ALAMEDA, California.  HomeQuest Financial, a subprime lender that has been cited for loan and foreclosure abuses in a number of states, today announced that it would set up a charitable fund tied to individual performances in baseball's postseason play as a way to give back to homeowners who have suffered during the current housing market collapse.

"There's the hammer, it's going--going--gone!"

"We realize in retrospect that maybe we could have done things just a teensy bit differently," says HomeQuest CEO Martin Upchurch.  "If we had known people weren't going to repay our loans, we would have charged them bigger fees upfront."

Don Larsen's World Series no-hitter.

Under the program, HomeQuest will donate $100 for every balk, $200 for every batter who hits for the cycle, and $300 for each no-hitter thrown during the post-season, beginning with today's NL Wildcard playoff game between Colorado and San Diego and ending with the final out of the World Series.

"Peavey's got a no-no going into the 8th.  Don't jinx it by saying anything."

"It's a way for us to say 'Thank you' to all of those familes who vacated their over-leveraged houses peaceably so we didn't have to resort to extreme measures," Upchurch says.  "We really appreciate it when we don't have to rent German Shepherds to secure our properties."

"That wasn't a balk.  Clemens started to pitch, then got bored and went home to Houston."

But, a reporter asks, balks, no-hitters and hitting for the cycle are extremely rare events, meaning that HomeQuest's exposure is minimal at best.  Does Upchurch really expect the dispossessed to benefit much from a program that is so narrowly tailored?

"Talk to the people in marketing," he says.  "I'm more of a big picture guy."