BOSTON. As the final seconds ticked off the clock at the TDBanknorth Garden last night, Glen "Big Baby" Davis, the Celtics' massive rookie, stood by himself, savoring his team's triumph over the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals, his mouth wide open as he looked up at the confetti drifting down from the rafters. "This is great," Davis said, a big smile on his face as stuffed the tiny pieces of paper in his mouth. "All we get in timeouts is Gatorade, and I was getting hungry."
Davis: "Hey ice cream man!"
In the locker room a few minutes later, Davis was overcome with emotion as he was handed the Charles W. Barkley Award for the Most Largest Player in the championship series by NBA Commissioner David Stern. "This is for all my teammates," Davis said as he hoisted the trophy above his head. "They cleared out on isolations and allowed me to attack the post-game buffet."
"Are you gonna finish that?
David is listed at 289 pounds on the team's roster, but he has recorded weights as high as 345 with the wind at his back since graduating from LSU in 2007. "Glen is the kind of guy you can build a team around," said Celtics' coach Doc Rivers. "You could also build a shopping center around him, as long as you had an anchor store like Nordstrom's at the other end of the mall."
Barkley: "Glen has a great future ahead of him, and a big butt behind him."
Davis turned in a breakout performance in the NBA Finals, scoring three points in a fourteen-minute appearance that helped clinch the Celtics' first championship in twenty-two years. "We knew we wanted to close them out tonight in six games," an exhausted Davis told reporter Michele Tafoya, "so I ate game 7."
"Kids, you gotta stop the violence against childhood obesity."
Davis is a fan favorite who gives back to the community through the Glen Davis Fund to Fight Violence Against Childhood Obesity, a cause that is near and dear to him. "I tell kids, we got to stop all this fighting childhood obesity," he says. "You need to just chill and learn to live with it, like I did."
Man im glad that I wasn't the only one that noticed how big this kid got. I'm from New Orleans and a huge LSU fan and got to watch this kid play. He was never this big man! He looks like an O-lineman out there on the court. I imagine they are gonna make him slim down some in the offseason. Hilarious artical btw, thanks for the read man!
Con Chapman is a Boston-area writer. He is the author of "The Year of the Gerbil: How the Yankees Won (and the Red Sox Lost) the Greatest Pennant Race Ever," a history of the 1978 AL East pennant race, and a number of plays, including "Number One Hockey Mom," "Please, Pope," and "What Mickey Belle Isle Told You," a trilogy about hockey (JAC Publishing). His work is available on Amazon Shorts (at 49 cents a dowload), and he writes on sports for Flak Magazine.
