Not that it's necessarily a bad problem to have, but what do you do when you have conquered not just your own sport, but the entire sporting world before your 24th birthday? In the history of the modern Olympic Games, dating back into the 1800's, no individual has ever hauled in as many gold medals in a single Olympic Games as Phelps has won in 2008.
Perhaps President of NBC would be a fair position to offer the kid, since the network has benefitted maybe the most off of his incredible run of success. Ratings were astronomical, as people tuned in to see if he would succumb to the mounting pressure of trying to make history. Guess we now know the answer to that question.
2) Why was everyone so surprised when it was discovered that the little girl singing at the Opening Ceremonies was lip-synching, and hadn't even recorded the song she was singing in the first place?
Anyone remember Milli Vanilli? This stuff crops up every now and then and people always act so shocked and outraged that anyone would try to pull something over on them. Get real.
And as far as the age of the Chinese female gymnasts is concerned, same thing. I have no idea whether they are the appropriate age to qualify for the Olympics or not, but is there anyone out there who really believes the Chinese government would be above pulling a fast one to get the most out of their shining moment in the world's spotlight? Again, get real. Happens all the time.
3) This isn't really sports related, but did I miss the memo that went out regarding weather forecasters?
Why did all the weather geeks suddenly decide that it's not "thunderstorms" any more, but rather just "storms?" Watch any forecast, local or national, and they all say the same thing - "Developing clouds this afternoon, with a chance of storms as the evening progresses."
Aren't they supposed to be as specific as possible? Shouldn't they say "thunderstorms" if that's what they mean? Isn't there more than one type of storm? Maybe it will be a hailstorm or just a rainstorm, but no, when they refer to thunderstorms, they all just say "storms."
I don't like it. It bugs me. Except for Hannah Storm. There's no need to refer to her as Hannah Thunderstorm, but she's the only exception that should be tolerated in my book.
4) Did Joe Torre think he left the zoo behind when he left New York?
When Manny Ramirez got out to L.A. and vowed to cut his hair, was the half-inch or so that got taken off really what Torre had in mind?
Seeing Manny be Manny must be like getting a rusty nail in the eye for Torre, a baseball lifer who played in the days when management and ownership had all the rights and players had none, to deal with a guy like Ramirez, who is tolerated because of his tremendous talent but who seems to have no ability to see the world through anyone else's eyes. I suppose having $200 million will do that to a guy, but still.
5) How long will it be before Brett Favre begins getting skewered by the press and the fans in New York?
Two games? Five? Half a season?
Favre has always been an all-or-nothing quarterback, which has simultaneously been both his blessing and his curse. As long as he consistently delivers "alls," he will be hailed as a conquering hero in football's toughest market. As soon as a few "nothings" get tossed in there, though, watch out. If he's able to protect the ball like he did in the first half of last season in Green Bay, Favre has nothing to worry about. That's never been his history, though, so look for fireworks as the season progresses.
__________
If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com
You know you're stuck in the dog days of summer when it seems like all the sports stories are the same ones, recycled over and over. The promise of spring is gone for a lot of Major League baseball teams as they drop out of pennant races, the real college and NFL football games are still weeks away, and even though the Olympic Games are happening this year, there doesn't seem to be much sizzle.
So here, in no particular order, are the sports stories that would be banned immediately if I were King of the World:
1) Brett Favre - As great a player as Brett Favre was, and as poorly as his annual retirement sagas were handled (especially this year's), and whether he leads the NFL in passer rating and wins a Super Bowl with the Jets this year or whether he stinks worse than two week old tuna, can't we just let the whole thing go? I bet even Obama and McCain can agree on this one. Please, sports people everywhere, for the love of God, I'm begging you, just let the Favre thing go!
2) Manny Ramirez - Now the big story is that Bud Selig has asked a representative to look into how the whole Manny trade from Boston to Los Angeles was handled. Yay. What's he planning on doing if he doesn't like how it was handled? Declare the whole thing a tie? Let it go for crying out loud! Manny will hit like gangbusters and play hard until he decides not to and that's that. What you see is what you get with him. Always has been and always will be. Let's move on.
3) Redeem Team - Not to be cynical here, but sitting on the edge of my seat, trying to see if a bunch of multi-millionaires can beat another bunch of multi-millionaires to win a gold medal in what used to be the ultimate amateur competition just doesn't really do it for me. The outstanding United States Olympic Basketball Team will either win it all or they won't. What does redeeming have to do with anything?
