Greatest players in each sport. Twenty seconds to think. Ready set go.

Odds are many of you named Ruth in baseball, Michael Jordan in basketball, Jim Brown in football, Gretzky in hockey, Pele in soccer, Tiger Woods in golf, Pete Sampras and Martina Navratilova in tennis, and Dale Earhardt in NASCAR. OK, throw in Secretariat in horse racing with Willie Shoemaker along for the ride.

Miss anyone?

Most of it is conventional wisdom which changes over time. But is it right? And if these guys are number one, who is number two? And who on that list makes a good claim at possibly being the best?

Baseball. Barry Bonds wrote himself out of this spot. Who can say what he's guilty of? Who can say what he isn't? Ty Cobb? Madison Avenue hasn't invented the PR firm which could reform his image. Not much power, either. Don't talk to me about Alex Rodriquez. We don't have that much time. Ted Williams? Not a complete player. Hank Aaron? Wagner, or a man who might well be the best ever, Nap Lajoie?

So, who's in second? I'll take Christy Mathewson. Before Ruth came along, Mathewson made New York fall in love with baseball. Mathewson set all kinds of records, but more than that gave baseball respectability with the upper class (and the chattering class-the media). Quite possibly the best pitcher of all-time, a master of control who never stood taller than in the spotlight of the biggest games. Erudite, largely a cipher, and the coolest customer of them all

Football. People get sentimental about Unitas, and he was the first great TV quarterback. But not as good as Elway. Jerry Rice is Cal Ripken. Joe Montana the definition of a professional. Lawrence Taylor a force of nature. Maybe Manning or Brady? Before it's over that argument will be made for one or both.

I'll go with #### Butkus. Taylor had more talent, but Butkus was football. If you ever get a chance to watch one of his games on video, keep an eye and an ear open. Hard to describe, but a Butkus tackle sounded like a car wreck. Forward momentum ceased. Strong men flinched. Butkus and Brown had the hearts of lions.

All that aside, it always bugs me that Terry Bradshaw's name isn't higher on these lists. The man worked hard to harness enormous talents and won Super Bowls. The Steelers without Bradshaw would not have been any where near successful. Put aside the laughing image. This was a great, great quarterback.

Basketball. Russell for all the banners in the old Boston Garden, Chamberlin for how he changed the game. Jabbar for the sustained excellence. Bird and Johnson, linked forever in time as competitors and showmen. All were great.

I'd throw two other names in, along with a qualification. I don't believe Jordan was the best. Maybe not even in the top three. I've seen Julius Erving play and Doctor J. would eat Jordan's lunch. Heresy aside, the best all-around player the game has seen may be Oscar Robertson. He had it all. Scorer, tremendous assist man, solid rebounder, tenacious defender. If not the best, then certainly no slouch at #2.

Hockey. Gordie Howe and Bobby Hull were tremendous scorers. Rocket Richard maybe the most glamorous player ever. Too many goalies to name.

This is easy, though. It has to be Bobby Orr at #2, maybe even #1. The pure excitement of Orr rushing out of the Boston zone into open ice is perhaps unmatched in sports. Fifteen thousand people catching their breath at one time. Pure magic. Skills rivaling Gretzky's from a defenseman. Hard to explain to anyone brought up on today's game. There may be another Gretzky. There will never be another Bobby Orr.

Soccer. A subject I know little to nothing about. I don't put Beckham in Pele's league, however, and someone who knows more history might even suggest two or three better. Pele dominated his sport in the way Ruth did baseball for a time.

Golf. Palmer or Nicklaus. Toss a coin. I'd take Nicklaus on talent. If they somehow could be matched in their prime I'm not sure Nicklaus wouldn't have beaten him if the played just once. Over a stretch Woods is better, but he never had other great players to press him the way Nicklaus did.

Tennis. I suppose you're supposed to say Rod Laver, who may have been the best. I'd go with Bjorn Borg. And if I had to have someone go out and win one match, not sure that Jimmy Conners wouldn't find a way to win. The women's side of the coin is much clearer. If not Navaratilova then Evert.

NASCAR. I think we forget RIchard Petty all too easily. Behind the image o####ood natured man in retirement is a record of unparalleled excellence. Earnhardt had the advantage of being around when the rest of the country discovered stock car racing. Petty was there at the beginning of the climb and won on guts and smarts.

Horse Racing. Secretariat may not be the greatest horse of all time, but he had the greatest film clip, pulling away from the field by what seemed like miles. Man of War, though, could easily be the best. What I wouldn't give to have seen them race.

Jockeys? I'll put one name in. Pat Day. Here it may be sentiment on my part, having seen Day ride and admiring his work for years. He perfected what is simply known as "the Pat Day ride", always knowing exactly when to make his move. Was he the best? I don't know, but he's the best I ever saw.

Number two is not a bad place to be. We don't remember number two, but we can always argue number one. It part of what makes sports so much fun.

A better blogger would have answers. All I have is questions.

For instance, why are sports segregated? If you go back to the 70's there were alot of African-Americans playing baseball. And white guys starting in the NBA. And, as hard as it is to imagine, white running backs.

Now African-Americans don't play baseball and whites can't be found in the NBA. And white running backs? You see them about as often as someone sights the Loch Ness monster.

But is that a bad thing? Something that requires a remedy? Just one of those things?

Start with soccer and work up the sports food chain. Soccer in this country is day care for white kids. Let them go out and run around for a couple of hours until the ritalin kicks in. The rest of the world, everybody plays "the beautiful game". Here it's different. Why is that?

A part of me wants to give African-Americans credit for not taking an interest in soccer. What the world calls "football" reminds me of the punishment drills we used to run in school where you had to sprint to the top of the circle then back, then to mid-court then back, and on until your will to live was gone. Just with a goal at one end.

