Once you move past the obvious glee fans of so many other teams are exhibiting and the obvious dejection of New England Patriots fans regarding the loss of Tom Brady for the remainder of the season, the natural question becomes, "How will the Pats be affected?"
Can they still win the AFC East? Are they even a playoff team? Did Bill Belichick and the rest of the New England brain trust drop the ball, as suggested by more than one national columnist, by not having a more experienced backup than Matt Cassel on the sidelines, ready to take the wheel of what last season was the league's most prolific offense?
To those who are ready to jump off a bridge as well as to those who are hosting victory parties and buying T-shirts commemorating a player's injury (Shame on you), I say this: Slow down and take a breath!
Are the Patriots going to go 16-0? Of course not; they weren't going to do that even with a healthy Tom Brady. Some people - okay, at least one - feel that the mental and physical toll of trying to maintain their perfect record contributed greatly to the stunning upset in the Super Bowl last February anyway. Think about it - The Giants were trying to win a Super Bowl while the Pats were trying to make history.
As far as everything else goes, though, it's a little premature to write off New England - do it at your own risk. They still have Moss and Welker and Gaffney and Maroney and a dominating defensive line. The question mark becomes the ability of the offensive line, exposed in the Super Bowl by the Giants relentless blitzing from anywhere and everywhere, to protect the inexperienced Cassel.
If they can manage that, New England will be fine. Maybe not First Round Bye fine, but they will certainly have enough to make the playoffs and probably to win the division. If the O-line can't stop all the defenders who will most certainly be storming the Cassell, though, it becomes another story entirely.
Just getting to the playoffs - making the tournament, as Bill Parcells used to say - now becomes the focus for the Pats, or at least it should. Never mind perfect records or regular-season winning streaks or consecutive starts streaks for your quarterback; work on winning the division and see what happens once you get to the tournament.
In any event, it makes for fascinating viewing, starting this Sunday in the Meadowlands, where the Patriots take on the revitalized Jets in an early-season showdown. Pass me my chips and dip; this could be good.
__________
If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com
Mr. Mark Murphy, President Green Bay Packers Football Club 1265 Lombardi Avenue Green Bay, WI 54304
July 31, 2008
Dear Mr. Murphy,
It has come to my attention that the Packers recently offered Brett Favre $20 million over the next ten years to stay retired and that Mr. Favre is reluctant to accept that offer.
If that is indeed the case, please consider the following alternative scenario: I am willing to accept a much smaller inducement, say, $10 million over the next ten years, to not play for the Packers instead.
Although it is true I have never played as much as a single down in the NFL for the Green Bay Packers or any other team; in fact I never even played high school football, being skinny as a rail and chicken to boot, but if you are willing to pay someone not to play, I have every confidence I could be just as successful as Mr. Favre at not playing, and save the Packers organization $10 million at the same time.
Clearly, my proposal would be a win/win for everyone. With the $10 million the organization will save by paying me rather than Brett Favre to stay retired, you could perhaps interest someone else in not playing football as well - say, Rocket Ismael, to name one possibility.
Far be it from me, though, to tell you what to do with the $10 million you will be saving. Ovbviously, that is the Green Bay Packers' money and thus yours to do with as you will. Just to be clear, however, allow me to spell out what your $10 million will be getting you. For $10 million:
1) I promise not to show up at Packers training camp and cause a distraction to the team.
2) I promise not to play quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings.
3) I promise not to loom over Aaron Rodgers like the sure-fire Hall of Famer I am not, putting unnecessary pressure on the kid.
4) I promise not to speak negatively about the Green Bay Packers organization - ever! - and in fact will decorate my entire property with Green Bay paraphernalia, even though I'm a New England Patriots fan.
5) I promise not to hold a tearful "Still Retired" press conference.
6) I promise....well....I can't really think of anything else to promise, but for $10 million, you can tell me what else you want me to promise and I promise I'll promise whatever you want.
Mr. Murphy, I realize my offer is a little unusual, but your organization has shown a willingness to think outside the box with the offer to Brett Favre, so if you give it a little thought, I am confident you will agree this is the way to go.
I think it only fair to warn you, however, that it is imperative you not wait too long to come to a decision - I have several irons in the fire, and could easily be persuaded to stay retired by another NFL team. Thank you for your willingness to listen, and Go Pack!
Sincerely, HalfBaked
__________
If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com.
Have you ever noticed the sporting world has a language all its own? Someone who doesn't follow sports can sit down in front of, say, ESPN SportsCenter or any similar forum, listen attentively for an hour and have no clue what the people on the show are discussing, even if they speak perfect English. Or Spanish, if they happen to be watching ESPN Deportes.
Nowhere is this more evident than when you listen to management types in the world of sports discussing their teams. They seem to specialize in telling the media things without really telling them anything, with bonus points added in for length of statement. The longer the nonsensical statement, the more points awarded.
For example, take the Brett Favre/Green Bay Packers situation. Management types all over the NFL have shifted into Obfuscation Overdrive, running up incredible point totals; totals that would bring a pinball machine to its knees, with statements like the following from New York Jets Head Coach Eric Mangini.
