In professional sports, it's all about how you perform on the field. Can you execute in clutch situations? Can you do your job when the chips are down? Nothing else matters; that's what makes you a professional.

Unless, of course, you play on the the LPGA tour, where, starting in 2009, players who have been on the tour for at least two years "must pass an #### evaluation of their English skills," according to a report on Golfweek.com. The tour justifies this brand-new rule by stressing "the importance of being able to entertain pro-am partners. Players are already fined if the LPGA receives complaints from their pro-am partners."

Wow. What's next? Presumably most of the pro-am partners are men, wouldn't it be more "entertaining" to mandate short-shorts for the LPGA players on pro-am day? What if a pro-am partner wants a little cuddle time from his playing partner during the round? That would be the ultimate "entertainment," wouldn't it?

Ridiculous? Sure it is, but so is the idea that all of the golfers on the LPGA Tour should be little Barbies that can carry on conversations in English with their stuffed-shirt pro-am partners. The men's PGA Tour has no such English-speaking mandate and they seem to be doing okay.

According to the report at Golfweek.com, 26 different countries are represented on the LPGA Tour this year by 121 different players; 45 of them are from South Korea.

I don't know if you've ever noticed, but the Korean language is just a little bit different than English, and now, in addition to telling these people - who are professional golfers, not linguists or diplomats - that they must drive and chip and putt against the best women in the world if they want to be successful on this tour, that, oh yeah, by the way, learn a totally foreign language just in case you win a tournament. We wouldn't want you foreigners embarrassing a sponsor by playing magnificent golf over an entire weekend but not being able to pronounce the company's name in the post-tournament interviews.

The most incredible part of this story is the reaction of the players, most of whom seem to think it's perfectly reasonable. I wonder what the reaction would be if the players were told they had a year to learn Korean or face being banned from the tour until they did?

And, yes, I do realize that many, if not most, of these young ladies have played college golf in the states and thus should be able to speak at least passable English. I understand that, and good for them if they can, even if they're not from the U.S. But if even one deserving player is prevented from earning a living, not because she isn't good enough, but because she doesn't speak the right language, then it will illustrate the absurdity of only allowing the "right" people to compete.

Rightly or wrongly, the sport of golf is viewed among many as an elitist game. Is this really the message they want to send to people over at the LPGA? That you can only play if you speak my language? Haven't we gone through decades of strife with a little thing called the civil rights movement? Aren't we smarter than this?

I had intended to cut and paste the Korean translation for the phrase "Speak English or beat it" here, but this board doesn't support Korean - all I get when I do it is a bunch of question marks which, the more I think about it, the more I believe that's incredibly appropriate.  So, LPGA, here's what I think of your message of inclusion and good sportsmanship: ??? ?? ???? ???

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If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com

Over at Yahoo, they did a piece called, "America's Ten Worst Cities to be a Sports Fan." Of course, the headline on the main page was accompanied by a picture of a fan sitting in the stands with a paper bag over his head, something that has been done so many times by now that it should be considered the Madonna of sports cliches, topped only by (maybe) that silly "DE-" and then the picture of a fence which apparently has been mandated by law to be featured at every professional and college football game in the country.

I mean, really. The bag over the head thing was funny and original back in the seventies when poor, beleaguered New Orleans Saints fans were doing it, but where has the originality gone? Archie Manning's kids are now playing in the NFL; can't we find a new way to show our disgust with the home team?

Anyway, in this article at Yahoo, the author "compared the latest median household income figures from the Census Bureau to the Fan Cost Index for each team compiled by Team Marketing...Those ratios were then compared to team performance, with regular season won-lost records and playoff outcomes combined for all teams in a given city."

Got all that?

No? Me neither, although their fancy formula determined that the city of Miami is currently the worst place to be a professional sports fan in America, so it must have something going for it. Undoubtedly Cam Cameron wouldn't argue with that assessment; not after going 1-15 in his only season as head coach of the Dolphins.

