I can't find my "Watkins Glen 2008" commemorative magnets. Did they get put in your hauler?
Smoke
August 16, 2008 8:39:07 p.m.
JD - Just informed that Nascar discovered Magnets under the gas pedals in both the #18 & #20 Nationwide cars when they ran the Dyno test. Call me.
Jimmy Makar
August 16, 2008 9:22:45 p.m.
Zippy :
Magnets? You guys can't get more creative than that!?
Knaus
August 16, 2008 11:03:43 p.m.
Brian, Mike & Robin,
I just heard that you FINALLY caught Toyota cheating. How soon will you be throwing them out of Nascar?
Jack
August 17, 2008 9:34:10 a.m.
Smoke,
I ran the fishing clause by our crew chief picks. Both seemed to like the idea that there was a mandatory fishing vacation in the contract. Didn't seem quite as keen on the dirt track provision, but then again, they'll be stuck working on the Cup cars while we're at the dirt track.
I'd say Grubb is very interested, but then again, he's a solid Hendrick guy.
Newman
August 17, 2008 9:58:39 a.m.
Tony Jr:
We're not gambling again this week are we?
JK!
Junior
August 17, 2008 11:08:32 a.m.
Jeff
Danny Sullivan as a Cup owner? Good grief!? How many of these Indy Car guys are going to come over to Nascar?
Jimmie Johnson
August 17, 2008 5:17:18 p.m.
Rick,
Have I mentioned I hate the Chase format? Then again, Shrub would be running away with this thing.
We really need to try something different. Either the cars are off or I can't get them to where I can drive them.
If we make the Chase, then I think we have to stick with what we know. If not, I'm game for any and all changes we discussed. There would be a good 10 weeks to get adjusted for next y ear.
FedEx dropped off brown paper package containing a CD and this transcript.
Rick Hendrick: Tony, I'm delighted that you were able to come and visit the shop. I was a bit surprised you still wanted to come since you won today in the Nationwide Series.
Tony Stewart: Thanks, Rick. I appreciate you meeting late at night with me so we can avoid the silly season gossip.
Hendrick: Naturally, I had hoped that once you heard I dumped Mears, you'd call me.
Stewart: I was really surprised when you did that.
Hendrick: I need results, Tony.
Stewart: I want results too.
[Cellphone beeping]
Hendrick: Don't these guys ever sleep? I just got text messages from Newman, McMurray and Truex. I swear I get at least 10 a piece from them every day. Let me go get the keys for the engine shop from my office. Just take a look around.
Stewart: It's just so weird that no one else is here...
[Sound of footsteps walking away.]
Muffled Voice: Psst.... Rick!
Hendrick: What the!
Jeff Gordon: Will he sign?
Hendrick: What are you doing here?
Gordon: Stewart - will he sign? And how much will it cost us? We need to do it, Rick.
Hendrick: We haven't gotten that far. You shouldn't have come, Jeff. I told him that no one else would know we were talking tonight. I didn't expect you to leave Ingrid & Ella Sophia to come hide out in the shop eavesdropping!
Gordon: Stewart will be fine. If he finds me. We've got to get him to sign. We'd have three former Champions.
Hendrick: We've talked about this, Jeff. I like Tony, but we both know he's a handful.
Gordon: But he's mellowing in his old age. We need to get him married off, then he'll be too busy with the wife and kids to have time to be a grump. I'll get some names from Ingrid & Chandi
Hendrick: We'll see. First I have to convince him to sign with us, and not just as engine provider for Haas.
Gordon: Point out our wins last season and Championships for last 2 years. And we'd bring Zipadelli over.
Hendrick: I know what the deal should be, Jeff. Why don't you go back to the track and sleep?
Gordon: No. If you need me, I'll be hiding over here by the office.
[Footsteps]
Hendrick: Got the keys. Tony, remember that if you decide to buy Haas, we would be glad to supply engines. We supply to several teams, and you get the same stuff we use here.
Stewart: But I don't get all the chasiss info.
