If I like the Cowboys and you like the Redskins, I might not like your team but I don't hate you for your choice. But we are in the American Jihad phase of political life where the right believes liberals are communists, the left believes conservatives are fascists, and centrists have been hunted to extinction. Meanwhile, small bands of dazed moderates roam a post-apocalyptic wasteland dominated by giant brainless heads shouting at each other on cable TV.
The stadiums change.
One reason politics never changes is congressmen work out of the same buildings for hundreds of years. In the case of Senator Byrd of West Virginia, I mean that literally. But in sports we're even tearing down Yankee Stadium.
Change brings new ideas and wider seats. The Senate uses the same desks Clay and Webster sat in. With modern, wider bottomed politicians, maintenance crews must constantly keep melted butter and crowbars at hand in the event of emergencies. With our current financial woes, building a new Capital and selling the naming rights might be worth considering. You turn on C-SPAN and the announcer says, "Live, it's the 110th Congress from the WalMart Congressional Arena". Sounds right, and accurate.
In sports the head guy gets fired if things don't work out.
Over the past ten years the Cincinnati Reds have, deservedly so, changed managers seven times. In 2008 the economy has four flats and is running on the rims, no coherent plan exists to keep us safe from terrorism on US soil save for having bored civil servants randomly make us take our shoes off at airports, the inner cities are balkanizing and will eventually implode in violence, and you can't buy a TV made in America. But our political leaders we keep, often for decades. If the US was a baseball team, half of Congress and the Executive branch would be back in AA trying to learn how to handle the breaking ball.
The rule books mean something.
Try wearing non-regulation socks onto a major league baseball field. Bat the ball forward to a team mate in an NFL end zone. Use your hands in a soccer game. Justice is swift and predictable. Our legal system is more like the NBA rules on traveling. Whatever the official (i.e., judge) understands it to be, and something different depending on who the player is. All sports officials are strict constructionists. Can you imagine if John Paul Stevens were an umpire? We'd have an evolving view of the balk rule that could mean anything or nothing at all, and would change depending on current international interpretations.
We're OK with cheating and fix it if it gets out of hand.
In sports we expect it. In politics they have to try to act surprised by it, and fail. In NASCAR nobody is surprised when suspensions and engines are tampered with to make cars run faster. In politics, sufficient financial resources can jack your local representative up and adjust his or her vote. The difference is that NASCAR will actually catch crew chiefs cheating and punish them in the same decade as the dirty work is discovered. It should also be pointed out that the last time anyone fixed a World Series was 1919.
Katie Couric doesn't do sports.
At the risk of sounding horribly sexist, and possibly honest, I would point out that Katie Couric would have a future in sports broadcasting. As a sideline reporter. In the "real world" she has been given the keys to the fastest car in the garage, and regularly wraps it around the nearest tree.
In sports we have cheerleaders.
In politics, they are called journalists or commentators. Picture Rush Limbaugh in a.. Then again, no. Bill O"Reilly at the top of a pyramid of FOX reporters? Keith Olbermann shouting, "Gimme a 'D" into a megaphone? David Gregory holding Nancy Pelosi up while she does a spirit cheer for national health care? I think I'll stick with the Cowboy Cheerleaders.
Joe Paterno didn't go job hunting at 71.
John McCain did. Nobody would hire a 71 year old head coach to take on a program in the middle of a rebuilding effort. Then again, you won't find schools knocking down the doors of anyone who thinks there are fifty seven states. Not even in the SEC.
When was the last time you saw anyone post brackets for an election, or start an office pool over a vote in Congress? We place friendly wagers on our premier sporting events and watch them in record numbers on TV. The next day we discuss them at work and nobody gets mad. In politics we bring together the most boring people we can find to debate each other in the big events of the electoral season, then find even more boring people to ask them questions. Worse still are the debates where "real people" ask questions in a painful parody of the commercials where fans ask NFL coaches about lite beer.
In sports, we're all around after they throw the bomb.
This is the best reason sports is better than politics. It is safer. Vladmir Putin is George Allen with nuclear weapons. If that doesn't scare you, nothing will.
So tonight, you have a choice. You can tune into one of the cable networks and listen to discussions of Sarah Palin's moose gutting ability or watch Tony Romo and the Cowboys try to finally win one in Green Bay.
You've been given the chance to go to one sporting event of your choice.
Where do you go?
BASEBALL
St. Louis for a World Series game. Why? Cardinal fans make St. Louis the best baseball city there is. That's the solid, upright baseball answer. The truth is the best Italian food in America is in The Hill section. A good meal, a little baseball, what's not to like?
NFL FOOTBALL
Cowboy's-Packers in the NFC Championship game in Green Bay. As a Cowboy fan I'd have to go to the game wearing a shirt that reads, "Kramer was offside". The old guys would know what it meant. We ALL know. (Bitter, I'm not bitter).
COLLEGE FOOTBALL
As a Navy fan I'm supposed to say Army-NAVY. But my favorite place to see a college football game is still Kenan stadium in Chapel Hill. And there is nothing better than NC State-UNC late in the season. Part of the reason is the rivalry between the Wolfpack and TarHeel fans. Think Altamont without the good humor.
NBA BASKETBALL
Robert Browning wrote, "Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" That said, I want to see the Knicks at Madison Square Garden in the NBA finals. And while I'm asking for the impossible, I'd like to sit next to Spike Lee. "Say, you look familiar. Aren't you Woody Allen?"