But, really, as sports fans, arent we all accustomed to failure? If you follow teams in any of the four so-called major professional sports - baseball, football, basketball and hockey - which is what Yahoo's writers considered in their analysis, then you can't really be completely happy with your team's season unless they won their league's championship, right? And you can throw college football and Nascar into the mix, too, since they have championships of their own.

The team almost universally considered to be the most successful ever, with the longest and most storied history, would be the New York Yankees of Major League Baseball. They've won an astonishing 26 world championships since 1900, nearly triple the number won by the next-most-successful team, the St. Louis Cardinals.

Impressive numbers, until you consider the fact that by winning 26 times in 108 years, they've lost 82 times! 26 championships in 108 years means they have been ultimately successful just 24% of the time, zero percent in the last eight years; no wonder Hank Steinbrenner seems so upset all the time.

You could argue with my choice of team to use as an example - the Montreal Canadiens of the NHL and the Boston Celtics of the NBA are also widely considered to be the most successful in their league's history - but the point is still the same: even these teams with such great traditions of winning championships have lost a lot more than they've won.

When you think about it, it's really a wonder we all don't wear bags on our heads. It's not easy being a sports fan.

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If youlove fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com                    
                                          

The current management group of the Boston Red Sox has done, for the most part, an admirable job of protecting young pitchers while still developing them to the point where they have been able to help the big club, in many cases much sooner than people expected. The recent successes of Jonathan Papelbon and Jon Lester are two good examples.

The Red Sox dropped the ball with Clay Buchholz, though, in a big way. Maybe it was the lure of all that talent that shone through last September 1 when Buchholz, then only 22 years old and in his second big league start, threw a no-hitter against Baltimore, striking out nine, in a 10-0 victory.

Maybe it was the notion that the problems Buchholz started having in early May could be worked out while in the rotation. Or maybe it was simply a situation where, with injuries to Curt Schilling, Bartolo Colon and Tim Wakefield, the Red Sox felt that they simply could not afford to demote the youngster to work out his problems.

Whatever the reason, Boston's handling of a young pitcher with a tremendous upside has backfired. After his start on May 2, when Buchholz went 5.1 innings, giving up five hits and one run in a 7-3 victory over Tampa Bay, he had evened his record at 2-2, with a very respectable 3.71 ERA.

Since that time, however, everything has fallen apart in what has been a slow-motion train wreck that has been excruciating to watch and undoubtedly even more painful for the 23 year old to live through. In ten appearances since then, nine of them starts, Buchholz has pitched just 42 innings, giving up 43 earned runs on 62 hits and 27 walks, for an ERA of 9.21!

Oh yeah, and in those appearances the kid has racked up an impressive 0-7 record. His season ERA has jumped from that 3.71 mark on May 2 to where it currently stands, 6.75. He has given up runs in every single appearance and pitched a total of just 6.1 innings in his last three, giving up eleven earned runs. The wheels fell off the bus a long time ago, and now the entire bus has fallen apart around him.

You didn't have to be a pitching coach to see this coming, either. For at least the last six weeks, it has been obvious to anyone watching that Clay Buchholz has been pitching without the slightest confidence that he can get anyone out, and yet the Red Sox have been sending him out there time and again to put on a blindfold, smoke one last cigarette, and get the firing squad treatment from an assortment of different teams.

What, technically, his problems are is a mystery to me, and apparently to the Red Sox, since they weren't able to fix him. After his last disastrous appearance against Baltimore on August 20, when he went just 2.1 innings and gave up five earned runs, he was given his ticket down to Double A, where, hopefully, he can work his problems out without the pressure of a pennant race hanging over his head.

Clay Buchholz was not ready for this, and Boston management should have seen it by mid-June. He may very well get his act together in the minor leagues and come back and be a dominant pitcher for years, but if that doesn't happen, some people should be made to answer some very tough questions about why they let this kid twist in all the wind generated by guys running around the bases on him for three months before they did anything about it.

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If you love fiction and have a few mintes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com

3) A twelve foot putt on the eighteenth green to win a match – Whether it’s the Masters on the line or a five dollar bet against your buddy, everything seems to slow down as the affected player tries to control his breathing and blot out distractions. Palms sweat and knees knock as what looks really easy is in fact really hard. It’s beautiful.

