In the annals of people who are funny without intending to be - think George W. Bush - Brett Favre is a certain first-ballot Hall of Famer. I mean, really, can't you see Frank Caliendo donning fake whiskers and adopting a grizzled countenance, going, "I'm in, I'm out, I'm in, I'm out." Can't you just picture it?
Favre must be a barrel of laughs during Happy Hour - "I'll have a vodka and tonic. No, wait, make it a bourbon on the rocks. Hold on, hold on, I changed my mind. Give me a beer. Uh, never mind, you know what? I'm good. Just bring some more of those Buffalo wings!" By the time he's done ordering, Happy Hour is over and drink prices have tripled.
The latest kink in the tale of Favre's almost pathological refusal to reach a decision and stick with it came Sunday, when he revealed that he had agreed to a request from Green Bay Packers GM Ted Thompson that he sit out "a couple of days" in order to give the team a little breathing room in their attempts to reach some sort of accomodation with the former league MVP in his (maybe) quest to (possibly) play again. Or maybe not. It's so hard to decide.
The thing that makes this latest development so funny - unless, of course, you're a fan of either, A) The Green Bay Packers or, B) Sanity - is the quote attributed to Favre in his interview with Sports Illustrated. He said, and this is an actual quote, as hard as that may be to believe, "I don't want to be a distraction to the Packers."
That's a little like Madonna saying, "Well, I haven't slept with everyone." They both presumably mean what they're saying, but the significance of the statement is dwarfed by the past behavior.
The Favre retirement saga is now officially the longest-running comedy skit in history, last week surpassing Saturday Night Live in length of engagement as well as tiredness of the act. But the sad part of the whole messy affair is that the man who is arguably one of the top five quarterbacks ever in NFL history is going to be remembered for a long, long time as a carnival sideshow, a sad joke who couldn't see the forest for the trees.
He has become 42 year old Willie Mays, stumbling over third base in a Mets uniform, unable to recognize that it's time to saddle up and ride out of town.
Eventually, say maybe when Favre reaches Frank Gifford's age, perhaps people will think of the Super Bowl winning quarterback or the three straight NFL MVP awards or the nine Pro Bowl selections when his name comes up in conversation, rather than the guy who became a national sports punch line; a man who couldn't make a simple decision.
It will certainly take a while, but for his sake, hopefully it will happen.
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If you love fiction and you have a few spare minutes, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com
From the Associated Press and Yahoo! comes this breaking news report out of Green Bay, Wisconsin, and I swear it's true because, as you no doubt well know, I'm not bright enough to make this stuff up. Check out the highlights of the report, then we'll delve further into the issue.
"Bob and Leona Ehrfurth say the noise that's been plaguing them for two years sounds like...a subtle vibration that won't quit. It's enough to keep 76 year old Leona from sleeping. Her husband can sleep through it but also finds it irritating. 'It doesn't matter if the windows are open or closed - you still hear it,' he said. 'It's worse in the winter.' Alderman Andy Nicholson knows exactly what's bugging the Ehrfurths. 'Yeah, I've experienced it,' Nicholson said...'I think it would be an annoyance'."
Half-Baked Ravings investigated further, speaking with long-time Green Bay, Wisconsin resident Ted Thompson, who told us he had also experienced the incessant, annoying noise pollution the Ehrfurths referred to in the AP report. "Yeah," he noted. "I've heard it over the last couple of years myself. Over and over, and, as with the Ehrfurths, it doesn't matter whether the windows are open or closed. It almost sounds like voices, you know? 'I'm retiring, I'm not retiring, I want to move to Minnesota.' Weird."
Further investigation reveals many other Winconsinites have also noticed the noises, but have remained silent for fear of being labeled weirdos or kooks or worse. Part-year Green Bay resident Aaron Rodgers tells Half-Baked Ravings that the voices haunt him day and night. 'It's more than just voices with me,' he told our correspondent. 'It's almost as if I'm hearing footsteps coming up behind me. It's gotten to the point where I hear it day and night; the voices never seem to end, haunting my every waking moment and most of my dreams!'
Only time will tell whether the strange, unexplained sounds will eventually cease. In the meantime, Green Bay residents are urged to outfit themselves with ear plugs or those heavy, fur-lined winter ear muffs many wear to Green Bay Packer games in the winter in an effort to insulate themselves from the barrage of nonsensical noise.
Good luck, and Godspeed.
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If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website -www.allanleverone.com.
A tearful Brett Favre Thursday admitted once and for all that he was through toying with the emotions of Green Bay fans every offseason.
Favre acknowledged his recent history of keeping the team and its' fans hanging for months on end waiting to see if he would retire or return for another season. In a press conference held at Lambeau Field two days after shocking the sports world by announcing his intentions prior to the Fourth of July, the future Hall of Fame quarterback told reporters, "I expect a lot out of myself. If I can't keep a straight face telling my neighbors I haven't decided whether or not to return, how can I fool you guys?"
In the hour-long press conference, the man who made a cottage industry out of saying nothing about his plans for the future finally admitted what some have long suspected, that the game of "Will he or won't he?" just wasn't any fun any more. Favre said he still felt he could stonewall with the best of them when the TV lights came on, but had lost his passion to practice his poker face and prepare the way he would have to in order to make everyone wonder what his true intentions really were.
Favre thanked the Packers for letting him play, even in the past after allowing team deadlines to pass without informing anyone of his plans.
His surprise announcement came as a shock to Packers executives, coaches and teammates, virtually all of whom expected him to keep them waiting on his decision for months. "I could care less what other people think. It's what I think, and I'm going out on top. No one was better at silence than me," he affirmed.
Some who know Favre have doubts that he will be able to spend offseasons on the couch when he still has the ability to make people wonder about his plans. "I don't even want to think about next year," he said. "Will I watch games? I'm sure I will, but the only questions I won't be answering will be from my wife about what I want for dinner. I'm through hemming and hawing on the national stage."
Packers General Manager Ted Thompson and Head Coach Mike McCarthy seemed as shocked as everyone else to know their star quarterback's plans so early in the offseason, but Thompson gave a moving tribute to Favre, saying, "The guy gave his all for Green Bay, even going as far as letting us know he was retiring before draft weekend! You can't ask for any more than that."
Hey everyone, I know it must seem like I've dropped off the face of the earth, but it's nothing like that.
I've been busy writing - two full-length novels so far, plus over a dozen short stories - and working hard to try to get an agent. If you are curious and have a few minutes, check out my website, www.allanleve rone.com.
If you're a literary agent or if you know one, by all means contact me! In the meantime, I'll be here when I can - love this forum - and as always, thank you for checking out my blog, especially considering how many great ones you could be reading instead....