4) Olympic athletes testing positive for banned substances - I guess I am getting cynical in my old age, but over the next three weeks or so we will see a few stories of courage and inspiration, a few genuinely interesting and exciting matchups in sports most of us only pay attention to every four years, and more than a few medal-winning athletes testing positive for banned substances and being stripped of their medals. They will immediately have the obligatory stunned and outraged reaction, proclaim their innocence, insist - through their high-profile attornies - that they have no idea how the substance got into their system and will fight these scurrilous charges until their dying breath, and then six months to a year down the line will give their medals back and serve their suspensions. Happens every four years. I can't wait.
Okay, I'm done now. Sorry for the interruption. I'd love to stay and chat but I'm off to the Jets website to read up on the latest Favre stuff.
__________
If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com
According to a story published August 6 by the Associated Press, United States Olympic champion swimmer Amanda Beard was forced to "launch her naked, anti-fur campaign poster outside the Athletes Village after Chinese authorities cancelled a planned unveiling."
According to PETA spokesman Jason Baker, "Amanda didn't want her voice to be silenced, so we went ahead and arranged something else."
I've never been accused of being the brightest guy in the room, even when I'm in the room by myself, but am I wrong when I assume that it's not Amanda Beard's voice the Chinese are worried about?
Anyway, the point of Ms Beard's little stunt, which is exactly what it was, undoubtedly is to draw as much publicity to her cause as possible. In that, the Chinese cooperated quite nicely. If they had simply ignored her, she would have "unveiled" her poster, everyone would have ogled it appropriately, or perhaps inappropriately as the case may be, and everyone would then have gone about their business after cluck-clucking about the horrible state of affairs in the fur industry.
Now, however, the fact that her dog and pony show got cancelled, or at least rescheduled, the whole affair becomes worldwide news, giving everyone the chance to: A) Google the naked poster of Amanda Beard, because, really, how can you discuss a news event you aren't intimately familiar with, and B) Discuss, around the water cooler, the issue of the cruelty or non-cruelty of using real fur as an adornment on your jacket.
Personally, I don't have an opinion either way, but I foresee a frightening trend developing. What happens when Brett Favre sees all the attention Amanda Beard is receiving for her naked poster and decides to unveil one of his own, wearing only his Green Bay Packers helmet, in order to force a trade? Or even worse, he poses in only one of those furry Viking hats with the horns sticking out the side? There's the whole thorny fur issue popping up again.
Then, to carry the ugly scenario one step further, Mike McCarthy sees Favre's tactics and immediately determines to fight fire with heartburn and release his own naked poster? I think you can see where I'm going with this, and I'm not sure it's a road anyone wants to travel.
So, thanks a lot Amanda Beard. As much as I'm in favor of you posing naked, whenever and wherever you wish, and pushing whatever cause you choose with your nakedness, you've opened up a can of worms; you've released a genie from the bottle that might never get put back in.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to examining that poster.
__________
If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com
- Steve Smith, Carolina Panthers receiver, after slugging cornerback Ken Lucas in the face during practice Friday: "I'm completely wrong. It was an asinine decision."
What I Meant to Say: "What was I thinking? I'm a receiver and I hit Lucas with my hand? Thank God I only broke his nose and not my knuckles or something; where would I be then? I'll tell you this, I'm going to be a lot more careful next time. Talk about your asinine decisions. Sheesh!" _____
- Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers starting quarterback (maybe), on the news that Brett Favre had been reinstated by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and would be reporting to camp: "I know if they do open it up to a competition, not a lot of people give me a chance..."
What I Meant to Say: "Why won't this guy quit already? What did I ever do to deserve this? He's hanging around longer than Andy Rooney, for crying out loud! We need to trade for Steve Smith." _____
Tony Sparano, Miami Dolphins head coach, talking about who is Number One on the depth chart at the quarterback position on his team: "That depth chart in your hands right now won't be the same this afternoon, never mind tomorrow, so it's going to change every single day."
What I Meant to Say: "That depth chart will change every day, or until we can convince Dan Marino to take a page out of Brett Favre's playbook." _____
Ned Yost, Milwaukee Brewers manager, on the dugout confrontation between Manny Parra and Prince Fielder during their game against the Reds Monday night: "If you want to know what happened...you're not going to know. It's private, it's between us, and it's not a big deal...It makes teams better."
What I Meant to Say: "At least I sure hope it make teams better, because we can't get much worse right now." _____
Jason Giambi, New York Yankees slugger, after shaving his mustache following the Yankees come-from-behind win Sunday: "In about a week, it will be back. It goes hand in hand with winning."