2) A goaltender moving thirty feet out of his crease to stone a shooter on a breakaway – Maybe I’m partial to this one because I was a goalie, but who doesn’t hold their breath on a breakaway in a hockey game, whether you’re rooting for the team on offense or defense? A breakaway by a player on skates moving about thirty miles an hour is one of the most breathtaking moments in sports, and when it ends in a great save – beautiful.

1) A career minor leaguer getting his first big league hit in a meaningless September game – Isn’t there a little Crash Davis in all of us? Don’t you just love it when a guy who has toiled in minor league obscurity for upwards of a decade in some cases stands at the plate and drives the ball to the opposite field for a single against an established major league pitcher? Even if he never gets another hit, he will have a baseball on his mantle that he can show to his children and grandchildren, and tell the story of how, at least for one day, he was as good as anyone.
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1) Where does Michael Phelps go from here?

Not that it's necessarily a bad problem to have, but what do you do when you have conquered not just your own sport, but the entire sporting world before your 24th birthday? In the history of the modern Olympic Games, dating back into the 1800's, no individual has ever hauled in as many gold medals in a single Olympic Games as Phelps has won in 2008.

Perhaps President of NBC would be a fair position to offer the kid, since the network has benefitted maybe the most off of his incredible run of success. Ratings were astronomical, as people tuned in to see if he would succumb to the mounting pressure of trying to make history. Guess we now know the answer to that question.


2) Why was everyone so surprised when it was discovered that the little girl singing at the Opening Ceremonies was lip-synching, and hadn't even recorded the song she was singing in the first place?

Anyone remember Milli Vanilli? This stuff crops up every now and then and people always act so shocked and outraged that anyone would try to pull something over on them. Get real.

And as far as the age of the Chinese female gymnasts is concerned, same thing. I have no idea whether they are the appropriate age to qualify for the Olympics or not, but is there anyone out there who really believes the Chinese government would be above pulling a fast one to get the most out of their shining moment in the world's spotlight? Again, get real. Happens all the time.


3) This isn't really sports related, but did I miss the memo that went out regarding weather forecasters?

Why did all the weather geeks suddenly decide that it's not "thunderstorms" any more, but rather just "storms?" Watch any forecast, local or national, and they all say the same thing - "Developing clouds this afternoon, with a chance of storms as the evening progresses."

Aren't they supposed to be as specific as possible? Shouldn't they say "thunderstorms" if that's what they mean? Isn't there more than one type of storm? Maybe it will be a hailstorm or just a rainstorm, but no, when they refer to thunderstorms, they all just say "storms."

I don't like it. It bugs me. Except for Hannah Storm. There's no need to refer to her as Hannah Thunderstorm, but she's the only exception that should be tolerated in my book.


4) Did Joe Torre think he left the zoo behind when he left New York?

When Manny Ramirez got out to L.A. and vowed to cut his hair, was the half-inch or so that got taken off really what Torre had in mind?

Seeing Manny be Manny must be like getting a rusty nail in the eye for Torre, a baseball lifer who played in the days when management and ownership had all the rights and players had none, to deal with a guy like Ramirez, who is tolerated because of his tremendous talent but who seems to have no ability to see the world through anyone else's eyes. I suppose having $200 million will do that to a guy, but still.


5) How long will it be before Brett Favre begins getting skewered by the press and the fans in New York?

Two games? Five? Half a season?

Favre has always been an all-or-nothing quarterback, which has simultaneously been both his blessing and his curse. As long as he consistently delivers "alls," he will be hailed as a conquering hero in football's toughest market. As soon as a few "nothings" get tossed in there, though, watch out. If he's able to protect the ball like he did in the first half of last season in Green Bay, Favre has nothing to worry about. That's never been his history, though, so look for fireworks as the season progresses.

