So NBC "went green" during the Cowboys and Eagles game. I feel cooler already. Then again, who doesn't compared to Bob Costas and Keith Olbermann in a candle lit TV studio. I tuned in the middle and thought it was "The Batchelor" gone horribly wrong, with Olbermann torn between giving the rose and his undying love to either Costas or his own ego.

Let me see if I've got this straight. Twenty-two million people basking in the warm glow of their electricity sucking televisions, creating a carbon footprint the size of Olbermann's self regard, watch two guys sitting in a darkened TV studio and suddenly rise up from their recliners and dash out to join the Green Party.

Somebody run me down with a Prius.

Let's look at this logically. The most environmentally sensitive thing the dynamic duo could have done was encourage viewers to turn off their TV's. But that might have upset NBC, which is owned by General Electric.

GE wants to get the message out it cares about the environment. That's at least partly because it's corporate strategy is to hit about $20 billion in revenues by 2010 in products specifically geared toward addressing environmental concerns. One way to do that is to heighten public perception of an environmental crisis, push for governmental regulation requiring abatements, then sell the goods and services business will need to meet their new found obligations.

This is not to say there are not legitimate environmental concerns. It's just that you might want to keep your hand on your wallet when you're getting news about a disease from the company that wants to sell you the cure. NBC is making Costas and Olbermann highly paid shills in front of a corporate medicine show tent.

Which brings me to this. The reason I watch sports is so I don't have to think about political issues. You can believe there is no more political or ideologically charged issue than the environment. Leftists want to shut down industry because they hate the idea that someone is making money off capitalism. Meanwhile the right rides around in SUV's that look like armored personnel carriers with "Nuke the Whales" bumper stickers.

I majored in economics and political science in college, and used to enjoy discussing the news of the day. But over the last few years I came to the conclusion everybody I talked to about politics was a raving fanatic. Except for me. And I wasn't too sure about me.

So I retreated to a simpler world where you judged a man not by the content of his character but the three digits of his batting average. A world where the only chad that was hanging was Pennington, and the value of bonds was set by how many home runs Barry hit. Economics is whatever ARod will make, social justice is Michael Vick in a Virginia jail cell, and green is the color of the monster in left field at Fenway.

To Bob and Keith I say this. How rude of you to barge into my happy neighborhood with your candles and your CFL light bulbs. Sunday night we invited you into our homes for a football game, not a lecture in group think.

I'll read the news about the environment, I'll decide what I do and don't believe, and I'll do what I think is appropriate to be a good steward of the environment.

Meanwhile, turn on the lights and get back to work.

Yesterday Redskins coach Joe Gibbs criticized linebacker LaVar Arrington for discussing his status with the team, saying "Right now, for anybody in this organization - I would hope in the entire town - to be focused on anything other than Philly would be ridiculous."   Today Gibbs continued on that theme, accusing President George Bush of Texas of being a Dallas Cowboys sympathizer and demanding that the full resources of the Federal government be placed at the team's disposal.

In response, Bush denied any loyalty to the Cowboys and ordered attacks on three key locations in Philadelphia.  Before dawn this morning, four F-15 Strike Eagles operating out of Langley Air Force Base dropped laser guided munitions on key targets in Philadelphia and nearby Camden, New Jersey.  As explosions lit the night sky and shook the City of Brotherly Love awake, reports began to filter in of damage to Eagles practice facilities, a ticket office, and "Shaky Pete's Screaming Eagle Tavern" on Walnut Street.  There are unconfirmed reports of periscopes in the Delaware River and reportedly the USS Olympia, a historic vessel located at Penn's Landing, is badly damaged and down by the bow in what appears to be a senseless attempt by the Navy to join in the action.

Around Washington, the National Institutes of Health announced that they have suspended all research on the avian flu virus and will, instead, focus on finding a cure for turf toe.  The Veteran's administration has ordered it's doctors to concentrate on developing a knee brace to enable Mark Brunell to play in this weekend's game.  All Federal government activities have been suspended to allow for a million government workers march and pep rally at the Lincoln Memorial.  And, the National Council of Churches has announced an inter-faith "Redskins Victory" prayer vigil at the National Cathedral.  Congress is in emergency session, working on a bi-partisan bill that would result in the deportation of Eagles middle linebacker Jerimiah Trotter and an extension to the amount of time that punter Sean Landetta can be held under the Alien Sedition Act.

Eagles coach Andy Reid today filed a protest with the NFL over "intimidation" by Black Hawk helicopters which followed the team bus to it's alternate practice field.  One chopper, commanded by Lt. Colonel Sonny Kilmer of the District Air National Guard, reportedly disrupted filming of the Eagles Cheerleaders DVD Lingerie Calendar by firing 16 "Hellfire" missles above their heads.  "Our rules of engagement are clear", Kilmer said, "we closed to as low as 15 feet off the ground but we couldn't be sure they weren't concealing weapons so we dispersed them."

CIA analysts believe the Eagles may be installing gadget plays for the critical matchup with the Redskins.  SR-71 spy planes, flying out of bases in the Pacific, have photographed activity that analysts believe may suggest Philadelphia is engaged in clandestine preparations.  This cannot be confirmed until satellites pass over Philadelphia again sometime later tonight. 

Vice-President #### Cheney is returning to Washington from an undisclosed location somewhere near a Residence Inn in Billings, Montana and President Bush has asked for Washington DC citizens to remain calm during this crisis.  Coach Gibbs said today he is, "mildly pleased" at the government's early first steps.