What I Meant to Say: "If they'd let me grow my hair out like I did in Oakland, I guarantee we'd win it all. It has nothing to do with talent; it's all about the hair." __________
If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com
Mr. Mark Murphy, President Green Bay Packers Football Club 1265 Lombardi Avenue Green Bay, WI 54304
July 31, 2008
Dear Mr. Murphy,
It has come to my attention that the Packers recently offered Brett Favre $20 million over the next ten years to stay retired and that Mr. Favre is reluctant to accept that offer.
If that is indeed the case, please consider the following alternative scenario: I am willing to accept a much smaller inducement, say, $10 million over the next ten years, to not play for the Packers instead.
Although it is true I have never played as much as a single down in the NFL for the Green Bay Packers or any other team; in fact I never even played high school football, being skinny as a rail and chicken to boot, but if you are willing to pay someone not to play, I have every confidence I could be just as successful as Mr. Favre at not playing, and save the Packers organization $10 million at the same time.
Clearly, my proposal would be a win/win for everyone. With the $10 million the organization will save by paying me rather than Brett Favre to stay retired, you could perhaps interest someone else in not playing football as well - say, Rocket Ismael, to name one possibility.
Far be it from me, though, to tell you what to do with the $10 million you will be saving. Ovbviously, that is the Green Bay Packers' money and thus yours to do with as you will. Just to be clear, however, allow me to spell out what your $10 million will be getting you. For $10 million:
1) I promise not to show up at Packers training camp and cause a distraction to the team.
2) I promise not to play quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings.
3) I promise not to loom over Aaron Rodgers like the sure-fire Hall of Famer I am not, putting unnecessary pressure on the kid.
4) I promise not to speak negatively about the Green Bay Packers organization - ever! - and in fact will decorate my entire property with Green Bay paraphernalia, even though I'm a New England Patriots fan.
5) I promise not to hold a tearful "Still Retired" press conference.
6) I promise....well....I can't really think of anything else to promise, but for $10 million, you can tell me what else you want me to promise and I promise I'll promise whatever you want.
Mr. Murphy, I realize my offer is a little unusual, but your organization has shown a willingness to think outside the box with the offer to Brett Favre, so if you give it a little thought, I am confident you will agree this is the way to go.
I think it only fair to warn you, however, that it is imperative you not wait too long to come to a decision - I have several irons in the fire, and could easily be persuaded to stay retired by another NFL team. Thank you for your willingness to listen, and Go Pack!
Sincerely, HalfBaked
__________
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In the annals of people who are funny without intending to be - think George W. Bush - Brett Favre is a certain first-ballot Hall of Famer. I mean, really, can't you see Frank Caliendo donning fake whiskers and adopting a grizzled countenance, going, "I'm in, I'm out, I'm in, I'm out." Can't you just picture it?
Favre must be a barrel of laughs during Happy Hour - "I'll have a vodka and tonic. No, wait, make it a bourbon on the rocks. Hold on, hold on, I changed my mind. Give me a beer. Uh, never mind, you know what? I'm good. Just bring some more of those Buffalo wings!" By the time he's done ordering, Happy Hour is over and drink prices have tripled.
The latest kink in the tale of Favre's almost pathological refusal to reach a decision and stick with it came Sunday, when he revealed that he had agreed to a request from Green Bay Packers GM Ted Thompson that he sit out "a couple of days" in order to give the team a little breathing room in their attempts to reach some sort of accomodation with the former league MVP in his (maybe) quest to (possibly) play again. Or maybe not. It's so hard to decide.
The thing that makes this latest development so funny - unless, of course, you're a fan of either, A) The Green Bay Packers or, B) Sanity - is the quote attributed to Favre in his interview with Sports Illustrated. He said, and this is an actual quote, as hard as that may be to believe, "I don't want to be a distraction to the Packers."
That's a little like Madonna saying, "Well, I haven't slept with everyone." They both presumably mean what they're saying, but the significance of the statement is dwarfed by the past behavior.
The Favre retirement saga is now officially the longest-running comedy skit in history, last week surpassing Saturday Night Live in length of engagement as well as tiredness of the act. But the sad part of the whole messy affair is that the man who is arguably one of the top five quarterbacks ever in NFL history is going to be remembered for a long, long time as a carnival sideshow, a sad joke who couldn't see the forest for the trees.
He has become 42 year old Willie Mays, stumbling over third base in a Mets uniform, unable to recognize that it's time to saddle up and ride out of town.
Eventually, say maybe when Favre reaches Frank Gifford's age, perhaps people will think of the Super Bowl winning quarterback or the three straight NFL MVP awards or the nine Pro Bowl selections when his name comes up in conversation, rather than the guy who became a national sports punch line; a man who couldn't make a simple decision.
