Recently, the New York Yankee organization has been mired in a number of peculiar events. It first started when Brian Cashman signed a three year contract to come back as general manger after strong rumors that he would walk and seek an environment that was less controlled. Next, were the uncharacteristic off-season actions by Yankee brass as they sat shrewdly on the sidelines while teams such as the Toronto Blue Jays, Chicago White Sox and New York Mets spent liberally on lavish free agents. The Yankees passed on the temptation of overpaying for a premier reliever to set-up Mariano Rivera and opted for a more efficient investment in Kyle Farnsworth. This then allowed B.J. Ryan and Billy Wagner to sign blotted contracts with their rivals. Also, they patiently waited out Scott Boras and singed Johnny Damon for a more realistic four years instead of seven. Finally, they have prudently displayed confidence in a rotation that may rely heavily on names such as Chacon, Wang and Small. Relative to most other ball clubs this would be an eventful off-season, but for the Yankees this is not the typical modus operandi.

This has been one of the Yankee’s most practical and successful off-seasons in some time. They have addressed the team’s needs in the bullpen and brought in a capable center fielder that has created a top of the order that is reminiscent of the Knoblauch years. Management was careful not to over spend which will allow them to add that important missing piece (whatever it may be) later in the season. The Yankees like most years will be the favorite, but I believe it is more credible with this group of players.

So, has George Steinbrenner finally learned after all these years that it’s best to let the baseball people run the show? Steinbrenner is an old dog and we know what that means. The answer may be much simpler than that. From what I understand, and this is not just speculation, is that George Steinbrenner does not have the same control and authority over the team as he has had during his thirty-two year reign. Word is that unfortunately Mr. Steinbrenner is not in the same state as he was just a short time ago. Memory lapses and his inability to function as he once did are altering the club’s direction. Mr. Steinbrenner will be 76 in July and we can expect a gradual exchange of power to Steve Swindal, Steinbrenner’s son-in-law and expected future owner of the Yankees. This is not to imply that because of Mr. Steinbrenner’s age he will not maintain an influence over the club, Willington Mara disproved that notion, but we may never see, for better or worse, the Bronx Zoo again. There is no denying that during his time as owner of the most prestigious franchise in all of sports, Steinbrenner had his good and bad times, but overall he was an asset to the game because he could evoke emotions like no other owner in recent history. When the day does come and Steinbrenner is officially gone, whether you love him or hate him, I think we can all agree the game won’t be the same.

Have you ever noticed that…

…whenever the camera focuses in on a major league baseball manager soon there after his finger will make its way to his nose.

...when watching a New York Knicks basketball game Walt Clyde Frazier will use the most undulatory, vermicular, and inexpedient language to describe each and every play of the game.

…badminton and handball are Olympic events, but baseball has been dropped.

 …at an NFL football game a homely girl never seems to make in it up on the Jumbotron, but you’ll be sure to see at least 3 fat guys with their shirts off.

 …baseball is the only sport where the manger wears the team’s uniform. I’d pay extra to see George Karl dawn a Nuggets uniform.

 …a beer at a Yankee Stadium cost as much as an o.k. bottle of wine.

 …in between rounds of a boxing match the corner men never have anything of value to say. “Stick and move kid”, “Look’n good”, “Don’t get hit”.

 …at the Slam Dunk Contest the NBA players in attendance that are not in uniforms make the most ridiculous faces after every dunk.

 …at certain sporting events some tailgaters never leave the parking lot to actually go see the game.

 …on a televised WNBA game you’ll notice the cameras are extremely careful never pan above the lower section to expose the empty seats.

 …the higher the salary an NBA player has, the more steps he can take to the basket.

…professional wrestlers will do their best to mock, intimidate, and maim their opponents while in the ring, but after the match go back to the same a locker room and peacefully get dressed before they go home.

If you have noticed something let us know.

You used to be the darling of the MLB,

An ‘86 winner if you only had brought the D.

