LONDON.  Amy Winehouse, the neo-soul singer whose drug habit plays a prominent role in both her life and her work, today urged seven-time Cy Young Award winner Roger Clemens to enter rehab, saying it was his only hope to turn his life around.

Winehouse:  "Exercise is like really important."

"People think I don't care about sports, and I don't," Winehouse said by telephone from her home in London, where she was caught on film yesterday snorting cocaine, smoking crack, and sticking Mike 'n' Ike candies up her nose.  "I know what it's like to have your innocent recreational drug use exposed to the white hot glare of tabloid journalism."

Mike 'n' Ike:  If you can't resist, snort 'em, don't shoot 'em.

Clemens was named 82 times in the Mitchell Report, the document that memorializes the investigation conducted by former U.S. Senator George Mitchell into steroid use in major league baseball.  Former New York Yankees trainer Brian McNamee claims he injected Clemens with Winstrol, an allegation that Rusty Hardin, the pitcher's attorney, denies.  "Roger never used Winstrol," Hardin said.  "He smoked Parliament Lights at the end of his career, and Camel Filters in the box when he was just starting out."

"Who's the skank?"

Winehouse's biggest hit is "Rehab", in which she recounts her resistance to drug rehabilitation.  Clemens's biggest hit remains a 1986 game against the Seattle Mariners in which he struck out 20 batters in a nine-inning game while pitching for the Boston Red Sox.  Mitchell's greatest hit is the saying "I like blankies too much," which he has used to defuse tension at the Iran-Contra Committee hearings, the Northern Ireland peace talks, and Bud Selig's Friday night polka soirees.

Copyright 2008, Con Chapman