I can't find my "Watkins Glen 2008" commemorative magnets. Did they get put in your hauler?
Smoke
August 16, 2008 8:39:07 p.m.
JD - Just informed that Nascar discovered Magnets under the gas pedals in both the #18 & #20 Nationwide cars when they ran the Dyno test. Call me.
Jimmy Makar
August 16, 2008 9:22:45 p.m.
Zippy :
Magnets? You guys can't get more creative than that!?
Knaus
August 16, 2008 11:03:43 p.m.
Brian, Mike & Robin,
I just heard that you FINALLY caught Toyota cheating. How soon will you be throwing them out of Nascar?
Jack
August 17, 2008 9:34:10 a.m.
Smoke,
I ran the fishing clause by our crew chief picks. Both seemed to like the idea that there was a mandatory fishing vacation in the contract. Didn't seem quite as keen on the dirt track provision, but then again, they'll be stuck working on the Cup cars while we're at the dirt track.
I'd say Grubb is very interested, but then again, he's a solid Hendrick guy.
Newman
August 17, 2008 9:58:39 a.m.
Tony Jr:
We're not gambling again this week are we?
JK!
Junior
August 17, 2008 11:08:32 a.m.
Jeff
Danny Sullivan as a Cup owner? Good grief!? How many of these Indy Car guys are going to come over to Nascar?
Jimmie Johnson
August 17, 2008 5:17:18 p.m.
Rick,
Have I mentioned I hate the Chase format? Then again, Shrub would be running away with this thing.
We really need to try something different. Either the cars are off or I can't get them to where I can drive them.
If we make the Chase, then I think we have to stick with what we know. If not, I'm game for any and all changes we discussed. There would be a good 10 weeks to get adjusted for next y ear.
FedEx dropped off brown paper package containing a CD and this transcript.
Rick Hendrick: Tony, I'm delighted that you were able to come and visit the shop. I was a bit surprised you still wanted to come since you won today in the Nationwide Series.
Tony Stewart: Thanks, Rick. I appreciate you meeting late at night with me so we can avoid the silly season gossip.
Hendrick: Naturally, I had hoped that once you heard I dumped Mears, you'd call me.
Stewart: I was really surprised when you did that.
Hendrick: I need results, Tony.
Stewart: I want results too.
[Cellphone beeping]
Hendrick: Don't these guys ever sleep? I just got text messages from Newman, McMurray and Truex. I swear I get at least 10 a piece from them every day. Let me go get the keys for the engine shop from my office. Just take a look around.
Stewart: It's just so weird that no one else is here...
[Sound of footsteps walking away.]
Muffled Voice: Psst.... Rick!
Hendrick: What the!
Jeff Gordon: Will he sign?
Hendrick: What are you doing here?
Gordon: Stewart - will he sign? And how much will it cost us? We need to do it, Rick.
Hendrick: We haven't gotten that far. You shouldn't have come, Jeff. I told him that no one else would know we were talking tonight. I didn't expect you to leave Ingrid & Ella Sophia to come hide out in the shop eavesdropping!
Gordon: Stewart will be fine. If he finds me. We've got to get him to sign. We'd have three former Champions.
Hendrick: We've talked about this, Jeff. I like Tony, but we both know he's a handful.
Gordon: But he's mellowing in his old age. We need to get him married off, then he'll be too busy with the wife and kids to have time to be a grump. I'll get some names from Ingrid & Chandi
Hendrick: We'll see. First I have to convince him to sign with us, and not just as engine provider for Haas.
Gordon: Point out our wins last season and Championships for last 2 years. And we'd bring Zipadelli over.
Hendrick: I know what the deal should be, Jeff. Why don't you go back to the track and sleep?
Gordon: No. If you need me, I'll be hiding over here by the office.
[Footsteps]
Hendrick: Got the keys. Tony, remember that if you decide to buy Haas, we would be glad to supply engines. We supply to several teams, and you get the same stuff we use here.
Stewart: But I don't get all the chasiss info.
Hendrick: Exactly. Do you want to start over with a new crew chief? Or would you prefer to stay with Zippy?
Stewart: What do you mean?
Hendrick: Well, if you leave Gibbs, then I assume Greg stays there. So you'd have to get a new crew chief. Unless you took him to Haas or came here.
Stewart: You'd bring Zippy over?
Hendrick: If you want. And the other guys on the team.
Stewart: Wow. That would be great.