When asked if he had discussed the possibility of obtaining Favre with GM Mike Tannenbaum, Mangini replied, "I feel the same way as I felt yesterday and nothing's changed. With any conversations me and Mike have, Mike likes to talk about a lot of different scenarios and he enjoys a good chart, he enjoys a good graph and he enjoys a lot of scenarios. That's what he does, and that's what he's supposed to do. So, just normal discussions that we always have."
And that's so true with all of us, isn't it? Who among us doesn't enjoy a good chart and graph every now and then?
Or, how about this beauty from New England Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick, discussing the hiring of defensive backs coach Dom Capers: "He's been in a number of 3-4 systems. The Pittsburgh system. Nick (Saban's) system in Miami. The one he ran in Houston. He adds a lot of quality experience. I'm not sure exactly all the ways we'll use him, but we'll figure those out.''
Uh, coach, you do realize he's not going to, you know, actually play, right? My guess is Belichick saw the quote from his former disciple Mangini in New York and decided to show off; to let the kid know that the old Master still has a few moves left.
So there you have it - The art of saying something without actually saying anything. It's not just a Jedi mind-trick, and it's not just for politicians anymore, either; although with this being a presidential election year, you can be sure this is only the beginning.
__________
If you love fiction and you have a few spare minutes, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com
In the wake of the New England Patriots stunning upset loss in Super Bowl XLII Sunday night, fans of the team have turned their attention not just to head coach Bill Belichick's future, but also to the issue of potential impending retirements.
Will elder statesman Junior Seau retire? He's 39 and missed getting a championship ring in what may well have been his best shot. What about fellow linebacker Tedy Bruschi? He's 35 and a stroke survivor; will he be back? Then there's 37 year old safety Rodney Harrison, what about him?
One name that's been lost in the shuffle, a guy who appeared in just one game this year and seems destined to quietly fade away, is wideout and sometime defensive back Troy Brown. Injuries have taken their toll on the eighth-round pick out of Marshall in the 1993 draft, and with New England's depth at the wide receiver position, Brown's return in 2008 for a sixteenth season seems unlikely.
Although Troy Brown was selected to just one Pro Bowl in his career, numbers don't tell the whole story of the man who many fans believe represents everything good about sports.
Troy Brown was Wes Welker before there was a Wes Welker. He was the guy who first Drew Bledsoe and then Tom Brady inevitably went to underneath the coverage, in the middle of the field, to pick up the tough yards, often on third down and often paying the price of a huge hit from a linebacker or safety.
He was quick and tough and held on to the ball. In his Pro Bowl year, 2001, Brown caught 101 passes for 1199 yards in addition to returning punts and carrying the ball eleven times on reverses, losing a fumble just once all year.
The three year stretch between 2000 and 2002 was Troy Brown's most productive, as he caught a total of 281 passes over that period, for 3033 yards and twelve touchdowns. Oh yeah, and he also returned 92 kicks over that span, for 1092 yards and three touchdowns.
But again, numbers were not what Troy Brown was all about. In this day and age of the wide receiver as the diva, Ocho-Cincoing their way to attention-getting touchdown celebrations and Britney-esque behavior if the ball doesn't come their way often enough, Troy Brown was a quiet warrior. There were no catchy nicknames, no Sportscenter highlight film Sharpie moments, no court appearances. Troy Brown was a football player.
Later in his career, as the Patriots contended for championships every year despite being thin in the defensive backfield, guess who reinvented himself as a cornerback? That's right, the football player, Troy Brown. While never being mistaken for a Pro Bowl DB, Brown did what was asked of him without a word of complaint, even finishing 2004 with three interceptions.
There were no training camp holdouts, no messy and public contract squabbles. Troy Brown was all about the game, a throwback to a simpler time, the player Walter Payton might have been if Payton had been a wideout instead of a running back. Troy Brown is so well-respected that Randy Moss named him as the team's number one receiver, despite barely playing in 2007.
If this is the end for Number Eighty and you were fortunate enough to see him play, count your blessings. The game, and the Patriots, won't be the same when he's gone.
A funny thing happened on the way to the coronation - Somebody forgot to tell the New York Giants they were supposed to play victim to the conquering New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII.
The difference in the game came in an area you may not have expected. The amazing array of talent New England possesses at the wide receiver position? Nah. The vaunted Giants Thunder and Lightning running game? Nope. Tom Brady's deadly passing accuracy? Forget it. Eli Manning's penchant through most of the season for turning the ball over? Wrong again.
While each of those factors came into play at different times in the game, the real difference-maker in Super Bowl XLII was the study in contrasts provided by the two teams' offensive line play.
New England's O-line, three members of whom will be flying to Hawaii for the Pro Bowl next weekend, apparently thought the game was going to be played in Glendale, California, or one of the six other Glendale's that's not Arizona, because they were missing in action all night. The Giants blitzers were relentless, coming from everywhere and stalking Brady like paparazzi. They were rarely picked up, or even slowed down, by the line.
On the other side of the ball, Eli Manning looked like a guy out for a leisurely sunset stroll most of the time he dropped back to pass. Pressure on Manning was virtually nonexistent, and the Patriots were unable to force the Giants quarterback into making mistakes, with the exception of one interception on a tipped ball that should have been caught.