The loveable loser who could do no right,

That is until one famous bloody sock night.

A World Series Champion you became,

Bostonians had finally received their fame.

The party was grand and the people were excited,

Finally, this was the year they were not slighted.

The very next year the mood was high,

“Hey this winning thing is easy as pie”.

Let’s just do the same as we did in the past,

Play ball and raise that flag to full mast.

They lost some players from the year before,

First Pedro, then Bellhorn then Schilling got sore.

Don’t worry everything will be alright,

They still have Ortiz and Manny’s might.

Chicago looked good but the BosSox are champs,

They’ve had that attitude since the first day of camp.

One-Two-Three -it’s what you call a sweep,

The powerful lumber didn’t even make a peep.

So the party is over and they are no longer the cream,

Not like that other loveable Chicago area team.

Destined to be ordinary for the rest of their existence,

A victim no doubt of their determined resistance.

Oh by the way Sox fans, Johnny’s in heaven,

Here come the Yankees to bring home title 27!

Who is the best Major League ballplayer of all time? This is a debate that can never, and should never get a definitive answer, but I believe that there is fair and logical way of approaching this age old question. 

For simplicity sake and limited space I’ve excluded pitchers, the underappreciated Negro Leagues, individual awards (since most were initiated in later years), su####ion of performance enhancing drugs and advancements made in baseball equipment. Factors such as baseball I.Q., championships, arm strength, range and fielding ability are included in my assessment, but admittedly aspects of the game that cannot be quantified are more difficult to evaluate.

If given the opportunity I would consider all the elected members of the H.O.F. and other players with similar statistical accomplishment. These players would include, but not be limited to Ty Cobb, Honus Wagner, Stan Musial, Jakie Robinson, Mickey Mantle, Willie Mays, Joe DiMaggio, Ted Williams, etc. Again, because of constraints I am forced to choose only three players. I have selected Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron and Barry Bonds, because they are from various generations and are the usual suspects when discussing the greatest of all time.

I took an “apples to apples” approach in my analysis, which means I compared and contrasted relative data and then made an overall assessment to tie everything together. The seven statistical categories that I depended on are AB, B.A., Runs Scored, O.B.P, SLG., HR, and SB. Finally, I dismissed any season that a player did not reach at least 70 at bats, which has created some minor deviations in the lifetime totals.

Babe Ruth:

                           Ruth        Rest of League     (1915 to 1935)                       

Bat Avg.:           .342          .276

O.B.P.:              .474          .339

Slg.:                   .690          .382

AB/HR ratio:     11.75        101.20

AB/Runs ratio:   3.86          7.32

AB/SB ratio:      68.20        53.40

Over his career Ruth displayed an exceptional ability to play above his peers. As we can observe, Ruth had a career Batting Average that was 66 points higher, an On Base Percentage that was 135 points higher and a Slugging Percentage that was an uncanny that 308 points higher than the average player of his time. These numbers are impressive, but what really stands out was the frequency Ruth was able to hit the ball out of the park during a period when homeruns were a rarity. He accomplished this at a rate that was 8.6 times better than the standard of his day.

Taking a closer look at the 1920 season, Ruth hit 54 homeruns which eclipsed every other team’s combined homerun total for that year by a margin of 8%. If a player was to accomplish this same achievement in the 2005 season he would have had to hit 280 homeruns. This was not anomaly because he did this again (at nearly the same ratio) seven years later in the 1927 season. This is in my opinion is the greatest feat in sport’s history.

Hank Aaron:

                           Aaron       Rest of League     (1954 to 1976)                       

Bat Avg.:           .305          .255

O.B.P.:               .374          .319

Slg.:                   .555          .382

AB/HR ratio:     16.38        43.14

AB/Runs ratio:   5.69          8.19

AB/SB ratio:      51.52        72.26

Hammer’n Hank deserves to be known as one of the greatest of all time. He played during an era of low batting averages and slugging percentages, yet he still hit with power and could swipe a base as well. He maintained a batting average well above the mean and hit homeruns over 2.6 times better than his competition. Also, earlier in his career he was a top outfielder, but what is most impressive about Aaron’s career was his longevity.  A manger could pencil in a 300 batting average, 40 homeruns and over 100 RBI just about every one of his 23 year career.

