting part of the story was that they weren’t sure if it was related to the call, or because Morelli is a high school principal.  I guess Morelli wasn’t receiving enough abuse at school so he decided to become an NFL referee, too.  Personally, I would have just chosen to be an IRS agent – just as many people hate you, but you only have to work one job and your weekends are free.  Of course, I’m a little lazy.       

·        I’m a Utah Jazz fan so I hope I’m wrong, but I have a feeling that 20 years from now I’ll still be talking about the time the Jazz passed on drafting Chris Paul.

·        If they ever mike up NBA players during the games like they do in the NFL, it would be a travesty if they didn’t include Dikembe Mutombo and Yao Ming talking with each other. 

·        According to Lamar Odom, Kobe Bryant always says: “I never liked Mike (Jordan) growing up.”  If Kobe was ever in a trial again and I was the prosecuting attorney, I would break this quote out.  There’s no way a jury would believe a single word Kobe said after that.    

 

If you want to read the first part of this article that explains the criteria for this list as well as #6-#10 entries, click here.

5. Ricky Williams

            Williams has always been a bit different, such as not talking much to teammates, only doing interviews with his helmet on, and wearing a wedding dress for a magazine photo shoot.  These are things that didn’t scream crazy, but just a little odd.

            Then he decided to leave the NFL so he could smoke pot.  Hey, if it’s that important to him, who am I to judge?  But I always thought the craziest part was that he felt he had to quit football in order to smoke weed.  Since when did they become mutually exclusive?  If he hadn’t learned from one of his teammates how to get around the drug test, he really must be a loner.  Where was his agent?  Couldn’t he have arranged a conference call with one of the Portland Trailblazers so they could explain to Ricky how the system worked?

            Look, I would be the last person to endorse marijuana use.  But it is what it is – pro athletes smoke marijuana.  In fact, I guarantee that marijuana is more prevalent in professional sports than steroids. Of course, it’s a meaningless guarantee since we will never know if I am right or not.  And also, you don’t get anything if I am wrong.  Nevertheless, I stand 100% behind my guarantee.

            Let’s just end this section with a quote that Ricky gave after he returned to football.

            “Everywhere I go, I hear ‘Welcome back.’  But everywhere I have been, I have always been with myself.  I'm with myself now more than ever.  It's funny people say ‘Welcome back’ when I haven't gone anywhere.”

            Seriously, it’s really hard for me to believe that this is a guy who likes to smoke pot.

 

4. Tonya Harding           

For argument’s sake, let’s accept the assumption that whacking your opponent’s knee with a lead pipe is the most effective way of eliminating your arch nemesis (personally, I would have gone with either drugging her or loosening the blades on her skates.  If you wanted to go for more of a psychological ploy, you could shred her costume the night before, which she wouldn’t discover until she went to get dressed the next day.  Nevertheless, the lead pipe is a brutally simple yet efficient method – I can live with it).             

My question is if you’re going to use the lead pipe, why do it at the ice rink that is filled with media and security personnel?  Couldn’t you do it when she’s coming out of her hotel room, or at least the parking lot at the ice rink?  Was it poor planning, or were they just so lazy they didn’t want to make the drive over to the hotel?  It was like second graders hatched this plan – even Encyclopedia Brown would have been insulted by the simplicity of this case. 

Anyway, since then Harding has become a professional boxer.  In her debut, she beat up a defenseless Paula Jones at Celebrity Boxing.  If you didn’t see the fight, it was a frightening spectacle.  Jones was a last minute replacement for Amy Fisher, who couldn’t fight due to a parole judge’s order.  Apparently when Jones signed on, she only heard the word “Celebrity”, and not the word “Boxing” (both terms being used loosely, of course).  It was as though she was totally oblivious to the fact that she would likely be punched in the head. 

When the match started, it was immediately apparent that Jones was completely unprepared, and at one point she was backpedaling while shaking her head “No” to indicate she wanted to quit.  Of course, Harding ignored her pleas for mercy, pressed forward and began bashing Jones in the face until the fight was finally stopped.  At that moment, I thought it was completely plausible that this 5’2” figure skater could intimidate two grown men into a hit job on a defenseless woman. 

Sadly enough, you can look at Harding and quickly come to the conclusion that her career is now on an upswing. 

            Quick personal story: In 1994, I was flying home from Japan, where I had been living for the past two years.  I basically had no idea what was going on in the U.S. (couldn’t read the Japanese newspapers and the Internet was basically non-existent).  Just before we land, a news program comes on the monitor.  The two lead stories were about (1) an ice skater who directed someone to club another skater’s knee and (2) a trial where the wife had cut off her husband’s manhood and thrown it out a window (Lorena Bobbitt). 

