Poor Lovie Smith. The Chicago Bears training camp is starting tomorrow and, according to a report published Tuesday by the Associated Press, the Bears head coach says the battle for the starting quarterback's job between Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton is "dead even."

If you're a Bears fan, the emphasis on that particular quote is undoubtedly on the word "dead." Having a quarterback controversy between those two guys is a little bit like trying to decide whether you would rather be trapped without hope of rescue in a burning building or on a sinking ship.

Speaking of sinking ships, is there anyone who really thinks a record of better than, oh, say 8-8 is too terribly likely no matter who wins the "competition?" Unless the Monsters of the Midway bring back most of the defense from the 1985 World Champions, the guys on the other side of the ball will probably not have enough firepower to overcome the offensive stagnation that's going to take place on so many Sunday afternoons, Brian Urlacher's $18 million contract extension notwithstanding.

And let's not bring up two years ago, either. Sure, Sexy Rexy led Da Bears to a Super Bowl appearance, but expecting that to happen again, given Grossman's history of maddening inconsistency and Orton's limited experience and lackluster numbers when he has gotten to play, seems like a stretch even the most optimistic Bears fanatic might not be capable of managing.

The bright side, of course, is that anyone concerned about the quarterback battle has been waiting months for football to start up again, so at least you have something to talk about. And what the heck, right now everyone's tied for first, so enjoy it while you can.

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I would have liked to get this post out a little sooner, but the big ice storm wending its way across the country finally made it to little ol' New Hampshire, and I was without power from noontime Monday until 11:30 a.m Tuesday. This meant no telephone, no heat (trying to sleep in a house when the temperature inside is dropping about one degree per hour is not half as much fun as you would think it would be), and worst of all, no internet access. It was positively barbaric.

Anyway, a couple of notes from the NFL playoffs this past weekend:


1) If you're a fan, you had to have enjoyed this past weekend's divisional round of playoff games. Whether you root for any of the eight teams left in the hunt going into the weekend or not, the football played was passionate and wild. Not necessarily clean or well-played in all cases, but exciting.

Even the Colts/Ravens game, which came down to a battle of field-goal kickers, was interesting and exciting. Note to Baltimore: Don't get in a field goal battle with the team whose placekicker is the most clutch guy in history.

2) If it seems like all four games were the closest and most exciting you can remember, that's because they were. The total point differential in the four divisional round games was 18: Colts over the Ravens by 9, and the Patriots over the Chargers, the Saints over the Eagles, and the Bears over the Seahawks, all by three points.

This makes the average margin of victory 4.5 points, the closest ever for the divisional round since the AFL-NFL merger.

3) Deion Sanders said something that made sense to me, which makes me question my sanity, if not my very existence. After the coverage of LaDainian Tomlinson's press conference following the Chargers loss to New England Sunday night, Sanders made a couple of lucid and sensible points. He said, first, that if you're a classy guy, you don't need to tell everyone that you're a classy guy, they just know. (Yeah, I know, what does Deion Sanders know about class?)

The other point Deion made is that LT was upset and frustrated about San Diego losing a game they should have won, or about being basically cut out of the offense in the second half o####ame San Diego should have won, or about certain coaching decisions causing San Diego to lose a game they should have won.

The bottom line is that the team in the AFC with the best regular-season record is now home for the winter, and the man who probably had the most to do with that success was upset and frustrated. Who can blame him?

4) I don't mean to pile on, especially after Chicago won Sunday, but Rex Grossman is an accident waiting to happen. If the psyche of the quarterback is so fragile that an early turnover would have destroyed him, as the commentators seemed to be implying in the Bears win, what does that say about their chances in the NFC Championship next week, or the Super Bowl two weeks later, if they make it? The pressure will be that much greater with each step along the way.

Lovie Smith seems to realize that it's probably too late for a change now, but Rex Grossman, in my opinion, is far too inconsistent to be reliable enough to take Chicago to the promised land.

Even though the NFC Championship is being played in frigid Chicago, that might be a detriment to Grossman if he starts off playing poorly and the fans get on him. For my money, if the Bears don't get off to a good start Sunday, look for New Orleans to ride their fairy-tale season right to Miami.

SABAN LEAVES ALABAMA FOR GREENER PASTURES - After denying for hours that he was peparing to leave and take a new job, University of Alabama head coach Nick Saban did an abrupt about-face today, suddenly resigning his position and announcing he was moving on. "I realize the timing seems suspect, what with the fact that I haven't actually coached any games here, or even cashed a paycheck yet or seen my office for that matter, but I've got to do what's best for myself and my family," said Saban.

Alabama Athletic Director Mal Moore refused to comment, other than to refer reporters to the Miami Dolphins public relations staff. "Just put me down as seconding whatever they said yesterday."

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COMPANY CLAIMS JAMARCUS RUSSELL'S ARM JUICED - A company that uses computer imaging claims the LSU quarterback, who fired the football at jaw-dropping speeds and distances in the Tigers' Sugar Bowl victory over Notre Dame, actually has a large rubberized core and synthetic rubber ring in his arm, similar to the ones they say were found in Mark McGwire's 70th home run ball from 1998.

"Examining the CT images of Mr. Russell's arm one can clearly see the synthetic ring around the core - or 'bone' - of the arm," Universal Medical System's president, David Zavagno, said.

For their part, LSU officials would say only that "All our quarterbacks' arms are subject to rigorous quality control standards and testing. No changes have been made to the core of the arm."

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REX GROSSMAN RESCUES BABY IN BURNING BUILDING; OVERTHROWS WAITING FIREFIGHTERS - Baby's tearful Dad admits, "I knew little Joey was a goner as soon as Rex pump-faked. Why couldn't Peyton Manning have been walking by instead?"

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RANDY JOHNSON TRADED TO ARIZONA; "IT'S 1999 AGAIN!" DECLARES STEINBRENNER - In an unexpected move, the Yankees owner rids himself of inconsistent performance and salary; declares his next move is to determine the availability of Scott Brosius to play third base and Paul O'Neill to play right field. "Does anyone have David Cone's telephone number?" asked the Yankees owner after the press conference.

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JIM LAMPLEY ARRESTED ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CHARGES - The long-time boxing broadcaster was arrested on su####ion he struck girlfriend Candice Sanders in an altercation on New Year's Eve. Sanders, who had a restraining order in place against the 57-year-old HBO commentator, would say only, "For a guy who's a big boxing expert, he hits like a girl. I'm going to withdraw the restraining order and if he comes near me again, I'm going to go all Marvin Hagler on him and lay him out good."