It will certainly take a while, but for his sake, hopefully it will happen.
__________
If you love fiction and you have a few spare minutes, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com
Have you ever noticed the sporting world has a language all its own? Someone who doesn't follow sports can sit down in front of, say, ESPN SportsCenter or any similar forum, listen attentively for an hour and have no clue what the people on the show are discussing, even if they speak perfect English. Or Spanish, if they happen to be watching ESPN Deportes.
Nowhere is this more evident than when you listen to management types in the world of sports discussing their teams. They seem to specialize in telling the media things without really telling them anything, with bonus points added in for length of statement. The longer the nonsensical statement, the more points awarded.
For example, take the Brett Favre/Green Bay Packers situation. Management types all over the NFL have shifted into Obfuscation Overdrive, running up incredible point totals; totals that would bring a pinball machine to its knees, with statements like the following from New York Jets Head Coach Eric Mangini.
When asked if he had discussed the possibility of obtaining Favre with GM Mike Tannenbaum, Mangini replied, "I feel the same way as I felt yesterday and nothing's changed. With any conversations me and Mike have, Mike likes to talk about a lot of different scenarios and he enjoys a good chart, he enjoys a good graph and he enjoys a lot of scenarios. That's what he does, and that's what he's supposed to do. So, just normal discussions that we always have."
And that's so true with all of us, isn't it? Who among us doesn't enjoy a good chart and graph every now and then?
Or, how about this beauty from New England Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick, discussing the hiring of defensive backs coach Dom Capers: "He's been in a number of 3-4 systems. The Pittsburgh system. Nick (Saban's) system in Miami. The one he ran in Houston. He adds a lot of quality experience. I'm not sure exactly all the ways we'll use him, but we'll figure those out.''
Uh, coach, you do realize he's not going to, you know, actually play, right? My guess is Belichick saw the quote from his former disciple Mangini in New York and decided to show off; to let the kid know that the old Master still has a few moves left.
So there you have it - The art of saying something without actually saying anything. It's not just a Jedi mind-trick, and it's not just for politicians anymore, either; although with this being a presidential election year, you can be sure this is only the beginning.
__________
If you love fiction and you have a few spare minutes, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com
From the Associated Press and Yahoo! comes this breaking news report out of Green Bay, Wisconsin, and I swear it's true because, as you no doubt well know, I'm not bright enough to make this stuff up. Check out the highlights of the report, then we'll delve further into the issue.
"Bob and Leona Ehrfurth say the noise that's been plaguing them for two years sounds like...a subtle vibration that won't quit. It's enough to keep 76 year old Leona from sleeping. Her husband can sleep through it but also finds it irritating. 'It doesn't matter if the windows are open or closed - you still hear it,' he said. 'It's worse in the winter.' Alderman Andy Nicholson knows exactly what's bugging the Ehrfurths. 'Yeah, I've experienced it,' Nicholson said...'I think it would be an annoyance'."
Half-Baked Ravings investigated further, speaking with long-time Green Bay, Wisconsin resident Ted Thompson, who told us he had also experienced the incessant, annoying noise pollution the Ehrfurths referred to in the AP report. "Yeah," he noted. "I've heard it over the last couple of years myself. Over and over, and, as with the Ehrfurths, it doesn't matter whether the windows are open or closed. It almost sounds like voices, you know? 'I'm retiring, I'm not retiring, I want to move to Minnesota.' Weird."
Further investigation reveals many other Winconsinites have also noticed the noises, but have remained silent for fear of being labeled weirdos or kooks or worse. Part-year Green Bay resident Aaron Rodgers tells Half-Baked Ravings that the voices haunt him day and night. 'It's more than just voices with me,' he told our correspondent. 'It's almost as if I'm hearing footsteps coming up behind me. It's gotten to the point where I hear it day and night; the voices never seem to end, haunting my every waking moment and most of my dreams!'
Only time will tell whether the strange, unexplained sounds will eventually cease. In the meantime, Green Bay residents are urged to outfit themselves with ear plugs or those heavy, fur-lined winter ear muffs many wear to Green Bay Packer games in the winter in an effort to insulate themselves from the barrage of nonsensical noise.
Good luck, and Godspeed.
__________
If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website -www.allanleverone.com.
A tearful Brett Favre Thursday admitted once and for all that he was through toying with the emotions of Green Bay fans every offseason.
Favre acknowledged his recent history of keeping the team and its' fans hanging for months on end waiting to see if he would retire or return for another season. In a press conference held at Lambeau Field two days after shocking the sports world by announcing his intentions prior to the Fourth of July, the future Hall of Fame quarterback told reporters, "I expect a lot out of myself. If I can't keep a straight face telling my neighbors I haven't decided whether or not to return, how can I fool you guys?"
