It's really a shame Client Number Nine didn't hold out for this: "An exclusive experience for those with discerning taste who seek the very best that life has to offer. You will delight in the premium amenities, including cushioned seats with teak arms, in-seat wait service, concierge services, private restrooms and a delectable selection of all-inclusive food and beverages."
Oh, yeah, and don't forget your own private entrance, elevator and concourse. Presumably, a date with "Kristen" is extra, but the literature doesn't really make that clear.
What are we talking about here? An exclusive gentleman's club? A place for high-rolling VIP's, all those people with more money than brains who are out in the cold now that the Emperor's Club has been shut down by those cold-hearted ####s in law enforcement who don't understand the pressures that people who run big business and big government in this country face?
Well, no, not exactly, although if you subscribe to the notion of the New York Yankees as the Evil Empire, it could be considered an Emperor's Club of sorts. This is all what awaits you at the brand new, $1.3 billion Yankee Stadium, coming to a Bronx near you in the spring of 2009.
Of course, if you're a Regular Guy, none of that stuff awaits you, not unless you earn enough money at your Regular Guy job to pay up to $2,500 per game for your ticket. That's right, the first five to eight rows of seating in the home plate area of the new Yankee Stadium will cost anywhere from $500 to $2,500 per game per ticket.
To put that in perspective, even the cheapest seats in the "exclusive experience" will cost you $40,500 if you want to attend every Yankee game. That's a bargain, though, compared to the most expensive $2,500 seats, which will run you a whopping $202,500 for the season. Jeez, no wonder Eliot Spitzer turned to Kristen in Washington, D.C. for entertainment. He got priced right out of Yankee Stadium.
And that's not all! You have to commit to those seats for a specified period of time ranging from three to ten seasons, with a specified scale of price increases included too, of course. After all, it would be totally unfair to expect the Yankees to have to put up with your measly $2,500 per game five years from now. Inflation, you know.
So now, if you commit to your $2,500 seats for the minimum of three years, you are up to a total of $607,500 to see your Yankees play. And that's assuming you go by yourself. If you want to be able to bring some company on those warm summer nights - After all, what's the point of concierge servieces and private restrooms if you can't show them off to someone? - the price doubles, bringing the bill to a staggering $1,215,000. Even Billy Crystal might balk at that.
Not to worry, though, even if you're not Bill Gates or A-Rod's wife, the Yankees assure you there is still room in the new palace, uh, ballpark, for you. According to Lonn Trost, the club's Chief Operating Officer, there will be about 11,000 non-premium seats at field level and 12,000 at the main level. "Of the non-premium seats, 88 percent will be less than $100."
He fails to mention those "non-premium seats" will be located in New Jersey, so don't forget to bring your binoculars to the game.
This is surely all a bitter pill to #### if you're a non-billionare who has been following the Yankees for your whole life, but hey, that money to pay A-Rod's new $300 million contract has to come from somewhere, right? The House That Ruth Built will no longer be a house, it will be the biggest, gaudiest McMansion on the block, "premium amenities" and all.
Hey everyone, I know it must seem like I've dropped off the face of the earth, but it's nothing like that.
I've been busy writing - two full-length novels so far, plus over a dozen short stories - and working hard to try to get an agent. If you are curious and have a few minutes, check out my website, www.allanleve rone.com.
If you're a literary agent or if you know one, by all means contact me! In the meantime, I'll be here when I can - love this forum - and as always, thank you for checking out my blog, especially considering how many great ones you could be reading instead....