Hendrick: Oops. I don't have the key for the dyno room. I'll be right back.
[Footsteps. Followed by a loud crash]
Voice: Damn!
Stewart: Who is there?
Chad Knaus: It's me.
Jimmie Johnson: And Me.
Stewart: Knaus? Johnson? What are you doing here?
Knaus: We wanted to talk to you about taking this deal.
Johnson: You really need to think this through Smoke.
Knaus: It's perfect for you.
Johnson: And I think we'd work well together
Knaus: Convince Zippy to come with you. He and I would be a formidable team. The rulebook would need to be rewritten. Plus, he has a few passes left - I've got a few ideas, but someone else should really try them out first..
Stewart: Huh, sure. I'm sure Zippy would be excited to spend a few weeks of the season at home with Nan and the kids if there's a problem with your "ideas." Why are you here Johnson, shouldn't you be upset your buddy Mears is out?
Johnson: Casey and I will still be friends. He's no help on the car stuff. You would be.
Knaus: I get chills when I think about the four of you drafting at Daytona.
Stewart: Yeah, but at some point it's everyman for himself.
Johnson: Of course. And you'll need to work on those media relationships.
Stewart: That may be a deal breaker. How did you find out about this anyway?
Johnson: Here comes Rick. Hide!
[Door closing sound]
Hendrick: I got it.
Stewart: If I came to Hendrick, who would I share a shop with?
Hendrick: Junior.
Stewart: Fantastic! That would work. We get along well.
Hendrick: Tony, I'd suggest that you take over the 5 car, and buy Haas with Junior.
Stewart: Sponsorship? Wow, this dyno is impressive.
Hendrick: Only the best here Tony. Chevy funds us well. And we win to keep their name out there. We have several potential sponsors. Do you have any ideas?
Stewart: Bass Pro Shop is ready to bolt DEI.
Hendrick: Junior told me Truex is worried about it. I'm gonna take these keys back to the office.
Voice: Sorry about that. Didn't mean to scare you.
Stewart: Junior! You promised you wouldn't come! I only told you about this meeting to get some advice on negotiating with Rick.
Dale Earnhardt Jr: Yeah, but I wanted to know how it was going. And I thought I could help you out as it went down.
Stewart: But I told Rick no one knew about this meeting!
Junior: Don't worry, he won't catch me. And even if he did, it's my shop too.
Stewart: Did you tell... Nevermind. Did you think of anything else to tell me?
Junior: The winnings' split is typical, Rick actually does a little better than DEI did - both with the driver and the team. It's 46-14-40.
Stewart: What about merchandise?
Junior: Better than standard. And you get say over the design - did you see the new bikinis I have with my number on 'em?
Stewart: Bikinis? I don't know how to design bikinis! Oh well. How will Gordon take it if I move over here?
Junior: I think he'll be fine. It's all money in his pocket too. Whoops!
[Scuffling sounds]
Hendrick: Tony, I think we can work something out that will benefit us both.
Stewart: What about the media?
Hendrick: You're gonna have to talk to them. I expect you to attend all the media sessions you are required to, which I don't think you're doing right now. But that doesn't mean you have to answer all those stupid questions. But we'll need to work something out. The PR guys can work with you to formulate something.
Stewart: Well, I have a few things to think about.
[Door closing and being locked. Sounds of crickets chirping]
Stewart: Isn't that Jeff's SUV?
Hendrick: Yes, but aren't those Knaus's Truck and Junior's Vette? What are they doing here?
An anonymous package arrived late this evening with a single CD. The following is a transcript of that recording.
Mike Helton: First of All, I want to thank you all for attending this voluntary meeting.
{The next three voices are heard simultaneously}
Tony Stewart: Voluntary? You told me...
Dale Earnhardt Jr: I got up early for a voluntary meeting?
Jimmie Johnson: I missed my hair appointment for a voluntary meeting?
Rick Hendrick: It's voluntary if you consider losing 250 points for missing it no big deal.
[Brief Moment of silence.]
Mike Helton: OK so we are all on the same page. Again, we appreciate you taking time to talk with us about the new car.
Robin Pemberton: Oh! Oh! Is it my turn to tell them about the...
Mike Helton: No. Not Yet.
Robin Pemberton: Oh.
Mike Helton: This won't take very long at all. Nascar is rather, well, disappointed in some of the comments we're hearing about the Car of Tomorrow.
