"Man, this is baseball. You gotta stop thinking. Just have fun." -- Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez, The Sandlot

This week's award fun will begin with baseball, which is supposed to be fun ...

The You may have totally missed it award goes to ... interleague play.

It's tough to complain about there being baseball games to watch on a summer night (or listen to via transistor radio out on the deck while cooking up something juicy and meaty on the ol' Weber grill while sucking back a few cold ones with your baseball-loving friends). However, this interleague play thing/gimmick is getting out of hand.

Here's a sampling of the matchups going on early this week ... Marlins-White Sox, Phillies-Indians, Tigers-Nationals, Twins-Mets, Astros-Angels, Reds-A's, and (the best of 'em all) Devil Rays-Diamondbacks (yup, the showdown of 1998 Major League Baseball expansion franchises, only one of which is worth a bleep).

Don't think that's crazy enough?

Here's a sampling of the matchups that took place over the weekend ... Rangers-Reds, Nationals-Blue Jays, Tigers-Phillies, Diamondbacks-Orioles, White Sox-Pirates, Mariners-Astros, Marlins-Royals, Cardinals-A's and (in yet another great showdown of 90s expansion franchises) Devil Rays-Rockies (neither team in that showdown of non-traditional baseball stalwarts if worth a bleep).

Good old-fashioned intraleague play returns on Monday, June 25.

The Ol' oopsy-daisy award goes to ... that scene in Knocked Up. Yup, if you've seen it, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Was that absolutely necessary? Really, was it?

Still, the movie was really funny. It was.

The This has nothing to do with sports, but it's still madness-related award goes to ... apparently, some really, really smart people have come to the conclusion that alcohol can interfere with pleasure in the sack. That link includes this LOL-worthy line, "Drink too much, and all you'll do in the prone position is pass out." LOLOL!

The It's good for America award goes to ... David Beckham, who's reportedly coming here to play for one of the local soccer clubs. This should be loads of fun.

The Countdown to the first kickoff of Week 1 of the 2007 NFL season ... 79 days until what will be billed as a preview for Super Bowl XLII will finally take place on the FieldTurf of the RCA Dome.

Let's polish off the fun with these Totally Irreverently Irrelevant Power Rankings ...

1. Prince Fielder (Trend: +) - Most common question asked over past couple days, "Rhino, how did Prince Fielder hit an inside-the-park home run?"

2. My softball team (Trend: +) - On Thursday night, we will win the league championship.

3. Summer (Trend: +) - It's that time of year again when we can all enjoy the great fun that starts with the letter B: Beaches, babes, beers, blondes, BBQs, babes, baseball, beers, babes, blockbusters.

4. The Anteaters (Trend: -) - The UC-Irvine Anteaters won the longest game in College World Series history  -- a five-hour, 40-minute, 13-inning 5-4 triumph over Orange County rival Cal State Fullerton -- but that's not why we like them. We like them because they have the coolest team nickname of any team at the CWS.

In case you were curious, the longest game in major-league history was a 25-inning, eight-hour, six-minute marathon that ended sometime when the sun was about to rise at old Comiskey Park between the White Sox and Brewers back in 1984.

5. UC-Santa Cruz Banana Slugs (Trend: -) - Too bad they don't have a baseball team. Because if they did, and they could somehow advance to the College World Series, then they would actually have a cooler nickname than the Anteaters.

6. Megatron (Trend: +) - Transformers purists are all up in arms over the fact that the menacing Decepticon leader won't be in his familiar gun mode in the upcoming Transformers movie. Quite frankly, the whole giant robots transforming and changing sizes during said transformations from the old cartoon series was a bit lame. We here welcome a change of pace toward reality.

7. Optimus Prime (Trend: +) - My Hollywood insiders tell me that he'll fight Megatron in the upcoming movie.

8. CONCACAF Gold Cup (Trend: -)  - USA-Canada, Thursday, Soldier Field, on FSC. It's gonna be great!

9. Smoking golfers who just happen to win the U.S. Open (Trend: -)  -Yes, you are a bad influence on little kids who are aspiring to one day be champions on the links. Sorry, it's harsh, but true. So true.

10. NBA (Trend: -) - Kinda glad the season is over, and by "kinda" I mean "really."

Did somebody say, "let's hand out some awards?"

Yeah, it was me.

Let's break it down for America ...

The You may have totally missed it award goes to ... Roger Clemens. You were probably too busy washing the car, mowing the lawn or just livin' life on a summer Saturday to see that the 44-year-old Clemens finally, at long last, made his first start for the Yankees. Given the over-hyped nature of this event, at least Clemens came away with a W.

