GREAT BARRINGTON, Mass. This town in western Massachusetts is home to Belcher's Cave, once a hideout for criminals but now primarily a weekend destination for amateur spelunkers. "We have to fish a lot of college kids out who go down with a six-pack of beer and can't find their way back up," says caretaker Ewell Burns. "It's a pain in the butt on Sunday morning."
Secret entrance to Belcher's Cave
For the past two weeks, however, the cave has been crowded with another hungover group; New England Patriots' fans hunkered down fearing an end to the world after their team's 17-14 loss to the New York Giants in Super Bowl XLII. "It's the hardcore front-runners," says State Parks Ranger Art Sowell. "The ones who aren't old enough to remember '85 and '97," the years in which the Patriots lost their first two Super Bowls to the Chicago Bears and the Green Bay Packers.
US soldier cautiously approaches cave entrance.
The practice of holing up in a cave following a crushing defeat originated with the Japanese following the end of World War II, according to Norman Doyle, a professor of history at Smith College. "After a blow-out win at Pearl Harbor, the Japanese were odds-on favorites to win the Pacific Divison," he notes. "When they lost the Battle of Midway a lot of fans left early to beat the traffic because they could see the end coming."
Mosi Tatupu
The Sons of Mosi Tatupu, a paramilitary cult named after a retired Patriots running back, entered the cave shortly after Plaxico Burress burned Patriots' corner back Ellis Hobbs in single coverage for the go-ahead score. Members vowed to commit seppuku--ritual suicide--if the Patriots did not come back to win the game, but were distracted from their deadly vow by the Hooters Best Damn Dream Girls competition, which was piped into the cave by concerned public health authorities.
"Grassy knoll", Dallas, Texas
New England fans have searched for a "grassy knoll" to support their conspiracy theory that officiating errors gave the Giants extra time to put together their miracle drive, but because the game was played in the Arizona desert they have so far come up empty.
"It's bumper-to-bumper in front of the cheese dog stand."
"We thought we saw one of those black helicopters the UN is gonna send when they take over America," said Len Sklarski of Chicopee, Mass. "Turns out it was the KYDJ Skywatch Traffic Reporter."
Gerbil! Velly good! Bet you will be slammed, again, by some Pats' fans,ah well..... This draws me to a parallel universe where the Steelers defeated the Seahawks; many have not recovered from that and are still hiding out near Mt. St. Helena. Fuzz
I tried to get into the cave, but it's a good three hours away for me and by the time I arrived, the line was almost all the way back to the Mass Pike. I haven't seen it that bad since October, 2003 after Tim Wakefield gave up that extra-inning home run to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named....
Funny stuff here! You no doubt have hit a nerve with several of the Pats posters on your home page, I commend you on your insightful, wry prose. Well done!
Con Chapman is a Boston-area writer. He is the author of "The Year of the Gerbil: How the Yankees Won (and the Red Sox Lost) the Greatest Pennant Race Ever," a history of the 1978 AL East pennant race, and a number of plays, including "Number One Hockey Mom," "Please, Pope," and "What Mickey Belle Isle Told You," a trilogy about hockey (JAC Publishing). His work is available on Amazon Shorts (at 49 cents a dowload), and he writes on sports for Flak Magazine.
