Jar Jar Binks, the inept Gungan general who starred in the Star Wars “prequel” movies, withdrew from public life after he was accused of perpetuating racial stereotypes by political columnists who dreamed of moving to the arts and entertainment pages. Bill Moyers is America’s most beloved public affairs windbag, known for his boring three-part examinations of social issues that suppress PBS viewership, forcing local outlets to resort to ever-longer pledge drives. Join Binks and Moyers for a thought-provoking “Conversation on Race”.
MOYERS: Mr. Binks . . .
BINKS: Pleesa–calla meesa Jar Jar.
MOYERS: Sure. Jar Jar, did you feel you were treated unfairly when people called you a racist?
BINKS: Letta meesa tell you one thing–Jar Jar no racist.
MOYERS: I hear you, but what do you say to critics who claim you were a parody of servile black actors such as Stepin Fetchit?
BINKS: Me donta know Stepin Fetchit. You know who racist?
MOYERS: Who?
Bill Cosby
BINKS: People who think black people talk like Gungan, that who. Do I sound like Bill Cosby?
MOYERS: I don’t know–say “Jello Pudding Pop”.
BINKS: “Jellopuddypoppa”
MOYERS: You may have a point.
Jabba the Hut: “Just a Diet Coke, thanks.”
BINKS: When I grow up inna Naboo, we all getta long. Gungan, Qui-Gon Jinn, Jabba the Hut–we alla play together.
MOYERS: So yours was a prejudice-free childhood?
BINKS: Thassa right. Me thinka movie critic wannabes project their prejudice onna me!
MOYERS: Fair enough. Do you think current race relations are poisoned by the media’s need to report–some would say to highlight–racial conflict?
BINKS: Abba-so-loota-lee.
MOYERS: What about Isiah Thomas?
BINKS: What he say now?
MOYERS: In a videotaped deposition he said it was all right for a black man to call a black woman a word that won't make it through the foxsports.com filter, but not a white man.
BINKS: Meesa no lika Isiah. Much prefer Vinnie Johnson.
Vinnie Johnson
MOYERS: "The Microwave"?
BINKS: Thassa right. Issa shame he never get popcorn endorsement deal.
MOYERS: How about O.J.?
BINKS: Iffa you have popcorn, you needa something to drink--otherwise kernels stick to teeth.
MOYERS: No, I meant O.J. Simpson.
BINKS: Why alla this talk about O.J.? He not even #1 Buffalo Bill named after food or beverage.
MOYERS: And who would that be?
BINKS: Cookie Gilchrist.
MOYERS: You seem to bear some ill will towards O.J.
BINKS: Heesa daughter spit on my wife's sister when they little girls in Buffalo.
Jim Schoenfeld
MOYERS: Wow--anybody else in the neighborhood who was famous?
BINKS: Jim Schoenfeld.
MOYERS: Back when he played for the Sabres?
Don Koharski
BINKS: Thassa right. Schoenfeld my kinda hockey coach. None a this "I thought the officiating was a little uneven tonight." No--he go right after Don Koharski inna da 1988 Stanley Cup Playoffs and say "Have another donut you fat pig!"
MOYERS: That incident was parodied in "Wayne's World", right?
BINKS: You so smart!
MOYERS: Well, I am on Public TV. But we seem to have gotten off the topic of race . . .
BINKS: Other thing notta lotta people know is that donut shop inna Wayne's World is "Stan Mikita's", whicha takeoff on Tim Horton's.
Stan Mikita
MOYERS: Really--the Canadian donut chain?
BINKS: Yep--anna Tim Horton actually play on defense line with Schoenfeld with the Sabres.
MOYERS: Fascinating. Jar Jar, you were a General in the Gungan Grand Army, Representative of the Gungan race, Senator of Chommell Sector. Ever think of running for office in your adopted home of California?
Arnold Schwarzenegger
BINKS: I no plan to run against the Terminator–I lika him.
Con Chapman is a Boston-area writer. He is the author of "The Year of the Gerbil: How the Yankees Won (and the Red Sox Lost) the Greatest Pennant Race Ever," a history of the 1978 AL East pennant race, and a number of plays, including "Number One Hockey Mom," "Please, Pope," and "What Mickey Belle Isle Told You," a trilogy about hockey (JAC Publishing). His work is available on Amazon Shorts (at 49 cents a dowload), and he writes on sports for Flak Magazine.