In the hour-long press conference, the man who made a cottage industry out of saying nothing about his plans for the future finally admitted what some have long suspected, that the game of "Will he or won't he?" just wasn't any fun any more. Favre said he still felt he could stonewall with the best of them when the TV lights came on, but had lost his passion to practice his poker face and prepare the way he would have to in order to make everyone wonder what his true intentions really were.
Favre thanked the Packers for letting him play, even in the past after allowing team deadlines to pass without informing anyone of his plans.
His surprise announcement came as a shock to Packers executives, coaches and teammates, virtually all of whom expected him to keep them waiting on his decision for months. "I could care less what other people think. It's what I think, and I'm going out on top. No one was better at silence than me," he affirmed.
Some who know Favre have doubts that he will be able to spend offseasons on the couch when he still has the ability to make people wonder about his plans. "I don't even want to think about next year," he said. "Will I watch games? I'm sure I will, but the only questions I won't be answering will be from my wife about what I want for dinner. I'm through hemming and hawing on the national stage."
Packers General Manager Ted Thompson and Head Coach Mike McCarthy seemed as shocked as everyone else to know their star quarterback's plans so early in the offseason, but Thompson gave a moving tribute to Favre, saying, "The guy gave his all for Green Bay, even going as far as letting us know he was retiring before draft weekend! You can't ask for any more than that."
So where in the world is Eli Manning? You know, the Master of Inconsistency, the man New York Giants fans have come to know and feel incredibly conflicted about? The guy who was just as likely to cough up the football as throw it away, or to toss a key interception as laser a spiral through three defenders into his receiver's breadbasket?
Who the heck was that guy in the Number 10 Giants jersey Sunday night? Maybe the real reason Peyton Manning wasn't in the stands at frozen Lambeau Field wasn't because he was afraid of jynxing his little brother as the media folks told us; maybe it was because he snuck into the locker room before the game and pretended to be Eli.
Let's face it - the reason you didn't pick the Giants over Green Bay is because you didn't trust Eli to hold on to the ball when the temperatures plummeted below zero and the wind was whipping across the Wisconsin night. But he made it look almost easy, didn't he?
The Packers, with their first-ballot Hall of Fame quarterback, the guy who has thrown so many footballs under poor weather conditions that you figured Sunday night would be a walk in the park, couldn't spark the offense all night with the exception of one big play. The Giants, on the other hand, ran their offense like it was a 60 degree September afternoon in the Meadowlands.
What gives? Is it possible that Eli Manning has finally turned the corner and is in the process of blossoming into the elite quarterback New Yorkers have expected him to be? Or is this another tantalizing glimpse of what could be, only to be followed up by an implosion on football's biggest stage February 4?
Starting with the Giants hard-fought loss to the Patriots in the regular-season finale, and followed up with the three playoff games since, here are Eli Manning's numbers:
Is it possible that these numbers, so staggeringly different from each other, could have been put up by the same person? And if they were, what does it say for the Super Bowl showdown with New England on February 4? The Giants are double-digit underdogs, but if Manning can continue his recent run of outstanding production, this will be a game much more competitive than many people expect.
It might be a bit of an overstatement to say Eli Manning's future in New York will be determined by this one upcoming game, but if he is able to perform the way he has for the past month, it will go a long way toward erasing the view people have of him as Peyton's less-accomplished brother and giving him his own well-earned reputation.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, in a stunning announcement late Saturday night, said the league will follow the example of the NBA and replay a portion o####ame.
Citing the precedent set by NBA Commissioner David Stern yesterday when he upheld a protest filed in December by the Miami Heat after Shaquille O'Neal was incorrectly ejected from a game after five fouls rather than the required six, Goodell announced the Seattle Seahawks and the Green Bay Packers will replay the final 56 minutes of Saturday's 42-20 win by the Packers at snowy Lambeau Field.
When asked what call or non-call, specifically, was the reason for his controversial decision, Goodell replied, "Oh, there were no egregiously bad calls by our officials that we are trying to make up for, it's just that Seattle obviously only came to play for four minutes and then took the rest of the game off.
"We here at NFL Headquarters take very seriously the teams' obligation to provide a competitive game for the fans, therefore I've made the difficult decision to replay the game from the time Seattle scored to take a 14-0 lead and followed that up by disappearing from Lambeau Field and perhaps the state of Wisconsin entirely."
