As we wait breathlessly for the historic battle between New England and the Giants, with a never-before-accomplished 16-0 record on the line, it's time to look back at the ten best nicknames given to NFL teams over the years.
This is a highly scientific list based on several important factors, including: Historical significance, creativity, how much the names appealed to me, and how much each contributed to world peace. Okay, I made that last one up. Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.
I then entered each nickname into a supercomputer which crunched all the variables using an algorithm developed jointly by NASA scientists and the guys who live in the basements of their parents' homes and determine the BCS standings. I can't go into any more detail than that; in fact, I fear I may have said too much already.
Interestingly, seven of the top ten nicknames refer specifically to outstanding defensive units, showing the importance attached to a strong defense in NFL circles.
In any event, the top-secret supercomputer spit out the following. Without further ado, allow me to present the Top Ten NFL Team Nicknames Ever:
10) Greatest Show on Turf
This nickname was given to the explosive offense developed by Mike Martz and executed by the St. Louis Rams between 1999 and 2001. The 2000 Rams set NFL records both for total offensive yards and for passing yards, and the Rams reached the Super Bowl twice in that three year span, winning once and losing once in the biggest Super Bowl upset since the Jets won Super Bowl II.
9) Electric Company
This was the nickname bestowed on the Buffalo Bills offensive line of the 1970's, the group which opened holes for "The Juice," as O.J. Simpson was known at the time. Before getting away with murder, Simpson had a tremendous rushing career in Buffalo, and his offensive line turned on The Juice, resulting in the ninth-best nickname ever.
8) Air Coryell
In the early 1980's, the San Diego Chargers defied conventional NFL wisdom, which said keeping the ball on the ground and controlling the clock was the way to win games. The Chargers used quarterback Dan Fouts's arm and passing skills to rack up yardage through the air. Coryell's philosophies would later go on to become the basis for Mike Martz's "Greatest Show on Turf" in the late 1990's and early 2000's.
7) New York Sack Exchange
This nickname was given the ferocious defense of the early-1980's New York Jets, led by defensive end Mark Gastineau, who set a then-NFL record for sacks in a season in 1984, with 22, and racked up 100.5 sacks in just the first 100 starts of his career.
6) Gang Green
The nickname given the Philadelphia Eagles defense of the late-1980's, coached by Defensive Coordinator Buddy Ryan. Reggie White, Jerome Brown, Seth Joiner, and Andre Waters led the defense. The nickname was later co-opted by the New York Jets.
5) Doomsday Defense
Two different Dallas Cowboy defensive units have earned this nickname. The 1972 Super Bowl VI-winning team was led by Herb Adderley, Bob Lilly and Mel Renfro. The 1978 Super Bowl XII-winning team was led by Randy White, Harvey Martin and Ed "Too Tall" Jones.
4) Purple People Eaters
From the late-1960's through the late-1970's the Minnesota Vikings played in four Super Bowls, anchored by their defense, which featured defensive linemen Alan Page, Carl Eller, Jim Marshall and Gary Larsen. Their motto? "Meet at the quarterback."
3) Orange Crush
The 1970's Denver Broncos featured this run-stopping defense, led by linebackers Randy Gradishar and Tom Jackson, as well as defensive linemen Lyle Alzado and Rubin Carter.
2) Steel Curtain
The nickname given the anchors of the four-time Super Bowl winning defense of the 1970's. Steel Curtain members included Mean Joe Greene, L.C. Greenwood, Ernie Homes. Dwight White, Jack Lambert, Jack Ham, Mel Blount and Andy Russell. This suffocating defense led the 1976 team to a Super Bowl win despite the loss of quarterback Tery Bradshaw partway through the season. The Steel Curtain boasted five shutouts that year, including three in a row.
1) Monsters of the Midway
Maybe the most descriptive, longest-running nickname in football. The early-1940's Chicago Bears, a team that dominated the NFL in those years, gave rise to this descriptive title, which was resurrected in the mid-1980's for another edition of a dominating Bears squad. Any NFL fan who hears the phrase "Monsters of the Midway" immediately pictures the distinctive Bears old-style uniforms and long tradition, including a 73-0 victory over Washington Redskins in the 1940 NFL Championship Game.
A few observations off the top of my bald, freezing-cold head after snow-blowing my way out of the driveway only to discover my street hadn't been plowed yet. Maybe it's just me, but this giant of a pre-winter storm seemed an awful lot like the Mitchell report: Even though I knew it was coming, it turned out worse than I expected.
- It looked like old-time football Sunday on the shores of Lake Erie.