The result of the Patriots inability to stop New York's pass rush was the neutralization of New England's speed advantage at wide receiver. Brady was forced to dump the ball off underneath, usually to Wes Welker (who would have been the game's MVP were it not for New York's clutch drive in the waning seconds of the game), before consistently getting buried time after time beneath a blitzing Giant.
Brady's much-ballyhooed ankle injury didn't appear to be a factor, although it was hard to tell since most of his evening was spent flippng the ball away before disappearing underneath a wave of Giants jerseys. His specialty is sliding around in the pocket to buy an extra second or so for his receiving corps to break coverage, but there was very little of that last night - New York's defense took aim at Number Twelve and teed off.
The Giants looked like a team out to prove something last night. They appeared hungrier and more prepared, playing with a passion and intensity that seemed to be lacking on the Patriots side of the ball. They shook off the distractions of Super Bowl week, focused on the task at hand, and literally played a full sixty minutes, taking the lead for the final time on a drive John Elway would have been proud of, scoring with barely more than half a minute left.
The defense punctuated the win with one last sack of Brady in the waning seconds of the game, as he dropped back, desperately trying to get into field goal range to send the game into overtime. No miracles here, unless you count Brady's ability to walk off the field under his own power after the game.
So congratulations to the World Champion New York Giants. I'm proud to say I picked you guys to go all the way before the playoffs started!
What? I picked them to lose in the Wild Card round? And in every subsequent round? That can't be right; any fool could see they were the team to beat. Oh, well, I was just kidding when I picked you guys to lose. I saw this coming all the way. Trust me.
So here it is, the moment that the people angry and jealous of the New England Patriots' success over the last seven years have been waiting for - the very same moment that fans of the Patriots refused to believe would ever arrive - allegations, on the eve of Super Bowl XLII, that there is more to the "Spygate" controversy after all.
According to the Boston Herald and the Associated Press, allegations have surfaced that a member of the Patriots video staff illegally taped a St. Louis Rams walk-through the day before New England's victory in Super BowlXXXVI. If true, this would seem to put the lie to the Patriots contention that they released all the material they had on the matter to the league office and that the videotaping was more than an isolated incident, but rather a pattern of activity.
You can almost hear the anti-New England camp (Read: just about everyone outside Massachusetts, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine, and some of Connecticut) gleefully sharpening their knives and contemplating exactly how to shove them up under head coach Bill Belichick's shoulderblades in order to inflict the most damage.
Should Belichick be fired by Pats owner Robert Kraft? Suspended by NFL Commisioner Roger Goodell? If so, for how long? One season? More? Maybe Belichick will win one last Super Bowl Sunday night and walk off into the sunset! Stay tuned, this is just getting good!
Um....excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt your semi-orgasmic ruminations or rain on your parade in any way....but may I ask the question the people so anxious to convict Bill Belichick and the Patriots organization seem to be conveniently ignoring? Is there any proof of this charge?
I only ask because, and maybe this is just me, but doesn't the timing of this latest bombshell seem a little, oh, I don't know, convenient, as Dana Carvey used to say? The NFL confiscated the videotape of the New York Jets on September First (157 days ago, or over 22 weeks ago, if you're keeping score), and followed that up by quickly ordering the Patriots to turn over any other tapes and materials related to those tapes that they had in their possession.
The league and Roger Goodell were satisfied that New England complied with their edict and said so at the time, and have said so on numerous occasions ever since. In fact, the AP says the NFL was informed of the "rumor" about Super Bowl XXXVI months ago and investigated it at the time, coming to the conclusion, according to NFL spokesman Greg Aiello, that "there was no evidence of it..."
Only one report I have read gives any indication as to who is the source of these latest accusations. According to Alex Marvez, in a report published on Foxsports.com, a "former member of the Patriots video department" named Matt Walsh "has hinted at other improprieties."
Okay, Mr. Walsh. You've primed the pump, now it's time to deliver. Instead of hinting at improprieties and hiding behind anonymous accusations, how about you put an end to this little brush fire you've created one way or the other. If you have proof the New England Patriots illegally taped a St. Louis Rams walk-through, or if you have proof of some other sinister machinations masterminded by Darth Belichick and company, how about you produce it, and immediately.
By slinging mud, in the classic manner of a jilted lover or bitter former employee, you tarnish the reputations of dozens of hard-working and successful professional men, both athletes and coaches. Of course, I'm pretty sure that's your intention. You are a bitter ex-employee taking advantage of the Patriots success at a time when you can get the most mileage out of your unsubstantiated charges.
Why wait until the day before the Super Bowl to unleash your bombshell? Would it have anything to do with, say, an unsuccessful attempt to extort money from your former employers? If Senator Specter's staff were to investigate your claims, would they discover calls placed to the Patriots offices, or perhaps emails or snail mail sent to the team, threatening to go public with your hints and allegations if you weren't paid off?
That's my theory on this tempest in a teapot, Mr. Walsh. But you can prove me wrong. Release the tape showing that the Patriots recorded the Rams the day before Super Bowl XXXVI. Release the tapes you have showing the other improprieties you are so certain took place. Prove me wrong.