It could also be a question of space and where people live. Land is not plentiful for recreation in the inner cities. A basketball court fits just about anywhere, a soccer field requires real estate. But if space is the issue why is tennis not a bigger thing? After the Williams sisters, diversity among the big names in tennis is almost non-existent.

NASCAR is great at marketing and has opened up to places and demographics once untouched by the sport. Why no black drivers? Maybe because you have to start young at lower levels of the sport and it is a sport that requires an investment in not just time but financial resources. Can NASCAR bypass that part of the process and come up with an African-American driver on a major team? And would that draw any interest? Don't know, but we may find out eventually.

The NHL? Forgetaboutit. Or maybe not. Canada is becoming more diverse and basketball doesn't provide much competition. Here in America it's a matter, black or white, of having access to the relatively few available youth hockey programs. But hockey, played well, is a sport that combines many of the elements of football. Speed, skill, hitting. If football can be popular outside of white America, maybe within 30 years hockey could catch on. But not if you have to pay $60 for a decent seat.

Ah baseball. So much potential, so much decline, so much effort to change. I'll make what may seem to be an outlandish argument. This is our most integrated sport (and no, it isn't football despite what you may think). If you factor the wide range of foreign born players in, and the lack of stereotypes as to position (see the NFL) it is a remarkably diverse sport.

Here the drop in participation among African-Americans is part voluntary. It was there at one time and has faded. Basketball and football are the destinations of choice for black athletes. The shame is the odds are stacked against ever making a dime in either one. A good athlete has a much better chance of making money, big money, in baseball.

Culture kicks in. The youth culture embraces basketball. It is no accident rap and basketball intersect so often. Baseball is viewed as a "white" game even if no barriers were to exist to keep other groups out. The game itself is slower, equipment expensive, space to play limited. But there is nothing there which can't be overcome and to baseball's credit it is trying.

I have to bring up Barry Bonds. In retrospect, Bonds should have been baseball's Michael Jordan. If Michael Jordan had been surly, arrogant, self-absorbed, and chemically enhanced. To some degree baseball missed the boat in not promoting Bonds the way basketball did Jordan. But Bonds wanted to be the Godfather. RIch, respected, attended to. He wasn't interested in promoting the game. And so an opportunity was lost.

Now basketball. And the stickiest questions. Let's take as an assumption baseball is not diverse enough. That it has programs to reach out to inner cities. Should do more, and is criticized for not doing more.

Then about about round ball? At its highest level, the NBA, it is a reverse image of hockey in terms of diversity. Sure, there a few European white players, even a smattering of bench warmers from the states. But African-Americans own basketball.

If diversity is supposed to matter in other sports, if leagues are supposed to be working on fixing the problem, what is the NBA doing about its situation? Well, nothing, if you're watching the NBA finals. But is that such a bad thing?

Nobody is barring whites from courts. Nobody is keeping them from practicing hard and learning the skills they would need to advance. Whites do, in fact, participate in large numbers at lower levels of the game. So why even ask the question?

Well, there is this. The answer to the question of why America's most popular participant sport isn't beating out the NFL for #1 is simple. The TV demographics say that white America is losing interest in pro basketball. The ratings are way down from even ten years ago, and the demographics have shifted.

Walking out on a limb, some of this is cultural. Whites still watch college ball in record numbers. Is it because there are more white players? Or is it because the NBA is so strongly identified with African-American culture there is some sort of subtle "no whites" sign on the door nobody put there, nobody talks about, but everyone sees?

Another heretical question. Did white America watch Jordan and Magic in numbers which dwarf those of today's NBA ratings because they accepted them as "white" culturally? Is there a difference, even now, in how Kobe Bryant and Carmelo Anthony play in the suburbs?

Have we crossed the Rubicon in basketball? And will the divide get bigger in the future? And, bizarre as this sounds, should the NBA be attempting with white kids what baseball is doing in the inner cities? I'm not at all advocating it, but there is a certain logic.

Finally, the big guy on the block. Football. Ah, you say, the exception to the rule. Maybe yes, maybe no. Quick quiz. Imagine a player at each position and tell me are they black or white. Offensive line, defensive line, linebacker, secondary, tight end, wide receiver, running back, quarterback, kicker?

I bet I know your answers. I'd wager also in twenty years quarterbacks, tight ends, and offensive linemen will be all have different answers. Not because of any genetic differences, simply because historically immigrant groups and the poor in general have embraced athletics as a way up and out. (That and another 30 years of white soccer moms forcing kids to play non-contact sports).

Last question. Does any of this matter? Should we ask the questions or just embrace the differences? Will individual sports become more segregated in the future, or will we look back in 50 years and laugh at it all (which I surely hope will be the case)?

Your answer is as good as mine. Probably better.

Sports crime has become too predictable.

Rape, robbery, drugs, vandalism, disturbing the piece, gambling, firearms possession, patronizing prostitutes, and the occasional gun fight. And murder.

And that's just what we hear about.

So I propose we recruit a better class of criminal. Bring in some of the big names in sports and, for crying out loud, come up with something new in the way of sports crimes.

I would like to see:

Tony Romo arrested for stalking Jessica Simpson. Then as he's being lead away I hope the police hear him say he thought he was at Carrie Underwood's house.

Arnold Palmer going down for a massive conspiracy to sell watered down Pennzoil.

Wouldn't it be neat to learn that Wayne Gretzky was the head of organized crime in Canada?

Or to see John Madden taken away in cuffs after settling an old score by beating up Al Michaels with a turducken?

The new Yankee Stadium torched after the Steinbrenner family becomes engaged in a feud among organized crime families to control garbage delivery in Hoboken, New Jersey.

Every NBA referee from the 1990's is indicted for conspiring to allow Michael Jordan to travel EVERY SINGLE TIME HE TOUCHED THE BALL. Bitter? Me? No, why do you ask?