In a game both teams wanted very badly in order to keep pace in the playoff race as the sand continues to slip through the hourglass of the 2007 season, The Cleveland Browns shut out the Buffalo Bills by the un-football-like score of 8-0, on two field goals and a safety they got credit for when punter Brian Moorman kicked the ball through the end zone after missing a snap deep in his own territory.
I don't know about you, but I love watching football in snowy conditions. The players' jerseys are muddy and dirty, the yard lines are obscured by snow, and you almost expect to see #### Butkus looming out of the snow to throw down any running back crazy enough to try to run through him.
Maybe it's just me. In any event, the Browns improve to 9-5 and could lock up a playoff spot next week.
- In what I felt would be a statement game for someone, Jacksonville made it loud and clear, beating Pittsburgh on the road to move to 10-4.
It turns out both teams made a statement of sorts - Jacksonville announced their intentions of making some noise in the playoffs, and the Steelers, who have now lost two in a row, are admitting they may not be as good as a lot of us thought.
Losing a December game at home in bad weather when you're a team that prides itself on defense and the ability to run the ball is not the way to give your fans a lot of optimism going into the playoffs. The Steelers have now given up 63 points in losses to two AFC playoff teams the past two weeks and find themselves tied with Cleveland for the lead in the AFC North.
Pittsburgh finishes the season with two consecutive road games, at St. Louis and at Baltimore while the Browns travel to Cincinnati next week and finish up at home against the 49'ers. While the Steelers do own the tiebreaker with the Browns by virtue of them winning both head-to-head matchups this season, would it surprise anyone to see Cleveland win their last two and Pittsburgh lose the season-finale to the Ravens?
- The NFL-record 72 point spread is safe, at least for another week.
For everyone expecting the Patriots to come out and light up the scoreboard, throwing the ball sixty times and putting up 78 points on the Jets, New England once again confounded people by doing what was least expected. Granted the conditions were bad, especially the wind, but in a game that featured two blocked punts, as well as four fumbles and two interceptions, the Pats were content to keep the ball on the ground and answer their critics who say they can't run the ball.
The New England ground game chewed up 131 yards on 35 attempts, with Laurence Maroney getting the bulk of the work - 26 carries for 104 yards, exactly 4 yards per carry.
On the defensive side, from a Pats perspective, the worst thing that could have happened was the rib injury to Kellen Clemens on the second play of the game. That injury forced Chad Pennington to take the majority of the snaps and he finished a pretty impressive 25 of 38 for 186 yards. Not bad, considering the lousy conditions.
- The Miami Dolphins sucked some, but not all, of the drama out of next week's game against New England by beating the Ravens in OT, 22-16.
It would have been a dream come true for everyone outside of the New England area to root for the 0-14 Dolphins to beat the 14-0 Patriots, but Miami went and spoiled that storyline by finally winning a game, in just their 14th try.
However, it will still undoubtedly be the most-hyped matchup ever between two teams going in opposite directions, as the Dolphins will feel the pressure from all the old guys who played on the '72 'Fins. All the hopes and dreams of all the aging Dolphins will fall on the shoulders of the 1-13 bunch as they attempt to protect the "Glory Days" memories of a bunch of players most of them had probably never heard of before this year.
- Wouldn't it be fun to be a fly on the wall the first time Arkansas faces a halftime deficit next year?
What can Bobby Petrino possibly say to his team that will elicit anything other than sidelong glances and snorts of cynical laughter between the players when he talks about standing and fighting, about overcoming the odds, about anything?
The man who probably has a picture of Benedict Arnold on his desk next to the obligatory one of his family, the man who quit on his players in Atlanta and let them know he was abandoning them in the most cowardly way possible, by leaving a half-page "Dear John" letter to the team, can never again get in a player's face with any credibility and talk about commitment and sacrifice.
- Congratulations to Brett Favre for setting another NFL record.
This time the old geezer passed Dan Marino for most passing yardage in a career; quite an accomplishment, but the stat which I consider to be the most impressive is this: Favre has now started 251 consecutive regular season games, 271 if you include playoffs. Only Minnesota's Jim Marshall played in more consecutive regular-season games, with 270.
That's an unbleievable feat. He has played through injuries and addictions, with great teams and horrible ones, he has been an MVP and a guy people in Green Bay couldn't wait to see retire. He has done it all and still keeps going and going, like the Energizer Bunny of the frozen tundra.
Woody Allen once said that ninety percent of success is just showing up. If there's any truth at all to that, Brett Favre has been about as successful as they come.
Tired of indictments against champion home run hitters? Of drug suspensions, of holdouts, of baseball teams trading their best players because they can't afford to keep them, of basketball players threatening to blackmail their coaches? Are you tired of all the muck and dirt that seems to follow big-time sports and the people who play them?
