A new trend has sprung up seemingly overnight in the normally staid NFL, an organization where change usually holds all the appeal of an all-you-can-eat steak dinner to Paris Hilton. Suddenly teams are holding on to assistant coaches they feel are in danger of being plucked for the head jobs in other cities by giving them a sexy new title and substantial raises.
"Head Coach In Waiting." This sounds like a job you could sink your teeth into, doesn't it? You get nearly all the exposure that the head coach gets, not to mention nearly all the money, with little or none of the risk. The team screws up? It's the head coach who walks the plank, not the head coach in waiting, and before the poor guy who used to be your boss hits the water, you're now the man with the plan, the big cheese.
In Indianapolis, longtime assistant Jim Caldwell has been handed the plum title, as has offensive coordinator Jason Garrett in Dallas. Tony Dungy in Indianapolis no doubt has little concern about the possibility of being pushed out by his "Assistant Head Coach," both due to the fact that Dungy has achieved almost legendary status as a head coach as well as the fact that he says he has no intention of coaching much longer anyway.
But in Dallas, how comfortable can Wade Phillips be knowing his replacement has already been picked out and is hauling down a paycheck almost as big as his? Phillips has only been in town one year himself, and he doesn't exactly work for an owner who is known for having lots of patience. Jerry Jones is no Dan Snyder, but he's a man who has to be disappointed that his team, the top seed in the NFC, got knocked off at home in their first playoff game of 2007 and that his team hasn't won a playoff game of any kind in thirteen years.
For Garrett, on the other hand, it's an ideal situation. He can continue to learn and soak up information for when his turn to steer the boat arrives, and when it does, he inherits a much better situation than he would have in either Washington or Atlanta. In the meantime, he gets paid like a head coach, better than many, in fact, and doesn't have to deal with any of the hassles of the job.
Where do I apply? Surely there's a team somewhere that doesn't mind that I've never actually played football, unless you count splitting my knee open on a rock when my best friend took me down with an open-field tackle in the front yard when we were ten years old. Never coached football either. Of course I did lead the Patriots to an undefeated season in Madden 2003.
But I can stand on the sideline with a clipboard and look grave, covering my mouth with the board when saying anything so that none of the television cameras or spying teams can figure out what I'm saying, even if it's only "You want cream and sugar with that, coach?" I can shake my head and yell and scream when a bad call goes against my team, and give instructions to players who will only ignore what I say anyway, at least they will if they know what's good for them.
So if you're an NFL owner and you think I fit the bill; if you think maybe I have what it takes to be your next "Head Coach in Waiting," call me. As much fun as blogging is, I might be persuaded to come and work for you if the deal can be structured properly. Okay, Ill be honest - if you'll pay me, I'm there. Are you listening, Arthur Blank? I've never been to Atlanta, but I'm sure it's beautiful.
- What is the over/under on how many Cowboy losses it will take next fall before the "Fire Phillips" bandwagon gets rolling full steam? Three? One? Jason Garrett has completed his whirlwind head coaching interview tour and decided to stay in Dallas as Assistant Head Coach at a salary close to the $3 million a year Wade Phillips makes. Maybe Phillips isn't walking the plank just yet, but he must feel the swords nudging him in the back, at least a little.
- Does Dallas have the best strip clubs of any NFL city, or just the most? Pacman Jones, the man who can't seem to stay out of the fine establishments, or even stay out of trouble when he's in them, has said he would like to leave Tennessee and move on to the Cowboys. This from a guy who isn't even guaranteed a reinstatement to the NFL by Roger Goodell unless he can show he is able to stay out of trouble. His record of six arrests in less than three years says that's not a winning bet.
- Does Peyton Manning go to younger brother Eli now for advice about playing the quarterback position? And will the chairs for Sunday dinner at the Archie Manning residence get moved around at all now that Eli is still in the Super Bowl hunt and Peyton is playing golf? Does Eli get to sit at the adult table and Peyton at the card table with the kiddies?
- Wouldn't it be funny if Anny Grant, the young girl who was booed at the RCA Dome for wearing a Patriots jersey last Sunday, wore a Colts jersey to Gillette Stadium this afternoon? She earned a lot of admirers for her good-natured response to her Indianapolis reception, including Patriots owner Robert Kraft, who invited her and her entire family to be his guest at the AFC Championship game in Foxboro. She reportedly will take part in the pregame coin toss. Imagine the stunned silence if she were to walk out on the field in a Peyton Manning jersey....just a thought.
- Is Roger Clemens regretting his quick boast that he would be happy to testify at a Congressional hearing on the steroids mess? After seeing what happened with Congress and Miguel Tejada, who isn't even in the country right now, you would think the last place Clemens would want to be is Capitol Hill. He can retain all the ex-Clinton lawyers he wants, but they won't be able to protect him much if he perjures himself.
- Will the fact that the Packers practiced this week with frozen footballs give them a leg up on the Giants at frigid Lambeau Field tonight? The temperature will be close to zero by gametime, so you can be sure there will be plenty of frozen balls in Green Bay. And if practicing with frozen footballs results in a win for the Packers, will they use frozen turkeys next time, figuring more is better?
- Will the Atlanta Falcons ever be able to convince anyone to accept their vacant head coaching position? The latest to interview for the job is Vikings defensive coordinator Leslie Frazier. Is the man trying to punish himself for some unknown transgression? Regardless, even the Miami Dolphins now have a head man, and they won only one game last year.
- Are the San Diego Chargers #### if Philip Rivers can't play or goes down against New England? Absolutely not. If you compare career statistics for Rivers and Billy Volek, the Chargers backup, you find they are remarkably similar in many respects, such as the following:
Games played - Rivers 36, Volek 30
Completion percentage - Rivers 60.8%, Volek 59.7%
Touchdown percentage and interception percentage - Rivers 4.6% and 2.6%, Volek 4.9% and 2.6%
Yards per attempt - Rivers 7.0, Volek 6.6
Quarterback rating - Rivers 86.6, Volek 84.9
In short, the Chargers are better off with Rivers thanks to intangibles like his fiery attitude. Plus, it's debatable how much Volek would be affected by the rust of not having played a lot besides the fourth quarter last week - the Patriots have been known to confuse guys with a lot more game experience than Volek.
But if push comes to shove and Rivers is unable to go, San Diego has a guy who is more than capable of running the team, as he proved last weekend in the big comeback against Indianapolis.
Hey everyone, I know it must seem like I've dropped off the face of the earth, but it's nothing like that.
I've been busy writing - two full-length novels so far, plus over a dozen short stories - and working hard to try to get an agent. If you are curious and have a few minutes, check out my website, www.allanleve rone.com.
If you're a literary agent or if you know one, by all means contact me! In the meantime, I'll be here when I can - love this forum - and as always, thank you for checking out my blog, especially considering how many great ones you could be reading instead....