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If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com

A little more proof, just in case you needed any, that a lot of people in this world just aren't that freakin' smart:

According to the AP, Herbert Alex Simpson, 30, of Philadelphia, had a grudge against two female ex-coworkers, so he did what anyone would do in that situation - he wrote threatening letters to New York Giants football coach Tom Coughlin, pretending to be those two women, and threatening Coughlin with "a living hell" if he didn't pay $20,000 to $30,000 to keep phony sexual trysts with them quiet.

I know exactly what you're thinking. This story stinks on so many levels it's not even funny, although it really is kind of funny. Even Mrs. Coughlin didn't believe that ol' Tom would have what it takes to get two other women into bed; not even ones that don't know him.

When you think of smooth-talking ladykiller types, the intense and focused Coughlin isn't exactly the guy who springs to mind. Unless the young ladies were flaunting Washington Redskins playbooks, Tom Coughlin probably would never even have noticed them in the first place.

And how, exactly, did Herbert Alex Simpson, who clearly needs to work on his reasoning skills, think his big plan was going to hurt the two women he had such a problem with? Coughlin gets the letters and goes immediately to the authorities, who have seen interviews with Coughlin and thus have no problem believing he didn't sleep with the two women. The authorities then go to the women, they say "Never seen the letters before and never slept with Coughlin" and prove it (at least the first part) by giving samples of their handwriting, and they go on with their Coughlin-less lives.

Meanwhile, the authorities ask the obvious followup question, "Who do you think might do such a thing?" and, surprisingly, both women immediately think of, you guessed it, Herbert Alex Simpson. Sheesh. Homer Simpson looks like a Mensa candidate compared to this guy.

So now, in addition to pissing off Tom Coughlin and barely inconveniencing the two women he was angry with in the first place, Herbert Alex Simpson becomes a national laughingstock. His response? He claims he "never thought the coach would get them and he never intended to harm his family."

And, really, why would he think the coach would get them? Writing the man's home address on the envelope and sticking proper postage on it hardly ever results in a letter ending up where it was sent.

Poor Hebert Alex Simpson. He is now facing a sentence of up to two years in prison and potentially a $250,000 fine. Just a wild guess here, but I'll bet Herbert Alex doesn't have that kind of money. Luckily for him, there are still 31 other NFL head coaches just waiting to be suckered like Coughlin. No doubt he is busily writing up the letters even as we speak.

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If you love fiction and have a few spare minutes, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com

I normally try to stay away from re-posting something that I've written here before, mostly because I figure it's good to try to force a little creativity out of my feeble brain.  In this case, though, I'm posting something I wrote originally this past March. 

The Jimmy Fund is the long-time charity of the Boston Red Sox, dedicated to fighting cancer in children.  Today and tomorrow, Boston sports radio station WEEI and television network NESN, the New England SportsNetwork, are holding their seventh annual Jimmy Fund Radio-Telethon, hoping to raise millions of dollars to fund cancer research.

Here is the post I wrote last March dedicated to the subject:

Between fans of the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees, even over the winter the sniping never really ends, it just becomes a little more muted than during the regular season.

This year in particular, the offseason seemed more bombastic than usual, what with members of both organizations getting involved and ratcheting up the noise. First, A-Rod stepped on Red Sox toes with the ill-timed World Series announcement that he was opting out of his contract. He says it was his agent's idea and that he regrets the timing, but that was just the first volley anyway.

After that came Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon's remark to a reporter that the Series-clinching ball, the one he supposedly had in his possession, had been eaten by his dog. The dog's name? "Boss," of course, what else?

Move on to spring training, where Hank Steinbrenner railed against Boston's "Red Sox Nation," much to the delight of Red Sox fans everywhere. Steinbrenner promised to restore order to the universe by beating the Sox, and everyone else, and earning a Yankee World Championship.

Finally, Boston management responded by enrolling Mr. Steinbrenner in Red Sox Nation and sending him a David Ortiz autographed hat as a peace offering. Needless to say, that peace offering went unaccepted.