In case you weren't aware, to be 44 years of age and still hurling fastballs in the bigs is quite an accomplishment. Let's also consider some of the greats of the game who were playing when Clemens first arrived on the major-league scene ... Mark Brouhard, Barbaro Garby, Paul Householder, John Lowenstein and Tom Paciorek.

Now, let's consider the age of some of today's players when Clemens made his major-league debut on May 15, 1984 ... Indians center fielder Grady Sizemore and Twins catcher Joe Mauer were both one, National League home run leader Prince Fielder was six days old, and new Yankees teammates Melky Cabrera, Tyler Clippard and Philip Hughes weren't even born yet.

The Ol' oopsy-daisy award goes to ... that dude who let Paris Hilton out of prison just a few days too early. It made for great TV news drama over the course of a couple days, and America was riveted.

It was brought up by some that, apparently, celebrity-obsessed America may be too celebrity-obsessed. Discuss ...

The It's good for America award goes to ... Crazy celebrity-obsession excess. Between Paris behind bars and Lindsay Lohan's misadventures, it appears America will have enough celebrity gossip fun to last the whole summer.

Unfortunately, "celebrity gossip" doesn't fall into our list of great summer fun that all start with the letter B: Beaches, babes, beers, blondes, BBQs, baseball, beers, babes, blockbusters.

The Countdown to the first kickoff of Week 1 of the 2007 NFL season ... 87 days until America's team, the Saints, visit America's football champions, the Colts, on what should be one of the greatest days to be a football fan in America.

Let's polish off the fun with these Totally Irreverently Irrelevant Power Rankings ...

1. Rafael Nadal (Trend: +) -  After beating Roger Federer to win a third consecutive French Open, Mr. Capri Pants admitted feeling sorry for his fallen foe, "I am very happy, but I am really sad for Roger." Tennis players are so sweet.

2. NBA Finals (Trend: -) - C'mon Cavs! Please make Sunday night a TV-watching night to remember, what with this game and the finale of The Sopranos, it should be a good night to just chill.

3. Chad Johnson (Trend: +) - The talkative Bengals receiver broke up the monotony of this off-season of player arrests, suspensions and a dog-fighting scandal to race a horse.

4. New York Yankees (Trend: -) - I've got a 100-beer bet that the boys in pinstripes can make the playoffs. Their recent run is the first sign of hope so far in what has been a lousy season in the Bronx.

5.  My softball team (Trend: +) - You can't beat entering the softball playoffs as the No. 1 seed.

6. Interleague baseball play (Trend: -) - A big shout out goes to Major League Baseball for renewing the following great baseball rivalries this weekend ... Phillies-Royals, Angels-Cardinals, Rockies-Orioles, Pirates-Yankees, Blue Jays-Dodgers, Red Sox-Diamondbacks and Brewers-Rangers.

7. Ladies first (Trend: +)  - Fabulous filly Rags to Riches became the first female horsie to win the Belmont Stakes since 1905. Yes, that was a long time ago. To put this into proper perspective, let's check out what was going on back in 1905 ... the NEW YORK Giants beat the PHILADELPHIA A's in the World Series, nobody had ever even thought that pro football was a good idea, really smart guy Albert Einstein prosposes something called "the Theory of Relativity," and the first movie theater opened in Pittsburgh (and, no, the big summer blockbuster of 1905 wasn't about pirates, an ogre, or robots in diguise).

8. David Beckham (Trend: -) - If you were Mr. Posh, why would you want to come to the U.S. and play for an L.A. Galaxy outfit that has the worst record in Major League Soccer? Hmm ... Real Madrid, or the Galaxy? That's like asking yourself ... do I want a pint of Guinness fresh from the tap, or a Busch Light from a warm can?

9. Gen. George Washington (Trend: +) - Apparently, he's against the war in Iraq.

10. Optimus (Trend: +) - Like Paris and Posh, Prime made an appearance on last week's MTV Movie Awards. Wonder what he thinks of Posh's husband's club vs. country conundrum.

Some guys with money to burn, including Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, have aspirations of starting a pro football league -- the United Football League -- that could be ready for kickoff by August of 2008.

This idea is easy to laugh at, so we will by investigating the three previous pro football leagues that threatened to challenge the NFL, but ultimately failed ...

XFL (2001)

Players you may have heard of: Rod "He Hate Me" Smart (Las Vegas Outlaws)

Moment of infamy: Geesh, where to begin? The crazy black-and-red football, the scramble for the ball replacing the traditional coin toss for possession, the cheerleaders, the midseason rules changes, the rule prohibiting extra points, the other rule prohibiting fair catches on punts, the "Big Game at the End" (a.k.a., the "Million Dollar Game). However, one night stands out. The greatest game in league history also signaled its downfall. A double-overtime 39-32 thriller won by the Los Angeles Xtreme over the Chicago Enforcers resulted in a lengthy delay in a Saturday Night Live featuring J.Lo as host. Ratings for the highly-publicized J.Lo SNL appearance were disappointing, but not as horrible as the deteriorating XFL audience, which was cut in half from the league's debut the week before.

