Eighty-one years the University of Illinois used Chief Illiniwek as a mascot. Not because there are alot of Native Americans at the school, but because years ago a band director thought it would ####e up halftime at football games Now the NCAA says the chief is demeaning to Native Americans and must go. The university has finally agreed and tomorrow night will be Illinois' last dance with Illiniwek.
No word on a replacement mascot, but I've got high hopes for some sort of Caucasian symbol. Perhaps a white guy doing the "lonely man" dance practiced by the non-native peoples during the great Disco Era. This was the height of the Caucasian's migration through the nightclubs of Chicago. "Get Down Tonight" could be the new Illini fight song, and "Dances with Self" the new mascot. It may be difficult to find a suit of the traditional polyester blend, but at least they could dig up some gold chains and a white jacket.
The usual suspects are all present and accounted for. The political correctness police are out in force. These are mainly white kids who feel really bad about who they are, and will verbally denounce the sins of their parents as long as they can drunkenly stagger to the microphone to assert their moral superiority. The NCAA, a clarion voice for ethics (and forcing 18 year olds to delay signing pro contracts), has been heard from. The descendants of the Illiniwek have spoken up clearly and said a)it was an honor to be represented and b)"of course we are offended, they ran us out of Illinois".
It seems complex on the surface. Some schools keep symbols because the tribe they have gloamed onto doesn't mind, others have dropped mascots and changed names. Alumni seem almost unnaturally attached to the nicknames, as if a part of their past will die with them. Conservative commentators, as is their wont, rail against political correctness.
There is a simple answer to the problem. Common courtesy. Treat people the way you would want to be treated, and avoid giving deliberate offense to anyone if at all possible. For those wanting to hang onto traditions, this is an oldie but a goody. It defines a gentleman or woman and treats each person as an equal worthy of respect.
If you look at Native American mascots and imagine them as representative of any other race or culture it's hard to not to find them silly at best, or offensive at worst. Maybe not all tribes are opposed to them. But if there is a chance young native Americans will grow up burdened in any way by these images isn't it simply the right thing to do to let them go?
The NCAA probably is more interested in PR than people, but so what? If they have accidentally stumbled across good taste and want to impose it on unwilling athletic departments, so much the better. But common sense requires that the ban on stereotypical names and mascots extend even to schools that have somehow acquired the blessing of an individual tribe. So long Seminoles.
Not discussed in all this is pro sports. The question of the "Redskins" is the 900 pound #### in the room nobody wants to discuss. But it is infinitely more offensive than any nickname used by any college team and should have been dropped years ago. If you aren't convinced, try this simple test. Construct a sentence using Redskins outside of the context of football that doesn't sound degrading. It can't be done.
The silence on the Redskins name is baffling, especially since the team represents the District of Columbia, a diverse city awash with civil rights lawyers. The problem is many of them can be found on Sunday wearing Redskins logo merchandise and singing "Hail to the Redskins" out at FedEx Field.
Our record in dealing with Native Americans is, at best, abysmal. Getting rid of these mascots isn't going to make life better for them, but as a sign of respect it's not a bad start.
Yesterday Redskins coach Joe Gibbs criticized linebacker LaVar Arrington for discussing his status with the team, saying "Right now, for anybody in this organization - I would hope in the
entire town - to be focused on anything other than Philly would be
ridiculous." Today Gibbs continued on that theme, accusing President George Bush of Texas of being a Dallas Cowboys sympathizer and demanding that the full resources of the Federal government be placed at the team's disposal.
In response, Bush denied any loyalty to the Cowboys and ordered attacks on three key locations in Philadelphia. Before dawn this morning, four F-15 Strike Eagles operating out of Langley Air Force Base dropped laser guided munitions on key targets in Philadelphia and nearby Camden, New Jersey. As explosions lit the night sky and shook the City of Brotherly Love awake, reports began to filter in of damage to Eagles practice facilities, a ticket office, and "Shaky Pete's Screaming Eagle Tavern" on Walnut Street. There are unconfirmed reports of periscopes in the Delaware River and reportedly the USS Olympia, a historic vessel located at Penn's Landing, is badly damaged and down by the bow in what appears to be a senseless attempt by the Navy to join in the action.
Around Washington, the National Institutes of Health announced that they have suspended all research on the avian flu virus and will, instead, focus on finding a cure for turf toe. The Veteran's administration has ordered it's doctors to concentrate on developing a knee brace to enable Mark Brunell to play in this weekend's game. All Federal government activities have been suspended to allow for a million government workers march and pep rally at the Lincoln Memorial. And, the National Council of Churches has announced an inter-faith "Redskins Victory" prayer vigil at the National Cathedral. Congress is in emergency session, working on a bi-partisan bill that would result in the deportation of Eagles middle linebacker Jerimiah Trotter and an extension to the amount of time that punter Sean Landetta can be held under the Alien Sedition Act.
