I have a question for you, and please be honest with your answer. Before yesterday, had you ever given even one second's consideration to the term "celebrity chef?"

No? Good, me neither. I was afraid I had missed out on some huge cultural phenomenon everyone hipper than me (everyone else, in other words) knew about, like riding dirty or the first five years of American Idol.

But when I saw those few words in the Foxsports headlines yesterday, that deliciously enticing tag line, "Celebrity chef grazed by bullet at golf tournament," I just knew I had to investigate. Who wouldn't? How could anyone possibly read that description and not click on the link?

After all, so many questions immediately spring to mind. What will Dunkin' Donuts do if it was Rachel Ray? Who's going to fill all those lonely hours in the middle of the night on the Food Channel if Bobby Flay was injured? Did Phil Mickelson finally lose it and Emeril Lagasse bravely stepped in the way and took the bullet meant for Tiger?

Okay, another moment of honesty, please. How did we end up with so many "celebrity chefs" all of a sudden? They're like that stubborn mold in the far corner of your bathroom ceiling, way in the back of the shower stall - you never saw it coming but now you can't get rid of it. Do we really need that many people to show us how to bake a blintz or add a dash of celantro to stuff?

I only ask because to me a gourmet meal is ordering two toppings on my large pizza instead of the customary one. I wouldn't know a five-star meal if it kicked me in the taste buds, but again, maybe I'm the only one.

Anyway, back to the point - that tantalizingly beautiful tag line, "Celebrity chef grazed by bullet at golf tournament." I quite naturally clicked the link, only to discover some guy who looks like he should be hosting a snooty show on PBS got shot in the arm by, sheriff's deputies guessed, someone shooting a gun up in the air a mile or two away.

What goes up must come down and so "Celebrity Chef" Paul Prudhomme got struck with the falling piece of lead, thinking he got stung by a bee on the arm. Are you kidding me?

Now, don't get me wrong - I wouldn't wish any harm on Paul Prudhomme, I'm glad he wasn't seriously hurt, although if he's a celebrity, shouldn't I have at least heard of him? I mean, I don't have to know all about him, I admit I'm not really up on the latest pop culture the way you probably are, but I never once heard of the guy! Aren't there any sort of guidelines on who gets to be considered a "celebrity" and who doesn't?

Or is Paul Prudhomme now considered a celebrity simply because he had the misfortune to be in the way of a falling bullet? Is that all it takes in today's celebrity-mad society? On the other hand, maybe that's only fair anyway - at least getting shot was more than Paris Hilton has accomplished.

As the United States Ryder Cup team heads back home, licking their wounds in their gated mansions and wondering how it all could go so horribly wrong, lets take a quick look at some history.

Europe sucked early, U.S. sucks now: The United States dominated the early stages of this biennial competition. From 1927 through 1983, the U.S. won 22 of the 25 matches played. Obviously the game which was invented in Scotland was perfected in the good ol' USA.

From 1985 on, however, it has been a different story. Even though the U.S. boasts the top three players in golf according to the World Rankings (Woods, Mickelson, Furyk), as well as eight of the top 25 players in the world, the European team has won eight of the last eleven matches, including the last three in a row, by the ugly average score of 17.5-10.5.

The quandary: How is that possible? How can the U.S. get trounced so badly when we boast Carson and McMahon, uh, I'm sorry, Woods and Mickelson? Tiger Woods is generally conceded to be the best player of his generation, possibly the best player ever.

Surprisingly, the answer has little or nothing to do with golf swings, mind games, or team unity. The answer lies in the U.S. team's golf shirts. Specifically, the collars are too tight, and the way they are designed, they get tighter as the weekend progresses.

With that in mind, it's no wonder the United States could only avoid their worst loss in the event's history thanks to the good sportsmanship of Europe's Paul McGinley, who graciously conceded a 25-foot putt to J.J. Henry of the United States on the 18th hole of their Sunday match. Had he not done that, the final score would probably have been even worse than the 18.5-9.5 that it was.

The solution: The answer to the thorny problem of how to compete in an event we used to dominate is perfect in it's simplicity: wear T-shirts in 2008, or perhaps muscle shirts. I realize it would asking for a huge sacrifice to have to see Phil Mickelson's man-boobs in a muscle shirt, but there it is. It is imperative the U.S. Ryder Cup team wear shirts without collars in 2008, to avoid the problem of those collars shrinking over the weekend.

USA basketball might want to consider changing uniforms, too. Those basketball shirts don't appear to the naked eye to have collars, but it's obvious they do.