United States Football League (1983-85)

Players you may have heard of:  Jim Kelly (Houston Gamblers), Reggie White (Memphis Showboats), Steve Young (Los Angeles Express) ... all of whom are in the Pro Football Hall of Fame

Moment of infamy: A $1.69 billion antitrust case against the NFL resulted in a reward of $3.76 ($1 in damages, trebled to $3, plus 76 cents in interest). This check has never been cashed.

World Football League (1974-75)

Players you may have heard of: Pro Football Hall of Famers Larry Czonka (Memphis Southmen) and Paul Warfield (Memphis Southmen). Vince Papale, the subject of the 2006 movie Invincible, got his start with the Philadelphia Bell

Moment of infamy: The WFL succeeded in raising the bar on player salaries (at the time, the NFL ranked fourth in average player wages behind baseball, basketball and hockey). However, financial hardship quickly struck the ambitious league. The day after winning World Bowl I (the one and only), the uniforms of the champion Birmingham Americans were confiscated by sheriff's deputies. Earlier in the season, reports had Portland Storm players being fed by gracious locals, and the Charlotte Hornets had their uniforms impounded for not paying a laundry bill.

I like awards. You like awards. Everybody likes awards.

So, let's hand some out ...

The You may have totally missed it award goes to ... Alex Rodriguez, who is apparently having some fun on the side. Not to say that infidelity is a good thing (it's not, and it should be noted that A-Rod is married and the father of a 2-year-old daughter), but this begs the question: If you were a major-leaguer, on the road much of the year, with loads of cash to burn and probably more attractive ladies throwing themselves your way than one man could possibly resist, why would you get married? Just wondering.

The Ol' oopsy-daisy award goes to ... Jason Giambi, who got hurt running the bases. And, it's not like he was stretching a single into a double, or a double into a triple, or going from first to third on a base hit. Giambi tore tissue in his left foot running the bases on a home run. You know you're not in peak physical condition when something like that goes down.  That doesn't even happen to beer-gutted beer league softballers who are loaded on liquid fun.

The It's good for America award goes to ... Summer. For the uninitiated, Memorial Day weekend is the unofficial kickoff of the summer (yes, we know, summer doesn't officially start until June 21). What does summer mean to you? Well, it could mean any combination of the following great words that start with the letter B: Beaches, babes, beers, BBQs, baseball, beers, babes, blockbusters.

The This has nothing to do with sports, but it's still madness-related award goes to ... Lindsay Lohan, who is kicking off the summer in rehab and with her name littered all over the tabloids. Throwing more mayhem into the mix is her estranged father, who recently was released from prison and says his problematic Hollywood starlet daughter suffers from a multitude of addictions.

The Countdown to the first kickoff of Week 1 of the 2007 NFL season ... 97 days until the Colts host the Saints on what should be a magical Thursday night at the RCA Dome.

Let's polish off the fun with these Totally Irreverently Irrelevant Power Rankings ...

1. Prince Fielder (Trend: +) - A quick check of FOXSports.com's Thursday night scoreboard indicates Cecil's kid went deep again. This ties him with the aforementioned A-Rod for the major-league lead in spanks (19, if you're trying to keep track).

2. David Beckham (Trend: +) - Is it just me, or does there seem to be some sort of trans-Atlantic tug of war going on here, where the L.A. Galaxy have hold of one of Becks' arms and England (let's just say, for fun, that it's the entire country) has hold of the other?

Just in case you wanted to see 'em (and we know you do!), here are photos of his wife.

3. Booze (Trend: + duh!) - Just because the NFL won't let you be a part of team functions, on team buses or flights and now locker rooms, doesn't mean we still don't like you. 

4. San Antonio Spurs (Trend: -) - One half of the "most boring NBA finals combo possible" has advanced. Now, if only the Pistons can do their part. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

5. Transformers movie (Trend: +) - In case you haven't seen the new Transformers trailer in your most recent visit to the local movie theater, let me tell you this: It's kinda bad ####. Right now I've got my fingers crossed while repeating this: Michael Bay, please don't totally mess this up ... Michael Bay, please don't totally mess this up ... Michael Bay, please don't totally mess this up ...

6. Anaheim Ducks (Trend: +) - Snoop Dogg showed up at the place formerly known as the Pond for Game 2 of the Stanley Cup finals wearing a fake mustache.