From a Red Sox perspective, then, the Yankees are the hated enemy, the thorn in their side, the bane of their existence. As a kid born and raised outside Boston, I can testify to the truth of that statement, and undoubtedly the same thing is true of Yankee fans everywhere, who used to say, "You have to win once in a while for it to be a rivalry," in a not-so-subtle nod to the fact that while the Red Sox were going 86 years without a championship, the Yankees were racking them up with regularity. Well, now that the Sox have won a couple, it seems the rivalry has become invigorated and reached a renewed intensity.

But here's the dirty little secret that Hank Steinbrenner surely doesn't want you to know, whether you are a Boston fan or a New York supporter: The Steinbrenner family has been incredibly generous to the charity the Red Sox organization adopted 55 years ago and has supported ever since, the Jimmy Fund.

Established in 1948, the Jimmy Fund of Boston's Dana-Farber Cancer Institute is dedicated to raising money and awareness in the fight against cancer in children. In the 60 years since it's inception, the Jimmy Fund has raised over $400 million dollars, with more than 90 cents out of every dollar raised going directly toward research dedicated to "eradicating cancer and related diseases."

For the past seven years, Boston sports radio station WEEI, and NESN, the New England Sports Network, have teamed up with the Red Sox organization to run a weekend radio/telethon in support of the Jimmy Fund. Each of the first six telethons have raised a larger amount of money than the one the previous year, culminating in last year's total of $3.74 million, with a grand total in the six-year history of the event of nearly $12 million raised.

What does all this have to do with the Steinbrenner family? Since it's inception in 2002, George Steinbrenner has supported the fundraising weekend with an annual donation of $10,000, which he upped last year to $25,000. He is not by any means the only celebrity/rich guy making a donation - Dodgers owner Frank McCourt and MLB Commissioner Bud Selig are two others who have opened their wallets generously - but the others aren't the owners and public faces of the supposed sworn enemies of the franchise.

Rivaries are great for sports. They add drama and excitement to the season and give fans and media something to talk about. But some things are more important in life, and it's nice to see that The Boss and the entire Steinbrenner family have an appreciation for that fact.

This year's 7th Annual Red Sox WEEI/NESN Jimmy Fund Radio/Telethon takes place the weekend of August 14-15, and for the seventh straight year will attempt to break the previous season's record for money raised. Undoubtedly the Steinbrenner family and thus the New York Yankees will again be a big part of the fundraising effort.

For more information on the Jimmy Fund or to make a donation, just click this link. Or this one.  Or this one.  Anyone who has watched a relative or close friend suffer through cancer - and who hasn't? - knows how difficult it is to sit by as a loved one is ravaged by the disease. Now imagine that someone is a young child, maybe even your son or daughter. Take a moment to check out the Jimmy Fund, and if you have a few bucks, think about pledging something - you just might save a life today.

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If you love fiction and have a few spare minutes, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com

I didn't see last night's alleged baseball game between the Boston Red Sox and the Texas Rangers, but for fans of offense, it had to be right up there with the Run and Shoot in football and the Wayne Gretzky Edmonton Oilers in the 1980's NHL.

Check out some of these numbers, stats that would make you toss your Strat-O-Matic in the trash assuming it was irreparably broken, if it ever gave you a game like this when you were playing it as a kid:

- Red Sox score ten runs in the first inning, and have to rally after falling behind in the game, to win 19-17! It would have been closer, but the Rangers pulled their goaltender late in the game and Boston was able to score an empty-netter to give them a the two-goal win.

- 36 runs were scored in a nine-inning major league game. In the entire history of the American League, there have never been more runs scored in a game that didn't go extra innings, and the last time this many were scored was almost six decades ago!

- Runs were scored in every inning, with the exception of the fourth, when batters were so winded from running around the bases that they refused to run out anything. Manny Ramirez would have loved it.

- Ten runs were scored in an inning twice in the game - In the first inning, when Boston scored ten, and in the fifth, when Texas scored eight and Boston answered with two.

- Jonathan Papelbon, Boston's closer, earned his 32nd save, undoubtedly one of the few times in history a pitcher picked up a save in a game in which his team scored nineteen runs.

- For the game, Texas batted .426 (20-47), while Boston was slightly off the pace at .425 (17-40).