I don't understand Media Day. You know, the Tuesday before the Super Bowl, when the two teams who will be competing on Sunday traditionally get trotted in front of thousands of journalists to be asked silly questions by presumably otherwise sane people?
What's the point of that, exactly? Isn't every day Media Day in modern America? In this world of 24-hour news channels, weather channels, sports channels, and a world-wide web where ordinary schmucks like me can access all the news, sports, and pictures of Giselle Bundchen whenever we damn well please, isn't "Media Day" now just a pointless anachronism, kind of like Dan Rather before he was forced out at CBS?
Okay, maybe the idea is to let national journalists who haven't had an opportunity before now to interview Chris Hanson or Matt Cassel get in all their probing questions before all the players get down to the real reason they're in town - preparing to beat the #### out of each other in five days for the right to be called World Champions.
I guess I could understand that, if in fact it were the case. But it's not, unless of course the journalists actually do want to hear the innermost thoughts of the Patriots' seldom-used punter or backup quarterback. Because the guys everyone wants to hear from, the Tom Bradys and the Michael Strahans and the Randy Mosses and the Plaxico Burresses are mobbed on media day, engulfed by rabid newshounds like Paris Hilton by college boys at a frat party.
The chances of any one journalist getting an actual interview with any of the impact players for either team on Media Day are zero; less than zero, actually, because that's not how the whole circus is structured. If you're lucky, and you're repping ESPN, and you're a babe like Rachel Nichols, you might get to ask a question and then even a followup; but otherwise, if you're Joe Sixpack writing for the Des Moines Register, fuhgeddaboudit. You might as well skip Media Day entirely and make sure you're first in line for the hot wings at the Airport Hilton Happy Hour.
Instead of well-thought out questions with, oh, say, maybe a football impact, you get Bill Belichick being asked what he watches on television (Turns out he doesn't watch much TV - big surprise, right?), Matt Light being asked what he thought of Osi Umenyiora's charge he's a dirty player (He's pretty sure Osi was kidding), Randy Moss being asked who's the fastest receiver on the Patriots (Randy Moss), and Tom Brady being asked if Giselle has morning breath (You'll never know).
Just kidding on that last one, although I only saw excerpts from the Media Day Circus, so technically it is possible someone actually did ask that. What's funny is that this year's two Super Bowl teams are coached by two men who would rather chew nails than speak with the media under normal circumstances; in fact, most of the time when they're talking with a journalist, they look as though they may well be swallowing something sharp and unpleasant.
But the rules are the rules, and the NFL says they have to avail themselves to the media for Media Day, so there they were, making nice and acting like two guys without a care in the world, rather than two obesessive lunatics counting the seconds before they could get back to their laboratories and resume cooking up their evil potions.
It's all part of the charm of the pre-Super Bowl hype, I suppose. The Big Event as con####uous consumption. If you look at the Super Bowl as largely another piece of entertainment, a grandiose lead-in to the season premiere of 24, then I guess Media Day makes sense - it certainly has a Hollywood veneer to it.
But if you're a sports fan, and you're anxiously awaiting the Championship Game, as it used to be called before Pete Rozelle had his stroke of pure marketing genius, Media Day is nothing more than a bump in the road, just a little more of the incessant talk and analysis we have to suffer through before they actually toss the coin and choose sides.
Contraray to what many people seem to believe, it is possible for the New York Giants to defeat the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII February 3 in Glendale, Arizona. The two teams met barely more than a month ago in the regular season finale and New England was forced to come back in the second half to post a three-point win.
Of course, come back they did, with a 22-0 run over a 23 minute stretch of the third and fourth quarters to erase a twelve point deficit, before giving up one final Giants touchdown, resulting in the 38-35 final score.
The general consensus seems to be that this game was the one that propelled the Giants into becoming the team that marched through the NFC playoff field with three straight road wins and gave them the confidence to believe they can be the team to dethrone the undefeated Pats. Of course they can, and this is how.
Please allow me to present the Top Ten Ways the Giants can Defeat New England in Super Bowl XLII:
10) Kidnap Bill Belichick and replace him with the real Darth Vader to prowl the New England sideline.
The success of this one depends upon when the kidnapping gets accomplished. If it's after Belichick and company has finished installing the game plan for Sunday, which probably has already happened, it may be too late.
9) Duct-tape the mouth of every Giants player shut and hope the Patriots forget what Osi and Plaxico already said.
Why does every team seem to feel the need to poke the bear? It's what happens on the field that matters, and talking smack then losing just makes players look silly.
8) Recruit Mother Nature to run an Alberta Clipper down over Glendale, Arizona.
The more snow the better for New York, ruining the field and slowing the New England receivers to a crawl. In fact, just petition the league to move the game to Green Bay.
7) Sneak Peyton Manning onto the field in Eli's uniform.
This one's debatable as well, since Peyton's track record against the Pats is spotty at best, but he's at least a better bet than little brother Eli, who will be mincemeat after New England has two weeks to prepare defensive schemes for him.