Barry Bonds:

                           Bonds      Rest of League     (1986 to 2004)                       

Bat Avg.:           .300          .259

O.B.P.:              .442          .325

Slg.:                   .611          .401

AB/HR ratio:     12.94        37.03

AB/Runs ratio:   4.40          7.69

AB/SB ratio:      17.98        47.25

Regardless of recent allegations Barry Bonds is a great baseball player. He is the most complete player to ever play the game. Power, speed, batting average, gold glove, bat control and ability to change an opposing team’s game plan goes unmatched. An argument could be made that if starting a team of all time players Bonds would be the first selected. His slugging percentage is over 200 points higher and he is 1.74 more times likely to score than the average player of his generation. What is most astounding is that his career is not over. Who knows how long he will play and what other feats he will accomplish.

Conclusion:

There is an old joke that if Ruth played today he would only bat .275 and hit 25 homeruns. And that’s because he would be over 100 years of age. Though this analysis is grossly under complete I believe that it is a foundation that would eventually prove that Babe Ruth was the best to ever play the game. The main assumption I make in my analysis is that the most complete way to judge a player’s ability is to compare him to the other players of his generation. There is no doubt that Ruth was statistically superior to Aaron and Bonds, but the argument is strengthened when we examine proportionally how much better he performed in his generation compared to both Aaron and Bonds. The argument can even be further reinforced if we factor the intangibles such as pennants and conditions of the era, such as equipment and ballpark dimensions. Let us also not forget that Ruth was utilized more as a pitcher for the first five years of his career.

Endnotes:

Out of all my postings to date I am most interested in the feedback and response to this blog.  Please agree, disagree and/or provide your opinion on who you believe is better between Aaron and Bonds as well.

When factoring the AB to SB ratio I used ABs instead of the more appropriate plate appearance because I could not obtain those figures.  

Finally, I would be happy to prove my work and send you my spreadsheets if anyone is interested.  Just provide me your email.

In 1989 when the walls of tyranny came crashing down in Eastern Europe the Western world was given an opportunity to acquire a better perspective to some of the gems that lay there.  One of these places is the southern most Baltic state, Lithuania.  If you must look at a map to get a better idea of where this tiny country resides you are not alone.  Ask an economist what Lithuania’s major exports are you might get the standard response of textile articles, mineral products and machinery & equipment. But if you ask the average Lithuanian what’s his country’s biggest export is, he will tell you it no uncertain terms, “krepsininkai”.  Translation: basketball players. 

For a country that maintains a population of around 3 million people it efficiently and consistently produces quality NBA talent.  As Americans watched the 1988 Seoul Olympics we were all heartbroken to see the USSR take the gold from the United States, but we were oblivious to the irony of the event.  As Americans, we perceived it as a blow from Russia and the “evil empire”, but in truth it was two Lithuanian’s, Sarunas Marciulionis and Arvydus Sabonis, that lead that USSR team.  The irony is that during that time and right up 'til present day, Lithuanians are, shall we put it mildly, not to found of their former oppressors the Russians. The majority of the 3 million Lithuanians viewing that game in their rundown, depressed, communist dwellings were not overjoyed about the gold medal for Mother Russia, no, what was thrilling for them was to finally have their countryman on a world stage.