A few years down the road, Brett Favre arrested for taking a nurse hostage while trying to break out of a retirement home.

I want the head on Barry Bonds booking photo to not fit onto his mug shot. And for that to be introduced as evidence against him.

If at all possible I'd like to see Coach K on a convenience store video tape knocking over a 7-11.

Any kind of crime involving Charles Barkley dressed as a woman.

Annika Sorenstam arrested by the Department of Homeland Security in possession of a thermonuclear device.

David Beckham being stopped by cops in a small town in Alabama and repeatedly tazed after they knock out one of his head lights during a traffic stop. "You ain't from around here are you, boy?"

I want the University of Michigan to fire Rich Rodriquez after finding a still in his basement.

In a repeat of the famous typhoon scene in "The Caine Mutiny" the entire Navy football team court marshaled for staging a mutiny during the Wake Forest football game after trailing 17-5 at half time.

Scott Boras arrested as a pimp.

Charlie Weis in handcuffs after being caught as a wheel man in connection with a series of armed robberies committed by Lou Holtz (who is caught wearing a Steve Spurrier mask).

Bill Belichick booked as a peeping Tom. His accomplice, Roger Goodale, is found in possession of incriminating videos of their late night escapades.

And finally, I'd like to see O.J. Simpson repeat his famous slow speed car chase. On a Zamboni.

Tonight's topic is money. 

#1-If O.J. Mayo got $30,000 indirectly from an agent a year before signing a multi-million dollar contract is he A)A disreputable character whose actions cast a shadow on a fine academic institution, B)A rental player just taking a swig from a bottle everyone drinks from, or C)A real sucker for just getting a lousy thirty grand?

#2-Find the flaw in this statement.  Rich Rodriquez was paid $14 million to leave West Virginia to become the new football coach at Michigan.  A)Nobody in their right mind would pay a college football coach $2.5 million a year, B)Rodriquez' loyalty to WVU could have been purchased much more cheaply or C)They should have spent the money on the guy from Appalachian State.

#3-If Alex Rodriquez makes $27.5 million a year and is on pace to hit 16 home runs this season, should a guardian be appointed for Hank Steinbrenner until he can prove himself competent to handle his own affairs?

#4-If the Kansas City Royals paid Gil Meche $7.4 million to lose thirteen games last season, how much would it cost them for their ace to lose 20 games?  A)$11.38 million, B)$711,000 for each home run Alex Rodriquez will hit this season, C)Don't be silly, the Royals would surely be outbid by the Yankees for a pitcher with that kind of potential, of D)All of the above.

#5-Meche's $55 million dollars converted into $4 six inch hot dogs would stretch how far-A)To last place, B) To the moon and back, or C)From Kansas City to the approximate location of the wreck of the U.S.S. Monitor.

#6-If the bond market keeps going south will the Dallas Cowboys be so much in debt for their new gilded palace of sin (sorry about that Gram) they are forced to hock some of Terrell Owens jewelry?

#7-Is Commissioner Goodale's contract written so that if he is injured or has a bad year the league can not pay him what he signed for and choose instead just to take a hit against the salary cap?  Oh, wait...

#8-If you can't find NHL playoff games on TV does that mean more or less money for scalpers?  And in a related area, if Sid Crosby fell in an arena with no televison would it make a sound?

#9-David Beckham's contact is for $25 million.  If there are 6,432 actual hard core pro soccer fans in North America how much would it cost to buy Beckham a nice SUV and a gas card, and send him around the country to meet each of them personally?

#10-Annika Sorenstam has earned $22 million on the LPGA tour and Tiger Woods earns $90 million counting endorsements.  On what date would Woods pass Sorenstam's all time winnings?  A)What's a Fuzzy Zoeller?, B)Shortly before V.J. Singh pauses to stop saying dumb things about other players, or C)March 28.

Answers (1-C, 2-B, 3-Yes, but what would be the fun in that, 4-D, 5-C (really), 6-Yes, and Tony Romo will have to start going dutch on dates, 7-Of course not, 8-No and you can but your Ovechkin on it, 9-Yes, but people would see Posh in the car and not come to the door, 10-C).

Notes from around the world of sports:

Remember when Charles Barkley used to talk about possibly running for Governor of Alabama.  I've got 5-1 that's not happening.  (I'll even give points).

Great playoffs this year in the NBA.  Will it translate into higher TV ratings and popularity for the game?  Maybe yes, maybe no.  College basketball has universal appeal, but the pro game doesn't.  In theory the NBA should overtake the NFL.  In reality, it's not close.

The question has changed from whether the Patriots cheated to whether it helped them on the field.  If you accept that Bill Belichick is a very smart coach, and he is, why would he have taken such risks if there was no advantage?  We're not talking the 1919 WhiteSox, but what New England did to the intergrity of the game is in that neighborhood.

A Florida player used the gas card of a young woman who died in an accident with her boyfriend who played for the Gators.  Pretty awful, even by college sports standards, and the player was kicked off the team.  But where is the accountability for the coaching staff that recruited him?  College coaches bring bad actors on campus and put up with misconduct,  then act shocked when it crosses a line.  Coaches preach accountability to players.  They should practice it.

The NFL has it's own character problems.  Off season arrests are stuck at the same levels as the past, regardless of Commissioner Goodale's actions against the likes of PacMan Jones.  Sports is like education.  It all starts at home.

When is Tony Stewart going to find a groove?  Arguably the best driver in NASCAR has finished no better than 4th in his last five races.  Stewart's driving style hasn't changed, but he's like a jockey coming down the stretch without enough horse under him.  Is the real problem in the garage at Joe Gibbs racing?