COLLEGE BASKETBALL
Duke-Virginia at Cameron. Not a big Duke fan, but here's the thing. I go to football games at Duke and walk right by Cameron all the time. But getting tickets there for an ACC game is next to impossible, and curiosity is getting the best of me. The place looks really, really small from the outside so if everything is to scale I'm thinking Coach K is about three foot four. Why Virginia? Because I'm an Orioles fan and I need to maintain a reasonable level of suffering in the winter so the summers don't hurt as badly.
NHL
Oh, Canada! I admit it, I'm a hopeless admirer of all things Canadian. The Canadian National Anthem puts the rest to shame. I can hear it in Raleigh, North Carolina, USA and want to run out and club to death with a moose antler and my bare hands, anyone who would dare take on "the true North strong and free". Game seven, RedWings at Montreal, center ice tickets. (Or is that centre ice?)
NASCAR
Daytona looks like fun. Stopped there one time coming back from a baseball bus tour. What I never realized is how steep the bank is on the track. I believe in gravity as much as the next guy (at least till those boys with the Hadron Super Collider mess that up) but it's beyond ridiculous. Must be done with mirrors, because there is no way the cars don't slide to the bottom. I'd like to go there and see for myself.
THE OLYMPICS
Only if they are in Alabama. Reason number one-the most beautiful women in the world live in Alabama. Reason number two. What, you need a reason number two?
What do you think when you hear the name Pat Garrity?
85% The guy who shot Billy the Kid 9% Never heard of him 6% Orlando Magic forward.
Pat Garrity is not Pat Garrett. Garrity made his reputation as a shooter on the court, not on the streets of the Wild West. In ten years, nine with the Magic, the ex Notre Damer fired up 1587 three pointers and made 631.
When Garrity retired the other day, he left slim pickings on his stat line. Seven point three points a game, two point six rebounds, 443 career assists. But there is one amazing number he posted.
$22,788,021.
Let's say the Magic forward played 40 home games a year for ten years in front of about 18,000 fans a night. It works out to $3.17 a person.
Now, if you had the chance to pay $3.17 to see Shaq or Tracy McGrady you'd probably fork over the folding green and change. But $3.17 to see Garrity? You could come close to buying a gallon of gas for that.
Pass.
Now, none of this is meant to say Garrity was a bad player. He wouldn't have made it ten years in the competitive world of the NBA if he didn't have talent. And he's probably a nice guy.
But $22 million for a bench player over the course of a career?
It says something about the economics of pro sports that fringe players can make amazing amounts of money without ever being a star.
Take baseball. Mike Stanton made $31 million over his career. As a middle reliever. Buddy Groom? Try $14.7 million.
Who were the Magic bidding against all those years for Garrity's services? Nobody much. But there must have been enough interest to drive his salary up to $3.8 million last season.
It's all supply and demand. NBA teams typically draw from 80% to 100% capacity. If you want to see the best basketball players in the world, you can pay the going rate or sit home.
The collective bargaining agreement calls for 57% of all basketball related revenue to go to player salaries, and the minimum team salary is $37.125 million. Somebody has to get the money.
Somebody like Garrity. And someone has to pay for it all.
That would be you.
Alternatives? Not many. A new ABA is probably out of the question, mainly because you'd have to find arenas in a few major and some large secondary markets. Those arenas are owned by the NBA teams who occupy them.
So here we are bidding a fond farewell to 10 years of Pat Garrity.
The National Broadcasting Company is a subsidiary of General Electric. And GE has a goal of doubling revenue from sales to China to $10 billion by 2010.
So NBC's Olympic coverage had lots of on air shots of beautiful vistas, clean streets, and a picture of Chairman Mao looking over the shoulder of Bob Costas.
Dissidents rounded up before the games? NBC didn't notice. Reporters detained, web sites blocked, women in their seventies sent to reeducation labor camps for applying for a permit to protest? Yeah, but how about clean streets? Look at the Bird Cage, isn't that something?
Imagine you're Keith Olberman.
At one point in your career you proclaimed yourself the next Howard Cosell. You were the conscience of America, defender of the Constitution, lecturer of the evil Bush, master of sports and politics.
One day life tosses a great big change up right into your wheel house. A totalitarian state hosting the Olympics? Your fellow reporters are intimidated and censored? A major US contractor is in bed with a repressive government that confines its own countrymen without trial?
The Olympics, staged in a country where "Don't even think about it." has the force of law?
Talk about ducks on the pond. And it's on your own network.
How to play it.
You could do the whole Ed Murrow bit. You could even continue playing the Larry Rhodes character from "A Face In The Crowd". Who knows, you might even take a principled stand on the air that makes you a legend. Even if it got you fired.
Or...you could make a few snide remarks about President Bush attending the games, and otherwise ignore the greatest show since Leni Riefenstahl and Goebbels rolled film at Nuremberg.
I was only following orders!
A plausible excuse. Besides, Olbermann wasn't even part of NBC's official Olympic coverage. And it isn't like he was alone.
Costas swallowed the Kool Aid. Jim Lampley displayed depth to his coverage which could have been splashed dry with a tossed coin. Melissa Stark? Not the worrying kind.
