Three audio CDs arrived in the mail via FedEx.  The following are transcriptions of the CDs.

Tape #1

Voice #1:  OK, if we tweek the chasiss & tire set-up that way, how can we divert their attention from it?

Voice #2:  Yunick  always said you should meddle with something obvious and get penalized for that.  Then they never check the other stuff.

Voice #1:  Thank you Smokey.    That is @!#$@%  brilliant.

Voice #2:  Where is the rulebook?

Voice #1:  It's that index card over there.

Voice #2:  Well, Nascar didn't like our engines last time it was on the dyno.  Build the better mousetrap and get penalized.  So, maybe we should pretend to screw with the Horsepower.

Voice #1:  Works for me.  Maybe we should try that gas tank addition too.

Voice #2:  Nah, we don't need to get too crazy. After all, next week they'll only tech the engine again anyway.  We can mess with the tank next week. 

Voice #1:  OK.  So what do we do?  Maybe we could paint the restrictor plate pink or something.

Voice #2:  Too obvious.  What would they tinker with to dyno it?

Voice #1:  Steering wheel, accelerator, ignition.

Voice #2:  Don't all the inspectors wear steel toe boots?

Voice #1:  Yeah, why?

Voice #2:  Well, we used to pull this prank where we'd put a magnet on someone's accelerator - then they couldn't get their foot off of it with their steel toe shoes.

Voice #1:  That should work great!

Voice #2:  Is it too obvious if I use those magnets Nascar gave us at the beginning of the year to hang the rulebook on our toolbox?

Voice #1:  Nope.

Tape #2: 

Voice #3:  Robin, my foot is stuck on the accelerator!

Robin Pemberton:  What?

Voice #3:  Oh, it finally came off. Musta caught my shoe on somethin'

Robin:  All right? 

Voice #4:  The numbers look in order.

Robin:  What are you doing in there?

Voice #3:  I think somethin' is wrong with the accelerator!

Voice #4:  What?

Robin:  How could there be something wrong with the accelerator?  They just ran a race with it.

Voice #3:  Hey, there is a magnet stuck on the bottom of the accelerator!

Robin:  We finally caught them!  Joe Gibbs Racing Cheats!  Ha!  Give me that magnet.  And check that other Gibbs car.

Voice #4:  There is one there too.

Robin:  They were trying to make the horsepower numbers appear smaller than they are!

Voice #4:  But, they are within the guidelines.  How is it cheating to put something on your car that makes it go slower?

Robin:  It's cheating because it is against the rules.

Voice #3:  Which line is that on this index card?

Robin:  The line that says Nascar decides the rules, stupid!

Voice #3:  I don't see that on here.

Robin:  Just go and get Mike Helton for me.

Voice #3:  Shouldn't we check the rest of the car?

Robin:  No.  Why bother?  We caught them.

Voice #4:  Just so I'm clear about this - it is illegal to make your car go faster by tinkering with the gas tank, weight, tires, engine or template items.

Robin:  Right.

Voice #4:  But it is also illegal to make your car go slower by tinkering with the gas tank, weight, tires, engine or template items.

Robin:  Of course.

Voice #4:  And if you find an advantage within the guidelines, then...

Robin:  We change the guidelines and make it illegal.

Voice #4:  Well, that's clear as mud.

Tape #3:

JD Gibbs: So the engine department tinkered with the engine after Nascar limited the horsepower?  And then tried to hide it with ... magnets?

Mark Cronquist:  We had nothing to do with it.  The engine is legal and we didn't do anything with magnets.

JD:  But then, why would we put magnets on the accelerators?

Mark:  Beats me.

Jimmy Makar:  I have a feeling that maybe the shop guys can answer that.

Voice #1:  The engine is completely legal.

Voice #2:  But the chassis and tire set-up is, shall we say, innovative in a Knaus-like way.

Joe Gibbs:  And the magnets?

Voice #2:  To divert attention from the chasiss and tires.