- David Ortiz, Red Sox - Two home runs, and six RBI, in the first inning!

- Two players went 5-6 in the game: Marlon Byrd for the Rangers, who drove in three runs and scored four, and Dustin Pedroia for the Red Sox, who drove in two and scored five.

It was not immediately known how many pitchers sought post-game medical attention for post-traumatic stress disorder. Details as they become available.

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If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com

It has become standard practice for athletes of all incomes and all ability levels in all professional sports to endear themselves to the local fan base by exclaiming loudly and to anyone who will listen how much they are looking forward to finishing their career in that city.

Usually midway through the introductory press conference, the athlete in question vows, in between posing for the obligatory photos shaking the hands of the team's ownership and management (also known as the very same people he will be fighting tooth and nail against to get more money from come contract time) and holding up his new home jersey with his name on the back, that this is where he has wanted to play his entire career and he is looking forward to retiring from this lucky city.

The players inevitably say these words with the utmost sincerity, counting on the suckers...uh, excuse me...fans...yeah, that's it, fans...to eat it up like Rosie O'Donnell at the dessert table, which they inevitably do.

But Manny Ramirez has set a new standard for baboozling home-town fans, a mark which may never be broken. After stating in early summer that he fully expected to remain a Boston Red Sox until retirement, he orchestrated a trade out of town by performing in-game job actions that were so blatantly obvious they have inspired an investigation from the league office.

But wait, there's more! After donning mirrored sunglasses and wowing fans in L.A. by stating, within 24 hours of arriving in town, "I think that I'll play here for the remainder of my career," sources now say that what the man for whom the term "enigmatic" was originally coined meant to say was that he wants to sign a free agent contract this winter to loaf...uh, excuse me...play...yeah, that's it, play, for the New York Yankees until his retirement from the game.

Anyone can change his mind, of course, and it was a whole five days between Manny's oath of devotion to L.A. and the revelation of the latest city he's developed a crush on, but ultimately, it probably doesn't much matter, anyway. The guy will hit wherever he is, and chances are he's not going to be too sure where that is, anyway.

Besides, if the flirtation with New York doesn't work out, there are still over two dozen cities he can swear he wants to finish his career in, and that doesn't even include Green Bay, where Manny may or may not have volunteered to play quarterback. He's just hitting his stride!

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If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com

Anyone who has ever played sports at any level has probably heard this from a coach at one time or another: "It doesn't take any talent to hustle!"

I heard this repeatedly when I was playing baseball, telling me that:

A) The coaches appreciated my hard-nosed style of play, the fact that my uniform was always dirty, and the fact that I never gave up on any ball, no matter where it was hit, OR,

B) They recognized that I had no appreciable talent for the game.

Although it's kind of a backwards compliment, like telling your date she's the prettiest girl at the dance when you're the first couple to arrive, there's still a lot of truth to the statement - All it takes to bust it down the line on a ground ball is the desire to do so, and sometimes that little bit of effort makes all the difference in the world.

This is why I love the right side of the Boston Red Sox infield so much. Kevin Youkilis and Dustin Pedroia are both straight out of the Trot Nixon-Mike Greenwell mold. They will dive, run into and sometimes through walls, hustle out ground balls, and always give 100%, a rarity in the world of professional sports, where so many players seem to think it's more important to preen and showboat than to do their utmost to help their team win.

For Pedroia, a little guy who has a home run hitter's swing and yet makes consistent contact with the best in the league, that work ethic has produced a current streak of hits in 28 consecutive road games. Not that impressive, you say? No Boston player has a longer such streak since Tris Speaker in 1915!

To put that into a little historical perspective, the last time a Red Sox player had a longer road hitting streak than Pedroia, Woodrow Wilson was president of the United States and the country was still two years away from entering into World War One. We have had sixteen presidents since then, and at the time of Tris Speaker's streak, Arizona and New Mexico had only entered the union three years prior.