Hendrick: Exactly. Do you want to start over with a new crew chief? Or would you prefer to stay with Zippy?
Stewart: What do you mean?
Hendrick: Well, if you leave Gibbs, then I assume Greg stays there. So you'd have to get a new crew chief. Unless you took him to Haas or came here.
Stewart: You'd bring Zippy over?
Hendrick: If you want. And the other guys on the team.
Stewart: Wow. That would be great.
Hendrick: Oops. I don't have the key for the dyno room. I'll be right back.
[Footsteps. Followed by a loud crash]
Voice: Damn!
Stewart: Who is there?
Chad Knaus: It's me.
Jimmie Johnson: And Me.
Stewart: Knaus? Johnson? What are you doing here?
Knaus: We wanted to talk to you about taking this deal.
Johnson: You really need to think this through Smoke.
Knaus: It's perfect for you.
Johnson: And I think we'd work well together
Knaus: Convince Zippy to come with you. He and I would be a formidable team. The rulebook would need to be rewritten. Plus, he has a few passes left - I've got a few ideas, but someone else should really try them out first..
Stewart: Huh, sure. I'm sure Zippy would be excited to spend a few weeks of the season at home with Nan and the kids if there's a problem with your "ideas." Why are you here Johnson, shouldn't you be upset your buddy Mears is out?
Johnson: Casey and I will still be friends. He's no help on the car stuff. You would be.
Knaus: I get chills when I think about the four of you drafting at Daytona.
Stewart: Yeah, but at some point it's everyman for himself.
Johnson: Of course. And you'll need to work on those media relationships.
Stewart: That may be a deal breaker. How did you find out about this anyway?
Johnson: Here comes Rick. Hide!
[Door closing sound]
Hendrick: I got it.
Stewart: If I came to Hendrick, who would I share a shop with?
Hendrick: Junior.
Stewart: Fantastic! That would work. We get along well.
Hendrick: Tony, I'd suggest that you take over the 5 car, and buy Haas with Junior.
Stewart: Sponsorship? Wow, this dyno is impressive.
Hendrick: Only the best here Tony. Chevy funds us well. And we win to keep their name out there. We have several potential sponsors. Do you have any ideas?
Stewart: Bass Pro Shop is ready to bolt DEI.
Hendrick: Junior told me Truex is worried about it. I'm gonna take these keys back to the office.
Voice: Sorry about that. Didn't mean to scare you.
Stewart: Junior! You promised you wouldn't come! I only told you about this meeting to get some advice on negotiating with Rick.
Dale Earnhardt Jr: Yeah, but I wanted to know how it was going. And I thought I could help you out as it went down.
Stewart: But I told Rick no one knew about this meeting!
Junior: Don't worry, he won't catch me. And even if he did, it's my shop too.
Stewart: Did you tell... Nevermind. Did you think of anything else to tell me?
Junior: The winnings' split is typical, Rick actually does a little better than DEI did - both with the driver and the team. It's 46-14-40.
Stewart: What about merchandise?
Junior: Better than standard. And you get say over the design - did you see the new bikinis I have with my number on 'em?
Stewart: Bikinis? I don't know how to design bikinis! Oh well. How will Gordon take it if I move over here?
Junior: I think he'll be fine. It's all money in his pocket too. Whoops!
[Scuffling sounds]
Hendrick: Tony, I think we can work something out that will benefit us both.
Stewart: What about the media?
Hendrick: You're gonna have to talk to them. I expect you to attend all the media sessions you are required to, which I don't think you're doing right now. But that doesn't mean you have to answer all those stupid questions. But we'll need to work something out. The PR guys can work with you to formulate something.
Stewart: Well, I have a few things to think about.
[Door closing and being locked. Sounds of crickets chirping]
Stewart: Isn't that Jeff's SUV?
Hendrick: Yes, but aren't those Knaus's Truck and Junior's Vette? What are they doing here?
An anonymous package arrived late this evening with a single CD. The following is a transcript of that recording.
Mike Helton: First of All, I want to thank you all for attending this voluntary meeting.
