It is I, Hank, son of King George, from the castle of The Empire. King of All things Back Page, years the defeater of the RSN, Sovereign of all Baseball!
I move for no man. I command you, as Acting in Waiting King of the Empire, to stand aside!
You don't frighten us, RSN pig dogs. Go and boil your ####s, you sons of a silly John Henry. I blow my nose at you, so-called "World Champions," you and all your silly Baked Bean RSN Potty Bottoms.
And how'd you get that, title, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma, which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.
I #### in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster masturbator and your father smelt of dingle berries.
We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of free agents who will join me in my court at the Great Cathedral in Ye Old Bronx. We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Pigskin and Fore checks. And now we are prepared to do battle with the leather stitched corked core prostitutes of our beloved Empire.
Stand up and fight, you compilation of overachieving Empirical impostors.
Is there no one else I can talk to? I have proclaimed the land back to Lords of the Holy and deed fully keeper of the Grail. I bet you are ####.
Listen to me you parasitical ameba impostors of Diamond Green Pastures. I have come in the nick of time. Look, it's my duty as a nobleman to stride in the footsteps of our great king, King George III to sample as much peril as I can.
I am your appointed King in waiting Do you think supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony? Ha, Ha! I #### on you once again. Strange women lyin' in ponds gathering sperm is basis for a system of Hardball government. I am living proof.
I have been recently charged with believing sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes. And that I deem the earth to be banana shaped. To that I say, “What a bunch of Bleep!”
Go and tell your master that God has charged us with a sacred quest. If he will give us your hard earned pittance for the season, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail # 27.