            Seems like crazy news stories are the norm today, but before 1992 (when I left for Japan) could you think of any stories that were close to being this bizarre?  I was also in a different frame of mind since I was returning from a country where bad things hardly ever happened – if there was a murder, it became national news.  I felt like I had been frozen in time and returned to 20^th century Babylon.  I was fully prepared for the apocalypse – if the Chicago Cubs would have won the World Series that year, I would have been a basket case. 

 

3. Ron Artest           

You know he’s crazy, I know he’s crazy – apparently the Indiana Pacers just found out he’s crazy (I’ve already written about the Pacers and Artest in a previous article, so all I’m going to say is if you’re going to bring back a man who beat down fans during a game, it is ridiculous to hold him to the same standards that you assign to normal people.  He’s just not going to live up to them).

            The most memorable image I will always have of Artest came during a part of the Detroit brawl that was pointed out to me by a friend (or I might have read it, I can’t remember but I’m making that declaration now.  Yes, I’m a little paranoid about plagiarism right now.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s just better that you not ask).  What I remember about the fight was that after he attacked the first guy, he sort of stops and the look on his face seems to say “What am I doing?”  But a second later, it’s like he thinks: “Oh, well, I’m already here” and then starts wailing on people again. 

            Then this season, he says he wants to be traded because of all the baggage and pressure that surround him in Indiana.  When asked where he would like to be traded to, Artest answers … New York, which, of course, is well-known for its patient and understanding fans. 

It would be interesting to see Artest charge the stands in New York, and then watch the fans fight back.  I think I’d put Artest at a 3-to-1 underdog – he’s at least a 2-to-1 favorite any where else.  A 5-to-1 favorite in Utah.

 

2. Dennis Rodman

            The Dennis Rodman that everyone knows now is certainly different than the Rodman that first came into the league.  Back then he was an earnest young player who played his heart out each night.  When he won Defensive Player of the Year, he broke down in tears because he was so overwhelmed.  It was refreshing to see a professional athlete who was genuinely touched by the recognition he received for his effort.  Of course, I just laughed at him because I hated the Pistons.

            Then he underwent a transformation and suddenly he was the bad boy of the NBA.  He dyed his hair weird colors, he had tons of piercing and tattoos, and had flings with Madonna and Carmen Electra. 

            But I never totally bought into his act because I was always leery that he was conning everyone so he could increase his celebrity and personal wealth. 

            However, there were other times when I thought maybe he did have some serious issues.  Like the time when Jim Gray was interviewing Rodman, and Rodman started to cry.  What?  It’s freaking Jim Gray!  It’s like Screech making you cry!  The initial shock on Gray’s face was priceless – he couldn’t have been more surprised than i####irl gave him her number.  After the shock began to subside, you could see Gray thinking: “I just made Rodman cry!  Everyone’s going to be talking about me.  Maybe Walton and Snapper will let me go out to dinner with them tonight.”

            So if Rodman is #2, then that could only leave us  … 

             

1. Mike Tyson           

Tyson is clearly the craziest athlete over the last 20 years, but he almost doesn’t make the list because he’s so depressing.  He was the most gifted fighter of my lifetime, maybe even of all time.  Not only that, he was the most dynamic athlete in the world at his peak – I remember watching his fights with friends, and the room would start buzzing the moment he started his walk to the ring.  I’m talking about the room where we were watching the television, not the room full of people that were attending the event in person. 

            Can you think of another athlete that caused that much excitement when people just saw him on TV?  Not even Jordan had that effect.

             Unfortunately, Tyson has become the Michael Jackson of the sports world – once known for his unmatched talents, he is now known for his bizarre behavior.  Some say that Tyson’s life may have been different if his mentor Cus D’Amato had lived a bit longer.  But make no mistake – Tyson would have been a disaster even with D'Amato. 

Think of some of the crazy things he’s done:

·        Bit off Holyfield’s ear

·        Told Lennox Lewis: “I want to eat your children”

·        Convicted of rape

·        Considered a career in the adult video industry

·        Married Robin Givens 

Someone doesn’t do those things just because he’s hanging around the wrong crowd – he does it because he has severe emotional problems.

            Let’s take a look at my latest, favorite Tyson quote after he lost to Kevin McBride. 