It was pointed out to the commissioner that no one in Green Bay seemed particularly bothered by the fact that the Seahawks took most of the game off; in fact they seemed quite pleased with the outcome. He responded, "We think it's pretty obvious that the Packers somehow caused that snow to start falling heavily after they fell behind. It didn't seem to bother their guys one bit, and the Seahawks started acting like they had never seen snow before.
"Since the actions in Green Bay constituted a clear attempt to maintain an unfair competitive advantage, I was left with no choice but to come to this decision. It's one thing to pipe crowd noise into your stadium to confound the opposition, but when you start controlling the elements like Mike McCarthy and Brett Favre did, that's just going too far."
The commissioner was then asked what proof he had that the Packers causedthe storm. "Proof? Didn't you see Favre running around out there like a little kid? Throwing snowballs and stuff? Try and tell me he didn't know it was going to snow. Meanwhile, Seattle's players were slipping and sliding like your grandmother trying to shovel her driveway. The whole situation just stinks to high heaven. We must have a replay."
No word yet on whether Goodell will be calling for a replay in New England also, where he is rumored to be looking into allegations the Patriots somehow stuffed Fred Taylor into a Laurence Maroney suit and turned him loose on the Jaguars. Stay tuned for further updates.
A few observations off the top of my bald, freezing-cold head after snow-blowing my way out of the driveway only to discover my street hadn't been plowed yet. Maybe it's just me, but this giant of a pre-winter storm seemed an awful lot like the Mitchell report: Even though I knew it was coming, it turned out worse than I expected.
- It looked like old-time football Sunday on the shores of Lake Erie.
In a game both teams wanted very badly in order to keep pace in the playoff race as the sand continues to slip through the hourglass of the 2007 season, The Cleveland Browns shut out the Buffalo Bills by the un-football-like score of 8-0, on two field goals and a safety they got credit for when punter Brian Moorman kicked the ball through the end zone after missing a snap deep in his own territory.
I don't know about you, but I love watching football in snowy conditions. The players' jerseys are muddy and dirty, the yard lines are obscured by snow, and you almost expect to see #### Butkus looming out of the snow to throw down any running back crazy enough to try to run through him.
Maybe it's just me. In any event, the Browns improve to 9-5 and could lock up a playoff spot next week.
- In what I felt would be a statement game for someone, Jacksonville made it loud and clear, beating Pittsburgh on the road to move to 10-4.
It turns out both teams made a statement of sorts - Jacksonville announced their intentions of making some noise in the playoffs, and the Steelers, who have now lost two in a row, are admitting they may not be as good as a lot of us thought.
Losing a December game at home in bad weather when you're a team that prides itself on defense and the ability to run the ball is not the way to give your fans a lot of optimism going into the playoffs. The Steelers have now given up 63 points in losses to two AFC playoff teams the past two weeks and find themselves tied with Cleveland for the lead in the AFC North.
Pittsburgh finishes the season with two consecutive road games, at St. Louis and at Baltimore while the Browns travel to Cincinnati next week and finish up at home against the 49'ers. While the Steelers do own the tiebreaker with the Browns by virtue of them winning both head-to-head matchups this season, would it surprise anyone to see Cleveland win their last two and Pittsburgh lose the season-finale to the Ravens?
- The NFL-record 72 point spread is safe, at least for another week.
For everyone expecting the Patriots to come out and light up the scoreboard, throwing the ball sixty times and putting up 78 points on the Jets, New England once again confounded people by doing what was least expected. Granted the conditions were bad, especially the wind, but in a game that featured two blocked punts, as well as four fumbles and two interceptions, the Pats were content to keep the ball on the ground and answer their critics who say they can't run the ball.
The New England ground game chewed up 131 yards on 35 attempts, with Laurence Maroney getting the bulk of the work - 26 carries for 104 yards, exactly 4 yards per carry.
On the defensive side, from a Pats perspective, the worst thing that could have happened was the rib injury to Kellen Clemens on the second play of the game. That injury forced Chad Pennington to take the majority of the snaps and he finished a pretty impressive 25 of 38 for 186 yards. Not bad, considering the lousy conditions.
- The Miami Dolphins sucked some, but not all, of the drama out of next week's game against New England by beating the Ravens in OT, 22-16.
It would have been a dream come true for everyone outside of the New England area to root for the 0-14 Dolphins to beat the 14-0 Patriots, but Miami went and spoiled that storyline by finally winning a game, in just their 14th try.