{The next three voices are heard simultaneously}
Tony Stewart: Voluntary? You told me...
Dale Earnhardt Jr: I got up early for a voluntary meeting?
Jimmie Johnson: I missed my hair appointment for a voluntary meeting?
Rick Hendrick: It's voluntary if you consider losing 250 points for missing it no big deal.
[Brief Moment of silence.]
Mike Helton: OK so we are all on the same page. Again, we appreciate you taking time to talk with us about the new car.
Robin Pemberton: Oh! Oh! Is it my turn to tell them about the...
Mike Helton: No. Not Yet.
Robin Pemberton: Oh.
Mike Helton: This won't take very long at all. Nascar is rather, well, disappointed in some of the comments we're hearing about the Car of Tomorrow.
Robin Pemberton: Today. Car of Today.
Mike Helton: How about we use "COT?" We've had comments from race winners about how the car is junk.
Jeff Gordon: Sounds like you Shrub.
Mike Helton: And there are people who have ripped us on their radio programs, which is very harmful due to their extreme popularity.
Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Is everyone looking at me?
Matt Kenseth: They sure aren't looking at me. Number One, I don't have a radio show. Number Two, I'm not the most popular driver.
Carl Edwards: And never will be.
Greg Biffle: Give it a rest Flipper. He still is a Champ. You're not.
Carl Edwards: Do you want to go outside to settle this Biff?
Jamie McMurray: Jack, would you consider firing one of them for fighting?
Robin Pemberton: I told you the seating chart was a bad idea!
Mike Helton: But who knew seating TEAMS together was an issue? Jack, can't you control them?
Jack Roush: I don't have time to deal with petty driver problems when the evil Toyota Empire is winning weekly because Nascar cuts them breaks!
Mike Helton: We'll discuss that privately later Jack. Still others have criticized tire manufacturers.
Tony Stewart: All I have to say is Coca-Cola 600.
Mike Helton: And their competitors didn't back up the Nascar approved tire provider, but side with the complainers.
Kyle Busch: Would that be you Gordy?
Jeff Gordon: All Right, let's take this outside.
Mike Helton: Silence! [Momentary silence] My point is that these complaints do not help us move forward with the CoT program. We are willing to work with you guys to make adjustments. However, with the public whining and complaining that hits the blogs, newspapers and airwaves, it is starting to affect how the fans view the sport. I mean have you read the stuff on fox sports blogs? Those writers are vicious! And then some of you are commenting about how the car will work on a track configuration that it hasn't even been tested on yet! Give it a chance.
Robin Pemberton: Look how Bristol turned out this year And Kansas last year was fine. Except for the multiple rain delays, and strange finish with the winner not able to power his car.
[The following three voices are heard simultaneously]
Clint Bowyer: Are you suggesting...
Greg Biffle: What?!?
Jeff Gordon: Are you kidding me?!?
Mike Helton: That is a good point. The winner is who Nascar says it is. Just remember that Big Bill France disqualified a race winner for an illegal part. Nascar hasn't done that since that first year.
[Brief Silence]
Mike Helton: And we have seized cars for violations of the rulebook. Ironically, Nascar was then accused of giving the engine of that car to Toyota, even though the car owners have now switched to Toyota, presumably turning their Chevy engine program into a Toyota one.
Tony Stewart: I had nothing to do with switching to Toyota.
Kyle Busch: All I can say is at least I'm getting a Formula One test out of it.
Kurt Busch: Suddenly I remember exactly why I left the house as soon as I could.
Mike Helton: My point is that Nascar has discretion to enforce the rules. Junior, do you remember those two penalties you got a couple weeks ago?
Dale Earnhardt Jr: Uh-huh...
Mike Helton: Well, we exercised our discretion and only made you go to the end of the longest line, and did not penalize you with a drive-through penalty as well.
Dale Earnhardt Jr: So your point is?
Mike Helton: Robin, now you can explain the process we're considering for tech inspection for the new car.
Robin Pemberton: The last five individual guys to win championships would go first. The driver, crew chief and owner would report to the tech line at 5 a.m. on Friday.
