Last week, Benny the Bull was arrested for charging at a police officer, knocking him down, and breaking his glasses and watch.  Two years prior, Da Bull, another Chicago Bulls mascot, was caught and charged with possession.  What people don’t realize is that these are not the only mascots that have been arrested or charged with crimes.  Other fan favorites have been in trouble with the law in the past and have managed to get beyond that and continue their support of their teams.

Phillie Phanatic

In August of 2005, the beloved Phillie Phanatic was late at work one night, finishing up so he could get home to his family.  Little did anyone in the organization know, he was a coke addict, often snorting over 1 lb in a single hit.  After getting his fix, the Phanatic went into the locker room where he found then-rookie Ryan Howard.  He went up to the former marching band member, telling him “I have a Trombone you can blow on”.  After an altercation ensued, the Phanatic was arrested for disorderly conduct and being under the influence of an illegal substance.  His trial date was deferred as it coincided with Brett Myers’, who will testify as a character witness.

San Diego Chicken

Last fall, the San Diego Chicken was stopped as he was walking to the stadium prior to a game.  Police questioned and eventually detained the Chicken overnight as he refused to pay a fine for littering.  Soon after, the charges were dropped as it was determined that the Chicken was actually just molting.

Go

The well-known Phoenix Suns ####, who is best recognized for his amazing athletic feats, has been implicated in the Jason Grimsley HGH investigation.    It turns out that he has gained over 80 pounds in the past 2 years and his hat size has increased by 3 full sizes.

Rally ####

Many felt that last year’s name change of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim was a marketing ploy to increase attendance, but it was due to their mascot, the Rally ####.  The Capuchin #### gained notoriety in 2002 with the World Series title captured by the Angels over the Giants.  However, the #### was later discovered to have influenced games by fixing them, leading to a scandal that needed to be covered up.  The Giants 3-2 lead in the World Series was due in large part to the Rally ####’s payoff to Jarrod Washburn (9.31 ERA in WS) to give the Angels more profitable odds during Games 6 and 7.  The Rally #### recently bought a villa close to the Amazon worth over $2 million, something hard to imagine given his $40,000 annual salary.

Youppi!

Left behind by the Montreal Expos when they moved to D.C., Youppi! has turned to a life of crime with his unemployment.  Before the Expos left, he managed to steal Jose Vidro’s health and Zach Day’s potential career.  He struck again this year, stealing Livan Hernandez’s location and the team’s penchant for spending (wait, that one has been missing for years).

Cocky

The University of South Carolina’s mascot did the unthinkable.  He was caught during the football season exposing himself on numerous occasions.  Any football fan knows that there is no place in a stadium for a #### to be on display.

The NBA Draft is coming soon and there are 30 NBA teams looking under the Christmas tree and are able to open their presents on June 27th.  Brian Colangelo is the lucky kid who gets to open the big box; his Toronto Raptors own the first pick in this year’s draft.  The problem is, though, that every box sounds like clothes when he shakes them, so he is having a hard time finding the 10 speed bike to plug into his high-octane offense.

This year’s draft has 5 players who could potentially be the first pick and a second round that is deep on talent and experience.  High schoolers can not take part in this draft, making the top choice even more difficult without Greg Oden and Kevin Durant in the mix for at least one more year.  Five teams own multiple first round picks, so we may see some movement up and down the board, but for the sake of this mock draft, everyone will be staying put.

1) Toronto Raptors

On their Christmas list:  Track shoes.  If only Justin Gatlin was a point guard.  Nevertheless, the Raptors may lose Mike James to free agency after a superb season and there is no replacement on the roster.  Marcus Williams and Randy Foye don’t warrant this spot, although the Raptors could conceivably move down and take one.  Perimeter scoring is the other issue on this team and Colangelo puts a premium on 3-point shooting to open up the floor. 

Under the tree:  Adam Morrison.  He may not have the foot speed to keep up in transition, but he is the one player on the board who can put up 30 points or keep the defense honest against Chris Bosh in the post.  Playing next to Joey Graham in the future will allow Morrison to defend a less threatening player on the perimeter, easing his defensive burden.  Morrison could be Colangelo’s shiny bike or he could be the fruit cake that Aunt Sylvia sent you.

2) Chicago Bulls

On their list:  A Gift Certificate to Gibson’s.  The Bulls need some beef on the front line to match that explosive perimeter offense.  Unfortunately, Tyson Chandler has missed more meals than Mary-Kate Olsen and doesn’t have the bulk to battle for position in the post.  Defensively though, Chandler rebounds with the best of them and has good timing for the block, especially off the ball.  GM John Paxson has put an emphasis on players in winning college organizations the past several drafts and will probably do so at this spot as well.