Babe Ruth was a 20 year old kid playing in his first full year in the big leagues, mostly as a pitcher, compiling 217.7 innings pitched and an 18-8 record. Oh yeah, he showed a little promise at the plate too, hitting .315 with four home runs for the Red Sox, who were still four years away from selling him to...well...you know the rest of the story.

Anyway, I bring up this Pedroia streak because the guy is one of those players you hate if he's on the other team but you love if he's on your team, because he's so darned pesky - he's like the bugs buzzing around Joba Chamberlain's head in the playoffs last fall - no matter how hard you try, you just can't get rid of him.
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If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com

You know you're stuck in the dog days of summer when it seems like all the sports stories are the same ones, recycled over and over. The promise of spring is gone for a lot of Major League baseball teams as they drop out of pennant races, the real college and NFL football games are still weeks away, and even though the Olympic Games are happening this year, there doesn't seem to be much sizzle.

So here, in no particular order, are the sports stories that would be banned immediately if I were King of the World:

1) Brett Favre - As great a player as Brett Favre was, and as poorly as his annual retirement sagas were handled (especially this year's), and whether he leads the NFL in passer rating and wins a Super Bowl with the Jets this year or whether he stinks worse than two week old tuna, can't we just let the whole thing go? I bet even Obama and McCain can agree on this one. Please, sports people everywhere, for the love of God, I'm begging you, just let the Favre thing go!

2) Manny Ramirez - Now the big story is that Bud Selig has asked a representative to look into how the whole Manny trade from Boston to Los Angeles was handled. Yay. What's he planning on doing if he doesn't like how it was handled? Declare the whole thing a tie? Let it go for crying out loud! Manny will hit like gangbusters and play hard until he decides not to and that's that. What you see is what you get with him. Always has been and always will be. Let's move on.

3) Redeem Team - Not to be cynical here, but sitting on the edge of my seat, trying to see if a bunch of multi-millionaires can beat another bunch of multi-millionaires to win a gold medal in what used to be the ultimate amateur competition just doesn't really do it for me. The outstanding United States Olympic Basketball Team will either win it all or they won't. What does redeeming have to do with anything?

4) Olympic athletes testing positive for banned substances - I guess I am getting cynical in my old age, but over the next three weeks or so we will see a few stories of courage and inspiration, a few genuinely interesting and exciting matchups in sports most of us only pay attention to every four years, and more than a few medal-winning athletes testing positive for banned substances and being stripped of their medals. They will immediately have the obligatory stunned and outraged reaction, proclaim their innocence, insist - through their high-profile attornies - that they have no idea how the substance got into their system and will fight these scurrilous charges until their dying breath, and then six months to a year down the line will give their medals back and serve their suspensions. Happens every four years. I can't wait.

Okay, I'm done now. Sorry for the interruption. I'd love to stay and chat but I'm off to the Jets website to read up on the latest Favre stuff.

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If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com

According to a story published August 6 by the Associated Press, United States Olympic champion swimmer Amanda Beard was forced to "launch her naked, anti-fur campaign poster outside the Athletes Village after Chinese authorities cancelled a planned unveiling."

According to PETA spokesman Jason Baker, "Amanda didn't want her voice to be silenced, so we went ahead and arranged something else."

I've never been accused of being the brightest guy in the room, even when I'm in the room by myself, but am I wrong when I assume that it's not Amanda Beard's voice the Chinese are worried about?

Anyway, the point of Ms Beard's little stunt, which is exactly what it was, undoubtedly is to draw as much publicity to her cause as possible. In that, the Chinese cooperated quite nicely. If they had simply ignored her, she would have "unveiled" her poster, everyone would have ogled it appropriately, or perhaps inappropriately as the case may be, and everyone would then have gone about their business after cluck-clucking about the horrible state of affairs in the fur industry.

Now, however, the fact that her dog and pony show got cancelled, or at least rescheduled, the whole affair becomes worldwide news, giving everyone the chance to: A) Google the naked poster of Amanda Beard, because, really, how can you discuss a news event you aren't intimately familiar with, and B) Discuss, around the water cooler, the issue of the cruelty or non-cruelty of using real fur as an adornment on your jacket.

