Half-Baked Ravings
by: HalfBaked
This Is A Job I Could Get Into
Jul 31, 2008 | 7:43PM | report this

Mr. Mark Murphy, President
Green Bay Packers Football Club
1265 Lombardi Avenue
Green Bay, WI 54304

July 31, 2008

Dear Mr. Murphy,

It has come to my attention that the Packers recently offered Brett Favre $20 million over the next ten years to stay retired and that Mr. Favre is reluctant to accept that offer.

If that is indeed the case, please consider the following alternative scenario: I am willing to accept a much smaller inducement, say, $10 million over the next ten years, to not play for the Packers instead.

Although it is true I have never played as much as a single down in the NFL for the Green Bay Packers or any other team; in fact I never even played high school football, being skinny as a rail and chicken to boot, but if you are willing to pay someone not to play, I have every confidence I could be just as successful as Mr. Favre at not playing, and save the Packers organization $10 million at the same time.

Clearly, my proposal would be a win/win for everyone. With the $10 million the organization will save by paying me rather than Brett Favre to stay retired, you could perhaps interest someone else in not playing football as well - say, Rocket Ismael, to name one possibility.

Far be it from me, though, to tell you what to do with the $10 million you will be saving. Ovbviously, that is the Green Bay Packers' money and thus yours to do with as you will. Just to be clear, however, allow me to spell out what your $10 million will be getting you. For $10 million:

1) I promise not to show up at Packers training camp and cause a distraction to the team.

2) I promise not to play quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings.

3) I promise not to loom over Aaron Rodgers like the sure-fire Hall of Famer I am not, putting unnecessary pressure on the kid.

4) I promise not to speak negatively about the Green Bay Packers organization - ever! - and in fact will decorate my entire property with Green Bay paraphernalia, even though I'm a New England Patriots fan.

5) I promise not to hold a tearful "Still Retired" press conference.

6) I promise....well....I can't really think of anything else to promise, but for $10 million, you can tell me what else you want me to promise and I promise I'll promise whatever you want.

Mr. Murphy, I realize my offer is a little unusual, but your organization has shown a willingness to think outside the box with the offer to Brett Favre, so if you give it a little thought, I am confident you will agree this is the way to go.

I think it only fair to warn you, however, that it is imperative you not wait too long to come to a decision - I have several irons in the fire, and could easily be persuaded to stay retired by another NFL team. Thank you for your willingness to listen, and Go Pack!

Sincerely,
HalfBaked

__________

If you love fiction and have a few minutes to spare, check out my website, www.allanleverone.com.

17 Comments | Add a comment   categories: NFL, Green Bay Packers, Minnesota Vikings, New England Patriots, Brett Favre, Mark Murphy, Aaron Rodgers, Raghib Ismael, The Relentless Pursuit of Whatever it is People Pursue Relentlessly
 
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slshusker
Jul 31, 2008
10:39 PM
I call BS on the $20mm notion.

The sports media has gone tabloid, much to my disgust. Sports was my bastion away from Entertainment Tonight and that type of media ilk. Look what's being done in sports reporting. It's not pretty and ESPN is leading the way down the toilet.

Any "new" information is being reported as fact without confirmation.
"The public has the right to know." The Media
"The public has the right to know the truth." slshusker

Remember Favre's Packer issued phone and calls to the Vikings? Lies.

Ahhhhhh!
I need my peaceful and Leave It To Beaver world of College Football.
What, more Penn Staters have been arrested! Say it ain't so, Joe(Pa).

NiqueD
Aug 1, 2008
12:20 AM
Dear Packers,

Half Baked is an opportunist trying to cut in on Favre's action for half the price and should not be considered as a serious candidate for blackmail retirement as I myself can be blackmailed into retirement for a pittance of 1 million (tax free of course) and would be the logical choice for you to get to sign a non disclosure, no press conference agreement. One Lousy million.

Oh and some Brett Favre signed Helmets and Jersies to sell on Ebay.

Last edited by NiqueD on August 1st at 12:21 AM.

aero13
Aug 1, 2008
5:47 AM
Thanks for the grin H.B. Who do you think will be the next to extort money from their team to go away?

netsteeler
Aug 1, 2008
6:43 AM
for just 25% of farve's bribe, you would never even know i existed!

15 percent?

netsteeler
Aug 1, 2008
6:44 AM
aero13

maybe manram in bball?

oops! to late!

HalfBaked
Aug 1, 2008
8:55 AM
Hi Husker, I'm with you on the whole fifties, Leave it to Beaver world of sports. Unfortunately we're never going back there. Now, in this age of almost instantaneous communication, the emphasis is on being the first to report things, rather than getting the story right. Even if the report is wrong, ten minutes from now there will be another breaking report that will take everyone's attention away from the last one anyway....

HalfBaked
Aug 1, 2008
8:57 AM
Hi Nique....I would hate to see us get into a price-war over this. If that happens, nobody wins. Maybe we could consider staying retired as a package deal. We would have to split the Packers money, of course, but at least everyone would get something, and we would still be retired....think about it!

HalfBaked
Aug 1, 2008
8:58 AM
Hi Aero, and thanks for the comment. Netsteeler had it right below - Manny more or less did the same thing in baseball....I only wish my employer would offer me millions to go away - I'd be happy to take them up on it....

HalfBaked
Aug 1, 2008
9:00 AM
Netsteeler, don't be too hasty - 25% of Favre's bribe is only...well, let's see...20 million divided by four, carry the one....Well, it's not as much as you deserve, let's put it that way....

edclinchsaint
Aug 1, 2008
12:27 PM
If you are prior service you can still join the national guard.

And I hear Mexico might be interested.

OK, the last part I made up...

netsteeler
Aug 1, 2008
1:04 PM
hey hbaked....if i give ya a cool mill, would ya stop posting? NAWWWW, then i'd have to remove ya frome my fav blog list.

never mind!

HalfBaked
Aug 1, 2008
1:09 PM
Hi Ed, Mexico wants me? If that's the case I fear for their security....

HalfBaked
Aug 1, 2008
1:10 PM
Netsteeler, that's an easy one - I taker the million and start posting under a new name!

Thanks for the comment and the kind words, I really appreciate it....

Tsfanpc
Aug 3, 2008
11:58 AM
halfbaked loved your letter to Mr. Murphy. Maybe he will call and offer you the $10 million to stay retired. You make a very convincing argument why he should do this.

There are alot of things a team could do with $10 million.

HalfBaked
Aug 3, 2008
5:53 PM
Hi Ts, and thanks! With just a little bit of persuasion I could probably be convinced to take aslittle as $5 million to stay retired....

dashman68
Aug 5, 2008
12:04 AM
Great fun...I love it. I have missed reading your posts while I have been away.

HalfBaked
Aug 5, 2008
5:13 PM
Hi Dashman, I just came back myself....Thanks for the comment and have a great day!

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HalfBaked
Hey everyone, I know it must seem like I've dropped off the face of the earth, but it's nothing like that. I've been busy writing - two full-length novels so far, plus over a dozen short stories - and working hard to try to get an agent. If you are curious and have a few minutes, check out my website, www.allanleve
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