How about these two words for a little change of pace: Kevin Everett.
Maybe you remember - Of course you remember, it was less than three months ago - when Everett, the Buffalo Bills tight end, suffered a severe spinal cord injury making a tackle in the Bills season opener against Denver on September 9. The injury, initially termed life-threatening, was so bad that Everett spent his first three days in the hospital hooked up to life support machinery.
Kevin Everett was all you heard about for the first week or so after the injury, and rightfully so. It was a frightening sight to see him lying on the field not moving and it occurred on a play that looked completely routine. He was paralyzed from the neck down when he arrived at the hospital, never a good prognosis, and if you're anything like me, you assumed that's how he would spend the rest of his life.
Kevin Everett is walking. Not walking with the aid of a walker or crutches, not walking leaning on someone for support. Kevin Everett is walking.
According to the Associated Press, Everett has recovered to the point where he is well enough to walk from the car to the rehab facility he attends every day and back again.
Does that mean he'll be the next Tedy Bruschi and eventually return to the NFL? Of course not, but for a guy who less than three months ago was looking at spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair, walking from the car to the hospital is a major victory, maybe even a real-life miracle.
It's kind of a karmic balance to the tragic story of the senseless murder of the Redskins Sean Taylor; out of nowhere, we learn that the tragic story of Kevin Everett has taken a turn for the better. Much better, in fact.
There are plenty of stories you read if you follow sports that make you shake your head in disgust. Here's one that makes you shake your head in amazement. Am I a Buffalo Bills fan? Hell no. But I'm a Kevin Everett fan. How could you not be?
It happened again Sunday night, and you know what I'm talking about if you pay any attention at all to the blog posts that flood Foxsports.com daily - the New England Patriots buzzsaw ripped through Buffalo, shredding the Bills for 56 points and a 46-point victory.
The outrage is predictable and laughable. All the people that are offended and angered that the New England Patriots are "running up the score" on all of their poor, defenseless opponents, and I mean that literally, would be defending the perfect storm of point-scoring if it were their own team lighting up the scoreboard like politicians spend money.
Let's face it, folks. Like it or not, Bill Belichick and the Patriots are going to keep their foot on the gas pedal until the finish line every time they step on the field. It might be hard to watch if you're anything but a Pats fan, but, to quote a tired old cliche in the sporting world, "It is what it is."
Fans seem to be a lot more upset about the thrashings than the players and coaches who actually have to put up with it on the field. Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt for a second that every single opponent who has had his nose rubbed in his own excrement this season is anxiously awaiting the day when the shoe is on the other foot because, as we all know, to quote another oft-used expression, "Payback's a ####."
Whether it happens in a year, two years, or ten years, at some point the cleat will be on the other foot and the Patriots and their fans will pay dearly for the current team's offensive and defensive excellence. Everyone involved in one of these whuppin's will remember and show no mercy to a Pats team that in all likelihood will have very few if any players left from the team causing the payback but hey, that's the nature of sports.
Sure, the Patriots could have started running the ball earlier Sunday night, but if you were watching in the second half when tree trunks like Heath Evans and Kyle Eckel were gashing the Buffalo defense for huge chunks of yardage, how much difference would it have made? Would it hurt less if the final score had been 42-10? Is that an acceptable margin of victory? What about 35-10?
And Tom Brady sat out almost the entire fourth quarter. Is that not good enough? Should he have been benched after halftime to get Matt Cassel some more experience? Most people agree that if anything happens to Brady the Pats are #### so does it not make sense to keep him as sharp as possible?
The fact is, people around the country are sick and tired of all the talk about the Patriots and even though I'm a Pats fan, I can understand it. Nobody wants to feel like their team is underappreciated but please, I'm begging you, stop whining about New England running the score up and remember, what goes around comes around.
Look forward to that day and when it comes, any New England fan worth his salt will keep his mouth shut and take it like a man. When Patriot fans start complaining about having the score run up on them, that will be the time to remind them of the 2007 season. I guarantee they will stop complaining and a dreamy smile will come over their faces.
Hey everyone, I know it must seem like I've dropped off the face of the earth, but it's nothing like that.
I've been busy writing - two full-length novels so far, plus over a dozen short stories - and working hard to try to get an agent. If you are curious and have a few minutes, check out my website, www.allanleve rone.com.
If you're a literary agent or if you know one, by all means contact me! In the meantime, I'll be here when I can - love this forum - and as always, thank you for checking out my blog, especially considering how many great ones you could be reading instead....