Personally, I don't have an opinion either way, but I foresee a frightening trend developing. What happens when Brett Favre sees all the attention Amanda Beard is receiving for her naked poster and decides to unveil one of his own, wearing only his Green Bay Packers helmet, in order to force a trade? Or even worse, he poses in only one of those furry Viking hats with the horns sticking out the side? There's the whole thorny fur issue popping up again.

Then, to carry the ugly scenario one step further, Mike McCarthy sees Favre's tactics and immediately determines to fight fire with heartburn and release his own naked poster? I think you can see where I'm going with this, and I'm not sure it's a road anyone wants to travel.

So, thanks a lot Amanda Beard. As much as I'm in favor of you posing naked, whenever and wherever you wish, and pushing whatever cause you choose with your nakedness, you've opened up a can of worms; you've released a genie from the bottle that might never get put back in.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to examining that poster.

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If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com

- Steve Smith, Carolina Panthers receiver, after slugging cornerback Ken Lucas in the face during practice Friday: "I'm completely wrong. It was an asinine decision."

What I Meant to Say: "What was I thinking? I'm a receiver and I hit Lucas with my hand? Thank God I only broke his nose and not my knuckles or something; where would I be then? I'll tell you this, I'm going to be a lot more careful next time. Talk about your asinine decisions. Sheesh!"
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- Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers starting quarterback (maybe), on the news that Brett Favre had been reinstated by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and would be reporting to camp: "I know if they do open it up to a competition, not a lot of people give me a chance..."

What I Meant to Say: "Why won't this guy quit already? What did I ever do to deserve this? He's hanging around longer than Andy Rooney, for crying out loud! We need to trade for Steve Smith."
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Tony Sparano, Miami Dolphins head coach, talking about who is Number One on the depth chart at the quarterback position on his team: "That depth chart in your hands right now won't be the same this afternoon, never mind tomorrow, so it's going to change every single day."

What I Meant to Say: "That depth chart will change every day, or until we can convince Dan Marino to take a page out of Brett Favre's playbook."
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Ned Yost, Milwaukee Brewers manager, on the dugout confrontation between Manny Parra and Prince Fielder during their game against the Reds Monday night: "If you want to know what happened...you're not going to know. It's private, it's between us, and it's not a big deal...It makes teams better."

What I Meant to Say: "At least I sure hope it make teams better, because we can't get much worse right now."
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Jason Giambi, New York Yankees slugger, after shaving his mustache following the Yankees come-from-behind win Sunday: "In about a week, it will be back. It goes hand in hand with winning."

What I Meant to Say: "If they'd let me grow my hair out like I did in Oakland, I guarantee we'd win it all. It has nothing to do with talent; it's all about the hair."
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If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com

How do you gain acceptance from the fans in a new situation in a strange city after being traded for one of the most feared hitters of this generation, all in the middle of a heated pennant race?

Well, how about by hitting a triple in your first at-bat with your new team, reaching base four times in that game, and scoring the only two runs in a 2-1, extra-inning win? Then you could follow that up with a three-run homer in the first inning of the next game to put your team ahead to stay, while playing stellar defense, something fans in that city aren't used to from their left fielder.

Do all that, Jason Bay, and you become an instant fan favorite, even in a notoriously high pressure city, where players on every team based in that city are routinely subjected to a level of scrutiny some guys are never able to adjust to.

Who knows what the long term holds for Bay, the 29 year old left fielder beginning his American League career with the Boston Red Sox after spending his first four seasons with the Pittsburgh Pirates, but for now, if the signs scattered around Fenway Park are any indication, the guy has the fans eating out of his hands.

A random sampling of some of those signs:

"Manny Who?"

"Welcome to the Bay State!"

"FenBay Park"

"Un-Bay-Lievable!"

"Boston Loves BaysBall!"

"We're Bay-Watch Babes!"

and my personal favorite,

"Bay being Bay"

As of Sunday night, the Red Sox are now 3-0 in the Jason Bay era in Boston. The Bay State, indeed!

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If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com 

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If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com