In the tradition of American art historian Bernard Berenson, Glen “Big Baby” Davis, the Boston Celtics’ 289-pound rookie, kept a diary on the team’s pre-season tour of Italy.
Glen "Big Baby" Davis
Hey everybody—
First I want to say “Ciao”, which is kinda like “Aloha” in Hawaii—it means either hello or goodbye, but right now I’m saying hi.
We went to the Vatican today, it was great. Michelangelo was a very talented painter, and what’s crazy is, he did it all lying on his back. You’ve got to come to Rome to see it, though, because it’s one thing Isabella Stewart Gardner couldn’t steal and bring back to Boston—it’s attached to the roof.
"I just gotta finish the ceiling."
It took Michelangelo six years to paint the whole place! Supposedly the Pope was getting impatient after five years and dropped by to make sure Michelangelo wasn’t goofing off. He comes in and says “Hey Mike—how’s it going?” real innocent like, and Michelangelo says “Pretty good, I just gotta finish the ceiling.”
Speaking of the Vatican, did you know “Chateauneuf du Pape” means “the Pope’s new house”? I didn’t either, and when I asked somebody if the Pope had moved, they said no.
We beat Toronto last night at the PalaLottoMatica, a place where you can play the lottery, do your laundry and shoot some hoops at the same time. It’s cool.
I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.
Ciao—and this time I mean “goodbye”.
Bernard "Little Baby" Berenson
Hey guys—
Today I picked up the media guide, which shows us all in our new uniforms. Have to say, I’m putting on a little weight eating that good pasta every night. I was hoping for more of a chiaroscuro effect—you know, a couple of shadows in the folds of my jersey—but I filled it out pretty good.
"Does this make me look fat?"
We went over to the Coliseum and saw where them Christians got eaten by the lions. I got so hungry listening to the tour guide, my mouth was watering. I was looking at Kevin Garnett, but he’s so skinny he has to pass a place twice to make a shadow.
"Final score, Lions 14, Saints 0."
I was about to pass out when somebody gave me a gelato, which is Italian soft-serve ice cream.
I’m learning a lot!
Rubenesque women: "Oh, what the hell--I'm going to have a piece of cheesecake."
Back at it today—
I like the looks of the women in Rome. They’re very “Rubenesque”, even though Rubens was Flemish with a Baroque style that emphasized movement, color and—get this-- sensuality. He musta known some Italian girls!
Not all the guys are digging it, though. Rajon Rondo, who’s the skinniest guy on the team, asked me “What’s the difference between an elephant and an Italian grandmother?” I said I don’t know, and he said “Fifty pounds and a black dress.”
He thought he was being funny, but I didn’t laugh ‘cause I don’t wanna get in trouble with the front office. I’m just trying to make the team!
Catch you later.
Roman Forum
Hey there--
Well, today we did some serious scrimmaging, and I got to throw my weight around a bit. I like to set up on the low block, like one of the columns at the Roman Forum. Nobody can move me down there except maybe Kendrick Perkins, who's 280 pounds if he's an inch--with the wind at his back.
I'm an old-school guy, none of this modernist #### for me, just like Berenson. Personally, I think there's gonna be a renaissance of East Coast-style hoop this fall, with plenty of post-up play and application of psychology to the interpretation of the art of basketball, as William James noted in his seminal review of "Florentine Painters of the Renaissance".
"Have some calamari--it's just like onion rings. Really."
Got2Go--it's "Rookie Night" tonight and the vets and the guys eligible for the mid-cap salary exception are gonna make us "rooks" eat calamari. Don't know what it is, but hope mine doesn't come up again during "suicide" sprints tomorrow.
Yo--
Uh, that was a great "bonding" night, but I never thought I'd be lookin' at the business end of a squid after four bottles of Moretti beer. I was doggin' it this morning on the three-man weave--hope Coach didn't notice.
Titian's "Venus Urbino": Plus-size models of the Renaissance.
Think I'm gonna cool off today by lookin' at some Titians and dig how in his later works forms lose their solidity and melt into a lush texture of shady, shimmering colors and unsettling atmospheric effects. 'Cause that's what I'm feelin' like right now.
Gerbil'
Now that Glen is learning to read and write. It'll probably mean that he'll be spending more time on the bench. Especially KG is now in town and will be liable to make 'em an even more potent offensive force. It'll help Glen master the vowels whilst being on the bench. He'll leartn the a's', the e's, the i's , the o's and u's and that they indeed are vowels. I doubt that whilst being in Italy however he actually sought to learn anything about the culture as that would've been tooo hard on his brain. Eta' a un bella signorina would've been a good pick up line if he'd have got that far. But I sincerely doubt it. The hot babes there don't give it up that easily.
Con Chapman is a Boston-area writer. He is the author of "The Year of the Gerbil: How the Yankees Won (and the Red Sox Lost) the Greatest Pennant Race Ever," a history of the 1978 AL East pennant race, and a number of plays, including "Number One Hockey Mom," "Please, Pope," and "What Mickey Belle Isle Told You," a trilogy about hockey (JAC Publishing). His work is available on Amazon Shorts (at 49 cents a dowload), and he writes on sports for Flak Magazine.
