First off, let me say congrats to the 16 finalists.  Good job and make me proud.

Some people believe there is a parallel universe where everything is mixed up.  Black is white, up is down, bad is good, and George W. Bush is considered one of the best U.S. Presidents of all time (just kidding).

I sit here watching the Miami Hurricanes face the LSU Tigers, looking at interesting NFL-prospects and wondering if the New York Giants have a shot at drafting one or two of these guys in the first round of the 2006 draft.  The two guys I’m really looking at are Miami offensive tackle Eric Winston and L.S.U. defensive tackle Claude Wroten.  Then it hits me: what does the draft order look like in our parallel universe and who would get drafted where?

I assume there are organized sports in the parallel universe, which must be tons of fun to watch.  Imagine the point of the three major sports:  not trying to score and trying to make the other team score, letting guys round the bases, not playing defense and letting guys take three point shots at will.  Wait a second, that sounds like the NBA now!  Just kidding, back on the subject. 

So here it is: The First Round of the 2006 NFL Draft in the Parallel Universe. (draft order after Week 16)

1. Indianapolis (13-2) – A.J. Hawk, LB, Ohio State

2. Seattle (13-2) – Chad Greenway, LB, Iowa

3. Denver (12-3) – Michael Huff, S, Texas

4. Cincinnati (11-4) - Haloti Ngata, DT, Oregon

5. Jacksonville (11-4) – Marcedes Lewis, TE, U.C.L.A.

6. Chicago (11-4) - D'Brickshaw Ferguson, OT, Virginia

7. New England (10-5) – Jimmy Williams, DB, Virginia Tech

8. Pittsburgh (10-5) - Reggie Bush, RB, USC

9. New York Giants (10-5) – Eric Winston, OT, Miami (FL)

10. Carolina (10-5) - DeAngelo Williams, RB, Memphis

11. Tampa Bay (10-5) - Winston Justice, OT, USC

12. San Diego (9-6) – LaRon Landry, S, L.S.U

13. Denver (from Washington) (9-6) - Rodrique Wright, DT, Texas

14. Dallas (9-6) – Matt Leinart, QB, USC

15. Kansas City (9-6) - Marcus McNeill, OT, Auburn

16. Atlanta (8-7) – Darnell Bing, S, USC

17. Minnesota (8-7) – LenDale White, RB, USC

18. Miami (8-7) – Vince Young, QB, Texas

19. Philadelphia (6-9) – Jonathan Scott, OT, Texas

20. Baltimore (6-9) – Laurence Maroney, RB, Minnesota

21. Cleveland (5-10) - Tamba Hali, DE, Penn State

22. Detroit (5-10) - Jeremy Trueblood, OT, Boston College

23. Arizona (5-10) – Gabe Watson, DT, Michigan

24. Buffalo (5-10) - Brodrick Bunkley, DT, Florida St.

25. St. Louis (5-10) - D’Qwell Jackson, LB, Maryland

26. Oakland (4-11) - Thomas Howard, LB, U.T.E.P.

27. Tennessee (4-11) - Jay Cutler, QB, Vanderbilt

28. San Francisco (3-12) - Max Jean-Gilles, OG, Georgia

29. Green Bay (3-12) - Davin Joseph, OG, Oklahoma

30. New York Jets (3-12) - Daryn Colledge, OT, Boise State

31. New Orleans (3-12) - Darrell Hackney, QB, U.A.B.

32. Houston (2-13) - Andrew Whitworth, OT, L.S.U.

Wow.  I have not seen a mock draft quite like this one.  In the parallel universe, the offense would simply run backwards towards their own end zone.  Thus, the goal of the defense would be to push them towards their end zone.  Defenses would be great if they let up 70 or 80 points a game.  Great offenses would score 10 points a game.  Football (or would it be called llabtoof?) would be the most interesting, craziest game ever.

Now I know your head is spinning (because I know mine is) and you’re cursing me out right now (because I know I am), but wasn’t this whole activity fun?  I think we can all agree we do not live in that parallel universe, due to the fact it is just too crazy for our brains.  I’ll stay here for now and go take some aspirin: my head really hurts.

As always, comments/suggestions/criticisms are welcomed.