NEW YORK.  Responding to a claim by Philadelphia Eagles' quarterback Donovan McNabb that black quarterbacks face more pressure and criticism than their white counterparts, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell agreed to provide reparations to teams with an African-American signal-caller, beginning with tonight's Eagles-New York Giants contest.

McNabb:  "Fourth and less than a yard--I'll take those reparations now!"

"This has the potential to be a real public relations disaster," said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.  "I say let's cave and put it behind us."

Forty acres and a mule.

Under the proposal, modelled after the aborted "40 acres and a mule" program of post-Civil War reparations ordered by Union General William Tecumseh Sherman, each starting quarterback of African-American descent would receive 40 yards and a Cadillac Escalade, to be used as he sees fit.

Escalade:  400 horsepower, 600 mulepower.

"This is going to change the balance of power in both conferences," says Art Reed, a columnist for Pro Football Insider.  "You probably want to have a black on the roster as emergency quarterback just for short yardage situations."

Brown:  "Please, please--throw long on second and short, you got extra yards for third down!"

McNabb made his comments in an interview on HBO Tuesday night with James Brown, who died last year at the age of 73.   Brown goes by a variety of nicknames, including Godfather of Soul, Soul Brother Number One, The Hardest Working Man in Show Business and Minister of the New Super Heavy Funk.

Tarvaris Jackson

The Civil War reparations program was never put into effect, and some black quarterbacks were skeptical that they would ever benefit from the NFL's proposed plan.  "Yeah, Donovan, he's got the soup commercials, sure they're gonna give him a Caddy," said Minnesota Vikings quarterback Tarvaris Jackson.  "Me--I'm in the whitest state in the country.  I'll probably get a freaking Volvo."