So, a bunch of people we don't know got rounded up and disappeared. Some reporters got pushed around and a few websites were blocked. The police who stopped Chinese citizens from encouraging their own baseball team because their cheers were not approved in advance? Well, you must have order or you have chaos. Right?
Anyway, so what? A good time was had by all.
In 1936 a 243 foot tower rose from the midpoint of another Olympic venue. On it was the inscription "I summon the youth of the world." It overlooked the Reichssportsfield, the 16,000 seat venue which was the focal point of the games. There were children, and songs, and everything at the opening ceremony was wonderfully organized.
The historian Richard Mandell called those ceremonies, "an obscuring layer of shimmering froth on a noxious wave of destiny."
Too bad NBC wasn't there to cover the games, or GE to sell generators to the Germans. But if Keith Olbermann had been there, or Bob Costas, I'm sure they would have spoken up.
Here I am watching women's Olympic basket soccer on TV. I think it's called team handball, but I like basket soccer better. You have dribbling, and just like the NBA you get to take up to three steps with the ball and nobody calls it. Then the ball carrier throws the ball at the net and tries to get it past a goal keeper.
Basket soccer.
It's fast paced, fun, and competitive. Who knew? And when can we replace arena football with it?
I might as well admit it. I'm enjoying the Olympics. I would prefer not to. When I watched the opening ceremonies from Beijing I kept thinking Leni Riefenstahl would have loved it. Every trace of individual identity ground under the heel of an authoritarian state. All of it carefully managed by a government whose biggest worry is stopping Bible smugglers.
Image the 1936 Olympics with Jim Lampley and Bob Costas doing commentary.
Jim Lampley? I remember when he was hired out of college because of his youthful look. Now his on-air presence is so unmemorable that you couldn't trace a chalk outline around his dead career.
It could be worse. At least Bryant Gumbel and Jim Rome aren't there. Together with Lampley and Costas, they form the Four Horsemen of the Inane. Picture them together in one room.
(Gumbel) "Enough of about you, let's talk about me."
(Costas) "I remember Mickey Mantle. It was October of 1956."
(Rome) "Dude,do not concur. He wasn't all that. Now the dude could rake. But he's no ARod. Get 1956 out of your head, clone, and have a take."
(Costas) "Forty four years old, and you can't talk in complete sentences without pausing for a ten count? You need to see my Emmy collection."
(Lampley) "Emmy? Which was one Emmy? I promise you I've never met the woman and I did not, repeat did not, violate that restraining order."
(Gumbel) "The inability of white American sportswriters to own their collective guilt continues to astound this reporter."
(Lampley, Costas, Rome) "Shut up! Just, for once in your life, shut up!"
I'm enjoying the Olympics despite the announcers. Especially the sports I wouldn't normally get to see. Rowing is fun and seems to be on constantly. I like hearing what sounds like a car horn going off each time a team crosses the finish line. You hear that horn and have images of someone jumping out of their boat, grabbing their medal, and running across a parking lot to a waiting truck. "Thanks, guys, but mom's waiting. If she has to honk that horn a second time she'll leave me here."
Basketball hasn't been much to watch. Team Nike is crushing every thing in it's path. Poor guys. When they lose they are a national disgrace, and when they win we'll complain that it was all too easy. Not to worry, the important thing is how it all looks in the next Swoosh commercial.
Speaking of which, Liu Xiang, the poster athlete for Nike this Olympics went down with an injury. The statement out of Beaverton read, "Nike is proud of being able to cooperate with Liu Xiang closely. At
this time, we fully understand his feelings,and expect him to return to
the field after he is fully recovered."
Unless he and his family disappear in the middle of night, but that just goes without saying.
Michael Phelps? I've heard the name, but can't quite place it. Seriously, though, where does he rank among the all-time great Olympic athletes? I always give the track and field guys an edge over swimmers, whose events are more similar and can accumulate medals more easily.
Finally, would someone tell the US baseball team there is no crying in Olympic baseball? The Cubans threw high and tight at a US batter in a bunt situation and Davey Johnson acted as if it was a bad thing. Say what you will about Cuba, when you watch the Cuban team you are watching baseball played right and well.
Soon the Olympics will be over. I'm going to miss it.
Nike, which pushes three digit shoes to the inner cities, has taken Marvin ####e's classic rendition of the national anthem and turned it into an advertisement.
Just do it.
What's Going On?
I remember Marvin ####e's classic album about real life in real cities. When he sang that "Inner City Blues Make Me Wanna Holler" it was because they did. Those blues still should make us all want to holler, because life is little better there now than in 1971.
Which brings us to Nike and 2008.
I'm no liberal, and I don't think corporate and profit are dirty words. But there's something wrong with Nike wrapping itself in the flag when its product has as much to do with America as fish do with trees.
Look in Marvin ####e's Detroit. Do you see Nike making shoes there?
Watch the video. LeBron James is from Akron. How many people in Akron make shoes for Nike? Kobe is from just outside of Philly. See any Nike jobs flowing into the inner city in Philadelphia? Maybe in HotLanta where Dwight Howard is from? No. What about Brooklyn? Ask Carmelo Anthony for directions to the Nike plant in his old neighborhood.
Scratch that. Don't ask any of the players who wear Nike about Nike. They take the money and look away. We wear the shoes and look away, then complain how the gasoline companies are making obscene profits.
