Nothing else is working. Teams playing the receivers tight, teams playing the receivers loose, teams wandering aimlessly around the field doing the chicken dance. It's all been tried and none of it is working.
It is time to face reality.
The Patriots could finish 16-0, run the tables in the playoffs, take control of the government and come for our women. Not that they would like us saying they are "our" women, but you know what I mean. Do you really want to live in a society where Tom Brady shows up at your door and says "I'll take the tall blond one over there". I know your wives and girlfriends might not object to that, but where does that leave us?
There is precedent. In 2006 Coach Bill Bilichick was sued by the husband of a New Jersey woman for taking his wife's affections. He is now reported to be dating a woman with three children whose marriage evaporated into thin air at his approach. Plus, and this is only conjecture on my part, the guy looks like a vampire.
Some might say I'm over reacting to the threat. I say they are wrong. In the 90's we learned from movies that "greed is good". This is 2007. Panic is the new greed.
So what do we do?
Back in the sixties the counterculture used to have bumper stickers that said "imagine world peace". Didn't happen, but at least they were trying something. And it doesn't mean it couldn't work in this case. Imagine...
Imagine the Patriots completely coming unglued after a humbling loss to the Colts and finishing 8-8.
Picture all the defensive coordinators in the NFL watching the game, hitting their foreheads with their palm and exclaiming "It's so simple, now we can shut them down."
Visualize Tom Brady being dumped by Gisele Bundchen. During a game using the sideline phone.
Imagine Brady curling into the fetal position and refusing to go into the game, replaced by Matt Cassell.
Form an image in your mind of a crazed ex husband charging across the field and beating Bilichick senseless with a giant foam finger, before feeding what was left to a group of the commander in cheat's ex-girlfriend's and their lawyers.
Together let's chant, hold hands, and picture a world where Randy Moss is 10 yards behind the nearest corner back and drops the ball. Over and over and over again.
In your mind's eye can't you see Mike Vrabel coming in with the short yardage team, tripping over Brady's foot in the exchange and pulling every muscle and ligament in his body simultaneously.
We can get together on this people. We can stop the Patriots. It's like John Lennon told us....
Imagine the Patriots losing
It's easy if you try
No teams below them
Above us the Jets fly high
Imagine all the Patriot haters
Living for Sunday...
Imagine there's no Belichick It isn't hard to do
Nothing to film or lie for
And no Tom Brady too
Imagine the Bills in the playoffs New England giving up 9 TD's...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the Patriots will be done
Imagine no Randy Moss
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or plunder
Or spy equipment in vans Imagine all the Miami Dolphins Healthy at one time...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the Colts win 53 to none.
