MIAMI. Emerging from his office with reddened eyes and a blank look on his face, Bill "The Big Tuna" Parcells tried to hide the pain that his players could detect from across the room sitting in the whirlpool. "I have not been crying," Parcells said brusquely to a reporter who bravely asked the question that was on everyone's lips. "I've been watching game film--lots of game film."
Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska
The source of Parcells' irritation is the lack of attention Jason Taylor, star defensive end for his team, the Miami Dolphins, is paying to offseason training. The six-time Pro Bowl selection has been spending time not lifting weights or pushing blocking dummies around, but dancing, in front of millions of people, with partner Edyta Sliwinska on "Dancing With the Stars," while Parcells sits at home, his hair up in curlers, waiting for Taylor to call.
"I love you, man . . ."
"I broke up with him," Parcells said as he drove away on a golf cart to supervise drills by quarterbacks, receivers and defensive backs. "He didn't break up with me."
"This is way better than a crack-back block!"
Taylor's run at dancing ended last night as he and his partner Edyta Sliwinska finished second to Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas in Tuesday's Dancing With the Stars finale, but Hollywood is calling, leaving Parcells wondering when he'll ever see his down lineman again.
"My partner is in there somewhere."
"'Edyta Sliwinska' sounds like a triple-word score in Scrabble," Parcells said. "I don't know where she came from, so I think I'll call immigration officials and see if they're looking for an illegal ballroom dancing immigrant."
Gerbil Sports'
If it'sa a choice of spending time on the floor with Sliwinska and being outside woprking out in 90 plus degrees and the humidity of South Florida . Then what's not to like about spending time with a female that looks like that ?
In all reality would you pass this up ?
And even if Taylor does have aspirations in Hollywood. At least he can get some practice in as a dancer.
Less is more but if she looks this then all bets are off !
rampant' aka tophatal .........
Last edited by rampantfanatic on May 23rd at 8:13 AM.
Gerbil Sports'
See my most recent pieces and let me know what you think as to their merits ? I'll look forward to reading your comments.
The pieces are titled Shall We Dance ? Jason Taylor Goes Hollywood ...! Then there's also Poignancy And The Relevance of Memorial Day It Begins To Hit Home Hard ..!
By the way getting laid is a rite of passage in high school.
Stay safe and have a great Memorial Day !
Con Chapman is a Boston-area writer. He is the author of "The Year of the Gerbil: How the Yankees Won (and the Red Sox Lost) the Greatest Pennant Race Ever," a history of the 1978 AL East pennant race, and a number of plays, including "Number One Hockey Mom," "Please, Pope," and "What Mickey Belle Isle Told You," a trilogy about hockey (JAC Publishing). His work is available on Amazon Shorts (at 49 cents a dowload), and he writes on sports for Flak Magazine.