However, it will still undoubtedly be the most-hyped matchup ever between two teams going in opposite directions, as the Dolphins will feel the pressure from all the old guys who played on the '72 'Fins. All the hopes and dreams of all the aging Dolphins will fall on the shoulders of the 1-13 bunch as they attempt to protect the "Glory Days" memories of a bunch of players most of them had probably never heard of before this year.
- Wouldn't it be fun to be a fly on the wall the first time Arkansas faces a halftime deficit next year?
What can Bobby Petrino possibly say to his team that will elicit anything other than sidelong glances and snorts of cynical laughter between the players when he talks about standing and fighting, about overcoming the odds, about anything?
The man who probably has a picture of Benedict Arnold on his desk next to the obligatory one of his family, the man who quit on his players in Atlanta and let them know he was abandoning them in the most cowardly way possible, by leaving a half-page "Dear John" letter to the team, can never again get in a player's face with any credibility and talk about commitment and sacrifice.
- Congratulations to Brett Favre for setting another NFL record.
This time the old geezer passed Dan Marino for most passing yardage in a career; quite an accomplishment, but the stat which I consider to be the most impressive is this: Favre has now started 251 consecutive regular season games, 271 if you include playoffs. Only Minnesota's Jim Marshall played in more consecutive regular-season games, with 270.
That's an unbleievable feat. He has played through injuries and addictions, with great teams and horrible ones, he has been an MVP and a guy people in Green Bay couldn't wait to see retire. He has done it all and still keeps going and going, like the Energizer Bunny of the frozen tundra.
Woody Allen once said that ninety percent of success is just showing up. If there's any truth at all to that, Brett Favre has been about as successful as they come.
Just a few observations on a late-fall (early winter?) Friday night as we head into the weekend.
--Evel Knievel died Friday of natural causes, something anyone who watched him in the 1970's probably has a hard time believing.
I spent most of my youth watching this colorfully dressed, bigger than life figure, almost a cartoon character, jump over cars, buses, fountains, you name it. Anything people would pay to see a crazy #### on a motorcycle try to fly over, Evel Knievel would jump it, sometimes even succeeding.
The news report I read about Knievel's life said he broke over 40 bones in his body before his retirement in 1980, and although I don't doubt that's accurate, I'm guessing it's a lot more. Some of the crashes I saw on TV had to have broken at least 40 bones all by themselves. I'll bet the actual number of bones he broke in his career was closer to 200.
"No king or prince has lived a better life," Knievel said in a 2006 interview. Now he can rest in peace.
--The headline read "Knicks insist they haven't quit on their coach."
Really? Anyone who watched New York's embarrassing loss to the Celtics on Thursday night has to be thinking something along the lines of what came to my mind - put your local high school team out there and you'll at least see a better effort than the Knicks put forth in that stinker.
--Two other Foxsports.com headlines, right next to each other on the front page:
"Favre shoudn't miss start for Pack," followed by
"Lebron out (finger)"
I understand you can't compare apples to oranges, and a finger injury to a basketball player can be serious, but am I the only one who finds it just a little ironic that those two headlines were placed right next to each other?
Favre suffered a bruised elbow with possible nerve damage and a separated left shoulder. To quote his coach, Mike McCarthy, "I don't think it's an issue at all."
Lebron James suffered a sprained finger Wednesday night in Cleveland's game against Detroit and missed Friday night's game against the Toronto Raptors. Team officials say it is still uncertain whether James will play Sunday against Boston. To quote his coach, Mike Brown, "I felt it was best to sit him out."
I'm not making any observations about toughness or anything here, I'm just saying. Ironic.
--Penn State this week was forced to released Joe Paterno's salary under freedom of information laws.
After seeing how much they pay this guy, one of the winningest, most respected head football coaches in the history of college football, it's no wonder they tried for five years to keep his salary a secret. He makes good money, over $500,000 this year, but it pales in comparison to some of the other heavy hitters in the college coaching ranks.
Nick Saban at Alabama makes $4 million annually. Houston Nutt, who just signed on at Mississippi, will average $1.85 million per year over the life of his four-year deal. Both guys are good coaches, I'm not trying to say otherwise, but I'm guessing at the ends of their careers, neither will be mistaken for Joe Paterno.
--On consecutive days this week we had the following headlines:
"Osborne names himself interim Nebraska coach" - November 29
"Osborne refuses comment on report Nebraska hires Pelini as coach" - November 30
Maybe Bo Pelini really hasn't been hired to coach the Huskers next year, but if he has, that would have to make Tom Osborne's stint as interim head coach one of the shortest in history - one day. He probably walked into the head coach's office and thought, "Holy ####, I don't want to do this again...."