Eagles coach Andy Reid today filed a protest with the NFL over "intimidation" by Black Hawk helicopters which followed the team bus to it's alternate practice field. One chopper, commanded by Lt. Colonel Sonny Kilmer of the District Air National Guard, reportedly disrupted filming of the Eagles Cheerleaders DVD Lingerie Calendar by firing 16 "Hellfire" missles above their heads. "Our rules of engagement are clear", Kilmer said, "we closed to as low as 15 feet off the ground but we couldn't be sure they weren't concealing weapons so we dispersed them."
CIA analysts believe the Eagles may be installing gadget plays for the critical matchup with the Redskins. SR-71 spy planes, flying out of bases in the Pacific, have photographed activity that analysts believe may suggest Philadelphia is engaged in clandestine preparations. This cannot be confirmed until satellites pass over Philadelphia again sometime later tonight.
Vice-President #### Cheney is returning to Washington from an undisclosed location somewhere near a Residence Inn in Billings, Montana and President Bush has asked for Washington DC citizens to remain calm during this crisis. Coach Gibbs said today he is, "mildly pleased" at the government's early first steps.
This year's playoff teams are alot like the big Kentucky Derby fields at Churchill Downs. There are a few picks that will get alot of attention, some solid entrees worth looking at, a couple of longshots, and alot of horses with no business in the race. After careful review of the NFL team stats, here's how I handicap the field of 14 (allowing for all teams still in contention for a playoff spot):
CLASS OF THE FIELD
Denver Broncos Conventional wisdom says the Colts, but in an environment that magnifies mistakes the Broncos don't make them. Key stat lines- +18 giveaway/takeaway margin, only 28 sacks and interceptions combined (tied with Indianapolis), and 17 pass plays of 40 or more yards.
Seatlle Seahawks Other than a lack of playoff experience it's hard to find a flaw in the Seahawks. Key stat line-28 rushing touchdowns. Cause for concern-only 17 field goals and a 70.8% average.
Indianapolis Colts Not a horse to bet on, despite being the early favorite. Hasn't been stretched out by competition. Key stat line-surprisingly only 13 plays from scrimmage longer than 20 yards. Gives up 300 yards per game on defense and a 66.8% pass completion percentage.
SOLID STARTERS
Pittsburgh Steelers Why not? Solid defense and field goal kicking can go far in the playoffs. I worry that they are too predictable on offense. Key stat lines-Runs the ball 58.8% of the time. Eighty-four yards per game rushing defense.
Cincinnati Bengals A ball hawking defense and potentially explosive offense. Gives up more yards and pass completions than I'd like to see, but the offensive line gives Palmer all kinds of time. Key stat line-31 interceptions. Reason to worry-61.4% pass completion percentage given up on defense. Can they get a Payton Manning off the field?
Carolina Panthers A one good receiver team in a league that demands two. I hesitate to place them this high, but their defense is this good and Jake Delhomme makes alot from a little. Key stat lines-Only 677 yards in penalties on offense, 23 passing TD's, and 12 receptions for 40 yards or more. Why worry? Only 3.2 yards a rush.
Overrated
New England Patriots Johnny Damon left town and so has the Pats mystique. Lots of weaknesses showing up all at once. Key stat- Minus 5 giveaway/takeaway. No team wins the Super Bowl with a negative in this category. More bad news-231.5 yards per game passing by their opponents. The Pats pass 57% of the time, which is a bad stat in the playoffs where most teams got there by putting strong pressure on the QB.
New York Giants Eli Manning will be a fine playoff quarterback, but not yet. Key stat-327.7 yards per game given up by the defense. The Giants won't get Manning on the field and with 17 interceptions a 4 interception day against a tough defense isn't out of the question.
Save Some Money For
Jacksonville Jaquars My insane long shot. Rock solid defense gets opponents off the field. Key stat line-65.6 average kickoff distance. It's an arcane stat, but when the playoffs come around field position is king. At no extra charge-Did you know the Jags only give up 31.9% of 3rd down conversions?
Dallas Cowboys Win one for the Tuna has a nice ring to it. A team with line play this bad shouldn't last past the first round (if they make the playoffs). But remember this key stat-The Cowboys ran 126 more plays from scrimmage than their opponents. A team with an uncanny knack for snatching victory from the jaws of defeat.
Sucker Bets
Kansas City Chiefs An offense that is hitting on all cylinders and a defense that couldn't drive a moped. The only stat you need to know-339.2 yards per game yielded on defense.
Washington Redskins With much respect due to Joe Gibbs, this isn't the Redskins year. Key stat lines- Gave up over 20 yards on 18 plays from scrimmage. Minus 4 giveaway/takeaway. Brunell will not give games away, but he also isn't who you want to see on the field down by more than a touchdown in the 3rd quarter.
Tampa Bay Bucaneers What do they do well? Not much. What do they do badly? Not much. Key stat line-Only 275.9 yards per game by opponents.
Chicago Bears An old fashioned Bears defense, and unfortunately an offense that recalls the glory days of Jack Concannon. Key stats-Opponents have run 38 more plays from scrimmage, 127 yards passing, 28 giveaways.
Summary-Look for the Broncos to take the Seahawks in the Super Bowl. Forget about the Colts, look out for the Jags, and keep an eye on the Steelers and Bengals. The rest are pretenders.