The Saint Louis Cardinals will get Mark Mulder and Chris Carpenter back at some point this season.  Already in the hunt, that will be the equivalent of two pretty good in-season trades without giving up a player.  Most observers want to concede the NL Central to the Cubs, but St. Louis and Houston can't be counted out.

Speaking of the Astros, has anyone noticed the numbers Lance Berkman has hung up?  Fifteen home runs, 43 RBI, and a .391 average.  It works out to 57 home runs and 165 RBI.  It could be one of the great seasons of modern baseball, and without even a suggestion of steroids. 

Which makes you think.  What is ARod doing for his $28 million?  Four home runs, 11 RBI, .285.   When you see Rodriquez and Tulowitzski going out with quadriceps injuries you start to believe strength training is a two edged sword.  Today's players have more power than ever, but at the cost of durability.

Quick.  Who is in the Stanley Cup chase?  I don't know and I like to think I'm a hockey fan.  The league took in alot of money in franchise fees and expanded to non-traditional markets to increase interest in the sport.  Now there are no more than two good lines (if that) on teams and the quality of the game has eroded badly.  Soon nobody will care.

Women's sports lost their best tennis player (Henin) and best golfer (Sorenstram) in the same week.  Imagine if baseball lost Jeter and basketball Howard at the same time.  They could sustain the loss, but will women's tennis and golf be able to?  Hard to see how.

Big Brown should win the Triple Crown.  But without a rival there to challenge in each race and build interest it will be the least exciting triple in racing history.  The horse lacks something.  You hate to say it, because it is an animal we're talking about, but there is a personality issue there (or lack of one).

And finally, the Cleveland Cavaliers.

The Gettysburg Address would sound nutty if Ozzie Guillen read it.

The greatest hitter since Ted Williams can't get a contract offer.

Is Gerald Ford of Michigan the only president we've had from a school with a decent football team?

And did McCain graduate ahead or behind Roger Staubach?

Find one unkind word anyone has ever written about Arnold Palmer.

If the Spurs go down I want it to be in the finals. Beat the champ to be the champ.

How is it the NBA is the only sport that suspends key players during the playoffs?

Larry Brown and the Charlotte Bobcats is a crazy enough idea which might just work out.

Why are they recreating the plot line from "Hoosiers" at Indiana?

And why does Obama keep getting those pictures made shooting hoops when they make him look like he could be schooled by Urkel?

So LSU kicked it a star quarterback with no interest in school or the rules. Better question, what was he doing there in the first place?

Which number is bigger? The number of light years to Mars or the number of times next season we'll have to hear some announcer gushing about Tyler Hansbrough staying at UNC?

When the news comes out that Marge Simpson slept with Roger Clemens I'm cutting the TV off for good.

And come to think of it, why did Hilary start wearing that Yankees cap if she had always been a Cubs fan?

Astronomers at an observatory in Germany have detected faint radio waves which may be the dying audio signature of the National Hockey League.

Big Brown is probably going to win the Triple Crown, but against inferior competition. A weak field at the Kentucky Derby is going to be much weaker at the Preakness.

What would the take be if betting was allowed on NASCAR?

Dale Jr. isn't going to coast to his first win in seventy-one races. He's got to go out and take it.

If there were true equality for women in sports Danica Patrick would be as unknown as every other Formula 1 driver.

And finally, Mike Dantoni and the Phoenix Suns.

"So far we have not found a body.  However, the New York Police Department asks that anyone with information on Mr. Urtiz' whereabouts immediately phone the number shown on the screen.."





"What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully?.  Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me."



"The radar gun does not lie.  Five mph faster than Kenny Rogers."



"Some days I just feel like there's a target on the side of my car.  Oh, wait....."




"Come on guys, just 499 laps more.  And somebody keep an eye out behind us."



"You think I'm joking, just watch me.  Jason Bay overthrows the cutoff man one more time and I'm outta here."



"Although forced to tee off from inside a specially constructed pit at each hole, Woods remained in contention through the final round.  Said Vinjay Singh 'Next week a deeper pit.'"



"Honey, take off the helmet and come down to dinner.  It's only April.  They'll call, they always do."



"It was only then he realized something had gone horribly, horribly wrong."



"Last time we let Roseanne Barr sing 'Oh, Canada."

LeBron James an all-time great? Hardly. Twenty-four points on 10-10 in the first quarter against the Bulls, 10 more points on 3-11 the rest of the way in a loss. Where was LeBron in the fourth quarter? And will he ever get a ring?

Major League Baseball and the player's union have reached an agreement not to turn over testing for performance enhancing drugs to an independent agency. The question is why? Better question. Why don't we notice the NFL program is worse?

UCF wide receiver Ereck Plancher died during an off season workout in March. Now four players have anonymously told reporters at the end of the workout Coach George O'Leary singled out Plancher for a lack of effort and told him, "That's a bunch of (bleep) out of you, son." The players say Plancher was already showing signs of distress and couldn't even look at O'Leary because he was trying to catch his breath. Where is the NCAA?

Penn State and Joe Paterno are dancing around each other about a contract extension and have agreed to wait until the end of the season. The truth is it no longer matters if Paterno stays or goes. Nittany Lion football is now just another eastern program.

Brett Favre should come back. Just not with Green Bay. Aaron Rodgers is ready to play, and the Packers were probably not grief stricken at saying goodbye to the quarterback who threw away their chance at the Super Bowl against the Giants. Favre can't say he wants out of Green Bay, the Packers can't say they don't want him. A quiet off-season deal to a playoff caliber team would serve both parties well.

Yankees-RedSox and the good guys win 4-1 behind Chien Ming-Wang's complete game. The Yankees the good guys? There, I said it. The Yankees are the under dogs this season, the RedSox the powerful favorites. Pull for the RedSox? It would be like rooting for Microsoft.