The deal is this. Nike puts shoes on the best basketball players in the world, and America's inner cities love those players. Nike takes that love and turns it to gold. But nobody who wears Nike on the toughest streets and basketball courts in this country has a snow ball's chance in the summer Olympics of ever drawing a paycheck from Nike.
Don't tell me it's because the cost advantages of subcontracting are essential to stay in business. The production cost of Nike shoes is anywhere from ten to thirty times less than what they sell for. If you moved production to Detroit, or Chicago, or LA you would cut into the $2.7 billion in cash and short term investments on their balance sheet, but you'd hardly put the company out of business.
Maybe we try something different next Olympics. Run the same video of the next "dream team" wearing Nike. Just put out ads with more appropriate national anthems in the background. Something for the good folks who made the shoes.
Start with a few lines from the Vietnamese national anthem-
"The path to glory passes over the bodies of our foes...overcoming all hardships together we build our resistance base."
Or China's' "Everyone must roar his defiance. Arise! Arise! Arise!"
Or Indonesia's "Indonesia, a beaming country. A country we love with all our heart."
In the end it comes down to image and truth. The national anthem is a powerful song because it is true.
There really was a
Star Spangled Banner. It was a 30 X 42 foot garrison flag that flew
over Fort McHenry in Baltimore in 1814. Francis Scott Key watched from
a ship on the river as the British pounded the fort.
The rockets
red glare Key wrote about was from actual banks of small incendiary rockets
which were launched at the roofs of buildings inside forts to try to start
fires. The bombs bursting in air were heavy shells exploding and
raining shrapnel down on the forts defenders. Defenders who would die
at their post rather than pull down their flag. You can see that flag
in Washington at the Smithsonian.
Like American manufacturing it is pretty badly beaten up, but worth saving.
Marvin ####e was perhaps the greatest singer of the 20th century. His style, his talent, his poetry all created an image. But what he wrote about was real and true.
"Money, we make it. Before we see it, you'll take it."
Michael Jordan told a group of young basketball campers Kobe could beat him 1-1 "Because I'm old". In their primes? Jordan says it wouldn't even be close and he'd have a better chance to stop Kobe than the other way around.
I've played a lot of one on one. In my younger days I was compared to some of the greats of the game. I had the open court skills of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the inside game of Tiny Archibald, and the jump shot of Dennis Rodman.
But I do know a little about the game. Here's how Kobe and MJ would break down.
Forget the open court skills.
1-1 is not about that. You might see a dunk off a rebound, but Air Jordan would be mostly taxiing on the runway. And Kobe slamming one down over Jordan? Not going to happen.
The outside games are a fair match.
I don't see a big advantage. Kobe may be the better shooter, but by a very slim margin. But here's the problem. Kobe has to get his shot off against one of the best defensive stoppers who ever played the game. Jordan wouldn't have a day at the park, either. Bryant has the size to disrupt Jordan's jumper.
If Jordan were to press Kobe's outside game, could he get around him?
Not easily. In his prime Jordan's lateral movement was much better than Kobe's is now. Consider also that Jordan often shut down the other team's top scorer. Kobe doesn't often draw that assignment, and especially not against a Michael Jordan.
Drive time...
Flip side of the coin. Jordan was at his most dangerous attacking the basket. If he opens even a little daylight going to the hoop he'll find the basket. Major advantage for Jordan.
Posted up...
Kobe would be able to take Jordan posted up. Jordan would beat him black and blue in the process, but this is definitely an area of opportunity.
From the baseline...
This would be a draw. Bryant has a little more range than Jordan showed, but slightly less consistency. For both players the age old question-do I want to come out on this guy? What was it Clint Eastwood said in the movies? "Feelin' lucky?" Probably not.
As Yogi Berra once said...
Ninety-five percent of this game is half mental. Here Jordan would rule. Call him cocky or arrogant, but Jordan feels at home in his skin. Kobe, not so much. Jordan would assume he would win and will himself to do so. Kobe would feel the pressure much more. In a groove Kobe Bryant cannot be stopped, even by Jordan. Get in his head and it's a different story.
Final Score
21-16.
Next?
There are some other match ups that would have been fun to watch. First on my list would be Julius Erving vs Jordan. Jordan would be the favorite, but this would be a tough match up because of the height difference.
I can't tell you who would win between Bird and Jordan, but the game would be quick. Neither would be able to contain the other. If I was in Bird's corner I'd send him to the baseline and tell him not to stop shooting until it was over one way or the other.
Jordan would stop Magic without too much trouble. Johnson's game was the open court and I don't see him having the quickness to set up much in a half court game against Jordan.
I could see Dominque Wilkins or Connie Hawkins being a match up problem. But would either work hard enough on the defensive end to stop Jordan?
Walt Frazier would get muscled by Jordan, but if he could make a few outside shots it would be interesting until about 12 all. Pete Maravich could get on a roll long enough to make it interesting, but could he sustain?
What about LeBron? What about him? Jordan would shut him down for a 6-0 stretch and own the "international icon" for most of the rest. Maybe in a few years, but maybe not ever.
My last nominee is someone people have forgotten all too easily. George "The Iceman" Gervin. A battle between these two scoring machines would be a wild affair. Nobody, and I mean NOOOOOOOBODY could stop Gervin from scoring.
I'm not running for anything, so I can take a position and stick with it. Besides, it always seemed to work for John Wayne.