The crafty Croatian, Drazen Petrovic, has been given the credit as being the trailblazer (no pun intended) that put European players on the map.  There is no doubt Petrovic is one of the best foreign players ever to play in the NBA, but while he was logging bench minutes in Portland in the ‘90 and ‘91 seasons it was Sarunas Marciulionis who demanded the world take notice of European talent with his quality play for the Golden State Warriors.  In 1990, Marciulionis’ rookie season, he was the sixth man on a team playing along the sides of Chris Mullin, Tim Hardaway and Mitch Richmond.  True, he had the look of a seventies porn star with that full mustache and those tiny shorts, but the guy could flat out play.  He averaged 22 minutes and scored over 12 points a game for an extremely potent offensive club.  Later in his career he would score as many as 19 points per game.

If Marciulionis is the prince of Lithuania, than no doubt Arvydus Sabonis is the King. To say Sabonis is the Jordon of Lithuania would actually be a gross understatement to a Lithuanian.  He played at a towering 7’3” and tipped the scales at 280 pounds and no one ever played the game at that size with his finesse.  He could hit the three and pass the rock with most of the better guards of his day and of course he could #### and score in the paint with the best of them.  As a beaten and battered 31 year old rookie in the NBA with ailing knees, Sabonis proved he could still play.  At 33 he averaged 16 points, 10 rebounds and 3 assists per game and finished his career with a .500 FG percentage with a .328 clip from downtown.  Unfortunately, at the tail end of his career he took a towel in the face as he sat on the bench by the disgruntled Rasheed Wallace on national television, a clip that was played numerous times throughout the world.

In today’s game we see a new breed of Lithuanian talent, the exciting guard from the Indiana Pacers, Sarunas Jasikevicius; the perennial All-Star from the Clevland Cavaliers, Zydunas Ilgauskas; the promising Chicago Bulls forward, Darius Songaila and a host of other younger Lituanian talent spread throughout the league. The ability for such a small, underprivileged nation to continue to churn out talent is extremely impressive.  There can be a number of parallels drawn between Lithuania and places such as the Dominican Republican and its ability to produce MLB talent.  What are the reasons?  That could be an interesting article for another time, right now I rather just enjoy the product.

 …after 27 years of age.  Well, maybe Barry Sanders may have had a few more moves from 27 to 30, but Barber is truly an anomaly. Let’s assume that Barber rushes an average of 90 yards/game (‘05 average: 105/per game) to finish out the season with 1,757 rushing yards on the year. That would give him 5,698 rushing yards since his 27th birthday. Let’s put that into perspective. That would be more yards than Joe Morris, Christian Okoye and Clinton Portis for their careers. If Barber finishes with 48 receptions (238 career), which he is on pace to do, he will have more career receptions than Garrison Hearts, Fred Taylor and even more than the infamous O.J. Simpson (as long as catching VDs is not included).

Emmit Smith never rushed for over 1400 yards a season after his 27th birthday and during that same period only rushed for 5,007 yards. What does all this mean? Well not a whole lot.  All the rest he received earlier in his career has probably given him some longevity, but you have to hand it to Barber, no one that I can recall has had two halves of their careers with such a contrast in performance.

I think it may be time for me to get a hobby…

A little less then a year ago the President mentioned steroids and baseball in his State of the Union Address and since that speech we have seen some notable changes in our national pastime.  In the last year National League homeruns were down 10.3% and runs scored down 4.2%.  In the Junior Circuit the numbers were similar with homeruns decreasing 7.0% and runs scored down 5.3%.  Not to get too bogged down in the figures, but from this small sample it appears that major league hitters have not been striking the ball with the same authority as in recent years.  I expect to see much of the same in the coming years, especially as more steroid suspensions are doled out.

Though I would never condone steroids I am not convinced that they are as harmful to mature males in controlled environments as we are lead to believe.  If it were not for the infamous anecdotal evidence of Lyle Alzado I’m not sure how great of an “epidemic” this would be.  What really disheartens me is how the sanctity of one of the most pure games to ever grace this world has been blemished.  Baseball sets itself apart from other sports by the significance of its statistics.  This is possible due to the judiciousness and prudent planning by Abner Doubleday and the other forefathers of the game: 60 feet 6 inches from home plate to the rubber, 90 feet between base paths, three strikes your out, four balls take your base –these rules are set in stone.  They rarely if ever needed to be altered.  The double play today is just exciting as it was back when “Tinkers to Evers to Chance” manned the diamond and statistically means just as much.

