MILWAUKEE, Wisconsin. A Portugese-American group today accused Major League Baseball of ethnic discrimination after league marketing officials banned Chorizo, a ####y sausage native to the westernmost country in Europe, from sausage races held at Milwaukee Brewers' home games.
"We have remained silent too long," said Gil Eanes, president of the Sociedad Para Queixa Pequeno de Portugal (Portugese Trivial Complaint Society). "Every other ethnic group gets cool stuff when they whine--porque nao nos?" (Why not us?)
Chorizo, known as "chourico" in Portugal, is a pork sausage seasoned with chili and paprika that is prepared in both picante (hot) and dulce (sweet) styles.
On July 27th a chorizo was added to the Klement's Sausage Race that is run after the sixth inning of every Brewers home games. The other contestants in the race are a hot dog, an Italian sausage, a Polish kielbasa and a German bratwurst.
MLB officials pulled the chorizo from the field just five days later, saying it had failed to obtain league approvals that are required for all new characters and promotions.
"We're not picking on him, and we're not discriminating," said MLB spokesperson Eve Adams. "We have no idea what he contains, because foreign sausage packages don't include nutrition information."
Other competitors applauded the league's move, saying they wanted to make sure the chorizo's ####y ingredients didn't include any performance-enhancing preservatives.
"You ever look at the back of the hot dog's pack?" asked the kielbasa. "I ain't sayin' I'm all natural, but he's got stuff in him that Barry Bonds won't eat."
This isn't the first time the Brewers' sausage race has been embroiled in controversy. In 2003 Pittsburgh first baseman Randall Simon swatted the Italian sausage with a bat as it headed past the Pirates' dugout. Simon was cited for disorderly conduct but ultimately not charged, as the ballplayer agreed to an out-of-court settlement. "Let's just say I won't have to worry about buns for the rest of my life," the Italian sausage said at the time.
MLB Commissioner Bud Selig declined to weigh in on the controversy, saying he needed more time to study the matter. "I want to make sure Portugal is a real country," he said. "I thought it was just a theme park, like Euro Disney."
But that wasn't good enough for Portugese activist Eanes, who screamed "Ouca va viver a sua vida com outro bem!" at Selig as the commissioner made his way through the Milwaukee Airport. Loosely translated, the traditional curse means "My parrot will never surrender the underpants he has taken from your sister!"
Con, you have outdone yourself with this one. Bravo!
Bud Selig needs to appoint Tommy Lasorda to look into this one, but he might eat all of the evidence.
Thanks for the comment on my other post. If you get a chance, I posted a picture of Floyd Landis that you might find entertaining and as an attorney, I would love your take on Landis' attorney from Spain. I think he is making some big mistakes, but that is just a lay person's opinion.
Socal--Thanks. Will check out the Landis post. I haven't been paying attention other than watching a news story on his Mennonite upbringing. This is like when they caught the Amish guy with all the downloaded porn.
i am completely amazed at how much attention this stupid sausage is getting. not just from bloggers, but espn, fox, and all the sports magazines, newspapers, tv shows, etc. espn ran a story 1 night last week about it, and NOTHING about the game. i may be a brewer fan, but this thing is just ridiculous.
Con Chapman is a Boston-area writer. He is the author of "The Year of the Gerbil: How the Yankees Won (and the Red Sox Lost) the Greatest Pennant Race Ever," a history of the 1978 AL East pennant race, and a number of plays, including "Number One Hockey Mom," "Please, Pope," and "What Mickey Belle Isle Told You," a trilogy about hockey (JAC Publishing). His work is available on Amazon Shorts (at 49 cents a dowload), and he writes on sports for Flak Magazine.