FOR The RedSox trading Manny Ramirez and for the Dodgers acquiring him. Win/win. Ramirez will play hard and hit well, if for no other reason than to show up the RedSox. On the other hand, who can blame the BoSox for believing that fruitcake is not a summer delicacy.
AGAINST The sportswriter who criticized Erin Andrews. I suspect there is a fair amount of jealousy involved in that a)nobody has heard of the writer and b)everyone has heard of Andrews. Is Andrews where she is because of her looks? Was Walter Cronkite the anchor at CBS all those years because of his voice? Your gifts get you to the table, your hard work keeps you there. Andrews deserves her place.
FOR Brett Favre playing this season with some team other than the Packers. Thompson and Company were ready for the changing of the guard before Favre had retired and he knew it. If he still wants to play, make the deal. Sixteen seasons and great numbers ought to buy some measure of respect. It's his life and the window of opportunity on his being a football player is closing fast.
AGAINST LeBron James signing with a Greek team as a free agent when his Cavalier contract is up. I know it wasn't going to happen despite the rumors, but I want to go on record. How can I blog about James if he's scoring 50 a night against Kolossus Rodou?
FOR Mandatory drug testing by the NCAA prior to high school players being allowed to sign a scholarship offer. It would be a great positive incentive for high school kids to stay away from drugs at a critical time in their lives, and keep many hard core abusers from coming to school and creating disciplinary problems. (By the way, wonder why absolutely no one even mentions this as an option?)
AGAINST Fantasy football. I'm terrible at it.
FOR Self delusion. The Astros have declared they will "never" be sellers at the trade deadline. That would be the same Houston Astros who thought Shawn Chacon was just the free agent pitcher they needed.
AGAINST Mark Cuban buying the Cubs. He should buy his hometown Pittsburgh Pirates instead. A small market team with a bottomless cup of payroll beats another mega market team with unlimited payroll. (I know the Pirates aren't for sale. But they should be.)
FOR A typhoon hitting the Olympics. The Olympics are to sports what infomercials are to late night TV. Besides, it couldn't happen to a nicer government. Possible downside-the number of meteorologists who will be detained and "reeducated".
AGAINST Terrell Owens missing practice two days in a row. You just know that he's thinking that we're thinking that he's thinking that we're thinking....
FOR Tony Stewart winning a race. Stewart has zero wins. The natural order of the universe has been disturbed.
AGAINST Guys named Busch winning NASCAR races (see above).
FOR College football season starting and with it blogs full of trash talk and rash predictions.
AGAINST Penn State becoming the state pen and the SEC becoming an expansion franchise of the federal prison system.
Ron Artest let his new teammate Yao Ming know that he was "still ####".
I'm still suburb. Whatever that means. As if geography is destiny and free will doesn't exist. Martin Luther King spoke of a day when people would be judged by the content of their character. Maybe we're not there yet. But if we are, what do Artest's comments justifying physical confrontations on the basis of "respect" say?
This week West Virginia quarterback Pat White, who has been
drafted more than once by major league baseball teams, said he wouldn't
be going out for the team at WVU after his football career was over.
"In my knowledge of West Virginia baseball, there's not been many
players of my race on his team. He's (Coach Greg Van Zant) not too high
on it." He went on to add that the team's players disliked the coach,
the team wasn't very good, and that perhaps he would play baseball if
the team had a different coach.
One small problem. White acknowledged he hadn't spoken directly to Van
Zant. It was a hit and run accusation coming from a Heisman trophy
candidate who is very popular in the state of West Virginia. Van Zant
is now in the position of defending himself against comments he didn't
make to a player he hasn't spoken to.
Van Zant has a reputation as a poor communicator with a good won-loss
record. But nobody has accused him of prejudice, and there isn't any evidence of it beyond the fact that there aren't many African-Americans on his teams (or on many other college baseball teams). But Van Zant will be carrying the weight of White's words as a tag line the rest of his career. "Greg Van Zant, once accused of racism by WVU quarterback Pat White."
Then again.
It is a sports world inhabited by Redskins, Braves, and Indians. No stereotyping or prejudice there, right? Why are the Redskins called that? Because they were originally the Boston Football Braves. Moving to Fenway Park they became the Boston Redskins, presumably to clear up the name conflict with the Boston National League baseball team.
The baseball Braves were named not for native Americans but for a Democratic Party political machine. In the late 1800's New York politics was dominated by Tammany Hall, a sort of political machine and lodge that used native American phrases and symbols and referred to it's meeting place as a wigwam. When New York politician James Gaffney bought the team they went from Boston Rustlers to Boston Braves. By which logic, the Atlanta Braves ought to have a picture of a smiling politician on their logo.
The Indians of Cleveland were the Naps, after their captain Nap Lajoie. When Lajoie was sold to the Philadelphia A's, sportswriters were asked by the team to come up with a new name. They chose Indians, in part because of Cleveland player Louis Sockalexis, a native American. Ironically, Sockalexis died within a few years due to alcoholism. It was reported that a reason for his heavy drinking was the racial slurs hurled at him by fans.
Where am I headed with all this? Where are we headed?
We could start with the idea that words matter.
Ron Artest should consider, and probably won't, that endorsing violent responses to perceived slights is not evidence of culture but of a curse laid upon generations. It will continue, is continued, by thoughtless statements from athletes and entertainers.