[Four voices simultaneously]
Jeff Gordon: 1, 2, 3, 4, Damn!
Jimmie Johnson: When would I get my propecia treatment scheduled?!?
Tony Stewart: I only get up at 5 a.m. to fish.
Matt Kenseth: I guess that doesn't include you Carl.
Robin Pemberton: We would then do a Smokey Yunick tech inspection of the car.
Rick Hendrick: You mean, you'd...
Jack Roush: The whole car?!?
Joe Gibbs: Every weekend?
Chip Ganassi: You really want me to sell, don't you?
Robin Pemberton: We figure it will only take about 4 hours per car. The last ones should get done just in time to practice for 10 minutes or so. And then we'd do it all again immediately after the race. Naturally, drivers, crew chiefs and owners could not leave the track until the tech was completed, which again would only take 4 or 5 hours per car.
Mike Helton: Our concern is that your mechanics are tinkering with the car, which leads to the undrivable conditions. Certainly the Nascar R&D department didn't screw up, so it must be what you are doing. So when we hear whining and complaints, we assume you did something to it.
[The sound of Crickets chirping]
Mike Helton: If we didn't hear those things, then maybe...the other option is we could just leave things the same, and reduce the time of the inspections to, say, 10-15 seconds per car.
Jack Roush: My drivers won't say another bad word
Joe Gibbs: Mine neither
Rick Hendrick: No problem.
Chip Ganassi: Juan and Dario love the car.
Mike Helton: I knew we could get this resolved in a sensible manner. Just to show your good faith, I've set up media interviews for all of you drivers immediately after this meeting.
Robin Pemberton: We don't want them to mention the threaten...
That is the OLDEST trick in the book! I can’t believe Roush thought they’d get by with it.
I’d bet that is not the only thing that is tricked up on the car either. Nascar will probably throw the book at them.
We’ll figure out what Roush discovered soon. JJ says Gordon wants to know.
Knaus
March 4, 2008 1:24:45 p.m.
Junior:
It’s Penalty Tuesday and no news on Carl’s missing oil tank cover. I can’t believe Nascar is going to let Carl keep the win! Leaving the oil tank cover loose is the oldest trick in the book. I think Smokey came up with it back in the day.
You should be the winner.
E-Sad
March 4, 2008 2:30:26 p.m.
Jeff -
Glad to hear you are just as sore as I was. Bushie told me he was hurting too.
I’m with you on the plan to get softer walls on all tracks on all inside walls.
So will this reignite the Gordon - Kenseth feud? After all, Bristol is around the corner!
Smoke
PS: Can you believe a “non-intentional” missing oil tank cover? At least Knaus is creative!
March 5, 2008 3:52:22 p.m.
Nardelli -
Nascar saw things our way and rescinded the points penalty. But they increased the fine. I appreciate your backing on this. And the offer to help with payment of the fine.
The Indy 500 deal is off. This will keep me in the top 35.
Robby
March 6, 2008 11:55:34 a.m.
Leesa:
I just spoke to the Sprint point man (I can’t remember the name because it is a new guy every week; they cannot keep people hired!). Apparently they are worried about a takeover bid by T-Mobile. The latest rate cut is causing a price war and it‘s cheaper to acquire the company than lower rates.
Thus, it could be the T-Mobile Cup by next year. I hope this doesn’t happen because it sounds like a name for a jock strap!
I’m also considering a big shake-up in the schedule for next year. I’d take the early date from Cali, move Phoenix earlier, and drop a second date for Kansas in the spring. Atlanta would get Labor Day and Cali would get a Chase race. Vegas would get a date from Pocono, but would race it toward the end of the season (maybe in Chase). Let me know what you think.
If Bruton didn’t own Vegas and we did, I’d have the finale there along with the banquet. But No Way I’m moving it from an ISC track!
Brian
March 7, 2008 3:00:00 p.m.
Helton,
Did you see the comments Jack Roush and Lee White at Toyota have been making about the oil tank cover? The Gloves are off! Both are accusing the other of intentional cheating!