            "I don't want to fight no more ... I don't have the stomach to do it no more. I don't even kill insects in my house. I just don't kill anything no more. I used to kill pigeons, rip their heads off, 'You dirty rat pigeon!' I don't even have the heart to kill an animal no more."

            In other words, if Tyson doesn’t have the urge to rip off the head of a pigeon, he’s just not ready to box. 

The thing is Tyson probably truly believes that in his heart.  And that’s why he’s Number 1 on this list. 

 

Honorable Mention

            I thought I would make a list of athletes who didn’t quite make it into the Top 10. 

 Bode Miller – Can you think of a more dangerous sport to participate in while drunk than Giant Slalom Ski Racing?  OK, there’s NASCAR.  And maybe skeet shooting.  But slalom ski racing is right up there.

Jose Canseco – He has admitted to using steroids, been arrested for beating his wife, and appeared on The Surreal Life.  A year ago, he would have been a lock to be on this list.  But when I was watching the Congressional baseball hearings, I realized that he might be the most stand-up guy in the room, politicians and lawyers included (of course, that probably goes without saying). 

Stephen Jackson – On how he’s changed since beating fans in Detroit: "It hasn't changed me at all. Obviously I won't go in the stands again, but I'm the same person."

Albert Belle – A Capricorn, Albert enjoys corking bats and throwing baseballs at fans.  That’s throw at them (as in targets), not to them (as in “Here’s a souvenir”).  Albert probably should have been on the list, but I actually forgot about him.

Latrell Sprewell – He once choked his coach.  He’s done other things, but that should be enough for this list.  

Randy Moss – There’s a lot of reasons he was a candidate, not the least of which is that he totally tanked this season and single-handedly submarined my fantasy football team.

Terrell Owens – It could easily be argued that Owens should have made the list.  But I didn’t include him for two reasons: (1) I think he made a calculated decision with his agent to disrupt the Eagles’ season, but he misjudged how far he could push it.  I think this was poor judgment as opposed to irrational behavior – I am sure he gave this a lot of thought; and (2) I’m just sick of hearing about the guy.

 

 

 

 

 

            First off, thanks to everyone who voted for me and helped me make it through the first elimination round. 

            I also wanted to give some parameters of this list – it basically consists of athletes from the last 15 years or so.  This is an arbitrary guideline, but I haven’t included athletes who seem to have such severe psychological problems that it’s depressing to think about them.  I’m not sure why one person’s mental instability makes me laugh while another person’s makes me sad, but I guess there are just some things in life you can’t explain. 

I also haven’t included athletes that may have been implicated with murder, and, yes, I was thinking specifically of Ray Lewis when I made that rule.  You may think it’s funny to make jokes about Ray Lewis, but personally I’m too scared to do it.  I know this is just a blog read by 13 people, but I’m not taking any chances.  Go ahead, make your jokes, but I’m warning you: You’re unnecessarily putting your life at risk.  Not that I think you’re guilty, Mr. Lewis.

            I’ve also split this column into two parts, because it was getting rather lengthy.  Here’s my list:

 

10. Carl Everett

            Everett has a reputation for being temperamental.  But he doesn’t make this list for doing things like getting kicked out of winter ball in Venezuela because he charged into the stands after some fans (Do you realize how difficult it is to get banned from a Venezuelan baseball league?  They don’t even eject fans from games for throwing batteries at players.)  No, Everett makes this list because of his interesting outlook on the world. 

Below are some of my favorite quotes. 

·           On the earth: “The world is round? Says who? I'll believe it when I go up into outer space and see it.”

·           On dinosaurs: “God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus rex.”

·           On whether he’s crazy: “No. Well, sometimes I am. But I’m fun crazy.”

Yes, thank you, Carl Everett – that was the phrase I was looking for earlier, “fun crazy”.  We want people on this list who are fun crazy. 

 

9. Manny Ramirez    

The requests for days off, ducking into the scoreboard during games, the base running goofs, trade demands – his odd behavior is so routine that Boston has even developed its own phrase for it, “Manny being Manny.” 

            Despite his apparent inability to connect with the real world, he is a genius when it comes to hitting.  You can put him in the same class as Forrest Gump playing ping pong and Rain Man counting cards.  He’s that good.

 

8. Rick Ankiel

In 2000, Ankiel was a rising star – he had an 11-7 record, 3.50 ERA and 194 strikeouts in 175 innings.  Not only could the Ankiel pitch, he could hit – he had a .250 average, .674 OPS and two home runs that year.  The kid was like Roy Hobbs in The Natural.