Robin Pemberton: Today. Car of Today.
Mike Helton: How about we use "COT?" We've had comments from race winners about how the car is junk.
Jeff Gordon: Sounds like you Shrub.
Mike Helton: And there are people who have ripped us on their radio programs, which is very harmful due to their extreme popularity.
Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Is everyone looking at me?
Matt Kenseth: They sure aren't looking at me. Number One, I don't have a radio show. Number Two, I'm not the most popular driver.
Carl Edwards: And never will be.
Greg Biffle: Give it a rest Flipper. He still is a Champ. You're not.
Carl Edwards: Do you want to go outside to settle this Biff?
Jamie McMurray: Jack, would you consider firing one of them for fighting?
Robin Pemberton: I told you the seating chart was a bad idea!
Mike Helton: But who knew seating TEAMS together was an issue? Jack, can't you control them?
Jack Roush: I don't have time to deal with petty driver problems when the evil Toyota Empire is winning weekly because Nascar cuts them breaks!
Mike Helton: We'll discuss that privately later Jack. Still others have criticized tire manufacturers.
Tony Stewart: All I have to say is Coca-Cola 600.
Mike Helton: And their competitors didn't back up the Nascar approved tire provider, but side with the complainers.
Kyle Busch: Would that be you Gordy?
Jeff Gordon: All Right, let's take this outside.
Mike Helton: Silence! [Momentary silence] My point is that these complaints do not help us move forward with the CoT program. We are willing to work with you guys to make adjustments. However, with the public whining and complaining that hits the blogs, newspapers and airwaves, it is starting to affect how the fans view the sport. I mean have you read the stuff on fox sports blogs? Those writers are vicious! And then some of you are commenting about how the car will work on a track configuration that it hasn't even been tested on yet! Give it a chance.
Robin Pemberton: Look how Bristol turned out this year And Kansas last year was fine. Except for the multiple rain delays, and strange finish with the winner not able to power his car.
[The following three voices are heard simultaneously]
Clint Bowyer: Are you suggesting...
Greg Biffle: What?!?
Jeff Gordon: Are you kidding me?!?
Mike Helton: That is a good point. The winner is who Nascar says it is. Just remember that Big Bill France disqualified a race winner for an illegal part. Nascar hasn't done that since that first year.
[Brief Silence]
Mike Helton: And we have seized cars for violations of the rulebook. Ironically, Nascar was then accused of giving the engine of that car to Toyota, even though the car owners have now switched to Toyota, presumably turning their Chevy engine program into a Toyota one.
Tony Stewart: I had nothing to do with switching to Toyota.
Kyle Busch: All I can say is at least I'm getting a Formula One test out of it.
Kurt Busch: Suddenly I remember exactly why I left the house as soon as I could.
Mike Helton: My point is that Nascar has discretion to enforce the rules. Junior, do you remember those two penalties you got a couple weeks ago?
Dale Earnhardt Jr: Uh-huh...
Mike Helton: Well, we exercised our discretion and only made you go to the end of the longest line, and did not penalize you with a drive-through penalty as well.
Dale Earnhardt Jr: So your point is?
Mike Helton: Robin, now you can explain the process we're considering for tech inspection for the new car.
Robin Pemberton: The last five individual guys to win championships would go first. The driver, crew chief and owner would report to the tech line at 5 a.m. on Friday.
[Four voices simultaneously]
Jeff Gordon: 1, 2, 3, 4, Damn!
Jimmie Johnson: When would I get my propecia treatment scheduled?!?
Tony Stewart: I only get up at 5 a.m. to fish.
Matt Kenseth: I guess that doesn't include you Carl.
Robin Pemberton: We would then do a Smokey Yunick tech inspection of the car.
Rick Hendrick: You mean, you'd...
Jack Roush: The whole car?!?
Joe Gibbs: Every weekend?
Chip Ganassi: You really want me to sell, don't you?
Robin Pemberton: We figure it will only take about 4 hours per car. The last ones should get done just in time to practice for 10 minutes or so. And then we'd do it all again immediately after the race. Naturally, drivers, crew chiefs and owners could not leave the track until the tech was completed, which again would only take 4 or 5 hours per car.
Mike Helton: Our concern is that your mechanics are tinkering with the car, which leads to the undrivable conditions. Certainly the Nascar R&D department didn't screw up, so it must be what you are doing. So when we hear whining and complaints, we assume you did something to it.
