If you're enough of a sports fanatic to be blogging and reading blogs about sports here at Foxsports.com, you probably have a long laundry list of sites you like to visit to keep up with the sports news of the day. Obviously Foxsports would be one, but of course there are plenty of others: Sportsillustrated.cnn.com, espn.go.com, cbssportsline.com, babeoftheday.com, you know, the usual sports sites.
With the big NFL Conference Championship games looming on Sunday, every sports website has trotted out their "experts," each laying out a convincing argument for why the teams they are picking will win. The AFC Championship is the one that interests me the most, but none of the websites or writers I have read has truly covered every angle on the Patriots-Colts matchup, so I have decided to do it.
Without further ado (does anyone really know what that means? And why doesn't anyone ever say, "please allow me to present further ado?"), here is a completely HalfBaked breakdown of the Indianapolis-New England game, in order of importance.
1) Team logo
New England: Flying Elvis head, featuring funky sideburns Indianapolis: Cool horseshoe
This actually could have been a very close call. The old Patriots logo, of the Revolutionary War soldier hiking a football, was pretty cool in its' own right, but the Flying Elvis head is just, well, lame. The Cool Horseshoe is a traditional throwback to the days of the old Baltimore Colts of Johnny U and company.
ADVANTAGE: COLTS
2) Stadium sponsor
New England: Gillette Indianapolis: RCA
Tough call here. RCA is into all sorts of high-tech stuff, which some people might believe makes them the devil. Okay, Ted Kaczinski is in jail, but still. The saving grace for RCA is the old puppy dog listening to the phonograph record logo.
On the other hand, Gillette products can be used by both men and women, which makes a trip to the drugstore to pick up a few "necessities" feel like a guy's way of supporting his team, rather than just another thing you have to do because your wife told you to.
ADVANTAGE: TOSSUP
3) Team Ownership
New England: Robert Kraft Indianapolis: Robert Irsay
Kraft is a local hero in New England, having rescued the Patriots franchise from a series of inept and occasionally traitorous ownership groups. The previous owner had threatened to move the team to St. Louis, whereas Kraft only threatened a move to Hartford to help get a new stadium built. Plus, he was a season-ticket holder for decades, sitting in the old Schaefer/Sullivan/Foxboro Stadium freezing his #### off, rooting for a nearly uninterrupted series of bad teams.
Irsay may be a local hero in Indianapolis, considering he brought NFL football to town, but the people of Baltimore would love to get ahold of his superhero's cape and do unnatural things to it. This is the guy who backed rental trucks up to the bowels of Memorial Stadium in Baltimore under cover of darkness and slunk out of town like a deadbeat dad cutting out on his child support.
ADVANTAGE: PATRIOTS
3) Team history
New England: Hall of Famers - 3, Super Bowl wins - 3 Indianapolis: Hall of Famers - 10, Super Bowl wins - 1
The Colts have a proud history, having won three NFL Championships prior to the Super Bowl era. However, all three NFL Championships, plus the Super Bowl win, came in the days prior to the team's 1983 move to Indianapolis.
The Patriots, up until the 2001 season, had a mostly sad-sack history, with just a couple of bright spots. Think Detroit Lions without the long tradition. Of course, everything changed in 2001 with New England's improbable march to the championship. Since that time the Pats have become a potential Super Bowl team every season, as have the Colts.
In the past five years, both New England and Indianapolis have been arguably two of the best teams in the NFL, and while the Colts have a longer and prouder history than the Patriots, you play the game to win, so the nod in this category goes to New England.
The Patriots website has more options on the front page, including an inspirational message from Sunita Williams, an astronaut currently on a mission on the International Space Station.
Both teams get penalized for forcing fans to make one extra click in order to get to the cheerleaders section of their website.
ADVANTAGE: PATRIOTS
Head Coach
New England: Bill Belichick Indianapolis: Tony Dungy
Each man is in his second go-around as a head coach, not counting Belichick's one-day stint with the New York Jets. Here is how the two coaches stack up against each other, with their win-loss records with their current teams:
Both coaches are considered two of the best and brightest in the game, and rightfully so. However, only Belichick has been so successful in his position that he is been able to get away with dressing on game day like a homeless guy who slept behind a dumpster next to the Old North Church with a bottle of Ripple clutched to his chest. Considering owner Robert Kraft's obsession with appearances (I'm pretty sure he sleeps in a suit), this tells you all you need to know about Belichick's abilities as a coach.