            Unfortunately, he ended up more like Nuke LaLoosh in Bull Durham (at the start of the movie, not the end).  In his first two playoff appearances, he threw seven wild pitches (five of them hit the backstop on the fly) and walked nine, lasting only a total of four innings.    

            In an effort to regain his control, Ankiel worked with multiple pitching coaches and sports psychologists.  No word on whether he tried breathing through his eyelids and wearing women’s garters, but no one would have blamed him if he did. 

            Ankiel never did solve his problems and now he’s trying to make it to the big leagues as an outfielder.  Part of me is interested in seeing if he can make it as a hitter, but the other part is even more excited to see him try to hit the cut-off man from right field. 

 

7. Doug Christie     

Here are some of the rules Doug Christie must live by: signal to his wife that he loves her 62 times during each game (an actual count by reporters one game); cannot talk to females; if he must talk to a female (such as a reporter) he cannot make eye contact.  And these are just some of the things that we know about.

            There are so many unanswered questions.  What does he do when he’s watching a movie with an attractive actress in it?  Does he avert his eyes?  Or does he just sit with his back to the screen while Mrs. Christie narrates the film for him? Or is he allowed to only watch movies starring Kathy Bates?

What about if he sees a car accident with a woman in it?  I think he’s probably allowed to talk to a woman in this situation.  But can he actually touch her and drag her out of a burning car?

            I can tell you one thing – Doug Christie has no friends outside of his family.  None.  Obviously, he can’t have female friends.  But if you are a guy, could you be friends with him?  Can you imagine at guys' night out – everybody’s joking around, getting excited about going out, and then Doug shows up with Mrs. Christie and says: “Hey, guys, you don’t mind if my wife comes with us, do you?”  How many times does this have to happen before you decide you can’t hang out with him any more?  If your answer was two times or higher, I hate to break it to you, but you are probably the Doug Christie of your group.

            Now it looks like his career might be over, which is hard enough for most athletes but likely even more difficult for Christie.  For the last 10 years, basketball was his only refuge from this woman.  Now he must spend every waking moment alone with her.  Until the day he dies. 

            Don’t be surprised if he announces a comeback in a couple of years and attempts to carve out a Julio Franco-esque career, playing until he’s 58 years old.  It’s either that or he snaps and we have to remove him from this list due to the Ray Lewis rule. 

 

6.  John Rocker

            In 1999, Rocker made racist remarks about minorities and made national headlines in the process.  Four years later he was out of the game.  Now he’s trying to make a comeback, and last year said the following:

            “I've taken a lot of #### from a lot of people. Probably more than anybody in the history of this sport. I know Hank [Aaron] and Jackie [Robinson] took a good deal of ####, but I guarantee it wasn't for six years.”

Yes, it’s true.  After their fifth year, Aaron and Robinson chose to not be black any more.  The hate mail, taunts, vandalism and death threats immediately ceased.  

            I thought about listing Rocker higher, but, in his defense, he’s probably more of an #### than a head case.

Well, that's it for today.  The bottom part of this list has been baseball heavy, but there's not a single baseball player in the top five.  I'll post the rest of the list tomorrow.

No One’s Talking About Him, But Big Ben May Be The Difference

It seems so long ago, but last year at this time, Ben Roethlisberger was the biggest story in the NFL – a rookie leading the Steelers to a 14-0 record as a starter and setting a franchise record for highest passer rating.  As the playoffs started, the debate raged on: “Can a rookie lead a team to a Super Bowl Championship?”  Some even dared to ask: “Is Roethlisberger the next Terry Bradshaw?”

            Fast forward one year, and you hear … nothing.  Throwing five interceptions in two playoff games will do that.  But people should be talking about Big Ben because he could play a key role against the Bengals this weekend.

            While the Steelers’ running attack will likely be the biggest factor in determining Pittsburgh’s success on Sunday (this year they are undefeated when they rush over 100 yards), the play of Big Ben is not far behind.  Over the last two years, they are 23-4 when he is the starter (3-3 when he does not start).  During that span, the Steelers are 4-3 when he throws two or more interceptions in games that he starts; they are 19-1 when he throws less than two. 

Nothing exemplifies this dynamic better than the Steelers' two games with the Bengals this season.  In the first match-up, Roethlisberger passed for a career-low 93 yards, two touchdowns and one interception – and the Steelers won.  In the rematch, Big Ben recorded career highs by throwing for 386 yards, three scores and three picks – and the Steelers lost. 