I cannot recall the last time I heard a spirited debate about who was a better running back Frank Gifford or Fred Taylor.  Or is it really fair to compare the great Bill Russell (6’9” 215 lbs.) to other centers of today such as Shaquille O’Neal (7’2” 325 lbs.) and Yao Ming (7’6” 310 lbs.).  Where size, strength and foot speed are the dominate factors in most sports, it is hand-eye coordination that plays a larger role in baseball.   We can realistically compare Honus Wagner to Paul Molitor, and there is nearly100 years of separation between their careers.  A valid argument could be made that the baseball players of yesteryear were better, for the simple fact that they could not “muscle” balls out the larger ballparks as players so often do in today’s game.  

This is why I have taken personal offense to the steroid abuse in MLB, even more so than in other sports I enjoy.  These offenders are disturbing the essence of the game that so many people hold dearly.  I believe it is our responsibility as fans to take an honest but stern look at certain players that possess aberrations and abnormalities in their statistics over their careers.  This is not intended to be a witch hunt, but I have listed several players that have raised red flags in my judgment.

Maybe it’s unfair for me to speculate in such a manner, but in no way am I accusing all of these players of using performance enhancing drugs.  I’m just initiating a debate which I think will eventually be had in the future, especially for the players that have the “numbers” to reach baseball’s paradise, the Hall of Fame.  Let us not forget, improprieties have most certainly taken place and in my mind that is just as immoral, as say, betting on the game.

The All-Suspect Team

CATCHER:

Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez

            AVG.  RBI  OBP  SLG.

2004    .334    86     .383   .510

2005    .276    50     .290   .444

Pudge lost nearly 30 lbs. before the start of last season so that his “defense would improve”.  Pudge already owns ten Gold Glove awards.

INFIELD:

Jim Thome

          AVG.  HR      RBI   SLG.

2001  .291     49        124   .624

2002  .304     52        118   .677

2003  .266     47        131   .573

2004  .274     42        105   .581

2005  .207       7         30    .352

Again, I’m not saying Thome is guilty (he is one of the good guys), but these numbers stand out to me.

Brett Boone

            AVG.   HR  RBI   SLG.

2001    .331      37   141    .578

2002    .278      24   107    .462

2003    .294      35   117    .535

2004    .251      24    83     .423

2005    .220        7    28     .365

Boone’s numbers were on the decline in ’04, but so much so that he should be out of the league in ‘05?

Mike Lowell

           AVG.    HR    RBI   SLG.

2004    .293      27      85      .505

2005    .236      8        58      .360

Jason Giambi

Giambi already has admitted to a federal grand jury that he injected steroids, but this did not prevent him form leading league in on base percentage for 2005.

Adrian Beltre

            AVG.   HR   RBI   SLG

2004     .334     48    121   .629

2005     .255     19      87   .413

Beltre did switch leagues, which may have contributed to his poor performance at the plate, but I’m quite confident that he was permitted the 4 balls and 3 strikes he had in his old league.

OUTFIELD:

Barry Bonds

Every single season from 37 to 40 years of age Bonds slugging percentage was higher than any previous year in his career.  During his rookie year he weighed in at 185 lbs. and today is listed at 228 lbs.   Let’s not forget the 73 homeruns and .863 slugging percentage in ‘01.  There should be an asterisk next to the record in my opinion.  

Sammy Sosa

            AVG.   HR   RBI   SLG

2005    .221     14     45     .376

We are all aware of what Sosa has accomplished with the bat in his career, but last year's numbers and the inexplicable inability to remember how to speak English during the congressional hearings was too much for me.