It would be nice if someone, anyone, from the administration at West Virginia University publicly called out White for his reckless comments (unless he can back them up, which he hasn't so far). But the simple fact is White's performance on the field makes his happiness more important than the reputation of a 14 year employee of the school.
Oddly enough, it must be some warped sign of progress in this country that white fans in West Virginia were quick to go to college football message boards and throw their white coach under the bus lest any criticize their African-American quarterback.
Which brings us to the Redskins. Once a year I come out in favor of retiring the name. Once a year people get mad and say I'm a politically correct liberal trying to force my ideas on other people. In fact, I'm somewhat to the right of Ghengis Khan politically, but that's neither here nor there.
I have been blessed to be raised in the South. We get things wrong. Boy, have we gotten some things wrong. But we were raised to understand that you thought about your neighbor and went out of your way not to cause offense.
That said, I say we rename the Redskins (who used to be the Braves). The Indians we can talk about, but the smiling Chief Wahoo logo has to go. The Braves? Probably not an issue anymore, but I do think the smiling politician should be worn for at least one season.
Do you ever wonder if you could retire, change your mind, and then call your employer's bluff by showing back up to work? And do you think Brett Favre will ever realize that George Constanza actually tried this first on an episode of Seinfeld?
Ever think back on your days in college and wish you could of cruised around campus in an SUV with tinted windows, an automatic weapon under the seat and some residue in the ash tray just so you could have been there when an employee of the university looked at the cameras and said, "I'm not giving up on this kid. I looked him in the eye and saw something worth saving."
Think you might want to go into work tomorrow and announce to anyone who will listen, "I'm sick of this organization and they're sick of me, so why don't they do something about it?" On your way out the door maybe you could knock down an elderly employee and curse at him because he couldn't get you enough free tickets to the company picnic.
Remember the day at work when somebody said something to you, you said something to him, there was some pushing and shoving and next thing you knew you were hitting him over the head with a hockey stick? So they gave you ten minutes in the break room and sent you home for the day.
Try this on your wife some time. Get implicated in using drugs banned by your employer, then tell everyone you know nothing about steroids, but a buddy of yours came over to the house and injected your wife because she wanted to look younger for some photos.
Some of you may have already tried this. Once you hit your eighties ignore the hints you're getting at work that you should retire. Let everyone know you'll make the decision year by year and you'll let them know when it's time. But not now.
Ever consider what you'd do if a fight broke about between a large group of women at work? OK, get your minds out of the gutter and think this through. Would knocking a 36 year old mother flat to break up the fight be an option?
Have you ever thought about what you'd do if you owned the Coliseum in Rome? Sure, it's a part of the country's heritage and all, but it's a real dump and knocking it down to make way for a new one would be real money maker for you (provided the city paid for the infrastructure to support your new coliseum)?
Were you one of those guys who thought once China got the Olympic games they would let dissidents speak out, ease restrictions on the press, and become more open to democracy? A related question? How much stuff around your house was bought after 2 a.m. during an infomercial?
Are there any asterisks in your personnel file beside your annual ratings because some of your best work was done with the aid of drugs?
Finally, think there are any good driving jobs where they encourage you to break the speed limit and all you have to do is make continuous left turns for three hours once a week?
Serious question. Do you want the current version of basketball's Dream Team to win in Beijing?
Is it unpatriotic to hope they lose?
Here's why I ask. My sneaking su####ion is maybe 25% of US sports fans wouldn't mind seeing USA Basketball upset. That would be 5% who will say that out loud and 20% who keep it to themselves. Reasons?
Resentment of the NBA. Past US Olympic teams didn't adapt to international competition. They simply took the NBA game with them and carried the pieces back home stuffed in their travel bags.
Admit it. At some level didn't that feel good? Teams with better fundamentals schooling overpaid and under motivated NBA players. Basketball being taken back from the hype machine. Americans love the underdog. Pulling for Team USA in basketball is like cheering for Microsoft. Actually, it's like cheering for Nike. You do remember Nike? Nike is the voice down at the end of a long dark alley telling the people who run the sport, "You can have all the money in the world and it will only cost your soul. You weren't using that anyway, am I right?"
How do you pull for a Nike travelling squad? Maybe it's just a coincidence, but the team is made up entirely of players who wear Nike or Nike affiliated brands (except for Dwight Howard). A win for Team USA is money in the bank for the evil empire.
The Star Syndrome. Nike looked at this year's Olympics and saw the opportunity to promote......wait for it.....LJI Squared (LeBron James International Icon). They rushed out an ad for the Chinese masses featuring James besting an elderly Kung Fu master, a couple of dragons, and two animated Chinese girls. The Chinese authorities took offense, saying it insulted the motherland.
In truth, the ad was rejected because everyone knows James would have dunked repeatedly on the elderly master, dropped fifteen in the second quarter on the dragons, and then gone eight scoreless minutes in the third against the animated girls before coming back to almost, not quite, pull it out.
Americans don't love Mike Krizyewski. OK, exclude the few odd million who suddenly discovered they were Duke fans when Coach K came to Durham and started winning big time. The rest of us aren't so sure if he is the character guy who gives all those nice speeches or the whining, profane, borderline head case whose sideline demeanor stirs fond memories of Joesph Stalin.
