I'm beginning to wish the entire Red Sox front office - owners included - would jump into a giant #### suit, climb to the top of the Coke bottle sign at Fenway Park...........and await my further intstructions.

It seems the Red Sox have re-invented the Hot Stove League.

I want "Miggy for Manny" stories, hot rumors about who's going to be the next short-lived shortstop, and good news about Johnny Damon re-signing with the Sox.

Instead, I get stories about who the next Red Sox GM will be, where the last GM is now, and what the current GM-by-committee thinks about the last GM(s), and the next GM(s), and........ enough already!  I am all GM'd out!!

Now we're being told the Four Horsemen have been reduced to the Daring Duo of Jed Hoyer and Ben Cherington.  Or have they?

Apparently, Theo the Great may be returning - did he ever really leave?  Was that really Theo sneaking out of Fenway Park on Halloween night, disguised as a ####?  Will he return as King Kong and rescue poor Julio Lugo from the Devil Rays to play shortstop for the Red Sox?  Does anyone really even know where Theo is?

I read that he was hanging out with Pearl Jam in Argentina.  Nice gig.  Don't cry for him, Red Sox nation.  Theo's just fine and back in the fold - it's amazing what a 5,000 mile separation from Larry Lucchino will do for a man's outlook.  Theo's just doing business the modern way - he's telecommuting.

I can see it now, a teleconference to announce Manny's been traded to Brazil for The Girl from Ipanema and a slugger to be named later.  (Of course, Brazil would have to pick up the bulk of the money owed to Manny, which would immediately triple Brazil's national debt.)  Why freeze in Boston when you can make deals from the sun-drenched beaches of Rio de Janeiro, with a cell phone in one hand and a cold Brahma Light in the other?

Perhaps Theo IS running the show again, but the point is, I'm sick and tired of this corporate soap opera.  Can't we just stick to some good, old-fashioned, rumor mongering about the PLAYERS?