6) Buy Stephen Gostkowski a copy of Lawrence Tynes' new book, The Art of Kicking Chip-Shot Field Goals. If this isn't possible, somehow force Gostkowski to watch a continuous loop of the two easy field goals Tynes missed against Green Bay, hoping the bad kicking form will subliminally insert itself into Gostkowski's brain.
5) Rent every available copy of Remember the Titans, Rocky, and every other inspirational movie the Giants can find.
Then hire a crane to lift them and dump them all on top of the Patriots players while they're in a meeting. Might slow 'em down a little.
4) Recruit Lawrence Taylor to hire hookers for all the Patriots players every night until the game.
The exception, of course, is Tom Brady. Don't even bother trying it with him, he has Giselle; what would he want with a hooker? The plan for Brady is listed further down.
3) Lure all the Patriots wide receivers to University of Phoenix Stadium hours before the game.
As the crew is sliding the removable field into position, get the receivers to look in the other direction in the hopes the field will run them over. Kind of like what happened to Vince Coleman with the tarp, only on a much bigger scale.
2) Reinstall a boot on Tom Brady's foot while he's sleeping.
Not a plastic protective boot either. Make it the Denver Boot that the police use to render cars undrivable. This might keep him from sliding around in the pocket away from New York's pass rush.
1) Distract Brady.
And not with those silly Giselle masks they were handing out in New York either. He's way too focused to even notice those. They need to get photos o####iselle Bundchen-Bridget Moynihan lesbian affair. I know they're probably not readily available, but that would likely be enough to crack even Tom Brady's legendary focus. It's certainly cracked mine.
Just in case you're not already sick to death of the seemingly endless pre-Super Bowl hype, the two weeks of practicing and posturing, of analysis and predictions, of coaches quotes and media day silliness, I've got great news for you! I'm here to finish you off!
Numbers have always intrigued me; maybe that's why I love baseball so much. There is no sport as much in love with numbers and statistical analysis as baseball. But we're here to talk football today, so please allow me to present some completely meaningless and utterly pointless Super Bowl facts I gleaned from my research into the results of the first 41(That's XLI to you Roman Numeral aficionadoes) Big Games:
- Of the 41 Super Bowls, the participating teams have had identical regular season records 7 times.
- Of the remaining 34 Super Bowls, the team with the better regular season record won 24 times (71%).
- The biggest spread between the regular season records of the two participating teams in the Super Bowl is 6 games, occurring this year between the Patriots (16-0) and the Giants (10-6).
- The second-biggest spread between the regular season records of the two participating teams in the Super Bowl is 4 games, occurring in 1986 between the Bears (15-1) and the Patriots (11-5).
- No other Super Bowl has featured teams whose regular season records were more than three games apart.
- There have been 7 Super Bowls prior to this year featuring a team with one loss or fewer, none in the last 22 years (Bears - 15-1, 1986)
- Of those 7 Super Bowl teams featuring one loss or fewer, two ended up losing the game (Oakland Raiders - 13-1, 1968 and Baltimore Colts - 13-1, 1969)
- The most common regular season record for teams participating in the Super Bowl is 12-4 (14), followed by 13-3 (13) and 11-5 (12).
- Only one team with a 9-7 regular season record has ever played in a Super Bowl (Rams, 1980, lost to Pittsburgh 31-19).
- One team prior to this year with a regular season record of 10-6 made it to the Super Bowl (49'ers, 1989, defeated Cincinnati 20-16).
- Only twice in the last 32 years has the losing team in a Super Bowl been held under double-digits (1984 - Raiders 38, Washington 9, and 2001 - Ravens 34, Giants 7)
- In the first 9 years of the Super Bowl, the losing team was held to single digits in points scored six times.
- It has been 33 years since the winning Super Bowl team was held to under 20 points (1975 - Steelers 16, Vikings 6)
- The lowest point total for a Super Bowl winning team is 14 (1973 - Miami 14, Washington 7).
- The highest point total for a Super Bowl losing team is 31 (1979 - Steelers 35, Cowboys 31).
- There has been just one Super Bowl decided by less than three points (1991 - Giants 20, Bills 19).
If you're still with me after all this, sorry about your eye strain, but I did warn you these were completely meaningless and utterly pointless Super Bowl facts, didn't I?
Okay, I'm wrong, I admit it. This is an admission that should come as a surprise to pretty much no one who knows me; I'm wrong a lot. Giants-Packers? Wrong. Notre Dame football being competitive? Wrong. Dallas in the Super Bowl? Wrong, wrong, wrong, all wrong.
But I'm not always wrong, and in this case, I was pretty confident I was right. I didn't think there was any way Giants Head Coach Tom Coughlin would allow any of his players to say anything whatsoever in a public forum that could be interpreted as bulletin-board material by the New England Patriots in the two weeks prior to the Super Bowl.
Wrong again. We still have eight days to go and already the dam has sprung a leak. The Giants magnificent defensive end Osi Umenyiora, in an appearance on Inside the NFL with Bob Costas Wednesday night, called Patriots left tackle Matt Light a dirty player.