Man bites dog. You want to see the US lose because it isn't supposed to happen. And the things that aren't supposed to happen are always more interesting than the things that are. Like 30 point blow outs and a US gold medal in basketball.
What's America got to do with it, anyway? The Olympics are more and more like college sports. The players are only vaguely connected to the institutions they represent. These are professional athletes making a career choice to be involved with a marketing vehicle. Some of them no doubt factor in pride in their country. How many do you think? 50%, 30%, 10%?
In the end I'll watch, and in the end I'll kind of sort of pull for Team USA. Why? Same reason I support any team from Texas. It's where I was born, the home team. But should Team USA lose I won't feel all that bad. And I'm betting neither will the players.
Mrs. Alex Rodriquez: Keep your weight evenly distributed during the swing and make sure the trademark faces up. And you might want to consider one of those maple bats.
Brett Favre: Two words for you. Arena football. When was the last time you saw an arena football quarterback get hit? You could be making comebacks into your mid-40's.
Barry Bonds: There is a point in most episodes of Law & Order when the defense attorney leans over and, with a look of great seriousness, nods his head at the offer the DA just made. You can't see me, but I'm giving you that look. The feds don't care about Barry Bonds, they want to take down a network of steroid distributors. Give them what they want before you end up in some federal prison getting an asterisk carved into your back.
Ed Wade: Don't bother people while they're eating.
Manny Ramirez: Two words. Stub Hub.
Tiger Woods: You've got some free time. Shake up your image. I'm thinking some NBA style tattoos, body piercings, pimp up the old Buick. Get seen in public wearing that green jacket inside out with a sideways ball cap. Then go on the Golf Channel and tell them your one regret is that you'll always wonder how good you could have been if you'd actually enjoyed the game. You might want to wait until next April 1, but feel free to do it earlier if you get bored.
O.J. Mayo: Decide early on who you are and what your game is going to be about. You can be who Stephon Marbury is, or who he could have been.
ESPN: Get over yourself. The ESPY awards? Nobody cares. You're in danger of being what MTV is to music. A network about culture that forgot what its core business is.
LeBron James: Just go to New York already. The NBA will work something out. But if you do the dance of a thousand veils for the next two seasons you'll turn off the fans in Cleveland and alot of other places. Stay. Go. Just make a decision now.
Tony Stewart: Hire a weather guy. No excuse for coming in at New Hampshire when everyone could see rain was going to hit the track. All that stood between you and your first victory was not having some kid with a laptop and the URL of NOAA looking at the nearest radar. For the want of a nail...
The City of Seattle: Take the NBA's $75 million and let the Sonics go. Then look into creating an ABA for the new millennium. Eight team league to start, four overseas, salaries about half of what the NBA offers but a league bounty to go after a few big name stars. Emphasis on old school, fundamental basketball. The anti-NBA. Just crazy enough that it might work.
And finally.....To the New York Mets. Get rid of those awful black and blue caps. They symbolize everything wrong with the current direction of the team. The Mets are supposed to look like the likable alternative to the Yankees, not Brittany Spears roadies.
Changing channels I heard someone talk about how long it had been since a player had tasted victory. What does victory taste like? Chicken? Really good Gatorade?
If you're a Cubs fan it would be really smooth. It should, seeing how it's aged for one hundred years. Yankee championships taste like cigars wrapped in thousand dollar bills.
I like hearing the NASCAR announcers talk about a driver being able to smell victory. There's Dale Jr. coming into the last lap, talking to his crew chief. "Don't worry Dale, that's not the transmission, just the smell of victory. You probably don't remember it. Just give us one more lap."
The smell of defeat hangs on like Scott Boras trying to leach out the last five million in a seven year deal. Kobe Bryant probably is tired of hearing his kids ask him why the house smells like the New York Knicks.
Animals can smell fear. I'm betting the horses at the Belmont could smell Big Brown coming. They were probably rolling their eyes at each other when he came onto the track. "This ought to be good, he smells like the Mets in September".
Gene Mauch, the Phillies manager during their epic 1964 collapse, said he knew the season was lost when he looked into the eyes of his closer and saw fear. I imagine Joe Girardi looking into Sidney Ponson's eyes and seeing the Golden Arches.
Some sports images are gruesome. College coaches are fond of saying "My guys played their hearts out tonight." Imagine the phone conversations. "Mrs. Smithers, I'm sorry but we were down two touchdowns to State late in the 4th quarter and your son played his heart out. What's that? Yes, mam, I know it was a non-conference game, but your boy was a real competitor."
Most college coaches are deluded. They see things none of us see. Bobby Ray Jim Bob may have residue in the ash tray, an automatic weapon under the front seat, and a hooker in the back but somehow you know his coach will say "I looked in his eyes and saw a young man who needs athletics to put his life back together." Just once I'd like to here the coach say, "I looked in his eyes and saw "Law & Order" reruns. I wished him well and sent him home."
Then you have the phychic broadcaster. "I can feel the momentum changing, Bob." I'm skeptical, because it seems like they always say this right after some team has run off eight straight points. There may be one or two who can actually feel momentum shifting. I feel sorry for them. Their social lives have to be a nightmare. "I was out with Linda last night and suddenly I felt the momentum shift, so I dropped her off at the curb and went home."