[The sound of Crickets chirping]
Mike Helton: If we didn't hear those things, then maybe...the other option is we could just leave things the same, and reduce the time of the inspections to, say, 10-15 seconds per car.
Jack Roush: My drivers won't say another bad word
Joe Gibbs: Mine neither
Rick Hendrick: No problem.
Chip Ganassi: Juan and Dario love the car.
Mike Helton: I knew we could get this resolved in a sensible manner. Just to show your good faith, I've set up media interviews for all of you drivers immediately after this meeting.
Robin Pemberton: We don't want them to mention the threaten...
Think you know Nascar? Try to answer these questions.
1. Joe Nemechek won the pole driving the National Day of Prayer sponsored car. Joe won the pole because:
A) Prayer works.
B) HIs nickname, "Front Row Joe," scared the other competitors.
C) Mike Helton announced that the pole sitter, if not Nemecheck, would have to donate 50% of his weekend earnings to Motor Racing Outreach.
2. Carl Edwards did not finish either the Nationwide race or the Sprint Cup race. Unbeknownst to fans, this is because:
A) He broke 2 toes during his last victory backflip and can't mash the gas.
B) His Roush teammates were tired of him making them look bad and sabotaged his cars.
C) He didn't get his good luck kiss from his Mother before the race started.
3. Kevin LePage violated the blend line rule and caused a huge pile-up in the Nationwide race. He blamed every other drivers' spotters and refused to apologize on Saturday. He did this because:
A) He is a graduate of the Tony Stewart school of media relations
B) He is a graduate of the Juan Pablo Montoya school of apologetics.
C) Carl Edwards wasn't around to beat an apology out of him, although Edwards wanted to.
4. Tony Stewart apologized for causing a wreck in the Cup race. This was:
A) The first time ever - and mainly because he is in contract neogitations.
B) The last time ever - he clearly has a head injury & is delusional or he wouldn't have said this.
C) Because he's afraid the Junior Nation will send him hate mail.
D) A sign of the apocalypse.
5. Paul Menard's first phone call after the race was to:
A) Juan Pablo Montoya to apologize for getting in his way.
B) Teresa Earnhardt to explain his finish.
C) Kevin Harvick, President of the JPM Fan Club.
6. Kyle Busch won the race after a controversial maneuver over the yellow line. Jimmie Johnson thinks:
A) Kyle should be penalized the win because he drove below the line.
B) Kyle is an awesome driver because he didn't wreck Jimmie & Jeff Gordon during the maneuver.
C) He should remember to stay far, far away from Kyle in the future.
D) There was a reason Hendrick let Kyle go.
7. Dario Franchitti broke his ankle during a wreck in the Nationwide race. The other drivers are upset because:
A) He had a promising Rookie of the Year run going.
B) It indicates a flaw in the COT design.
C) No Ashley Judd at the races.
8. Rick Hendrick announced he was not entering the Tony Stewart Sweepstakes. This means:
A) It's a done deal. Stewart will move to Hendrick.
B) Casey Mears should be worried.
C) Richard Childress won the sweepstakes by selling the idea of Stewart owning the Haas team but driving for him a la Dale Sr.
Sorry about that wreck in practice. Hope there are no hard feelings.
Clint
February 9, 2008 11:05:18 a.m.
Sis:
What the HELL was going on with the New York Deal? How could two of our former employees get Indicted for racketeering!?! How are the Gambino, Bonnano and Genovese crime families involved?
We have enough problems even though the Kentucky suit was dismissed; no need to draw attention to our little business here.
Call me as soon as you get this!
Bri
February 10, 2008 6:32:04 p.m.
Smoke -
Wanna bet on whether Nascar goes to its the “kinder, gentler” approach on our penalties?
No more sheet metal then?
Bush
February 10, 2008 7:22:56 p.m.
Junior -
No problem, glad to help.
Just return the favor next week!
JJ
February 10, 2008 7:10:09 p.m.
Chandi, DeLana, Nicole, Eva & Katie -
Did you see Ashley Judd in a dress on pit road for Pole Day? I thought Nascar wouldn’t let us do that?
So you know, I’m planning on a mini skirt for the Duels.
Ingrid
February 10, 2008 9:30:00 p.m.
Sis:
I could have guessed it’d be Bush and Stewart who would test the waters on the penalties. Bush had to pull the same stunt he’d done last year, and Stewart replayed the Indy reporter incident in the trailer when Bush shot off his mouth.
