The terror for the opposition began with the importation of LT.

Whether if, at this point, the mud-sucking, bilge water-drinking challengers were aware of the fact that the end of their season was effectively under way was indeterminable.

But what cannot go unquestioned was deft maneuvering that made the Charger running back available at No. 2 to go along with the slight-of-hand aquisitions composed of Ryan Grant and Jessica Simpson’s favorite chew toy — lucky #### — were the moves of a master.

The pretenders to the crown that is soon to be majestically featured on the stunning dome of the fedora-wearing, eye-spinning future league champion were quickly reduced to quivering masses of eventual failure.

Forced to wallowed beneath the vile of their own early round draft picks, they made a final, feeble attempt to rebound in thelate rounds by grabbing whatever practice squad player remaining from their favorite team. Will they play? Are they injured? Retired? Dead? No matter. They wear the blue star and that’s good enough for a tenth rounder!

Labeling themselves as prolific red ticket-supporting pornographers, each, by way of their own ineptitude and the brilliance of the genius draft manager who produced a 20-game regular season MLB fantasy victory, is doomed to a season of fear and loathing — or any other such long strange trips of their choosing through the bizarre mind of Hunter S. Thompson.

And the pain was just beginning.

Wes Welker, the Bears defense, the beneficiary of Tom Brady’s offense and a rookie running back with absolutely no competition follow in the later rounds as the Mighty Titans, Kona Coffee Pickers and a Warrior Fanatic hopelessly cling to the recorded insight of the would-be draft experts at EA Sports in an effort to stay out of last place or, at least, to delay the inevitable.

As the season progresses, the losses will mount. Sweat comes to the brow of the Netherwing Knights as Adrian Peterson goes down with a knee injury leaving the team with only Reggie Bush’s 3.7 yards per carry and Ricky Williams’ five-leafed, sticky, stinky, red-haired herbal cure-all.

The People’s Team’s pick of unemployed baggage handler Tatum Bell is reason enough for unkind words of discouragement as are the four quarterbacks taking up space on the roster.
Sheeelli ensured a steady diet of losses and negative commentary based on her six running backs, but at least she has some company.

The Fanatic also has decided to hoard ball carriers much like Kirstie Alley with a ham sandwich.

Ahhh, the life of fantasy football. Sixteen weeks of interoffice trash talking where neither sex nor experience nor the ability to terminate employment is enough to save the also-rans from the wicked taunts of those on top. Victory affords the right to humiliate and defeat is an invitation for abuse.

The Dungeon and Dragons for the non-geeky, beer-drinking, jersey-wearing, solar-challenged sect, fantasy sports allows would-be general managers to match their wits against the witless in a epic struggle of dominance that pits the strong against the weak and mentally stable versus those who feel that only through constant roster movement and $600 worth of scouting reports can victory be attained.

What had began in 1980 with a group of friends at the the La Francoise Rotisserie restaurant in New York has blossomed into a billion dollar business that has raised the ire of more wives than beer belching contests, and has wasted untold employment hours.

Small prices to pay for the right to humiliate your best friends.

So good luck. Stay healthy and as Jack Jenkins said, “Don’t take this ####-whuppin seriously.”

Check that.
Who gives a damn if you don’t like being looked upon through the rear view mirror. We take our cues not from fictional fighters, but real coaches who feel victory is a birthright of the elite.
If you don’t like losing, get better!
You want respect? Don’t go drafting Vince Young as your starting QB!
smurray@midweek.com

Just to show that you don’t need bad hair to rate the NFL draft, here is yet another worthlessly wild shot at explaining the most over-hyped and unimportant two days on the sporting calendar.

Big Winners
Taking the only lineman rated higher than the rookie Pro Bowler from a year ago is certainly a good start. Among Miami’s many, many needs was a left tackle to solidify a unit that not long ago was down right awful. With tackle Jake Long, the Dolphins have an offensive line fixture for the next 10 years. Even if he proves unable to handle the left side, a move to right tackle would still mean years of solid line play to go with last year’s second round pick, center Samson Satele. The Dolphins also added line depth with guard Shawn Murphy in the third round. Grabbing Chad Henne, a four-year starter at Michigan, in the second round was another stout move as neither Josh McCown or 27-year-old sophomore QB John Beck could solidify their hold on the position last year. Miami may also have found a replacement for Jason Taylor in defensive end Phillip Merling.