JD:  So if they tech the whole car?

Voice #1:  They may or may not find the chasiss development or the new tire set-up.

Joe:  And it is Knaus-like because ...

Voice #2:  Nascar will definitely not like it.

Voice #1:  And this way the other teams don't figure it out for a couple weeks either.  Maybe the rest of the season.

Mark:  Why did you smear my engine!?

Voice #2:  Nascar was already looking at it.

Voice #1:  And you know Roush thinks the Toyota engine is the issue.

Voice #2:  So we pulled a Yunick and pointed to the engine.

Mark:  Ugh.

Joe:  Pulled a Yunick?

Voice #1:  Think of it as a a type of quarterback sneak.  Everyone is looking at the engine and ignoring the real play.

Joe:  Do you think the chasiss development is worth this?

Jimmy:  Kyle loves it.  Hammy can learn to love it.  And Smoke only has a few races to deal with it.  It will absolutely light a fire under our COT program. 

Joe:  I can live with it.  Now what do we do about Robin Pemberton, Mike Helton & Jack Roush's glee at "catching" us?

JD:  Well, everyone always comes out and denies it or appeals it.  So, what if we fall on our sword.  We're so sorry, we didn't know it was going on, it will never happen again, we expect Nascar to punish us severely and we'll accept any penalties.  And so on.

Joe:  Brilliant strategy there JD.  I'll let you take it from here.

 

Dale Earnhardt Jr. is having a press conference tomorrow.  Widespread speculation is that he will announce what team he will be driving for next year.

News reports cite anonymous sources that claim Junior is going to Hendrick, and Kyle Busch is being bounced to ... DEI.  The press reports that Gibbs denies involvement in the press conference, and Richard Childress is out of the country.  Hendrick declines to comment on the story.

There are several things about this story that make me wonder:

1.  Didn't Junior just claim last week that things had slowed down due to the death of Bill France Jr?  I know that if I were constantly badgered about a story, I'd probably say things were slow too, even if they weren't.  But was this deal cut over the casket at the funeral or what?

2.  Hasn't Junior had other press conferences for things like, say his Busch team?  To my knowledge, he didn't specify what this one was about.

3.  Didn't Hendrick just announce there was no room at the inn?  Was this secret code to Kyle Busch to sign the damn contract already, or don't let the door hit you on the way out?  I'm no Busch fan, but he has won several races, and he is very young.  Hendrick stuck with him through a lot.  Is this still fall out from Busch leaving the track when his team was frantically working on his car?  And which Junior happened to be available to drive?

4.  Wouldn't it just be like Richard Childress (or Dale Earnhardt for that matter) to fly in to town at the last minute for the press conference? And didn't Jeff Burton mention that RCR was going to 4 cars last week?

5.  Would Junior really want to go to Hendrick, where he will be the third driver on the totum pole?  Gordon will always be the top cat, and Jimmie Johnson is a champion as well.  Junior brings with him sponsors and fans, but he'll probably never be the #1 driver there.  Then again, maybe he doesn't want to be the #1 driver...

6.  Would Junior want to go to RCR?  That's a big step back into his father's shadow, and not very far out of his step-mother's shadow.  Especially with the merged motor program.

7.  Why hasn't anyone talked to Ginn about the press conference?

8.  Would Junior want to go to Gibbs?  Tony is a 2x champion, and Denny Hamlin is the young gun.  He'd fit in, if it just wasn't for that sponsorship problem.

9. Does this mean Kurt Busch pimps Miller Lite and Kyle Busch pimps Bud?

10.  Would Junior get the Kelloggs sponsorship?  Or where would they go?  National Guard just came on board at Hendrick... Would Kelloggs go with Kyle?

11.  Didn't these same sources tell us that Kurt Busch would be parked for Pocono due to the pit road flare-up?

12.  Didn't these same sources COMPLETELY miss the Kurt Busch move to Penske in August 2005?

Sigh... I guess we'll have to wait until tomorrow to answer these questions...