LOS ANGELES.  Frustrated by a disappointing game five loss to the Boston Celtics in which his Lakers blew a 24-point lead, superstar Kobe Bryant lit into his teammates today and challenged them to be as unselfish as he is.

"We got to play as a team so I look better!"

"I gave them the same speech I've been giving teammates since third grade CYO basketball," Bryant told reporters after emerging from a closed door meeting in which he reduced teammate Pau Gasol to tears by calling a "Eurotrash cream puff".  "I told them--there may be an 'I' in team, I don't know, but there's no 'I' in Kobe."

Gasol (right):  "I'm sorry I bumped into you."

Bryant is generally considered by himself to be the greatest basketball player of his generation, the equal of past greats such as Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson and Hot Rod Hundley.  He holds the career record among active NBA players for most commercials filmed in Italian (1) and biggest diamond purchased for a wife after allegations of sexual assault on a 19-year old (8 carats, $4 million).

Hot Rod Hundley:  Closed course, professional basketball player.  Do not attempt.

Bryant told teammates that their continued poor play would hit them where it hurts--in the pocketbook--if they didn't turn things around.  "The endorsement deals you all--I mean me--will get if we lose are basically car dealerships, men's clothing store openings and non-franchise pizza places, which are chump change."

Bryant had ten assists in game five, but criticized teammates for missing open shots.  "You guys gotta make those shots," Bryant yelled during one timeout.  "If you don't, I don't get an assist."