When perhaps the most dominant athlete in the draft falls in your lap at No. 5, a good draft is nearly assured. Kansas City struck gold with a man so damn nasty that not even a sore hamstring, a sore back and a sprained right knee prevented him from becoming a first-team All-America and winner of the Bronco Nagurski Award, Vince Lombardi/Rotary Award, Outland Trophy and SEC Defensive Player of the Year. The hits kept coming with perhaps the third best lineman (guard/tackle Brandon Allen) in the draft to go along with plenty of help for the defensive backfield with Brandon Flowers, Dajuan Morgan and Brandon Carr. Tailback Jamaal Charles is too small to be an every-down back but his 4.37 speed is a nice addition.

With the Carolina Panthers seemingly always on everyone’s short list for an NFC title, last year’s 7-9 mark was an unquestioned disappointment. The good news for 2008 is that they were able to fill needs while getting good players in great spots. Oregon’s Jonathan Stewart has perfect NFL size at 5’ 10” and 235 to go along with a nice 4.48 40. He’s also a tougher runner than No. 4 overall pick Darren McFadden. Moving up to take massive Jeff Otah at 19 was a good move to go along with free agent O-line pick ups Milford Brown, Toniu Fonoti and Keydrick Vincent. Grabbing Penn State linebacker Dan Connor in the third round was simple larceny.

Reached
Lions’ President Matt Millen did something unusual — he actually drafted to fill needs. Unfortunately, he may have over-valued each pick. Gosder Cherilus (No. 17 overall) was a four-year starter at Boston College whose play declined after making the switch to the left side, causing his draft projection to sink to a late round one, early round two pick. Jordon Dizon may have been the best ball hawk in college since Chris Spielman, but there was no rush to grab him before the third round. The NFL doesn’t clamor for slowish, smallish linebackers no matter how impressive their stats in college. Had the Lions grabbed Rashard Mendenhall at 18, moved to get Cherilus in the second and Dizon in the third, this would have been one nice draft.

Strange
While neither Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton nor Brian Griese are as bad as Bears fans would have you believe, allowing one of the deepest quarterback classes in recent years to pass without picking a signal caller is simply dumbfounding. After Matt Ryan was picked too high at No. 3, 54 picks passed before Brian Brohm — the No. 1 ranked quarterback in the preseason — was called up to the podium as the second QB taken. The Bears could have grabbed Brohm at 44 and most likely have gotten running back Matt Forte with little effort later in the draft.

Nice Grabs
As mentioned before, Carolina getting the No. 2 ranked inside linebacker in the third round was simply a steal.

One look at Dennis Dixon and you can’t help think of a new century version of Kordell Stewart, but with more speed and perhaps a better arm. Dixon will be a project for the Steelers, but he’s an amazing athlete and could get a look at quarterback, wide receiver or maybe even some at H-back if Mike Tomlin gets frisky.

This may be a bit of a homer pick, but grabbing an accurate quarterback a year removed from a predicted first or second round slot in the sixth is a pretty nice haul. Colt Brennan will have time in Washington to sit and learn while working with one of the league’s most respected developers of quarterbacks, head coach Jim Zorn.

Mike Hart’s slow 40 time, history of injuries and size killed his chances of being anything but a mid-round pick. But the ultra-professional Colts have to love a proven leader who refuses to fumble and who has very nice hands. What more can you hope for at No. 202 in the draft?

The seventh round is a throw-away where finding a practice squad player would not constitute a wasted selection. Finding a 6-foot, 3-inch, 200 pound wide receiver who had nine catches for 153 yards vs Florida in the Capital One Bowl could turn out to be felony theft. Even if Adrian Arrington ends up being the Saints’ No. 4 wide out, that’s still a lot of production from someone who was 15 picks from being Mr. Irrelevant.