Now, I'm not saying Light isn't dirty, I have no idea and neither do you. He may very well be the nastiest lineman to come down the pike since Lyle Alzado; he could also be as clean as Mother Theresa. Unless you are down in the trenches where the hand-to-hand combat in the NFL is fought, there is simply no way to know which guys eye-gouge and kick and bite and pull all the Three Stooges tricks we wanted to try out when we were kids, and which guys don't.
My understanding of life along the line of scrimmage has always been that pretty much everyone will get away with whatever they think they can. The worst place in the world to be, we've always been told, besides a Turkish prison, is under the pile fighting for control of a loose ball. Fingers get bitten, eyes get punched, elbows get thrown, sometimes on teammates, because there's no way to know for sure whose appendage belongs to whom. Or so we've always been told.
But now, Osi Umenyiora has decided to inform the world that Matt Light is dirty. Fair enough. How is he dirty, exactly, Osi? Well, when the two teams played each other in the season finale a few weeks ago, Light was "doing a couple of things that you know he shouldn't have been" doing. He declined to be more specific when pressed by Costas, so we'll just have to believe him. Or not.
The point, though, is this. The New England Patriots live for this stuff. It's not used as motivation, exactly. If a team needs extra motivation to play in the Super Bowl, there's something wrong. It's more a case of the players banding together to prove everyone wrong. The old, "them against us" ploy.
Steelers safety Anthony Smith guarantees a victory? The Patriots target him twice on touchdown throws designed not just to score, but to make Smith look bad in the process. Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman ridicules Pats wide receiver Jabar Gaffney, saying, "Gaffrey, Gaffley, Gaffney, who is this guy?" Tom Brady ensures Gaffrey, Gaffley, Gaffney finds the end zone in the playoff game against San Diego.
A football game in the NFL is in many ways almost like a chess match. Teams look to exploit each others' weaknesses and whoever is more successful in doing so usually wins. As a critical cog in the Giants defense, Umenyiora was already looking at being taken out of the game by the Patriots, and his ill-advised comments have only added fuel to that fire for New England's defense.
You have to wonder what Tom Coughlin's reaction was when he saw or heard the comments made by Umenyiora. The Giants head coach is almost Belichickian when it comes to his efforts to control things like distractions and how they affect his team. If you remember the look of gastric distress on his face after Lawrence Tynes missed the two field goals against Green Bay, you probably have a pretty good idea what he looked like hearing this.
Oh, well. At least there are only eight more days now before the game. I'm sure this will be the end of it.
So where in the world is Eli Manning? You know, the Master of Inconsistency, the man New York Giants fans have come to know and feel incredibly conflicted about? The guy who was just as likely to cough up the football as throw it away, or to toss a key interception as laser a spiral through three defenders into his receiver's breadbasket?
Who the heck was that guy in the Number 10 Giants jersey Sunday night? Maybe the real reason Peyton Manning wasn't in the stands at frozen Lambeau Field wasn't because he was afraid of jynxing his little brother as the media folks told us; maybe it was because he snuck into the locker room before the game and pretended to be Eli.
Let's face it - the reason you didn't pick the Giants over Green Bay is because you didn't trust Eli to hold on to the ball when the temperatures plummeted below zero and the wind was whipping across the Wisconsin night. But he made it look almost easy, didn't he?
The Packers, with their first-ballot Hall of Fame quarterback, the guy who has thrown so many footballs under poor weather conditions that you figured Sunday night would be a walk in the park, couldn't spark the offense all night with the exception of one big play. The Giants, on the other hand, ran their offense like it was a 60 degree September afternoon in the Meadowlands.
What gives? Is it possible that Eli Manning has finally turned the corner and is in the process of blossoming into the elite quarterback New Yorkers have expected him to be? Or is this another tantalizing glimpse of what could be, only to be followed up by an implosion on football's biggest stage February 4?
Starting with the Giants hard-fought loss to the Patriots in the regular-season finale, and followed up with the three playoff games since, here are Eli Manning's numbers:
Is it possible that these numbers, so staggeringly different from each other, could have been put up by the same person? And if they were, what does it say for the Super Bowl showdown with New England on February 4? The Giants are double-digit underdogs, but if Manning can continue his recent run of outstanding production, this will be a game much more competitive than many people expect.
It might be a bit of an overstatement to say Eli Manning's future in New York will be determined by this one upcoming game, but if he is able to perform the way he has for the past month, it will go a long way toward erasing the view people have of him as Peyton's less-accomplished brother and giving him his own well-earned reputation.
- What is the over/under on how many Cowboy losses it will take next fall before the "Fire Phillips" bandwagon gets rolling full steam? Three? One? Jason Garrett has completed his whirlwind head coaching interview tour and decided to stay in Dallas as Assistant Head Coach at a salary close to the $3 million a year Wade Phillips makes. Maybe Phillips isn't walking the plank just yet, but he must feel the swords nudging him in the back, at least a little.
- Does Dallas have the best strip clubs of any NFL city, or just the most? Pacman Jones, the man who can't seem to stay out of the fine establishments, or even stay out of trouble when he's in them, has said he would like to leave Tennessee and move on to the Cowboys. This from a guy who isn't even guaranteed a reinstatement to the NFL by Roger Goodell unless he can show he is able to stay out of trouble. His record of six arrests in less than three years says that's not a winning bet.