Everyone likes to enjoy fine dining at a nice restaurant once in a while. That's why I've decided to offer, free of charge, the following review of a local dining establishment right in your neighborhood. It's called the All-American Sports Cafe, and they offer a number of different choices, from breakfast around the clock featuring their award-winning Paul Coffee (Good and strong, but a little old), to delicious full-course meals.
Here are some of the choices which stand out. You may have some favorites which aren't listed here, or you may have had a different dining experience with the selections on the list. If so, don't hesitate to add your own thoughts, which will only expand this restaurant review and make it that much more complete.
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The Barry Bonds/Balco Bar : An extensive selection of health drinks designed to add to your physique; to give you that cut, chiseled look that everyone desires. There's something here for everyone who wants to get juiced!
The Duke Lacrosse Omelette : Not the All-American Sports Cafe's most popular item. When you're finished, you know something bad went down, you just can't quite determine what it was.
The Favre Omelette : Filled with quality ingredients, all just a bit past their prime. As soon as you finish this omelette, you're not sure whether it's going to come back up or not until just before you have to decide what you want for your next meal.
Steve Nash Toast : Complements every other item on the menu very well. Drawbacks: A little greasy, and only comes in white.
The Ryan Leaf Salad : Filled with prime ingredients, looks great on the menu. You'll be tempted to begin your meal with this, but don't be fooled. Some of the ingredients may have been picked before they fully matured. The Ryan Leaf Salad will leave you feeling unfulfilled and disappointed. The aftertaste is very bitter.
Patriot Stew : Chef Belichick is continually experimenting, discarding expensive ingredients in search of more affordable ones. This item usually surprises people, as it is always better than they expect it to be. The secret is in how the ingredients are mixed together. Give the "Super Bowl Serving" a try, it's normally in the running for best item on the menu.
The Steinbrenner : You get to hand-pick the best of everything off the menu, even off other diners' tables if you want it badly enough! Exciting, but leaves you feeling a little bloated. Don't forget the Gold Card, because this one's a bit expensive!
The Rocket : For the adventuresome only, this is for people who like to take a chance. Order The Rocket, and you get either New York strip steak, Boston creme pie, or Texas toast, but you never know which one you will receive until it arrives at your table. It's a mystery! A fun concept, but the drawback is that your order seems to take forever to arrive. You'll feel like your waiting for it until July.
Papelbon-bons : The newest item on the menu, this rookie dessert is the perfect item with which to close out your meal. It's record is unblemished so far, no one has yet been disappointed.
Jerry Remy -The former major league second baseman and current Red Sox color man, during a spring training broadcast, on why teams seem to be gravitating toward younger and younger General Managers: "These young GM's have been having a lot of sex..."
What I meant to say - Obviously, the last word in his comment was supposed to be "success," and he corrected himself after a pregnant pause (pun absolutely intended) of a couple of seconds. By that time, though, the damage was done, and the booth dissolved in laughter. It was a good half-inning or so before order could be restored and anything close to a normal conversation could be heard.
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Mike Nifong - "I'm confident a rape occurred."
What I meant to say - You would think a guy with as much of a legal background as a District Attorney presumably has would craft his words a little more carefully. Maybe something like "I'm confident some sort of criminal activity took place and I intend to get to the bottom of it" would have served both his interests and the interests of justice a little better. Now that it appears the DNA evidence does not support his rape statement, he might be regretting those words just a bit.
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Nomar Garciaparra - When the Boston Red Sox offered Nomar a four-year, $60 million contract extension prior to the spring of 2004, Nomar replied, "I'll play out the year and test the free-agent market."
What I meant to say - How about something like "Gimme that pen, where do I sign?" His reluctance to sign that four-year extension could end up costing him $30 million or more. Wow.
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Jerry Jones - Upon signing Terrell Owens to a three/year, $25 million contract to play for the Cowboys, Jones declared "This might work, and work really well, for the Dallas Cowboys."
What I meant to say - "Please please please give us at least one trouble-free season before you tear us apart. If Donovan McNabb couldn't get you the ball enough to keep you happy, how is Stonefeet Bledsoe supposed to do it?"
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Brett Favre - "What are they gonna do, cut me?"
What I meant to say - How about, let's see, maybe, oh, nothing? Why tarnish a Hall of Fame image with an idiotic statement, especially when you're leaving your team twisting in the wind?
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Tiger Woods - "I putted like a spaz today."
What I meant to say - Maybe something the politically correct police could stomach, say, "I putted like Ray Charles today." No? Maybe, "I putted like I forgot to take my Ritalin today." That doesn't work either? How about, "I putted like #### Cheney hunts today." ####, maybe it's just a lost cause....