Roush even stated that Waltrip’s Daytona car wasn’t the only Toyota with jet fuel in its tank!
Pemberton
March 8, 2008 6:43:16 p.m.
JJ,
Did you see that Roush refused to do the polygraph when pushed? He wouldn't let anyone agree to do it to prove it was an "unintentional" missing oil tank lid.
Like one bolt failed and caused it to fall off without Carl noticing.
Knaus
March 9, 2008 6:10:10 p.m.
Shrub -
Nice work out there today.
I’ll get you next time, assuming the tires are better.
Doesn’t this mean you’re buying lunch this week for the shop?
Smoke
March 9, 2008 6:20:44 p.m.
Smoke,
I know you didn’t like the tires, but can you lay off a little? You’ve given at least four interviews trashing Goodyear, isn’t that enough?
We need to be able to do some testing for them.
JD
March 9, 2008 7:30:22 p.m.
Smoke,
Loved the tire comments. The tires sucked today.
My arms are killing me tonight.
Do you suppose Carl's motor failure was due to a missing oil tank lid?
Junior
March 9, 2008 8:10:45 p.m.
Smoke,
Those tires were terrible today.
Is Irish at Hoosier Tire paying you for the publicity?
Kasey
March 9, 2008 8:11:23 p.m.
Kasey:
Look Fred Astaire, shouldn't you be worried about your dancing?
Smoke
March 9, 2008 8:35:59 p.m.
Smoke,
So I’ve got the soft wall campaign and you’re working on the tire campaign?
Sorry about that wreck in practice. Hope there are no hard feelings.
Clint
February 9, 2008 11:05:18 a.m.
Sis:
What the HELL was going on with the New York Deal? How could two of our former employees get Indicted for racketeering!?! How are the Gambino, Bonnano and Genovese crime families involved?
We have enough problems even though the Kentucky suit was dismissed; no need to draw attention to our little business here.
Call me as soon as you get this!
Bri
February 10, 2008 6:32:04 p.m.
Smoke -
Wanna bet on whether Nascar goes to its the “kinder, gentler” approach on our penalties?
No more sheet metal then?
Bush
February 10, 2008 7:22:56 p.m.
Junior -
No problem, glad to help.
Just return the favor next week!
JJ
February 10, 2008 7:10:09 p.m.
Chandi, DeLana, Nicole, Eva & Katie -
Did you see Ashley Judd in a dress on pit road for Pole Day? I thought Nascar wouldn’t let us do that?
So you know, I’m planning on a mini skirt for the Duels.
Ingrid
February 10, 2008 9:30:00 p.m.
Sis:
I could have guessed it’d be Bush and Stewart who would test the waters on the penalties. Bush had to pull the same stunt he’d done last year, and Stewart replayed the Indy reporter incident in the trailer when Bush shot off his mouth.
Jim & Mike have a few ideas. Need any help cleaning up the grandstands after the next several races? That would make them think twice!
Bri
February 11, 2008 8:10:47 a.m.
Jim -
I’ve heard from several drivers that their wives are a bit upset about Ashley Judd wearing a dress in the pits on Pole Day. Rumor has it the other wives are planning on mini skirts and halter dresses for the Duels and The 500. I think we need to let Dario and Ashley know that she has to wear pants, just like the rest of them.
Otherwise, the upside may be that we’ll pull in more viewers and sponsors if the wives and girlfriends start a fashion war each week.
Mike
February 12, 2008 10:12:45 p.m.
Bushie -
So we’re agreed its on at Texas?
Smoke
February 13, 2008 9:02:21 a.m.
Jeff -
Saw Ingrid’s SI photos - does she have a sister? J
Any truth to the mini skirt rumor on Thursday?
Is it too early to ask for Ella Sophia’s hand in marriage? I may be ready to settle down by the time she turns 18 or so. JK!
Junior
February 15, 2008 3:12:00 p.m.