- Does Peyton Manning go to younger brother Eli now for advice about playing the quarterback position? And will the chairs for Sunday dinner at the Archie Manning residence get moved around at all now that Eli is still in the Super Bowl hunt and Peyton is playing golf? Does Eli get to sit at the adult table and Peyton at the card table with the kiddies?
- Wouldn't it be funny if Anny Grant, the young girl who was booed at the RCA Dome for wearing a Patriots jersey last Sunday, wore a Colts jersey to Gillette Stadium this afternoon? She earned a lot of admirers for her good-natured response to her Indianapolis reception, including Patriots owner Robert Kraft, who invited her and her entire family to be his guest at the AFC Championship game in Foxboro. She reportedly will take part in the pregame coin toss. Imagine the stunned silence if she were to walk out on the field in a Peyton Manning jersey....just a thought.
- Is Roger Clemens regretting his quick boast that he would be happy to testify at a Congressional hearing on the steroids mess? After seeing what happened with Congress and Miguel Tejada, who isn't even in the country right now, you would think the last place Clemens would want to be is Capitol Hill. He can retain all the ex-Clinton lawyers he wants, but they won't be able to protect him much if he perjures himself.
- Will the fact that the Packers practiced this week with frozen footballs give them a leg up on the Giants at frigid Lambeau Field tonight? The temperature will be close to zero by gametime, so you can be sure there will be plenty of frozen balls in Green Bay. And if practicing with frozen footballs results in a win for the Packers, will they use frozen turkeys next time, figuring more is better?
- Will the Atlanta Falcons ever be able to convince anyone to accept their vacant head coaching position? The latest to interview for the job is Vikings defensive coordinator Leslie Frazier. Is the man trying to punish himself for some unknown transgression? Regardless, even the Miami Dolphins now have a head man, and they won only one game last year.
- Are the San Diego Chargers screwed if Philip Rivers can't play or goes down against New England? Absolutely not. If you compare career statistics for Rivers and Billy Volek, the Chargers backup, you find they are remarkably similar in many respects, such as the following:
Games played - Rivers 36, Volek 30
Completion percentage - Rivers 60.8%, Volek 59.7%
Touchdown percentage and interception percentage - Rivers 4.6% and 2.6%, Volek 4.9% and 2.6%
Yards per attempt - Rivers 7.0, Volek 6.6
Quarterback rating - Rivers 86.6, Volek 84.9
In short, the Chargers are better off with Rivers thanks to intangibles like his fiery attitude. Plus, it's debatable how much Volek would be affected by the rust of not having played a lot besides the fourth quarter last week - the Patriots have been known to confuse guys with a lot more game experience than Volek.
But if push comes to shove and Rivers is unable to go, San Diego has a guy who is more than capable of running the team, as he proved last weekend in the big comeback against Indianapolis.
As I try to recover from the beating I took from all the comments on yesterday's post roasting me when I had the nerve to posit the theory that a young girl was tougher than Cowboys star Terrell Owens - I still believe it, by the way - the calendar reminds me it's almost Sunday and therefore almost time for the NFL's conference championship games.
Since I made a fool of myself last week, picking wrong on three of the four games, I might just as well go all the way and pick again. Maybe I'll get lucky and avoid looking so bad this week with my picks. I'll tell you one thing, though. If I do really badly with my predictions, I'm pretty sure it will be okay if I cry, as long as I do it on camera and I'm somehow associated with the Dallas Cowboys.
Here are the updated records for the four teams left in the Super Bowl hunt against quality opposition, which I define as any opponent having a record of better than .500:
1) New England Patriots 8-0 (1.000)
2) Green Bay Packers 4-1 (.800)
3) San Diego Chargers 4-3 (.571)
4) New York Giants 3-5 (.375)
These numbers make it appear that both games should be runaway victories for the home teams, the Packers and the Patriots. But in this case I'm not sure it's fair to infer that, since all four teams have proven themselves worthy against tough competition by this point in the year, including the Giants, whose last three games against quality opposition have all been wins.
Another factor to consider are the teams' home and road records, which are as follows:
1) New England Patriots at home: 9-0 (1.000)
2) New York Giants on the road: 9-1 (.900)
3) Green Bay Packers at home: 8-1 (.889)
4) San Diego Chargers on the road: 5-4 (.556)
Those are some interesting numbers right there. Winning on the road in the NFL is almost universally agreed to be one of the toughest things to do, and yet the Giants have gone an incredible 9-1 away from Jersey. In fact, the last time New York lost a road game was way back on September 9, the first game of the season!
Even the Chargers relatively unimpressive road record is a bit deceiving, since they started out 1-4 on the road and have since won their last four road games in a row, including last week's hard-fought win at the RCA Dome. San Diego hasn't lost a game on the road since before Thanksgiving.
So what does it all mean? Obviously, something's got to give, but I don't buy the 14 point spread in the San Diego-New England game, even if neither Philip Rivers nor LaDainian Tomlinson can play, which at this point seems unlikely.