Speaking of Boston, how about Tito Francona pulling Josh Beckett with the game tied 2-2, 2 out in the 5th, bases loaded against Toronto? Manny Delcarmen comes in and gives up a grand slam to Frank Thomas. You've got a Cy Young caliber pitcher who the manager doesn't think can get out of a 5th inning jam because he's thrown 96 pitches? Just another big league manager screwing up a pitching staff and losing games by babying his starters.

Does anyone watch golf anymore? With so many sports choices golf has lost the "I'll watch this because nothing else is on" audience segment. Nobody has time or greens fee money to to even play golf , so the audience of duffers is thinning. Tiger Woods dominance means the tournaments are seldom in doubt. Strike three and golf is out by a mile.

The Carolina Hurricanes did a fold job worthy of mention with last season's collapse by the Mets and were shut out of the playoffs. You didn't hear about it? That's hockey's problem. You can't find the games on TV, ESPN puts alot of effort into pretending it doesn't exist, nobody writes about it, and sports talk radio is silent on the subject. Without a new TV deal and rules to increase scoring the NHL will become golf with uniforms.

And finally, the Detroit Tigers.

All the good blog topics were already taken, so.....

There is a side of the street nobody else is working. The retro blog. Just go back 20 years, add text, and stir. Best served cold. Real cold.

Let's see.

Knicks lost (sounds familiar). Bird got 31 and the Celtics won 118-106. At least there was some scoring. This year it's Celts 3 Knicks 0, the high (low) light being a 104-59 mugging in Boston.

Bill Robinson wanted to be a manager. The highly respected ex-Yankee player and Mets coach was quoted as saying. ''The only thing I ask is that instead of people having their eyes closed, their eyes be open a little bit,'' he said. ''I'm qualified. I can manage.'' Robinson, an African-American at a time when doors were still mostly closed to black managers, never got that chance. He passed away last year, but not before picking up two world championship rings serving as hitting coach for the Mets and Marlins.

All was quiet with the Yankees in spring training. Billy Martin was making another comeback (which turned out to be his last). ''The way you play in spring training can carry over,'' Martin said. ''Winning or losing isn't important, but the way you play is. And we're playing good baseball.'' Steinbrenner is keeping quiet this year, hanging out with Donald Trump. Of course, he fired in mid-season and replaced him with Lou Pinella. After all, Steinbrenner did have $15 million in salary sunk into what was to be a 5th place team.

The number one team in the country got knocked out of the final four. By those upstarts from Duke. Temple lost a chance to give coaching legend John Chaney a capstone for his career, losing 53-63. Duke was a decided underdog, led by young coach and aspiring stand up comic (you read that right) Mike Krzyzewski. Referring to Duke's 6-5" center (you read that right, too) Robert Brickey suffering through repeated blocks by Temple center Tim Perry, Krzyzewski said, "Robert was playing catch with Perry. He would toss it and Perry would catch it and throw it back.''

Rollie Massimino put Villanova into the four corners to start their game against Oklahoma. It didn't work. Oklahoma 78 Villanova 59. Billy Tubbs' offense came in averaging 104 points a game. Twenty years later college players are bigger, faster, quicker and often can't stand on the beach and hit the ocean.

Tennessee won the women's East regional 84-76 against Virginia. Coach Pat Summit of the Vols said she was worried about maintaining the intensity. I can report that hasn't been a problem for Summit since.

Down four the Rangers tied the Red Wings with three goals in the final period, including one with a minute to play. Coach Michel Bergeron said, ''We worked hard, took one goal at a time and came back.'' Not sure what happened to Bergeron after that, but I suspect the Rangers made him V.P. in charge of cliches.

Calvin Peete was three back of Payne Stewart at the Player's Championship. The tournament was up for grabs, what with Tiger Woods only being 13 and all. Stewart, one of the most charismatic players of all-time, won the PGA championship the next year and died in a plane crash in October of 1999.

What else? Hershel Walker dancing with the Fort Worth ballet. (Yikes!) Gene Mauch retired as manager of the California Angels. He was manager of the 1964 Phillies, now known mainly because of the thousand or so references made to them during the 2007 Mets folderoo.

And finally, a New York Times reader wrote:

"Being a loyal Met fan, I am sick of hearing about who said what about whom, and who apologized to whom first. I'd be delighted by some pertinent spring training information, maybe even a statistic or two, if it wouldn't be too much trouble."

Some things never change.

Clicking on FOX Sports and seeing these stories:

The NBA announces it is banning the dunk at the request of the NBA Player's Association. "It's been done to death" said Miami Heat forward Shawn Marion. "How many different ways are there to make a layup? Unless they start awarding style points, why bother? Two points is two points. It's a matter of personal taste. Myself, I get much more excited watching Kirk Heinrich make a clean entry pass to the post."

Roger Clemens refused today to elaborate on a comment he made concerning Andy Petitte, the Yankee pitcher missing in Florida. "It means what it means. Tonight he sleeps with da fishes. Unless I'm misremembering my high school literature classes, this is what is referred to as a figure of speech. So I rented a boat and bought some cement blocks? So what?"

Saying he was "deeply touched" by the outpouring of tributes to his career, Brett Favre announced today he was reconsidering retiring from thinking about retiring. "Don't get me wrong. I'm still not going to play. But the day after I made my announcement I was already missing the thrill of seeing the Packers front office sweat. Now, I'm not saying I'm retiring from thinking about retiring, but I'm thinking about it. We'll let you know sometime in August what my final decision is."

South Carolina football coach Steve Spurrier revoked the scholarship of freshman quarterback Jack Armstrong after learning he scored 1473 on his SAT and was spending the summer working on Habitat for Humanity homes. "Obviously there were things about this kid we didn't know going in. I take full responsibility. Sometimes you take a chance that a kid can live down to our standards, and sometimes it just doesn't work out. When I found out he was an admitted philatelist I washed my hands of the boy."

