No fancy intro here, lists were made to be listed so let's get to it...
5 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER WEAR TO A COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAME
1. A foam corn head: This category really applies to any foam rubber piece of headgear made using a mold (Wolverines, Hogs
and Gators included), but I'm sad to admit that my own Cornhusker
faithful are by far the most egregious offenders here. Now I love corn
more than a starving pilgrim in the middle of his first New England
winter and I take it in all its forms--on the cob, in the can, with
milk and on the rocks--but I don't ever want it higher than my lips. A
big ear of foam corn makes a piece of cheese look like haute couture.
2. Camouflage: I
understand the appeal here. When you're out fighting the elements and
engaging in the thrill of the hunt you want to let your prey know what
hit it. There you are in the blind and a succulent duck, your duck,
takes flight. Boom! The hound hauls it back and you and your hat scream
"War Eagle baby!" That's great if you're carrying a rifle, but if
you're heading to the game the school colors should be fine.
3. Overalls of any color: Clemson
seems to be Public Enemy No. 1 when it comes to Crayola-####
coveralls. All that rubbing the rock is dirty business. But as garish
as this orange
is it may actually be better than these striped numbers which are
available in just about every color combination you can imagine. But
just because they're in your team's colors doesn't mean you should take
advantage of that option. Some things you can't unsee and some things
you can't unwear. These overalls are both.
4. A visor: Are
you a Heisman Trophy winning, 5-time SEC Coach of the Year with six
conference titles and one Sears Trophy? No? Then get that half-assed
hat off your head.
If
you've achieved that level of success in your chosen field, then you
can consider the visor part of your wardrobe. If not, well, you're
probably better off that way anyway.
5. Stadium Pants: Nothing says I'm an #### like these pants and you'll only pay $135 to broadcast that very fact to everyone within shouting distance.
I
suppose this is a natural progression, first you get some pants with
lobsters all over them to prove you probably don't ever sail boats, and
that's not so bad. Nobody laughs directly in
your face. But then you wake up in a bush six hours after a game some
Saturday and find Colonel Reb in places you never thought possible. It
happens just that quick.
I'm not quite sure which would be the
more potent combination, stadium pants with a visor or coveralls with
the camouflage, but I do know that both of those outfits are worn by
thousands every Saturday and that doesn't even include the foam heads.
Luckily--well not really luckily more like thanks in large part to me--you won't be one of those people.
Yeah, I usually keep my corn on the cob head for when I go out to nice restaurants. It gets me fired up for some good food.
What blows me away is the women that go dressed in skirts and high heels to try and pick up guys... some of us don't mind the views, but mostly we are there to drink beer and watch football... those outfits are for the after parties.
ksp113: You may be the first man I know to criticize the SEC sundress. Bold move!
slshusker: If Dudski is on board then I know I was in the right place. A friend of mine, native Nebraskan now living in LA, recently emailed me to show off his new USC hat and honestly I had more of a problem with the fact that it was a visor than the ultimate treason it represented.
Absolutely correct on the cornhead. Every time I watch the 'Skers on TV they HAVE to show some #### wearing a cornhead. An absolute embarrassment to our entire state. Kind of like the cheeseheads up in Green Bay.
Last edited by Nostradomus on August 9th at 4:45 PM.