Jim & Mike have a few ideas. Need any help cleaning up the grandstands after the next several races? That would make them think twice!
Bri
February 11, 2008 8:10:47 a.m.
Jim -
I’ve heard from several drivers that their wives are a bit upset about Ashley Judd wearing a dress in the pits on Pole Day. Rumor has it the other wives are planning on mini skirts and halter dresses for the Duels and The 500. I think we need to let Dario and Ashley know that she has to wear pants, just like the rest of them.
Otherwise, the upside may be that we’ll pull in more viewers and sponsors if the wives and girlfriends start a fashion war each week.
Mike
February 12, 2008 10:12:45 p.m.
Bushie -
So we’re agreed its on at Texas?
Smoke
February 13, 2008 9:02:21 a.m.
Jeff -
Saw Ingrid’s SI photos - does she have a sister? J
Any truth to the mini skirt rumor on Thursday?
Is it too early to ask for Ella Sophia’s hand in marriage? I may be ready to settle down by the time she turns 18 or so. JK!
Junior
February 15, 2008 3:12:00 p.m.
Rick,
The wind tunnel results are surprising to say the least. We should have tried to keep Cronquist. Toyotas are out horse powering our Chevys (up to 30?!).
Any ideas?
Richard
February 17, 2008 7:22:59 p.m.
Jimmie,
I didn’t catch you at the track, just wanted you to know I’m sorry about the spin today. Not sure I did anything, but I am a rookie after all.
Sam
February 17, 2008 7:38:34 p.m.
Happy
Where do I sign up to join the JP Montoya Non-Fan Club?
Clint
February 17, 2008 8:34:13 p.m.
Bush -
I guess that’s one way to get back at Smoke!
Thanks again.
Ryan
February 17, 2008 8:38:28 p.m.
Rick,
I may keep the hat until after The 500 in Indy.
Any interest in using the suite in May?
Roger
February 17, 2008 8:39:00
Kevin
When you wax Smoke, could some wax get “spilled” on his long hair?
I’m willing to split the difference with you on the rest of the $100,000 to get it done.
Zippy
P.S. My daughter started calling Smoke “Bumble” after the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer character.
Could we get a sponsorship with Sports Clips or something? I don't think that he ever intends to cut his hair. But if he were required to, we might get something done. Perhaps we could get him in on that Gillette shaving thing too. Both Spencer and Waltrip swear that he runs better clean shaven.
Zippy
January 7, 2008 11:12:08 p.m.
Brian,
The Kentucky suit was dismissed. Thank God or we'd end up having races at every paved track in the nation.
Leesa
January 7, 2008 6:08:59 p.m.
Champ -
I can't believe he showed either. Maybe he is serious about teammates this year.
Or he just needs a drafting partner at Daytona.
We'll see. I'll give him a chance.
Casey
January 12, 2008 3:30:40 p.m.
JJ -
Heard the comment you made about my weight.
Wait until speedweeks.
Smoke
January 15, 2008 6:37:32 p.m.
Kasey,
Sorry about that mix-up. Saw the Bud sign and, well, old habits die hard, I guess.
Junior
January 15, 2008 8:22:56 p.m.
Elvis -
Zippy asked how much he'd have to donate to get the "Wax Smoke" project to cut your hair too. D offered to do it for free if your pit crew would hold you down while she shaved it off.
So you may have a new look after the 500.
Happy
January 18, 2008 10:10:41 a.m.
Joey,
Right now they are just talking about upping the age. Believe me that we are lobbying Nascar to NOT do this. It does look like they are targeting you, as it doesn't hurt anyone else right now.
J.D.
January 19, 2008 8:07:10 a.m.
Joey,
Hey, whenever you get to the Cup Series, you are going to be a winner and a Champion. Don't worry about the age guidelines. You have talent. That doesn't change with age.
Mark
January 20, 2008 7:21:05 p.m.
Leesa -
Do you think Frontiere's family will want to sell the Rams?
How is the economy affecting business? I need to check and see how much cash I have on hand.
Brian
January 21, 2008 11:30:57 a.m.
CK -
Looks like your fines will go to the Nascar Foundation this year.
If you get caught.
RE
January 21, 2008 12:00:10 p.m.
DW -
On this grouping of Go or Go-Homers - How do you scoop me every time?!?