Star Monotechnical Institute forward Mark Wilson celebrated his last home game at Marsupial Coliseum by asking cheerleader Amanda Smitherington for his engagement ring back. With millions of viewers on TV and a capacity crowd watching on the Jumbotron, Wilson fell to one knee and exclaimed "I'm free! Free!" as tears streamed down his face. Wilson made his decision after receiving a report from the NBA early entry scouting board that said he would likely be picked no higher than 18th overall, but was still capable of getting a much hotter girlfriend.

Wearing a Pirates cap and waving a "Terrible Towel", Hilary Clinton danced in the aisles with Perry the Penguin and fired Pittsburgh Penguin tee shirts into the crowd from an air gun during a game between the Penguins and Montreal Canadiens. "This has nothing to do with the upcoming Pennsylvania primary, said Clinton. I've always loved hockey, the Penguins, and their great shortstop Bing Crosby."

Tony Stewart sits in an Atlanta jail this weekend, charged with assaulting pit crew member Scooter Yarborough. Stewart flew into a blind rage after learning Yarborough had installed a left turn signal light on Stewart's car that flashed continuously through the Kobalt Tool Kit 500.

Saying it violated the "spirit if not the letter of the rule", the NFL today forced the New England Patriots to suspend construction of a 7/11 on the sidelines at Gillette Stadium, fearing that Coach Bill Belichick would use surveillance cameras behind the counter in an attempt to film other team's offensive and defensive signals. Belichick told reporters he was "personally offended" at suggestions he was trying to bend the rules and said the cameras were there only to keep Jarvis Green from receiving free drinks from the Slurpee machine.

And finally, saying "We've got our money, we've got our stadium, so _____ you", Minnesota Twins owner Carl Pohland today announced he had sold the team's entire major league roster. "I've got your future right here suckers" said Pohland, vowing to not field a team this year and instead turn a profit from guarantees the State of Minnesota made on minimum concession and parking revenues over the next 20 years. Polhland also announced the new stadium would host RV shows in the parking lot and that the stadium proper would play host to biker conventions and be leased to the federal government as temporary housing for dangerous offenders.

And that's the way it isn't.

Haven't posted much this week. Well, I have, but it's one of those weeks where you hit post and everything vanishes. I know, a smarter person would save their work. But you save things of great intrinsic value. Me saving one of my blog entries is like carefully preserving a Snickers wrapper.

The sad part is, some of the entries were probably the most brilliant sports writing of this century. (You'll have to trust me on that). I also revealed who was really behind the Kennedy assassination, where Amelia Earhardt's plane went down, and who D.B. Cooper was. It was all in the notes. If I don't write stuff down it's gone.

So, let's see what has accumulated in the sports attic this week. Oops, step over that. It's what's left of Barry Bonds reputation. It's small, but you can trip over it. He did. There is Roger Clemens' credibility. You can't? Wait a minute, it's that little small package over there in the corner. Right about where the flashlight, no, wait a minute. Sorry, that's Pedro Martinez' love of animals.

The whimpering noise over in the corner? Don't mind that. It's just Michael Vick. He's had some trouble adjusting to his new environment.

(CRASH). "Belichick! Dang it. I warned you about those film cans. How many rolls of film of Tony Dungy holding a clipboard up to his face does one person need? And what's this one with the Zodiac symbol on it? You're going to have to rent a storage building for this junk. Look at this, "2007 Giants Playbook-Property of Eli Manning". Lot of good that did you. I know, I know, you'll clean up.

"Goodale. How many times do I have to tell you. Sweeping things under the rug IS NOT cleaning. Capice? And pick up all those bills off the floor. The next time you and PacMan Jones invite strippers up here maybe you'll think about how much work it was to clean up afterwards."

There's alot of busted up stuff here I don't really need. "Hi Sid, how's the ankle? You were a hockey player, am I right?" Speaking of hockey, that's Dominick Hasek in the corner holding his groin. The guy puts a bullet to the brain of my roto hockey team every year, but still I just can't get rid of the guy. That's Kerry Woods' arm. Every year it falls off, I put it back on, it falls off. Duct tape. Got to keep lot's of duct tape. Maybe that's Prior's arm? Doesn't matter. Anyway, put it over there next to the 1908 Cubs World Championship banner.

Here's a bunch of college stuff. Some contracts signed by Rich Rodriquez. Worthless. He must have written those in disappearing ink. You can barely see it now, but there is a spot on the floor where Les Miles bled maize and blue. Give him credit, he got right in there with some yellow paint and now you can't see it. Almost like it was never there.

That big #### chest over by the door is where we planned to keep O.J. Mayo's college accomplishments. Right now we're storing them in that gym bag. I hope you'll excuse the mess in this section. Bob Knight tore the place up pretty bad before he left. See that folding chair stuck in the ceiling. I'm leaving it right there. Darn, I'm going to miss that guy.

This month my big idea was moving things around. Saves no space, but you feel like you're doing something. There's Jason Kidd. Moving him turned out to be really difficult. You wouldn't believe the amount of baggage he had. And Shaq. Don't get me started. Just the weight of all those rings, and Kobe Bryant's standing there the whole time at the foot of the stairs begging me to put him somewhere else.

Well, that's about all there is to see here. There's a used book section, but nobody wants to see that. "Howard Cosell's Guide To Charm", "Patience, the Most Important Virtue" by Steinbrenner, "Tanya Harding on Sportsmanship", and "Soccer Will Be America's Pastime by 1989" by D. Luded Euro. Sell you the whole box for $1.

I'll start writing again soon. I found the Bronze ####y Chicken final 8 award I won in the "Next Great Sportswriter" contest. I keep it next to my autographed photo of Dirk Novitski (wait a minute, this is obviously a fake, he spelled his name 'Nowitzki').