Jim Edmunds

           AVG.  HR   RBI     SLG

2004    .301    42     111     .643

2005    .263    29      89      .533

Edmunds plays the game like it was meant to be played, but there is no denying he had a significant drop for '04 to '05.

Luis Gonzalez

This is another player that has obviously put on enormous amount muscle after the age of 30.  This is not impossible, but it is not typical for a player to hit 57 homeruns at the age of 33 when he had never hit over 31 homeruns previously in his career.  It took Gonzalez he first six plus years combined just hit 59 homeruns.  I’m sorry but I will never put Luis Gonzalez in the same breath as a Hank Greenberg, but their numbers are very similar.  Something’s not right.

Tested Positive:

11/2 Matt Lawton, OF Yankees

10/18 Felix Heredia, LHP Mets

10/4 Carlos Almanzar, RHP Rangers

9/7 Michael Morse, SS Mariners

8/2 Ryan Franklin, P Mariners

8/1 Rafael Palmiero, 1B Orioles

6/8 Rafael Betancourt, P Indians

5/2 Juan Rincon, P Twins

4/26 Jamal Strong, OF Mariners

4/20 Agustin Montero, P Rangers

4/11 Jorge Piedra, OF Rockies

4/4 Alex Sanchez, OF Devil Rays

Below I present my rendition of The Producers with an NBA twist.  I have assembled my list of the most deficient and inadequate owner, general manger, head coach and players of today to make one All-Dud Team.  There are no prerequisites, but the prototype player should be active on a present roster, get consistent minutes, hold an inflated contract, play little defense and just be an overall detriment to his team.

Scenes

ACT ONE

NBA, 2005

Scene 1: “Opening Night”…………………....……..James Dolan (owner)

If there ever was a Peter Angelos of the NBA this would be the man. When Jim is not busy feuding with his father Charles and sinking his company Cablevision, he is making poor management decisions for his storied franchise the New York Knicks. (Now that I think about it if there ever was a Kenneth Lay of the NBA Jim might fit that bill as well).  Jim continues to maintain the largest payroll in the NBA and gets the least R.O.I. (return on investment) in the league.  Let’s review some of his most notorious achievements: permitting television blackouts of major New York sports teams, dismissing Marv Albert the voice of the Knicks, politicking against a new stadium for the NY Jets and leading his Knicks to what appears to be a fifth straight losing season.  All of this has labeled him by one major New York newspaper as “the most hated man in New York”. 

Scene 2: “I Wanna Be a GM”…….......…Isaiah Thomas (general manger)

Now it would not be fair to lay all the blame on Mr. Dolan.  Honestly, Jim Dolan made only one mistake in my judgment and that was hiring Isaiah.  Midas he’s not.  His penchant for overpaid, mediocre, ‘tweeners is truly extraordinary: Antonio Davis, Malik Rose, Maurice Taylor, Jackie Butler, not to mention Mike Sweetney, Othello Harrington, Vin Baker and Nazar Mohammed who are no longer with the team.  I wish I was 6’10”, slow, and had no game because I know that as long as Isaiah was a GM in the league I would be employed!  Lets not forget about Jamal Crawford and his 7 year $56 million dollar deal.  It will be a long time before the Knicks can escape from the mountain of second-rate talent and huge contracts that Isaiah has accumulated.

Scene 3: “Lord of Broadway”…………...………Byron Scott (head coach)

You would think bringing your team to consecutive NBA finals would provide you with some job security.  Not so with Byron Scott.  Scott very might well be an adequate head coach in the future, but right now he has reputation of being an outspoken disciplinarian except when it applies to himself.  (Rumor has it that after Hurricane Katrina, rescue teams where certain not to check the Hornets game-film room since the chance of anybody being there was extremely slim).  Scott needs to improve upon his effort and stop acting like it is his inherant right to be a head coach in the NBA. With an attitude like this you won’t get the most out of your players.  Just ask the floundering ‘04 N.J. Nets; the day after Scott was fired they rolled off thirteen consecutive wins.