ADVANTAGE: PATRIOTS
Recap: It's clear upon reviewing this list of important factors which will determine the winner of the AFC Championship game on Sunday night that what appears to be a close contest will in reality be a cakewalk for New England. If it's not too late for you, get on the line with your bookie immediately and put everything on the Pats to cover the spread and ultimately win the game.
Disclaimer: Just kidding about these being the deciding factors in the AFC Championship game. We didn't even consider the cheerleaders.
I loved reading it. Colts looked like they lost in your points, but you had good points. I have been a Colt fan forever...Yeah when they were in Baltimore I was a Colt fan. I stuck with their sorry butts..lol.. Anyway You were on the money, I still say the game has to be played before a winner is announced, so on that note Good luck to both teams!
Hey, thanks a lot for reading and for the comment. Also for appreciating the tongue-in-cheek nature of my post. Since most of the tangible evidence seems to support a Colts win, I decided to go in the proverbial "different direction."
I'm curious. Since you've been a Colts fan for so long, do you live in Baltimore? If so, do you also root for the Ravens?
I know Chux, trying to handicap an NFL game without considering the cheerleaders is insanity in the extreme. It's like trying to handicap "Dancing With the Stars" without giving Emmitt Smith his props.
In my defense though, since every site everywhere is devoting so much of their time to the inside stories of both teams' cheerleaders, I thought I would look for things people may not have considered....
Agreed, the flying Elvis head logo has to go. The football playing minuteman was so much cooler. Definately, advantage Colts on their old school logo.
Spot on about Irsay vs. Kraft. Sneaking a storied team like the Colts out of Baltimore in the middle of the night was as lame as what Art Modell did with the Browns. (Wierd that there's a Baltimore connection to both.)
Though honestly, Half, how could you not factor in the cheerleaders? However, I suspect that if there was a cheerleader factor in the playoffs, the Chargers would definately still be playing as well as the Cowboys. In fact, the Miami Dolphins would not only have made the playoffs but they'd probably be odds on favorites for the Super Bowl!
Really, the competition between teams' cheeleaders might be much tougher than a lot of the games on the field. If I had rated the two teams' cheerleaders, though, I may have had to give the advantage to Indianapolis, just for the fact the the New England cheerleaders aren't called the "Patriettes." Wouldn't that make sense? Or am I just out of my mind again?
Good question, I almost factored in the uniforms. It probably would have ended in a tie though. I don't mind the Pats' uniforms as much as I dislike the Flying Elvis Head logo, even though the old New England uniforms looked pretty good too.
The Colts, with their throwback, simple uniforms, have a lot going for them as well. I'm kind of a traditionalist as you probably have guessed by now....
I enjoyed the read. Always do like reading your stuff. But I do have to say, I hate the pats. HATE the pats. I bleed Colts blue. But, that's besides the point. Thanks for the entertainment.
I have been in the military for the past 21 years. So when I left Maryland the colts also left...go figure..I have not been stationed there (in maryland) since. Now that Im getting out I will try to follow the Ravens.. I just dont see how that is possible being a true blue colt fan but I will give it a shot.. I prob need to be shot for saying such a thing. Well gota go.
Hi Achrobac, first of all, thanks for the compliment, hearing from someone new who says they like to read my stuff is like a steak dinner - it just doesn't get any better! And I get your passion for the Colts. It seems like every team has one or two other teams that are just a natural rival, and Colts/Pats is one. I have to admit, the AFC Championship against the Colts is more fun for me to watch as a Pats fan than it would have been against, say, the Ravens for example. Anyway, thanks for the comment - I know Sunday's game will be a good one....
1COLTS, thanks for getting back to me. If I was in your position, I wouldn't bother with the Ravens. With so many sports channel choices and the internet, it's possible now to follow a team every day even if they are 3000 miles away, so if the Colts are a passion for you, I'd say stick with them....I know if I were to move out of New England, I'd still follow the Sox and Pats....take care....