Here's what I see happening:
AFC: Patriots 27, Chargers 21
NFC: Packers 17, Giants 14
Given my laskluster performance in picking the games last week, people in San Diego and New York should be jumping for joy right now. I fully admit to being a Patriots fan, although I've tried not to let it affect my picks. Who's to say whether it has?
Here's the thing, though. Although I have a dog in this fight (Sorry about that, Michael Vick), fans of all four teams should be excited about the games. Remember to have fun watching - fans of 28 other teams would love to be where your team is right now!
People seem to have this stereotype of professional football players as big, tough he-men, supermen almost, and why wouldn't they? It's difficult to get a true appreciation for how big these guys are when you see them on TV, since they're all equally mammoth so it skews the perspective, almost like listening to a presidential debate.
But if you've ever seen an NFL player up close, say walking through an airport or stealing your girlfriend, you begin to get a real appreciation for just how big these people really are. Their forearms are bigger than your thighs; hell, if you're anything like me, their wrists are probably bigger than your thighs. Unless of course we're talking about the placekicker, in which you can disregard all of the above.
Anyway, when you see how big NFL players really are, you naturally assume they are tough as nails, and in a lot of cases this is undoubtedly true (Quick aside - when I was in college, a backup linebacker lived in my dorm, and this guy used to routinely smash chips out of the building's concrete block construction using nothing but his head! And this was a backup player on a college team).
Leave it to Terrell Owens to break another perception barrier, shattering our notion of football players as semi-indestructible automatons by weeping like a little girl after the Dallas Cowboys lost to the New York Giants at home last Sunday. And what caused the tears to flow? It wasn't the trauma of losing the game, everyone knows T.O. isn't the most team-oriented guy in the world. Rather, it was the thought that, sniff, sob, the team's quarterback, Tony Romo, would be forced to shoulder a disproportionate share of the blame.
Oh, the humanity! The sheer unfairness of it all! But guess what, T.O.? That's the way it is in sports. Always has been, always will be. Being the quarterback in football is like being the pitcher in baseball or the goaltender in hockey - if your team loses, you get to be the goat. This is the flip side of the disproportionate adulation those guys get when they win; why Tony Romo dates Jessica Simpson while his offensive linemen have to settle for Romo buying them a steak dinner if he so chooses.
But finally we get to my point, which I almost forgot about. Anny Grant, a fourteen year old girl no one had ever heard of five days ago, is now the subject of national media attention for being the anti-T.O. When booed by a stadium full of rabid Colts fans at the RCA Dome for wearing a Patriots jersey while being honored as a Punt, Pass and Kick winner, this little girl shrugged off the negative attention with a smile.
Terrell Owens, big, tough football player, can't make it through a media session without weeping like #### Vermeil at a poetry reading, and this young girl shrugs off a reception from 60,000 screaming people that most of us would find at least a little disconcerting.
What does this mean in the grand scheme of things? Not much, really, but maybe the put-down people use, when they say so-and-so cried like a little girl, needs to be reworked and updated. How about this? "Joe cried like T.O. when he got that speeding ticket. It was a riot!"
The AFC and NFC championship games are looming this weekend in two cities where weather in mid-January could be a huge factor. If you don't think so, just ask the Seattle Seahawks. Those poor guys started the game in Green Bay last weekend in normal, albeit cold, weather and by the time the rout had mercifully ended they looked like Kurt Russell and the cast of The Thing stumbling around lost in Antarctica with some sort of monster chasing them.
Oddly enough, the Packers appeared to be enjoying themselves in the blizzard, which, I suppose is to be expected when you're kicking the other team's butt all over the frozen tundra.
So, the question is, what are the weather conditions going to be like this Sunday, when, in perhaps the only time you will see these two cities on your radar at the same time for any reason, Green Bay and Foxboro take center stage in the sporting world for a few hours.
I looked at the long-range forecast for each city on weather.com and discovered a couple of interesting things. First off, there is more than one Green Bay as well as more than one Foxboro, which I did not know. In addition to Green Bay, Wisconsin, there is also a sister city named Green Bay, Virginia. Even stranger, in addition to Foxboro, Massachusetts, there is a Foxboro, Wisconsin which seems to give the whole thing a weird sort of synchronicity.
Seemingly against all odds, neither stadium will feature a big snowstorm this Sunday, at least not according to the long range forecast. Gillette Stadium in Foxboro will see partly cloudy skies with a high temperature of 23 degrees, but with winds out of the west-northwest at up to 25 miles per hour. If true, that would result in a wind chill factor of about 6 degrees.
That's the good news. In Green Bay, the high temperature is forecasted to be just 4 degrees, with snow flurries and 13 mile per hour winds. This translates into a wind-chill factor of about -13 degrees, without even Philip Rivers' hot air to warm things up.
Just for a point of reference, the temperature in Fairbanks, Alaska Sunday will be 14 degrees. Plus, and this will warm the hearts of everyone planning to attend the game, the NFC Championship doesn't even start until 6:30 p.m., by which time the high temperature will be just a fond memory.
If you happen to have tickets to either game, have fun and make sure you bring plenty of antifreeze. It will be a toasty 72 degrees in my seat, unless I feel a chill, and then I'll bump it up to 75.