Scene 4: “In Old Nigeria”……………………Michael Olowokandi (center)

My mother told me never to take Kandi from a stranger –now I know why.  At 7’0” 270 lbs. and a former number one draft pick you would think Olowokandi would been a GM’s dream, but unfortunately he has never been that menacing presence most touted him to be.  He is far from the worst player on this list and is more a victim of the hype and his own brash comments, but like his predecessors –Joe Barry Carol, Sam Bowie, Benoit Benjamin -he is destined to be a NBA journeyman that will always wear the label of untapped potential.  Olowokandi plays the game with a passionate indifference and this is why he has landed on the All-Dud Team.

ACT TWO

Scene 1: “Little Old Lady”……….....……Antoine Walker (power forward)

If there was an All-Dud league Antoine Walker may be the number one pick in the draft. His Tommy Gun style approach to the game of shooting often and erratically could even make Al Capone shy away.  Over his career he has averaged 18.5 heaves a game with a less than stellar .414 FG percentage from the power forward position no less. You would hope with numbers like that Antione would take a few more to the hole and draw some fouls.  Well with a .539 clip from the line the last three years this could explain why this might not be such a good idea either. Sprinkle in some lethargic defense and a $14.6 million/year contract and you can see why Antione should have a staring role in this show.

Scene 2: “Keep it NCAA”…....……….Mike Dunleavy Jr. (small forward)

I’m confident Mike Krzyewski is going to make the U.S. proud at the next Olympics because he gets the most out of his players.  Case and point Mike Dunleavy.  Every team needs a healthy mix of veterans and youth and that is why Dunleavy has made my list.  He will no doubt provide Danny Ferryesque play for years to come.  If Dunleavy was a late first round pick without a five year $44 million contract I may cut him some slack, but I expect more from this number three pick.  This is Dunleavy’s fourth year in the league and he appears to be regressing with a .392 FG percentage along with a .257 from three point land.  He plays over 31 minutes a game yet can’t muster 10 points on an average night.  That would be fine if your name was Ben Wallace, but when the rest of your game is lacking you better be knocking down threes like it’s your job.  Oh right, that is his job -well not for long if he continues his current play.

Scene 3:  “That Face”………….……………Jalen Rose (shooting guard)

They say every Rose has its thorns –unfortunately Jalen has more than his share.  Rose has given up on his Toronto teammates and would have been traded by now, but unfortunately for Toronto there are 14.6 million reasons why this might not happen any time soon.  He is shooting .344 from the filed and averaging under 10 points a game along with a paltry .212 for behind the arc.  He even forgot how to dish the ball registering only 2.5 assists per game.  I understand he’s playing for a poorly run organization that is going nowhere, but Jalen you are still getting paid $14.6 million a year to play basketball, so you get little sympathy from me.

Scene 4: “Springtime for Stephon”…....…Stephon Marbury (point guard)

It is essential that every All-Dud team has a selfish, vain, malcontent point guard to lead his team to ruins.  I cannot think of anyone better for this position than Stephon Marbury.  Every team that the self-proclaimed “Starbury” (tattooed on his arm) has graced with his presence has been for the worse.  There is no question his career numbers are impressive (20.5 points/game, 8.2 assists/game), but what is truly remarkable is how the teams dramatically improves the year after he departs. The Minnesota Timberwolves went from a .500 team to .610 winning percentage, N.J. Nets went from 26-56 to 52-30 and the Phoenix Suns improved from 29-53 to 62-20.  Both the Nets and the Suns went from 6^th to 1^st in their respective divisions the year after the dubious point guard was absent.  To be honest I can care less if general mangers all over the league continue to get fooled by Marbury, but I did take it personally when he brought home the bronze from the Olympics in Greece.  Best of luck Larry.