Instead of the next Bradshaw, this year some people are calling him the next Trent Dilfer – a quarterback who simply “manages the game” by handing off the ball, dumping short passes and not throwing interceptions. 

But such a description devalues Roethlisberger’s contributions to the offense.  Yes, it is crucial that Roethlisberger not commit turnovers this weekend.  But if the Steelers are going to win, they’ll need their quarterback to make some plays as well.

Roethlisberger had the third-highest passer rating in the NFL this year – better than quarterbacks like Tom Brady and Matt Hasselbeck.  Another telling statistic is his 8.9 yards-per-pass-attempt, which leads the NFL.  While this stat typically does not receive much attention, if you look at the top 10 leaders you would be hard pressed to say they’re not the top 10 quarterbacks in the league.  This statistic is particularly important for a team like the Steelers because the ability to stretch the defense is crucial against an opponent who is focused on stopping the run.  If Roethlisberger can’t spread out the defense, Willie Parker and Jerome Bettis won’t have space to run. 

You can bet the Bengals will use the same game plan that was so effective last time against Pittsburgh – stacking the line and daring the Steelers quarterback to throw into a secondary that leads the league in interceptions (it should be noted that Big Ben was playing with an injured thumb that game, although he would not say that it affected his performance).  In order to effectively run the ball this Sunday, Roethlisberger has no choice but to throw the ball and make some plays. 

"I think I feel more comfortable,” said Roethlisberger in an interview with the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, “Last year (in the playoffs), it was kind of, 'Oh my gosh, I'm so nervous and scared, here we go. Don't make a mistake.' I'm not going to go out and play not to make a mistake this year. I'm going to go out to win football games and play as good as I can to help this team win."   

Roethlisberger may not be worried about making mistakes, but Steelers fans probably should be.  As history shows, Big Ben is often the difference maker, for better or for worse.

 

---

 

3 Key Points for the Cincinnati Bengals

 1. The Front Seven Must Keep It Under a Buck:  The Steelers are 11-0 when they rush over 100 yards; 0-5 when they do not.  The Bengals have the worst rushing defense among playoff teams (allowing an average of 116 yards per game and 4.3 yards per carry).  It seems like a disaster waiting to happen, but last time they met Pittsburgh, they gave up only 95 yards on 28 attempts.  If they don’t contain the run, the Bengals better win the turnover battle – big.

2. Establish An Early Lead:  Cincinnati’s best defense against Pittsburgh’s running game may be its offense.  Everyone knows that the Steelers want to pound the ball with its combination of Parker and Bettis.  If the Carson Palmer can guide the Bengals to a lead of two scores or more, they may force the Steelers to abandon the run in the second half and become more one-dimensional.

 

3. T.J. Houshmandzadeh Must Step Up:  Since Rudi Johnson will be facing one of the league’s best run defenses and Chad Johnson will be drawing a lot of attention in the secondary, the Bengals will need someone else to contribute on offense.  Houshmandzadeh has been that guy for the Bengals this year – he recorded 956 receiving yards and seven touchdowns for the season.  When the Steelers limited Chad Johnson to only 54 yards receiving in their last game, T.J. stepped up with 95 total yards and two touchdowns. 

 

3 Keys Points for the Pittsburgh Steelers

 1. Keep the Turnover Battle Close:  The Bengals’ amazing turnover differential (plus 24) has been a major reason for the team’s success.  As highlighted earlier, it is imperative that Roethlisberger not turn over the ball, but he’s not the only one.  Parker fumbled the ball twice in their last meeting.  Although the Steelers were able to recover both times, it frustrated Cowher enough to yank Parker from the game for a while. 

2. Better Execution on 3rd Downs:  Given that the Steelers will frequently run on both first and second down, expect Pittsburgh to face many short-to-mid yardage situations on third down.  Having a high-conversion rate obviously increases the chances for a score, but it also limits the number of possessions for Cincinnati’s offense.  The Steelers had a 35% conversion rate this year, which ranks in the bottom half of the league.  Anything above 40% should mean good things for the Steelers.

3. Contain Rudi Johnson:  While stopping the run is crucial for the Bengals, it is just as important to the Steelers.  Johnson is averaging 103 yards in the Bengals’ wins this year.  Comparatively, even after excluding his 18-yard performance in a meaningless game last week, the Bengals’ running back is averaging only 76 yards per game in Cincinnati losses. 

