According to a report aired on ESPN Sportscenter last night, Tigers pitcher Joel Zumaya was hampered in the American League playoffs by a forearm injury he tried to pitch through. That's not too surprising, really. The guy consistently throws over 100 MPH, so it stands to reason the stress and strain of throwing so hard might cause arm problems, right?
Uh, hold on there, not so fast. The Detroit medical staff was stumped by the problem for a while, since the type of injury Zumaya was suffering from is more consistent with that suffered by guitar players than by major league pitchers.
Turns out Zumaya's arm problem was not something caused by those 100 MPH pitches after all. Apparently he got a little over-enthusiastic playing a video game called "Guitar Hero," injuring his arm in the process. Joel Zumaya is a man who can truly say, "I'm not a guitarist, but I play one on TV."
As hard as it is for me to imagine putting potentially a multi-million dollar career at risk to play the guitar, it really boggles the mind to think he risked all that to play a fake guitar! Of course, I'm not really a child of the video game era, so maybe I just don't get the attraction.
I'm fortunate, though, in that I happen to have connections with the world's foremost video game expert - my thirteen year old son. I asked him about the "Guitar Hero" game and he gave me a detailed rundown of how to play it, ending with a user's review of five stars: "It's a pretty cool game."
That comes from a kid who actually plays guitar. A real guitar, that is, not a plastic "Guitar Hero" guitar. So a positive review is quite impressive, coming from someone you would expect to be a "Guitar Snob."
Now when I was a teenager, there were two main reasons why you would learn to play the guitar: (1) To look cool, and (2) To pick up chicks. It seems to me, coming full circle and getting back to Guitar Hero Joel Zumaya, that a professional athlete who can throw a baseball at triple-digit speeds would not need any help looking cool or picking up chicks, so maybe "Guitar Hero" really is a fun game.
If all it takes now to look cool and pick up chicks is playing a video game where you pretend to play the guitar, that confirms once and for all what I've suspected for a while now - I was born 35 or so years too soon. All those times I played air guitar as a teenager and only served to look geeky could have made me a "Guitar Hero" if only I had been born in a different era.
I'm guessing, though, that Jim Leyland and the rest of the Detroit Tigers management team have probably made it clear by now to Joel Zumaya that they don't care about him being a "Guitar Hero," they'd rather he give himself the chance to be a pitching hero.
So now MLB should include a "Guitar Hero" clause in their contracts, NFL a motorcycle clause, and NASCAR a golf clause...
Might as well throw in a knitting clause before any of them take up a hobby they think is "safe!"
It's getting so no extracurricular activity is non-threatening! Myself, I am trying to figure out whether my minor hand injury is more consistent with "mouse finger" or "'walking' hyperactive dog syndrome."
In all seriousness, Zumaya's injury is "not expected to recur." And his social life is not expected to suffer.
Speaking of video games... there's been such enthisiastic Wii usage that they had to recall the wristbands to create ones that won't fly off in play!
Hi there MC....the Nascar clause could probably be amended to something like, "No falling out of slow-moving golf carts," although it's been well-documented how dangerous the actual game can be, too. Swarms of bees attacking golfers looking in the woods for an errant shot, broken ankles from falling into steep bunkers, head injuries fron 5-irons ricocheting into the faces of angry golfers after they slam their club into a tree.
Yeah, now that I think about it, you're right. No golf. Maybe driving around in a piece of metal at 180 MPH looks dangerous, but hitting a little ball with a stick - now that's really scary....
I believe your point about the Wii wristbands. My teenaged daughter has the Dance Dance Revolution game, and she's in the most unbelievable shape of her life. I played baseball and hockey in high school and I was never in the kind of shape she's in right now....
Excellent question, although if I had to make a guess, I doubt Zumaya would ever cop to the injury being porn-related, even if it were true. Especially if it were true, actually....
I'm not too sure about that. I'm more concerned with finding out where I can get the game that allows me to throw fastballs 100 MPH and earn millions of dollars. I looked on EBay, but so far it's a no-go....
"He hurt himself playing a video game?!! In my day, we hurt ourselves walking to school everyday in thirty feet of snow and fighting polar bears on the way!"
And Zumaya's explanation?
"Skip, you don't understand. It was this really sick Eddie Van Halen solo and you get to this part where you're really flying and then my arm just went."
Somehow, I don't think Leyland was entirely sympathetic.
Good post. Keep up the good work.
Last edited by Nooch on December 15th at 10:19 AM.
Hi Nooch, I'm sure that is probably a pretty accurate portrayal of Leyland's reaction, minus the swearing, screaming and obscene gestures, of course.
On the other hand, his teammates were probably very sympathetic. "Yeah, dude, the same thing happened to me when I tried that solo - you just need to practice more...."
Hi ####, I'm glad you like my name, I spent a long time coming up with it...I doubt if I'll get a clue now if I've lived this long without one, but hope springs eternal....
Half, Zumaya's situation is perplexing but not surprising. It's doubtful that he has an anti-air guitar playing clause in his contract, meaning even if he is injured doing it, he'll still draw his contract which would enable him to pursue the hobby full time.
You know, I hadn't even thought about the possibility that he might intentionally injure his arm so he could play "Guitar Hero" full-time. That's a pretty good gig if you can get it....must be some game....
Good point. You would think he would have learned his lesson, too, after smashing his plastic guitar at the end of the first time he played....those things can get expensive....
Hey everyone, I know it must seem like I've dropped off the face of the earth, but it's nothing like that.
I've been busy writing - two full-length novels so far, plus over a dozen short stories - and working hard to try to get an agent. If you are curious and have a few minutes, check out my website, www.allanleve rone.com.
If you're a literary agent or if you know one, by all means contact me! In the meantime, I'll be here when I can - love this forum - and as always, thank you for checking out my blog, especially considering how many great ones you could be reading instead....