You can see yourself out. Payton Manning and the soccer houligans were talking quietly when I walked by and wouldn't make eye contact, and Isiah Thomas keeps trying to chat up Danica Patrick.

That can't be good.

I love the internet.  It's a big attic with all kinds of great stuff in it.  Open any box.  There's always something interesting.  Most of it's useless, it's killing our productivity, and the kids have seen more porn by the time they are 14 than Hugh Hefner has produced in a lifetime.  But you just have to look.

Which brings me to Google Trends:

http://www.google.com/trends

You type in a name and based on the number of clicks you see a chart of the last few years.  You can believe it's the first thing Paris Hilton looks at every morning, right after the mirror.  There is also a listing of the top ten cities for clicks on a given name.

Which brings me to Sidney Crosby and why the NHL is doomed to second class sports citizenship.

The volume of clicks on Crosby's name is respectable, but it's the top ten cities that ought to worry the league.  1. Halifax, 2. Moncton, 3. Pittsburgh, 4. St. Johns,  5.  Burlington,  6. Quebec,  7. Winnipeg,  8. Hamilton,  9. Kitchener, 10, London.  Nine cities in Canada and Pittsburgh for the best and most marketable player in hockey.

Compare Crosby to LeBron James.

1. Cleveland, 2. Columbus, 3. Philadelphia, 4. Chicago, 5. Miami, 6. Washington, 7. New York, 8. Toronto (which Crosby didn't get), 9. Atlanta, 10. Houston.

This is why the smart money is invested in the NBA.  You get all the media centers.  Anywhere an advertiser wants to go, LeBron James and the NBA is already there.

Tiger Woods?  He's big doings in Minneapolis, box office in Atlanta, Dallas, and Chicago, and even gets alot of attention from Birmingham, England. 

Jimmy Rollins is probably the best player in baseball and completely unknown outside of Philadelphia and New York.

Tom Brady gets you all of Massachusetts and all the warm weather cities, (Miami, LA, SD).  He's gold in the major markets and even gets a fair number of Portugese clicks.  What is a Portugese click?  Not a clue?  Or a click?

Brady's Super Bowl opposite number, Eli Manning gets the biggest number of his clicks in Jackson, Mississippi followed by New York and Newark.  You always associate Jackson and New York, right?

NASCAR can be proud of Jeff Gordon.  He gets clicks from Charlotte but also from Atlanta, Dallas, Chicago, and Phoenix.

Serena Williams gets you Atlanta, Miami, and Washington but also Brussels and Melbourne.  Roger Federer is even more international.  He owns Zurich but Latin America even more.  He clicks in big from Buenos Aires, Lima, and Santiago.  But wait, there's more!  With Federer you also get Montreal, Sydney, Toronto, and New York City.  You hear me right....New York City!

So if you're bored, go to Google Trends and check out your favorite player or celebrity.  Just don't type in Dudski.  Sadly, "does not have enough search volume to show graphs". 

We'll work on that and get back to you.

What's happening in the world of sports?

Herschel Walker has multiple personalities. The startling revelation came in an announcement that he was donating one to New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin, a victim of a rare genetic disorder that caused him to be born without a discernible personality.

Late breaking news just in. Giants quarterback Eli Manning was rushed to a Green Bay, Wisconsin hospital today after his chocolate milk mustache froze during an afternoon practice session. Doctors chipped away the mustache, and also managed to revive a frozen #### Manning was carrying on his back. The ####, named Phillip Rivers Jr., is reportedly resting comfortably at Vince Lombardi Memorial Hospital.

The commissioner of baseball today voided a deal between the Baltimore Orioles and Houston Astros which would have sent three crack addicts, two steroid users, and an unassembled meth lab to the Astros for all-star first baseman Lance Berkman and the two remaining minor league pitching prospects in the Houston system.

Said Commissioner Bud Selig, "The Orioles trading Tejeda the day before the Mitchell Report was kind of funny, but this was just sad." Astros owner Drayton McLane was quoted as saying, "I had no idea. They seemed like nice young men, and I thought those parts were for a new cappuccino machine."

In a spontaneous outburst of emotion after their 82-80 upset win over North Carolina, Maryland players began singing "Maryland, My Maryland" the official state song. Eyebrows were raised when the team reached the climatic verse, which includes the line "Huzza! she spurns the Northern scum!"

On a sad note, announcer Brent Musberger was admitted to a Chapel Hill hospital after the game. Musberger suffers from a rare form of Tourette's syndrome in which the sufferer blurts out the word "deuce" as many as seventy-five times an hour for no apparent reason. His partner, Steve Lavin, was willing to comment to reporters but was totally unintelligible.

NASCAR continues to broaden it's appeal with additional Jimmie Hendrix themed commercials for the upcoming season. The next will feature "Crosstown Traffic" ('Tire tracks all across your back, I can see you've had your fun'.) Plans to film David Ragan's car flipping upside down and catching flames to the tune of "If 6 Was 9" are on hold due to insurance problems. But Jeff Gordon is said to be "intrigued" by a series of commercials titled, "And The Wind Cries Gordon".

Penn State University officials will meet this week to discuss the future of coach Joe Paterno. Among the options under consideration is a movie deal that would pair Paterno and Bobby Bowden of Florida State in a remake of "Grumpy Old Men".

Roger Clemens has produced witnesses who will testify he did not have an abscess on his buttocks during 1998.

Golf Channel announcer Kelly Tilghman today insisted that while she suggested Tiger Woods be "taken into a back alley and lynched", she could not be branded a racist since she also has advocated throwing Phil Mickelson into a shark tank and feeding Ernie Els into a wood chipper.

And finally, the Miami Heat.

A quick blitz of the day's sports news.