Some poor guys can feel the electricity in the air. It's a little known fact that #### Vitale once threw himself on top of Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski during warmups of a Duke-Carolina game when he felt too much electricity in the air at the Dean Dome. Unfortunately, it was just accumulated static from Mike Shulman's scalp.
Finally, who are these guys who play for "pride". "No, no, you keep the $7.5 million I'm owed this year, I'm playing for pride." Does this mean there others who play because of deep seated self-loathing? "Mike, in the 4th quarter we were down 18 and I just hated myself so bad I threw myself under Tank Johnson and prayed the end would come quickly."
Gotta go. I smell victory. Or bacon. I get confused sometimes.
We never had this problem with Wilt and Jerry West. We also never had freestyle rap. Don't know what they would have done in 75', but I imagine it would have gone like this: SHAQ "Theme From Shaq"
Who's the big man rhymin' quick
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
SHAQ!
Ya damn right!
Who is the man who would get a ring
For his brother Kobe?
SHAQ!
Can you dig it?
Who's the cat that won't cop out
When there's Celtics all about?
SHAQ!
Right On!
They say this cat Shaq is a bad mother
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I'm talkin' 'bout Shaq.
THEN WE CAN DIG IT!
He's a complicated man Who Kobe ratted out to his woman
GOT THE SHAFT!
Got more rings than the scoring machine... Got more rings than the scoring machine... Shaq! Shaq!
Four...
KOBE AND THE PIPS "Midnight Train to Phoenix"
Kobe, proved too much for the man So he left the wife he'd come to know He said he's goin' back to find what's left of his game The game he left behind oh so long ago
He's leavin' on that midnight train to Phoenix Said he's goin' back to find a seat for his behind I won't be with him on that midnight train to Phoenix I'd rather he live in his world and live without him in mine
He kept dreamin' that without me he'd be a star But he sure found out the hard way that dreams don't always come true So he's pawned all his hopes and he even sold his thirty-two nicknames Buyin' a playoff ticket back is the only way he'll have a finals view
Said he's leavin' on that midnight train to Phoneix Said he's goin' back to find some words that rhyme with behind I'm won't be with him on that midnight train to Phoenix I'd rather he live in his world and live without him in mine
Oh he's leavin' on the midnight train to Phoenix Said he's goin' try to find a way to score from the line Next year he'll watch me, from a recliner somewhere in Phoenix I'd rather he live in his world than live with him in mine
Get off the boards, get off the boards, get off the boards On the midnight train to Phoenix He got to go He got to go He got to go
In discussing the NBA, the word thug is actually a sort of short hand. It refers to players (mostly, or entirely) African-American who don't exactly spend their off days signing autographs at the local children's hospital. Ask people what the league's problem is and they will drop the "t" word.
But a thug, in the more traditional sense, is someone who bullies other people in order to have their way. Who steps outside the bounds of propriety with intimidation and threats.
Like the thugs in the NBA front office.
Today we find the NBA demanding $1.4 million from Tim Donaghy, the ref who traded inside information to gamblers. This comes shortly after Donaghy filed papers alleging widespread misconduct by league officials and executives.
The NBA doesn't need $1.4 million. This is a sport where Kwame Brown makes $3.9 million a year for single digit mediocrity.
I seriously doubt the NBA ever spent a fraction of $1.4 million they claim to have sunk into investigating Donaghy's charges and corruption in the ranks of officials. The league has pretty much turned a blind eye to most anything referees have done over the years.
Joey Crawford challenges Tim Duncan to a fight one season, and is back calling crucial playoff games the next. No problem. The Sacramento-LA playoff game in 2005 that smelled worse than a fixed prize fight? Never looked into. A college study that found patterns of point spread manipulation late in games? Denied as faulty methodology.
If the league didn't conduct a serious inquiry, what's the $1.4 million request for? As thugs do, Daniel Stern's goons in suits are trying to shut up someone who knows too much. In this case Donaghy. And send a message to any of the league's other officials to keep quiet or risk financial ruination.
Actually, it's $1,400,750. The NBA issued a separate demand for $750 to pay for the shoes the league provided Donaghy. See, that's another thing about thugs. They tend to be petty and try to rub people's noses into the ground to make a point.
Then there is Seattle.
Daniel Stern's personal touch of thuggery was his direct involvement in trying to extort a free arena from the taxpayers of Seattle. "Hand over the money or we take your team." So, the Sonics are a big part of the league's history with some of the most loyal fans in the sport?
It means nothing.
Stern believed he could bully and threaten Seattle into handing over the keys to a new arena to the Sonics new ownership, with minimal financial exposure by the new owners. New owners who just so happened to be from Oklahoma.
Now what were the odds? The league approved as the new owners of the Sonics a business leader in Oklahoma City who was active in trying to get the NBA to locate a franchise there.
Coincidence? No, a message. The message being the league was going to be given a free building or would move to Oklahoma, lease or not. The NBA is now in court trying, in a heavy handed, thuggish way to rip the Sonics away from Seattle before the arena contract says it's time to go.
There is a line I like in an old Woody Guthrie song called "Pretty Boy Floyd the Outlaw". It says, simply, "Some will rob you with a six gun, and some with a fountain pen."
The Stern gang won't shower money on strippers, or get stopped at 3 a.m. with residue in the ash tray and automatic weapons under the front seat. But make no mistake about it, the real thugs in the NBA are on Fifth Avenue in New York.
And it's time for the NBA owners to do something about them.
