ORLANDO, Florida. General managers from around the NFL sat through a two-hour video presentation here yesterday as the league's supervisor of officials explained pro football's new limits on excessive endzone celebrations after touchdowns.
"The two words you have to remember are 'tasteful and proportionate'," Mike Pereira said to a roomful of executives who were relieved to be done with an earlier session on "down by contact" calls.
"By tasteful, I mean that which conforms to recognized standards of aesthetic expression," he explained as retiring commissioner Paul Tagliabue stood watching from the back of the meeting room. "No butt-wiggling," he said when a representative of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers asked him to be more specific.
The issue of proportionality will be a judgment call, Pereira indicated. "If Indianapolis is up by three touchdowns with two minutes left, I don't want to see anybody on the Colts doing a St. Vitus Dance if James Mungro scores on a one-yard plunge," he said. "On the other hand, anytime the Arizona Cardinals score you expect them to go a little nuts."
Some present at the meeting said they would seek professional assistance in guiding players through the new rules, which forbid the use of props such as the Sharpie pen Terrell Owens used to autograph a ball after he caught a touchdown pass. "We hired a mime coach--Jean-Claude something-or-other. He's going to show the guys how to work without props," said Cleveland head coach Romeo Crennel.
The New York Giants said they have put Tina Farnsworth of the American Ballet Theatre on retainer to teach players how to express themselves in a tasteful manner. "Tiki Barber is progressing nicely," she said. "I have taught him how to perform leplie, lerond de jambe and lereleve. Now if you will excuse me, I must eat monchef boyardee."
The NFL has been criticized as the "No Fun League" for its crackdown on endzone celebrations, but Tagliabue said the new rules were nothing more than a way to keep advertisers happy. "If we play our cards right, someday a pro football telecast will be as boring as Masterpiece Theatre," he said. "In the case of the Houston Texans, we're already there."
Why don't they just allow players to advertise products during their endzone celebrations? Imagine Chad Johnson chugging an ice cold bud light during his touchdown dance...or Joe Horn uncovering a hidden Slim Jim from the goal post.
Perhaps Kevin Bacon said it best..."There is a time to dance..."
A player can chop block, and not draw a penalty...but the NFL decides to crack down on endzone celebrations?
Why do you want to see some overpayed athlete do a dance after getting a one yard touchdown run? I could care less if they can come up with something creative. I watch football, I don't want to see these players dance around like idiots trying to get all the attention they can out of a play they are paid to make. Do your job, then go back and thank the guys who helped you do it. That's just my take.
What I think is funny, that the people who call it the "No Fun League", still watch it. There is a reason that the NFL gets more ratings then any other league, and these celebrations hurt the game.
I think what they really need to crack down on is celebrating after a tackle on a 2 yard gain. There is nothing more annoying to watch.
The bit about AZ being able to celebrate is classic. I have a cousin in Phoenix who suffers with the Cards' ineptitude.
The line has been blurred between entertainment and sports these days. I watch sports to see big plays, not inane celebrations. Not everyone agrees with me of course. Personally, other than running around like an #### out of pure joy I don't recall ever formulating a celebration ahead of time in my athletic life. It just never crossed my mind. Not to be a wet towel but Chad, TO and anyone else can put their signs & sharpies away forever as far as I'm concerned.
Beautiful writing man. Hey, I got your book and started reading it. Good stuff. As to TD celebrations, it takes a team to score a TD, not one player. YOu have blockers, RB on fake handoffs to freeze defenders, a QB who can deliver the ball, and then finally a receiver who has the easiest job of all, catchign the ball. Why should he celebrate after all the work the other guys did for him?
Do supporting cast members and extras count as props? Another doozy filled with subtle (and outright) humor. The thought of classically-trained football players emoting tastefully is hysterical. Maybe Lynn Swann will be called in for special duty.
P.S. I, too have received your book and am really enjoying it so far. I'll give you my full review when I'm done.
Last edited by The_Sports_Intellectual on March 31st at 8:07 PM.
Con Chapman is a Boston-area writer. He is the author of "The Year of the Gerbil: How the Yankees Won (and the Red Sox Lost) the Greatest Pennant Race Ever," a history of the 1978 AL East pennant race, and a number of plays, including "Number One Hockey Mom," "Please, Pope," and "What Mickey Belle Isle Told You," a trilogy about hockey (JAC Publishing). His work is available on Amazon Shorts (at 49 cents a dowload), and he writes on sports for Flak Magazine.