Under the tree:  LaMarcus Aldridge.  The 6’11” Texas Longhorn is the purest big man available in the draft.  He has good range and a variety of post up moves, something the Bulls need from their big man.  He has room to add bulk to his frame, and he has gained 25 pounds since entering college (now at 245 lbs).  They traded off their last all-around post player in Elton Brand, but saw the Clippers make a strong push in the playoffs, something they want to replicate.  Aldridge is the least likely to fail at the NBA level, making him the piece of jewelry you get the wife, worth the price and everyone else is jealous that they don’t have it.

3) Charlotte Bobcats

On their list: Comcast.  This team needs to get some T.V. time and someone who can dial it up long distance (did you see the double use there?).  They love Morrison and would be thrilled to see him drop to #3, but unless they trade with Toronto, the chances will be low.  Felton has developed into a top young point guard and their front line is loaded with potential in the forms of Sean May and Emeka Okafor. 

Under the tree:  Andrea Bargnani.  He is arguably the most versatile prospect in the draft, capable of playing both forward positions and center.  Bargnani has limited experience, but patience is something that Charlotte has.  Playing behind May, Okafor, and Gerald Wallace will give Bargnani a chance to be eased into the NBA.  Bargnani will take a few years, but his perimeter game and quick first step has drawn early comparisons to Dirk Nowitzki.  That comparison has been made before, however, most recently with Darko Milicic, a name that should never be mentioned on draft day.

4) Portland Trail Blazers

On their list:  No coal.  The last thing the Blazers need is another bad kid on their roster.  A center would be nice, especially with Joel Przybilla becoming a free agent, but there are none worth such a high pick.  A swingman could look good here to push underachieving Darius Miles and young players like Martell Webster and Jarrett Jack.

Under the tree:  Rudy ####.  Imagine Sebastian Telfair running the fast break with Miles and #### flanking him.  #### has incredible athleticism on both ends of the floor and will be a good complement to Webster in the future.  His big game ability is in question, but on this team, a big game won’t be coming around for a while.

5) Atlanta Hawks

On their list: Binoculars.  A point guard with some court vision would let Joe Johnson slide back over to his natural off-guard spot.  The Hawks are another team that could use a center to plug next to Marvin Williams, but they would be reaching.  Mike Woodson’s offense does not demand a pass-first point guard, although their offense hasn’t done much during his tenure.

Under the tree:  Marcus Williams.  Players like Josh Smith, Josh Childress, and Marvin Williams would benefit from a player that would rather hand out 10 assists than take 10 shots.  The UConn junior has played with NBA talent around him and is able to penetrate the lane and find open shooters, Johnson’s biggest strength.  He has a few problems off the court, stealing computers from the dorms, but his bonus will be enough to buy him one when he needs it.

6) Minnesota Timberwolves

On their list:  Robin.  Batman has been operating in Gotham for 10 years now and is not able to fight crime all by himself.  Kevin Garnett has an MVP caliber utility belt, but after failed experiments with Stephon Marbury, Latrell Sprewell, and most recently, Ricky Davis; Minnesota has to show improvement or risk seeing Garnett walk after this year.  Once again, a center would be useful, but more talent is available at the guard position.

Under the tree:  Brandon Roy.  The four year player from Washington will give the Timberwolves someone that can make an impact instantly.  Roy is a leader and capable of hitting big shots, which makes him different than past Wolves guards.  Garnett will be able to teach Roy many things, like where he gets those sweaters for press conferences.

7) Boston Celtics

On their list:  Lincoln Logs.  It’s about time the Celtics see what boards look like.  When your top rebounder is a guard, there are problems inside.  Michael Olawokandi is a free agent and Al Jefferson hasn’t progressed as expected.  As for Ryan Gomes, he is better suited for backup duty as he is undersized at 6’7”.  The Celtics need to find more athleticism on the frontline and a complement to Raef LaFrentz’s perimeter game.

Under the tree:  Tyrus Thomas.  The most explosive player on the block, Thomas has range to 15 feet and can finish with authority.  Is a terrific shotblocker and rebounder who will give the Celtics points on putbacks.  Thomas needs to add weight and show more consistency, but he has the most upside of anyone available.  Randy Foye could be a sleeper pick here, although it looks like Boston will give Delonte West another year of improvement and another chance for the Boston faithful to look at that creepy birth mark.

8) Houston Rockets

On their list:  My Buddy.  The Rockets need to find someone who can fit into this offense after Stromile Swift and Rafer Alston struggled to all season.  Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming missed 60 games this past year and no one was able to compensate for their absences.  If Houston wants to make a playoff push next year in the competitive West, they will have to find a guard who can take pressure off of their big 2.