Cowboys out. The impression that lasts. The body language of Tony Romo in the fourth quarter. Confusion, frustration, a face that was seeing chickens coming home to roost and knew it. Conventional wisdom says the Jessica Simpson Mexican vacation shouldn't matter. But somehow it feels like it did, and sometimes perception becomes reality.

It came down to Billy Volek and Payton Manning and Volek won. I like Manning, Dungy, and the Colts but enjoyed seeing the Chargers backup QB steal the glory. It was a big game for the Colts, but it was the game of a lifetime for Billy Volek.

Alex Ovechin signed with the Washington Capitols for 13 years and $124 million dollars. To put that in some perspective, that is three full presidential terms and one additional year. The last guy to get a contract that long in DC was Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

The Chicago Bulls players thought Joakim Noah's one game suspension for verbally abusing an assistant coach wasn't enough, so they went to management and had him benched for one more. The lesson? More than we know, professional athletes care about their teams and the game itself.

Then there is Kwame Brown. It's crossroads time for Brown. Andrew Bynum is out for two months and the Laker season will rise or fall on Brown's ability to fill the gap. The Romans said the past is prologue. If so, I suspect LA is going down like a rock. Brown has talent, but the kind that runs and hides when the scoreboard clock starts running.

Johnny Podres passed away yesterday. He was a "Yankee killer" back when the Dodgers-Yankees was the best rivalry in professional sports. It is sad to see the Boys of Summer leaving the stage, sadder still to think that not long into the future few will remember that a team once grew in Brooklyn.

Roger Clemens wants to clear his name. I know how. Forget the lawsuits. Forget TV interviews. Come back. Sign with the Astros. Show up on Day 1 of spring training. Volunteer for monthly drug tests. Invite the press to watch your work out routine. Then gut it out for seven months and 31 trips to the mound. Put up or shut up.

Don't you love hearing Hendrix on that Nascar commercial? But "All Along the Watchtower"? How did they miss "Cross Town Traffic"?  'Tire tracks all across your back. I can see you had your fun.'

Time to start paying attention to college basketball. When did Indiana get to be good again? Twenty-seven consecutive home wins? A second half shutdown of Illinois?

Duke looks like Duke. As the lone University of Virginia basketball fan on the planet I had hopes for an upset this weekend. 87-65. The scary thing is this is a rebuilding year at Duke. Sure wish UVA could rebuild like that. Looks like UNC-Duke is going to be something to look forward to. My money is on UNC, though. There is good, then there is Carolina. They may not lose this year.

Which brings me to college baseball. Which is not but about a month away. I'll be out at the frozen confines of the UNC-Greensboro stadium on February 22 for the game against Kent State. Can't stand hearing the "ping" of metal bats, but you gotta be true to your school and to baseball.

Memo to On-Air Staff:

The recent unfortunate remarks by Kelly Tilghman, suggesting the rest of the PGA take Tiger Woods out and "#### him in a back alley", point out the need for clear guidelines as to what unscripted remarks you may make. Remember, all unscripted remarks must now be submitted at least 24 hours in advance.

We thought you would be pleased to know Kelly is almost done with her suspension, and looking forward to returning. During her time off she has been helping us perfect a new device which will deliver a low voltage shock when any of a list of seventy-three potentially racially charged words begins to be formed by an announcer. When Kelly returns we ask that you not make loud noises near her or comment on her new hairstyle. (Thanks in advance!)

A few helpful pointers:

You may suggest the rest of the PGA players attack John Daly with a steak knife. Since his wife already has, it would not be inappropriate. Suggesting the rest of the field take him to an all you can eat buffet, leaving him there until he explodes or the restaurant declares bankruptcy, would be considered in poor taste.

In dealing with Tiger Woods greater sensitivity is required. You may suggest that he be taken by his competitors to a fondue restaurant where he might burn his tongue on hot cheese. Since no non-Caucasian has ever seen the inside of a fondue restaurant, no offense can be taken. However, Woods describes himself as "Cablinasian", so we are trying to clear this remark with a representative of that community. So far we have been unsuccessful in locating one.

Suggesting the field should have Fuzzy Zoeller attacked by waves of dwarfs with small, pointy sticks is not appropriate. We suggest you merely advocate Zoeller be attacked with pointy sticks, leaving all references to height and size out of your comments. It is then to the judgement of individual golfers to determine what sort of pointy stick to use.

Avoid suggesting Phil Mickelson be clubbed to death with a nine iron. Your credibility will be undermined, as even novice golfers understand the niblet should be used when beating Micklesons.

We would prefer you not suggest golfers allow Rorby Sabbatini die a slow and painful death by means of leaving his foot in his mouth. In this case, unlike that of Woods, it is entirely proper to suggest he be taken into a back alley and lynched.

Do not use the term "cute as a button" in describing Annika Sorenstam, even though she is. This term originally was used to describe the button quail, a soft and fluffy gray bird. Since cuteness is not a natural defense, it was quickly hunted to extinction. We do not want viewers to believe the rest of the LPGA field wants Sorenstam eliminated in this manner, despite widely reported rumors to that effect.

Excercise caution when reading biographical information prepared by Golf Channel interns. These young people sometimes become jealous of the on-air personnel and insert phony items into your folders. For clarification. Vijay Singh was never the lord high emperor of Fiji. In the early 1960's Arnold Palmer did not head the seven organized crime families east of the Mississippi. Finally, Charles Howell III is NOT the illegitimate son of Thurston Howell the III and a movie actress named Ginger Grant.

Being a member of the on-air team at The Golf Channel carries with it great responsibilities. You tell the stories of men and women most of the public hasn't heard of and could care less about. You bring the glory of the game of golf in to the homes of the 3,452 white guys with incomes over $500,000 annually who still believe a Buick is the coolest car on the road.

Don't let us down.