 

Odds and Ends

• Out of a total of 18 playoff games, this is will be only the fourth time the Steelers will be on the road during the Bill Cowher era.   It’s a good thing they’ve had so few road games – Pittsburgh is 0-3 playing away from home.
• It hasn’t been easy being a sports fan in Cincinnati.  The last time the Bengals were in the playoffs was 15 years ago.  This is the first year that they have finished above .500 since that post-season appearance.  Compare that to 10 playoff appearances by the Steelers during the same time period.  Cincinnati’s other professional team, the Reds, haven’t been much better.  It’s been 10 years since they appeared in the playoffs and have only had two seasons above .500 during that time.    
• Marvin Lewis got his start coaching in the NFL with the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Cowher hired Lewis in 1992 as his linebackers coach.  Four years later Lewis left to become the defensive coordinator of the Baltimore Ravens, where he established himself as one of the league’s premiere defensive coaches.

 

            I thought I might explain a little bit about my motivation for participating in this contest.  This is probably both unnecessary and boring, and I would encourage most people to skip this post because it will likely contain information that only my mom would find interesting.  However, based on some posts that I have read, it appears there are a number of people who are concerned about this.

            As my bio indicates, during college I thought I would become a journalist. Ultimately, I decided against it and I have never regretted that choice, although I still enjoy writing.    

            I have had an idea for a website for over a year now and decided to finally start it.  Although my personal writing is a small part of the site, I knew I needed to sharpen my writing skills before I launched it.  When I saw this contest, I thought it could be a fun experience as well as a good way to further practice.  If some people checked out my website later because of what they saw during this competition, so much the better.

            Basically, that’s why I entered.  I had no delusions that I would win this thing, and I still don’t.  A few people have written that they hope the winner is someone who really wants to start a career in journalism.  If that’s the case, they probably shouldn’t vote for me.

            I’m doing this because I enjoy writing.  I’ve read many comments that state that many of the finalists are poor writers.  They may be referring to me, which does not bother me in the least.  They may be right – I’m not half the writer I used to be.  I understand that criticism is part of the deal – in fact, that is why I use my real name.  If I write something that is off-base or terrible, I believe I should be held accountable.

            Thanks to the judges for doing a truly thankless job (there are only 16 people who aren’t disappointed) and good luck to the other finalists.       

Administrator (or anyone else): I listed this under categories such as NBA so people could find this, if this is a problem please let me know.

It will never happen, but the Indiana Pacers should keep Artest.  Yes, Larry Bird feels “betrayed” and Donnie Walsh will let Cheryl Miller suit up before Ron-Ron, but it’s the move that makes the most sense.

For the moment, let’s not focus on the fact that Indiana can’t get a comparable talent with a $7 million salary (unless someone’s willing to take Austin Croshere, too).  A year ago, the Pacers chose to stand by Artest, and they shouldn’t let a bump in the road derail their plans.

From the Pacers’ organization standpoint, he committed an unforgivable sin by telling the media he wanted to be traded.  Maybe this standard should be applied to most players, but not to Artest. 

Think about it – this is a man who charged into the stands and started beating people.  If you bring him back to your team, how high can your expectations really be?  Wouldn’t you be just happy if he made it through the season without committing a felony or choking a referee? 

Personally, I would have been more surprised if Artest didn’t say something stupid to the media this year.  A couple of days after the brawl in Detroit, he was on national TV promoting his CD at the end of his interviews.  Even in his calmer moments, he exhibits an amazing lack of common sense.

Artest reminds me of Ron Burgundy in “Anchorman.”  You know the scene where Will Ferrell ends his newscast with “I’m Ron Burgundy, go **** yourself, San Diego.”  And then he walks around saying things like, “Good show, good job everyone.  I thought that went really smoothly”, while everyone is looking at him in horror.

That’s Artest – sometimes, he has no idea what he’s doing.  It’s not until someone points it out that he realizes what he’s done.  I wasn’t shocked when he said he wanted to be traded, and I was even less surprised when he later said he wanted to stay. 

And the Pacers, more than anyone, should know that this is part of the package.  It would be incredibly naïve to think he was going to be a model citizen all year.  He’s not malicious; he’s not going to intentionally try to submarine the season like Terrell Owens did, a frequently cited comparison by many columnists.  But he’s going to say and do foolish things from time to time.  That’s the tradeoff for having a top-15 player for a $7 million salary. 

Is he worth the headache?  I don’t know, but the Pacers decided he was a year ago so it must mean that he’s worth it now.  They may think the situation has changed, but it hasn’t – Ron is still Ron.  And that’s all he’s ever going to be.   

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