Under the tree:  Randy Foye.  The Villanova guard is a hard-nosed player who plays pestering defense, a Jeff Van Gundy type of guy.  He is experienced playing off the ball so will not have a problem when McGrady or Yao dominate a possession.  Foye can be a bit too aggressive on both sides of the ball, but maybe it will shake that sleepy look off of McGrady’s face.

9) Golden State Warriors

On their list:  The Inside Man.  This team is forced to shoot from the perimeter because they lack a presence on the block.  Mike Dunleavy Jr. is being shopped around in the hopes of finding a better fit at the small forward position.  The Warriors are a team without an identity, with half the team wanting to run and the other half more comfortable in a half-court set.

Under the tree:  Patrick O’Bryant.  Will provide an inside defender to complement Troy Murphy’s gritty rebounding.  He also has good touch around the basket and able to score in transition.  O’Bryant may need to add bulk, but would give the Warriors a player they thought they were getting 9 years ago in Adonal Foyle, a player with talent.

10) Seattle Supersonics

On their list:  A time machine.  If Seattle could only have gone back and resigned Nate McMillan, they might have contended for a playoff spot.  As it is, the Sonics have a lot of bodies, but not much experience in the paint, especially if Chris Wilcox can not be resigned.  Rashard Lewis could opt out of his contract next year, leaving the Sonics with a whole new set of problems.

Under the tree:  Shelden Williams.  He is capable of playing both post positions and is the toughest player in the draft.  Williams averaged nearly 4 blocks per game as a senior and will be able to defend all of the talented power forwards in the Western Conference.  He has a solid midrange game and a good jump hook, the “Landlord” will make sure opposing players are no longer able to own the paint.

11) Orlando Magic

On their list:  Lil Penny.  Has it been 10 years since the height of Lil Penny, and to a lesser extent, Chris Rock and Anfernee Hardaway?  Well, with Dwight Howard inside leading the league in rebounding, there has to be someone on the outside to attract attention away from him.  With Darko Milicic and Jameer Nelson showing improvement, a swing position will be addressed with the first pick.

Under the tree:  J.J. Redick.  The most dangerous shooter in the draft, Redick needs only a sliver of daylight to be able to shoot the ball.  He is automatic at the charity stripe and constantly active, rolling off screens and has improved his midrange game.  Redick is a little undersized for a shooting guard, but Tom Cruise is undersized for an action star and he is doing alright for himself.

12) New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets

On their list:  Cell phone.  Chris Paul needs some friends to run with in Byron Scott’s up-tempo offense.  The reigning rookie of the year did not experience the same success in the regular season with J.R. Smith that he encountered over the summer.  Smith landed in Scott’s doghouse and Kirk Snyder didn’t fair any better.  P.J. Brown is aging and center is another position of need. 

Under the tree:   Rodney Carney.  The former high school high jump champion plays well above the rim and has a similar style to Richard Jefferson, a former Scott player.  He rebounds well for a perimeter player and has the potential to be a great outlet for Chris Paul in transition.  With last year’s circus-like season for the Hornets, adding a Carney just seems right.

13) Philadelphia 76ers

On their list:  Textbook.  It is about time that Philly finds the right answer for their team.  Allen Iverson is beginning to show signs of wear and tear and with Kyle Korver, Andre Iguodala, and Samuel Dalembert forming a young nucleus, the 76ers are in a position to build a team that will be in long-term contention. 

Under the tree:  Ronnie Brewer.  With Korver more effective off the bench last year and Iverson’s status on the team uncertain, Brewer would be capable of playing either guard position.  He has a high basketball I.Q. since his father played 8 seasons in the NBA and is an aggressive defender who would fit nicely next to Iguodala and make up for Korver’s defensive woes.  A freak waterslide accident left Brewer with a hitch in his shot; maybe Iguodala went with him and that could explain his total lack of one.

14) Utah Jazz

On their list:  Band-Aids.  The Jazz were so close to the playoffs, but it seemed like every player got hurt and no one could play through it.  Devin Brown was a terrible signing and the shooting guard situation is a mess.  If Carney, Redick, or Brewer fall, Jerry Sloan will make sure the team gets one of them.  As it is, there is a drop-off in talent after those 3 and the Jazz could use a young big man to backup Mehmet Okur and Carlos Boozer, the latter being shopped around.

Under the tree:  Cedric Simmons.  Possibly the last athletic big man in the draft, Simmons has a long wingspan (7’4”) and has great timing for rebounds and blocks.  Simmons can play both the 4 and the 5 and has soft touch when going to the basket.  His offensive game is still developing, but Simmons’ defense will make up for Okur and Boozer, who are better at being injured than they are at getting back on defense.