Rick,
The wind tunnel results are surprising to say the least. We should have tried to keep Cronquist. Toyotas are out horse powering our Chevys (up to 30?!).
Any ideas?
Richard
February 17, 2008 7:22:59 p.m.
Jimmie,
I didn’t catch you at the track, just wanted you to know I’m sorry about the spin today. Not sure I did anything, but I am a rookie after all.
Sam
February 17, 2008 7:38:34 p.m.
Happy
Where do I sign up to join the JP Montoya Non-Fan Club?
Clint
February 17, 2008 8:34:13 p.m.
Bush -
I guess that’s one way to get back at Smoke!
Thanks again.
Ryan
February 17, 2008 8:38:28 p.m.
Rick,
I may keep the hat until after The 500 in Indy.
Any interest in using the suite in May?
Roger
February 17, 2008 8:39:00
Kevin
When you wax Smoke, could some wax get “spilled” on his long hair?
I’m willing to split the difference with you on the rest of the $100,000 to get it done.
Zippy
P.S. My daughter started calling Smoke “Bumble” after the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer character.
1. What the heck was that in Michael Waltrip's engine at Daytona?
2. And why has nearly everyone involved been let back in the garage (many with other teams)?
3. Will the COT work at every track? Will there be enough fans at the track and/or watching on TV to make a quorum to vote?
4. Will Brian France be around to find out or will he move to Grand Am or the NFL?
5. At what point if the ratings continue to dwindle do sponsors take a step back?
6. At what point if the ratings continue to dwindle does ESPN change up its broadcaster line up?
7. How long will Dale Jarrett be unemployed after his retirement?
8. How long will it take ESPN to figure out that crew chiefing/ driving / owning a car does NOT make you a good Nascar analysist?
9. Which is the real Carl Edwards: the bully or the nice guy?
10. Is Matt Kenseth becoming the bully's (Edwards, Stewart & Gordon) target in Nascar? And how long before he loses it and slugs someone?
11. What ever happened to Kenseth's buddy at Sonoma who wanted an autograph?
12. When will Nascar figure out that pricing out and/or only letting sponsors in the garage will drive fans away from the track?
13. Will we ever get a clarification of the rain rule as it pertains to Chase races a la Kansas?
14. Why hasn't Nascar mandated lighting at any track which has a race in the Chase?
15. Will Brent Musberger get to say more than 5 sentences at any ESPN broadcast next year? How much per word do you think that works out to?
16. How many races before Juan Pablo Montoya is parked for aggressive driving?
17. What are the odds that Montoya and Harvick have a run in before the 5th race of the season?
18. At which race will the announcers start harping on the fact that "Junior has been at Hendrick ___ number of races and hasn't won"?
19. How many uninformed but good intentioned family members will buy Bud #8 gear for their Nascar fan for Christmas?
20. At what age will Ella Sofia Gordon make her motorsports driving debut?
21. At what age will Ella Sofia Gordon get her lifetime contract with Hendrick?
22. Can GEM snap out of their bad luck streak next year?
23. How long will Kasey keep the Bud deal if he performs like last year?
24. Will the Bud marketing be as good since the PR team (Jade Gurss/ fingerprint inc.) is moving on?
25. Which Roush team will go when Roush has to trim back?
26. What if the DEI #8 team wins the Daytona 500?
27. How long before Rick Hendrick is "Teresa Earnhardt'ed" by the fans?
28. Will Kenny Wallace ever have a full time Cup ride again?
29. What team folds first after failing to qualify for multiple races?
30. If Kurt Busch wins again at Bristol in the spring and its flurrying, will he do another snow angel?
31. Will a second championship give Jimmie Johnson more gumption so he'll stop being Jeff Gordon lite? (I had so much hope after the golf cart accident...)
32. If Junior isn't running well, will Rick Hendrick change his crew chief?
33. Will the amount of merchandise Junior sells with his new team cover the cost of running his Nationwide team for the next 5 years?
34. How long will it take the Gibbs teams to win with Toyota?
35. How long before Coach has a "talk" with Kyle, Denny & Tony?