                                            
  CURTAIN CALL

Analyzing this cast of characters I smell something, but it’s definitely not a Tony.  We have a starting five with a yearly salary of just under $60 million, a combined FG percentage .432, an apathetic approach to defense and overall negative disposition.  There are no doubt lesser talents in the NBA, but dollar for dollar and pound for pound you will not see much worse.  If you have any suggestions for a sixth-man for the All-Dud Team do tell.  Kwame, are you available???

My intentions are not to alarm anyone, but it appears to me in the last 25 years pop culture and professional sports have conveniently blended together to create a complimentary affect that has no doubt benefited both industries.  Unbeknownst to the common man our nation’s athletes/celebrities/icons have been secretly cloned and strategically placed throughout our society to generate this positive synergy –sometimes successfully and sometimes not.  By duplicating the DNA of the most vivacious, charismatic, fascinating and driven individuals that world has to offer these sadistic scientist have attempted to manufacture a super race that would falsely entertain and amuse the public until eternity.  I am confident that I have uncovered of few of these “science projects” (scroll below), but I realize that I am only one and require the assistance of the people. 

Please, we must work together or we will all be doomed to an existence of repetitive and cyclical entertainment -if not for you think of your children.  Feel free to name any other ECs (entertainment clones) that you might suspect.

Overall Redenbacher & Peter Gammons          

Vincent Schiavelli (Mr. Hector Vargas Fast Times) & Jeff Van Gundy

Oldie but goodie: Ron Jeremy & Stan Van Gundy

Charles Manson & Johnny Damon

Rodney Dangerfiled (Al Czervik Caddyshack) & John Madden

E.T. & Sam Cassel

Isaac (The Love Boat) & Fred Smoot (CB Minnesota Vickings) -Alright not too much of a resmeblance, but I couldn't resist after the recent events.

Pablo Escobar & Rafael Palmeiro

Howard Stern & Randy Johnson

  Brad Pitt & Chris Rose - well close enough.

10) I turned on ESPN at 3am last week and witnessed Barry handily beat Magnus Samuelsson in the Truck Pull.

9) Altoids just signed Barry to a lifetime contract to be their poster boy.

Just imagine how the world would be different if the new Miami Heat head coach, Pat Riley, ruled the land as he has ruled the Heat franchise.  Mr. Riley has proven himself as a capable leader in the past, but there is no doubt that the history books would have to be rewritten due to the self-serving decisions he would have made.

Today’s children would learn about the great General Riley and how on the night of December 25, 1776 he crossed the icy Delaware River displaying little regard for his pair of Bruno Maglis with his band of shabby troops to defeat the bewildered Hessians and change the direction of the American Revolutionary War.  Or they might even read about the brave and tenacious Sioux Indian Chief, Sitting Laker er Bull-Riley, and how he defeated Colonel Custard at his last stand.  And maybe just maybe the children of today would study about the 1980 presidential election and how good-looking candidate from Southern California defeated the peanut farmer from Georgia, which was the start of the “Riley Revolution” in American politics. 

This does not suggest that Pat Riley and the Heat are a lock for the NBA Finals, if he leads the team to its first NBA title he should be commended, but recently Riley has displayed a pattern of less than tactful timing.  Riley quit on this team in the beginning of the ‘03-‘04 season after a woeful 25 wins the previous year.  At that time Stan Van Gundy was thrown into the fire and immediately changed Miami’s losing ways.  Van Gundy accumulated a record of 112-72 in his two-plus seasons, reached the 2^nd round of the playoffs in ‘04 and was a game away from going to the finals with a battered team last year.  Van Gundy has done an admirable job this season without his star player only to be removed so that Riley can step in on the eve of the return of Shaquille O’Neal.  Couldn’t Riley at least wait until the All-Star break?  Well that would have been too great of a risk, because if the team’s record was what it should be with Shaq the move would be a bit too transparent.  Stan Van Gundy deserves better than this.

If Riley really did rule the land I’m confident our children would never learn about President Riley and his Watergate cover-up, but they certainly would read about the great French Saint Stan of Arc.