Below I present my rendition of The Producers with an NBA twist.  I have assembled my list of the most deficient and inadequate owner, general manger, head coach and players of today to make one All-Dud Team.  There are no prerequisites, but the prototype player should be active on a present roster, get consistent minutes, hold an inflated contract, play little defense and just be an overall detriment to his team.

Scenes

ACT ONE

NBA, 2005

Scene 1: “Opening Night”…………………....……..James Dolan (owner)

If there ever was a Peter Angelos of the NBA this would be the man. When Jim is not busy feuding with his father Charles and sinking his company Cablevision, he is making poor management decisions for his storied franchise the New York Knicks. (Now that I think about it if there ever was a Kenneth Lay of the NBA Jim might fit that bill as well).  Jim continues to maintain the largest payroll in the NBA and gets the least R.O.I. (return on investment) in the league.  Let’s review some of his most notorious achievements: permitting television blackouts of major New York sports teams, dismissing Marv Albert the voice of the Knicks, politicking against a new stadium for the NY Jets and leading his Knicks to what appears to be a fifth straight losing season.  All of this has labeled him by one major New York newspaper as “the most hated man in New York”. 

Scene 2: “I Wanna Be a GM”…….......…Isaiah Thomas (general manger)

Now it would not be fair to lay all the blame on Mr. Dolan.  Honestly, Jim Dolan made only one mistake in my judgment and that was hiring Isaiah.  Midas he’s not.  His penchant for overpaid, mediocre, ‘tweeners is truly extraordinary: Antonio Davis, Malik Rose, Maurice Taylor, Jackie Butler, not to mention Mike Sweetney, Othello Harrington, Vin Baker and Nazar Mohammed who are no longer with the team.  I wish I was 6’10”, slow, and had no game because I know that as long as Isaiah was a GM in the league I would be employed!  Lets not forget about Jamal Crawford and his 7 year $56 million dollar deal.  It will be a long time before the Knicks can escape from the mountain of second-rate talent and huge contracts that Isaiah has accumulated.

Scene 3: “Lord of Broadway”…………...………Byron Scott (head coach)

You would think bringing your team to consecutive NBA finals would provide you with some job security.  Not so with Byron Scott.  Scott very might well be an adequate head coach in the future, but right now he has reputation of being an outspoken disciplinarian except when it applies to himself.  (Rumor has it that after Hurricane Katrina, rescue teams where certain not to check the Hornets game-film room since the chance of anybody being there was extremely slim).  Scott needs to improve upon his effort and stop acting like it is his inherant right to be a head coach in the NBA. With an attitude like this you won’t get the most out of your players.  Just ask the floundering ‘04 N.J. Nets; the day after Scott was fired they rolled off thirteen consecutive wins.

Scene 4: “In Old Nigeria”……………………Michael Olowokandi (center)

My mother told me never to take Kandi from a stranger –now I know why.  At 7’0” 270 lbs. and a former number one draft pick you would think Olowokandi would been a GM’s dream, but unfortunately he has never been that menacing presence most touted him to be.  He is far from the worst player on this list and is more a victim of the hype and his own brash comments, but like his predecessors –Joe Barry Carol, Sam Bowie, Benoit Benjamin -he is destined to be a NBA journeyman that will always wear the label of untapped potential.  Olowokandi plays the game with a passionate indifference and this is why he has landed on the All-Dud Team.

ACT TWO

Scene 1: “Little Old Lady”……….....……Antoine Walker (power forward)

If there was an All-Dud league Antoine Walker may be the number one pick in the draft. His Tommy Gun style approach to the game of shooting often and erratically could even make Al Capone shy away.  Over his career he has averaged 18.5 heaves a game with a less than stellar .414 FG percentage from the power forward position no less. You would hope with numbers like that Antione would take a few more to the hole and draw some fouls.  Well with a .539 clip from the line the last three years this could explain why this might not be such a good idea either. Sprinkle in some lethargic defense and a $14.6 million/year contract and you can see why Antione should have a staring role in this show.

Scene 2: “Keep it NCAA”…....……….Mike Dunleavy Jr. (small forward)

I’m confident Mike Krzyewski is going to make the U.S. proud at the next Olympics because he gets the most out of his players.  Case and point Mike Dunleavy.  Every team needs a healthy mix of veterans and youth and that is why Dunleavy has made my list.  He will no doubt provide Danny Ferryesque play for years to come.  If Dunleavy was a late first round pick without a five year $44 million contract I may cut him some slack, but I expect more from this number three pick.  This is Dunleavy’s fourth year in the league and he appears to be regressing with a .392 FG percentage along with a .257 from three point land.  He plays over 31 minutes a game yet can’t muster 10 points on an average night.  That would be fine if your name was Ben Wallace, but when the rest of your game is lacking you better be knocking down threes like it’s your job.  Oh right, that is his job -well not for long if he continues his current play.

Scene 3:  “That Face”………….……………Jalen Rose (shooting guard)

They say every Rose has its thorns –unfortunately Jalen has more than his share.  Rose has given up on his Toronto teammates and would have been traded by now, but unfortunately for Toronto there are 14.6 million reasons why this might not happen any time soon.  He is shooting .344 from the filed and averaging under 10 points a game along with a paltry .212 for behind the arc.  He even forgot how to dish the ball registering only 2.5 assists per game.  I understand he’s playing for a poorly run organization that is going nowhere, but Jalen you are still getting paid $14.6 million a year to play basketball, so you get little sympathy from me.

Scene 4: “Springtime for Stephon”…....…Stephon Marbury (point guard)

It is essential that every All-Dud team has a selfish, vain, malcontent point guard to lead his team to ruins.  I cannot think of anyone better for this position than Stephon Marbury.  Every team that the self-proclaimed “Starbury” (tattooed on his arm) has graced with his presence has been for the worse.  There is no question his career numbers are impressive (20.5 points/game, 8.2 assists/game), but what is truly remarkable is how the teams dramatically improves the year after he departs. The Minnesota Timberwolves went from a .500 team to .610 winning percentage, N.J. Nets went from 26-56 to 52-30 and the Phoenix Suns improved from 29-53 to 62-20.  Both the Nets and the Suns went from 6^th to 1^st in their respective divisions the year after the dubious point guard was absent.  To be honest I can care less if general mangers all over the league continue to get fooled by Marbury, but I did take it personally when he brought home the bronze from the Olympics in Greece.  Best of luck Larry.

                                            
  CURTAIN CALL

Analyzing this cast of characters I smell something, but it’s definitely not a Tony.  We have a starting five with a yearly salary of just under $60 million, a combined FG percentage .432, an apathetic approach to defense and overall negative disposition.  There are no doubt lesser talents in the NBA, but dollar for dollar and pound for pound you will not see much worse.  If you have any suggestions for a sixth-man for the All-Dud Team do tell.  Kwame, are you available???