CUMMING, Georgia.  Tiffany Marie Shoemaker and Naomi Wingate were getting along fine at a Mary Kay Cosmetics party at a friend's house in this exclusive Atlanta suburb last Thursday night.

"Naomi has two little girls, and so do I, so we were kinda commiserating.  Then we discovered we both went to Randolph-Macon Woman's College, so we shared some fun memories about the good ol' days," Tiffany said, smiling through artificially whitened teeth as she straightened her pleated skirt.

Things turned sour when the two women told each other what sororities they had belonged to, however.  "Tiffany's a Tri-Delt, which is basically the biggest bunch of snots in the South," said Naomi.  "She's a 'Kite'," said Tiffany Marie, the derogatory term for a member of Kappa Alpha Theta, a competing sorority.

Tiffany said Naomi looked like a model from a farm implement catalog, and Naomi replied that Tiffany should stuff her Talbot's handbag someplace where no one would have to look at it, it was so ugly.  When their hostess asked them to take their dispute outside, they did, along with their "seconds", two Junior Leaguers with needlepoint headbands who would assist them as they joined a growing number of women taking up a sport previously reserved for Southern gentlemen--dueling.

Since it was Tiffany who issued the challenge, Naomi chooses the weapons from a standard menu; Salad Shooter, Aqua-Net Spray-On Gel or Pam Cooking Spray.  The distance between the combatants is shortened from forty paces to twenty due to the contestants' lack of strength.  "My momma wouldn't let me play sports, 'cause she says chunky upper arms aren't ladylike," says Tiffany Marie.

Some Southern men say they view this latest feminist inroad into a formerly all-male preserve as troubling.  "If the ladies are going to start shooting at each other, who are we gonna defend?" said Ashley Wilkes VIII.  "It's the only quality time guys get to spend together other than hunting, fishing, watching football, drinking, cussing, watching basketball and smoking cigars," he explained.  "Oh--did I mention spring football?"

Naomi picks Salad Shooters, and says she'll risk her husband's wrath for a few hair-raising moments of excitement as she contemplates the prospect of a slice of cucumber whizzing past her ear.  "We've been cooped up in our air-conditioned kitty-boxes for too long," she complains.  "Why is it only the men who get to go outside and do stupid stuff?"

Copyright 2006, Con Chapman