Hey Norcal, that's a good question and it has me stumped. I want to say maybe winning it all after a couple of trips to the conference championship, but I don't think it took the Raiders 3 tries before winning a Super Bowl. Plus the Colts have already won one, even though it was in Baltimore....I have to admit, I'm stumped....
You had it if you just read the end of your last comment...
They would be the only other franchise to win a Super Bowl hailing from two different cities. With all the movement you would think a lot of teams would have this same opportunity, but they don't. Baltimore is a no because they didn't win one in Cleveland not to mention having to leave their records when they became the Ravens.
Tennessee & Arizona are also a no because the Oilers & Cardinals never won...
may I add another category? Who has the coolest holiday celebrations? Nobody does halloween better than the entire state of Indiana...it's a freakin religion out there. What does New England do best in terms of holidays? St Paddy's Day. Pumpkins are cooler than watching Ted Kennedy have an excuse for excessive drinking.
Just a thought...love u half baked!
Last edited by lisa4usc on January 21st at 6:00 PM.
However, you forgot the most important category of all. QB that stars in the best commercials. This category is a landslide victory for Tom Brady and the Patriots vs. Peyton Manning and his hapless Mastercard commercials.
Nost...sorry to disagree...but the Manning brothers in the espn commercial is one of my faves of all time. You have to have competitive siblings to truly understand the nuances of it. It's priceless...and the look of Archie's disappointed face is hilarious.
Yes the Manning brothers commercial on ESPN is pretty good. However, Peyton's numerous and incredibly embarrassing Mastercard commercials far outweigh this single glimmer of greatness. Everytime I see Peyton nowadays, all I can think of is "Movers!, Movers!".
This was so well done it had to be wrong. The Incredible Criswell never got a prediction right either. Great stuff Baked, makes me wish I could examine the cheerleading issue in depth, to mix some innuendo in my bowl of Metaphorio's...
Hey there Norcal, I protest....it never occurred to me to consider the Raiders' stint in Los Angeles!
Charleston, thanks for reading and thanks for the comment. I'm not sure exactly what you mean when you say having the officials on your side....I can only assume you're talking about the obvious intereference on Reche Caldwell in the end zone that wasn't called. It would have given the Pats the ball on the one-yard line for an almost certain touchdown in what would have been the difference in the game. But I don't think that way. The Colts won because they executed best when it mattered most, not because of anything the officials may have done or not done....
Hi Lisa, good point about the holidays, although it doesn't seem like a fair comparison, since I think it's been widely demonstrated that Ted Kennedy doesn't need any excuse for excessive drinking....
Hi Nostradamus, you're right about the commercial issue, but I think Tony Dungy makes up for what Manning lacks in this area with his Mastercard commercial appearance, where he's radioing instructions to his quarterback on a date. I bet I've seen that ad 100 times and I still laugh every time I see it at the end when he says, "You're killing us...."
Ed, I think your question was answered fairly decisively....yikes....
Hey there Former88, that's actually a different Kraft. The New England Krafts made their money in paper products, not the dairy stuff you see in the grocery store. They probably wished they hadsome paper bags to put over their heads as they watched the second half of that game....
INDYZ, congratulations, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you this, but as a Colts fan, enjoy every second of it. The opportunities are few and far between to make it to the pinnacle....
Hi Ed, and thanks for stopping by...I think it would be a looooong line to examine the cheerleader issue in depth (and in privacy)....
Enjoyable read here, Half. Not familiar with the cheerleaders, but apparently the Colts had a decided advantage in that department which pushed them over the edge.
Hey everyone, I know it must seem like I've dropped off the face of the earth, but it's nothing like that.
I've been busy writing - two full-length novels so far, plus over a dozen short stories - and working hard to try to get an agent. If you are curious and have a few minutes, check out my website, www.allanleve rone.com.
If you're a literary agent or if you know one, by all means contact me! In the meantime, I'll be here when I can - love this forum - and as always, thank you for checking out my blog, especially considering how many great ones you could be reading instead....
