FOXBOROUGH, Mass. New England Patriots' head coach Bill Belichick today issued an ultimatum to his starting quarterback Tom Brady, saying if this year's NFL Most Valuable Player did not show up for practice tomorrow he would not play in Super Bowl XLII next Sunday against the New York Giants.
Belichick: "No single individual is more important than the team--except me, of course."
Brady has missed practice for the past two days, allegedly because he injured his ankle in the AFC Championship Game against the San Diego Chargers. "A lot of guys will fake injuries when they want to spend time with their girlfriends," Belichick said in answer to a reporter's question regarding the harshness of the proposed punishment. Challenged to name one, Belichick, a student and historian of the game, shot back "Bronco Nagurski, Chicago Bears, 1936."
Bronco Nagurski
Belichick intimated that there could be harsher penalties in store if Brady fails to appear for the mandatory no-pads session tomorrow in the practice "bubble" next to Gillette Stadium. "If Tom doesn't play in two quarters of every game, he doesn't get his football letter," Belichick said. "And he can't put 'Varsity Football, '08' next to his name in the yearbook."
Uh, looks okay now.
There is speculation among Brady's teammates that the threat of lost varsity letter will be enough to coax the two-time Super Bowl MVP back to the practice field. "Tom really needs a new letter jacket," said his All-Pro defensive tackle Richard Seymour. "He gave his old one to Bridget Moynihan, and she won't give it back."
"C'mon, give it back--it makes you look fat."
Brady's current girlfriend, Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen, has been advised by the International Court of Dating Conventions that she is not legally "going steady" with Brady unless she has possession of either a letter sweater or a letter jacket with "Tom" embroidered on the sleeve. "I have told Tom to go to practice," Bundchen told reporters outside her Greenwich Village apartment in New York. "He is setting a terrible example for Pop Warner kids all across the country."
Even worse, Brady gave Moynihan a Super Bowl ring to wear on a chain around her neck and she refuses to give THAT back as well. This is why he needs to continue winning Super Bowls. He never learns, and insists on giving every new girlfriend a Super Bowl ring. At this rate, he'll have to win a dozen or so more....
hey im with with the coach.. if he means it!!! i wouldnt gtive a rats #### if my player was the greatist since slice bread no practice no play!!!!! others on the team wnat to play so stay home
Con Chapman is a Boston-area writer. He is the author of "The Year of the Gerbil: How the Yankees Won (and the Red Sox Lost) the Greatest Pennant Race Ever," a history of the 1978 AL East pennant race, and a number of plays, including "Number One Hockey Mom," "Please, Pope," and "What Mickey Belle Isle Told You," a trilogy about hockey (JAC Publishing). His work is available on Amazon Shorts (at 49 cents a dowload), and he writes on sports for Flak Magazine.
