If you are a frequent viewer of ESPN, as am I, you know that soon we will begin seeing the commercial for Capitol One Bowl week in which the college football bowl season is advertised to the accompaniment of the classic Christmas song, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”  Yet for many college football fans, particularly those in Ann Arbor, it’s anything but.

For years we have been told by the powers-that-be the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) was the solution for the problems that ailed college football in the eighties and early nineties.  The BCS was supposed to devise a solution in which a national champion was determined not solely by polls and human opinion.  Rather, the BCS would take into consideration computed elements such as strength of schedule and factor that into an overall ranking.  A novel concept that was supposed to create a more level and objective playing field across NCAA football has resulted in the same arguments we were hearing in the days of Jimmy Johnson, Barry Switzer and Tom Osborne.

The BCS, quite simply, is flawed.  It does not mathematically take into consideration whether or not a team is a conference champion.  If it did, UM would have played Oregon in the 2002 Rose Bowl.  It is further flawed by the fact that some teams have to play a final conference championship game and others do not.  Is it fair that Florida had to play Arkansas on December 2 while Ohio State safely stayed at home?

Yet even with computer formulas and mathematical equations, 2/3 of the BCS ranking is, in the end, determined by the human polls.  It still is too subjective.  Can anyone logically explain how Florida leap-frogged Michigan into the number 2 spot in the final poll?  Does not the fact that Jim Tressell, coach of topped ranked Ohio State, abstained from voting in the coaches’ poll so as to not create the perception of a particular preference raise a red flag?  And let’s not even get into the discussion of where teams from mid-major conferences belong in this conversation. 

The truth of the matter is that as long as the landscape among college conferences remains uneven, we will continue to have this debate.  Even with all the proposed 8 team playoff scenarios, there will always be a team that ranks ninth that will argue it got shunned out of the playoff picture.  

I believe the solution starts with every conference having at least 12 teams.  This may require the addition of teams from other mid-major conferences and, as a result, the elimination of those lesser conferences.  Every conference would have a championship game, and the conference champion would have an automatic berth into the BCS or playoff system.  The college football schedule would be reduced to 9 games to allow for a conference championship and playoffs, and rankings would not be determined until after week 4 of the season.

It's true, I have not thought out the details, and sure, it sounds like a lot of other proposals circulating the water cooler.  As is evident by this past football season, nothing – with the exception to Ohio State’s record – is perfect.  If it were, my Hurricanes would be planning a trip to Glendale, Arizona.

It’s the day before The Game, Michigan at Ohio State, and all the rage is debating the existing system for determining a national champion in college football.  As it exists, the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) in inherently unfair because it excludes teams from “lesser” conferences.  In addition to the BCS BS, there is the discussion of which one-loss team most deserves to play the Ohio State/Michigan winner for the National Championship in January.  Finally, throw into the mix the question of where Rutgers should play if they finish their season undefeated.  As someone who has followed the Big East for some time now, I can’t believe I actually typed that sentence. 

Say what you will about strength of schedule, computer rankings and program tradition.  Throw out the talk about poll bias, East coast bias or what did the boosters buy us.  Barring the implementation of a true playoff system, the arguments surrounding college football’s top prize will live on and on and on.  That is, of course, until the implementation of the GCS – the Gonzo Championship System.

In a situation like this year where you have one undefeated team from a major conference and possibly 6 or 7 deserving, one-loss teams vying to play for the national championship, the GCS would completely resolve the debate and setup the correct title game match up.  Try to stay with me on this because the GCS is a complex, mathematically sound and culturally significant formula.  If you’re prone to migraines, you may want to stop reading now.

With the GCS, you start with the capacity of a team’s stadium.  Multiply that by the number of professional football players that school has produced in the last ten years.  Subtract from that the number of professional players from that school that have been arrested, and then add to that the sum of National Championships plus Hiesman Trophies won by that school since 1973.  This number is known as the school’s Football Usage.

Now take the number of alums from that school on People’s 100 Most Beautiful list and add to that the number of alums who have appeared on the cover of Time.  Divide that by the number of alums who were ever in a boy band, them multiply the result by the number of Oscar winning directors, actors or writers not named Coppola produced by that university.  This number becomes the school’s Celebrity Kismet.

Finally, take the number of political science graduates at each university and subtract from that the number of alums who are members of Congress.  Multiply the school’s law program ranking by the number of alum who are attorneys, then divide this number by the previously determined difference.  I know this may seem like we’re double-counting, but it’s designed that way.  The final result is known as the school’s Integrity Trenchancy.

Now multiply the Football Usage by the Celebrity Kismet and add this to the Integrity Trenchancy. 

(FU)(CK) + IT

As you can see, the resulting formula clearly shows which one-loss team deserves to play for the national championship and how it really doesn’t matter if they do.  At the end if it all, Michigan (the other UM) will be crowned king of college football, and everyone will be left saying “Hail! to the victors valiant, Hail! to the conqu'ring heroes, Hail! Hail! to Michigan the leaders and best …….”