7. My softball team (Trend: +) - Playing for a first-place finish tonight.

8.  Riyo Mori (Trend: -) - Hopefully the next 365 days are a bit more uneventful for Miss Universe 2007 as the previous 365 have been for Miss USA 2006 Tara Conner. Can't lie, this year's winner is easy on the eyes.

9. Cleveland Indians (Trend: +) - The AL Central standings haven't been the same since the powerful Indians teams of the 90s vacated the top spot some time a few years ago. Thankfully, order has been restored.

10. New York Red Bulls vs. Kansas City Wizards (Trend -) - This is the Major League Soccer equivalent of Chargers-Colts, except it won't be seen on national TV. Well, Chargers-Colts may be a stretch, but you get the point, it's a big game (No. 1 vs. No. 3 in FSC's latest MLS PRs).

I caught that Beerfest movie some time ago, and then passed some bars -- in which it appeared people were having an alright time -- while on my way home.

I am not really known as a big beer drinker, but seeing this movie really made me crave beer for the very first time.

So, what are my all-time top 5 beers that I've never ever drank? Here's a quick list ...

5. Pabst Blue Ribbon - don't knock it unless you try it, I always say

4. Pranqster - this Belgian beer's high alcohol content makes it a winner with beer drinkers, I'm told

3. Leinenkugel's Honey Weiss - Gotta give some love to a beer made in the homeland, even if I've never ever had it

2. Hefeweizen - Widmer, Pyramid, Sam Adams are all good, but the German-made Paulaner is probably the best I've never had

1. Guinness - This stuff is as close to heaven as there is, I'm told, when it's slow-poured correctly straight from a tap

A very, very sad thing happened today in the world of sports and beyond.

Kentucky Derby champion Barbaro missed out on the life of a stud by being euthanized. Many people are sad. Some are glad.

This got me thinking, what are my five favorite animals ever (personal pets notwithstanding)?

Here's a not-exactly-well-thought-out comprehensive top 5 list ...

5. Seabiscuit -- Unlike Barbaro, this horse survived his injury to return to glory on the ol' race track.

4. Alcor -- 750-pound polar bear went to same doctor as Barbaro to have broken leg fixed. Just like Barbaro, Alcor is in animal heaven.

3. That snake that tried to eat an alligator whole -- Didn't that snake's mom ever tell him to chew before he swallowed?

2. Rufus -- Grand champion at last year's Westminster Dog Show, then went out on a wild night on the town in glamorous New York City, binging on cookies and only the finest champagne. That's one lucky dog!

1. Goliath -- Huge, 20-pound fat cat got caught plundering another pet's food after getting stuck in the doggie door.

I went to go see the latest Pirates of the Caribbean flick the other day at the local AMC.

The best part of the movie was the buttered popcorn. But it did get me thinking about stuff. More specifically, about pirates.

So, what are my top five favorite pirates ever? Here's a quick list ...

5. The pirate who first said "Ahoy, Matey!"

4. Captain Frederick Marryat - "Shiver me timbers"

3. Blackbeard - "Damnation seize my soul if I give you quarters, or take any from you."

2. Captain Jack Sparrow - "This is the day that you will always remember as the day that you ..."

1. Honus Wagner - "There ain’t much to being a ballplayer, if you’re a ballplayer."

Today, a robot of some specific nature was sent on a very important mission. It was to help diffuse a potential bomb situation somewhere in the greater Los Angeles area.

Unlike catching some lady with a fake rack, bomb-seeking robots isn't something that you see every day here.

The obvious question of, "what if that robot suddenly turned to evil and set off the bomb?" arose. That got me thinking ... what are the most evil robots ever?

Here are my top 5 ...

5. That robot from Lost in Space - "Danger, Will Robinson!" This robot didn't even have a name. That's how evil it was.

4. Chief Knock-A-Homer - Well, it was basically Homer Simpson in a glorified mail box, but he sure kicked tail. That is, until he met up with Professor Frink's Smashius Clay, a.k.a. KillHammed Ali. But, he shot up Ralph-o-Cop real good, though, and that's why he makes the cut.

3. Megatron - Famously known as the Transformer who turned into a thermo-nuclear fusion cannon. I once got in a heated debate with a coworker over whether or not Megatron could defeat Voltron in a fight. Sure, Voltron was five robots that formed one giant robot, but Megatron turned into a fusion cannon. One shot and Megatron vaporizes Voltron. End of the story. Let's move on ...

2. C-3PO - This gold-plated machine was created by the dark overlord himself, Darth Vader. I think at night he whispered into little Anakin's ear ... "listen to me Anakin, some day you will become a dark lord of the Sith and rule the galaxy. Hahahahaha!"

1. Unicron - This is a planet-eating robot from the aforementioned Transformers series. Any robot that eats planets for lunch has to be the most evil thing ever created.